Chaotic Anger: The Seven MC Book 1

by Breck, A. R.

  Just like I thought, Ivy lays snuggled underneath my covers, with Lilah sprawled out like a star on the other half of the bed. I chuckle as I walk up to them, smiling and brushing Lilah’s hair off her cheek. It lay over her mouth, and every inhale it gets sucked into her mouth and every exhale it puffs out. She stirs from my touch, flopping over onto her stomach and curling into a ball.

  I glance over at Ivy and startle when I see her eyes boring into mine.

  “Shit.” I whisper. “Have you been up this entire time?”

  “I sleep lightly.” She whispers. “You’ve got blood on you.” I look down at my clothes and see the obvious blood splatter on them. I can only imagine what my face looks like.

  “Sorry… I wanted to check in on you.” I take a step back from the bed. “I’ll see you in the morning.

  “Wait.” She says, sitting up. “I don’t… would you… stay?” She looks down, her hands flattening the comforter on top of her.

  When I don’t say anything at first, she continues. “Sorry, never mind. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  I take a step back towards her. “Stop.”

  She looks up at me.

  I breathe out all the air I have in my chest. “I’ll stay.”

  She slides back down until her head rests on the pillow. I toe off my shoes, my sock cladden feet digging into the old carpet as nerves I haven’t felt since I was a pre-teen fill me. I feel dirty as hell after today, so I put my finger up as I walk to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I hop in the shower, taking a cold one because… fucking Ivy. I’d be smarter to just rub one out since I’m going to be laying next to her, but I have a feeling even empty balls won’t keep me from wanting to pound her into the mattress.

  Those sleepy eyes as she stared at me.

  Her blonde hair sprawled across my pillow.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  I have a feeling I’m going to have a hard time falling asleep next to her.

  I turn off the shower once the blood stops running down the drain, slipping my boxers back on and walking out into the room.

  I walk over to Ivy’s side of the bed, watching as she slides to the middle of the bed, leaving me room to slide in on the opposite side of Lilah. I stand there and stare at her as she stares at me. I suddenly feel unsure on what to do. The chaos that’s been in my mind sinks into my chest, rattling the dead muscle between my ribcage.

  “You don’t have to stay here. I don’t want you to if you don’t want to.”

  “Shut up, Ivy.” I lay down on top of the covers, not wanting to get too close. I don’t know what she expects, but the thrumming through my veins today makes me a little edgy. I don’t want to do anything she wouldn’t want me to do.

  She flips over so she’s facing me. Tucking her hands underneath her face, she says, “Thank you. I haven’t felt safe in… years.”

  “Do you feel safe now?” I mumble.

  She thinks on it a second, her lips screwing up in contemplation. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

  “How do I make you feel safe? You barely know me. I could be a bigger monster than he was.”

  She extends her hand towards me, her finger tracing along the sharp edge of my jaw. “I’ve been around monsters enough, Aziel. You may be a monster; you may even have the capabilities to destroy me. But you won’t hurt me. You won’t kill me. Actually, I have a feeling you may be able to heal me.”

  “I’m not the type of guy you think I am.” I brush her hand away, but she latches onto my wrist with a strong grip.

  “Maybe so, but you’re also not the type of guy you think you are, and maybe you just need someone to show you that.”

  “I don’t know.” I whisper.

  “I do.” She releases my wrist and brings her hand up to my face, tracing my lips this time.

  My eyes snap to hers, and there’s a lust brimming ever so slightly around her irises. They glow like a burning ember in the darkness of night, and without a second thought I lean over and seal my lips to hers.

  She kisses me back with a fervor, nothing more than a press of our lips, but it feels like so much more. I’ve never had a kiss be so juvenile but feel like so much more. It feels like it lasts minutes when I know it only lasts seconds.

  She pulls back first, giving me a tiny smirk and one last brush of her thumb across my lips. Flipping over so her back faces me, she pulls my arm with her, so it lays next to her stomach. Lacing her fingers through mine, she whispers, “Night, Aziel.”

  A little shellshocked and even more awed, all I can do is whisper, “Night, Ivy.”

  14

  Ivy

  I wake up hot. Overheated. A large body presses against my back. Curls around and clings to every inch of me. I try to move away a bit and the arm wrapped around me clinches tighter. My eyes pop open and I see Lilah sitting up, staring at us with a curious look on her face.

  “Hi, baby.” I gravel.

  I feel movement behind me and Aziel releases me, sliding up and sitting beside me. “Hey, kid.” He leans over and bops her on the nose.

  I look at him and smile, and he gives me a small grin. His eyes are full of sleep and his short hair is a mess, but he’s fucking breathtaking.

  “Mom?” Lilah says.

  I snap out of my ogling and look at my daughter. “Hmm?”

  “Aziel sleep in our bed, too?”

  I look at Aziel with raised eyebrows.

  “I did.” Aziel answers her.

  “Why?” She gets up on her knees, like this is the most interesting conversation in the world.

  “Well, because… umm…” Aziel starts but trails off, scratching at his chin and looking at me with wide eyes.

  “Lilah, Mommy wanted Aziel to sleep with us last night. Kind of like a sleepover.”

  “A sleepover?” She gets excited.

  “Yeah, we wanted to have a sleepover. It was really fun.”

  “But… but I missed it.” She whimpers, looking like she’s about to cry.

  “Maybe we can have one again sometime. Would you like that? I can bring some popcorn or something.” Aziel buts in to save the day.

  “I love popcorn!” Lilah stands up and jumps up and down on the bed. “Oh, I got to go potty.” She jumps off the bed and runs into the bathroom, slamming the door shut extra hard.

  I’m suddenly flat on my back, with a hulking man hovering over me.

  “You had some extra balls last night, didn’t you? Kissing me with those red lips of yours.” He leans down, pressing his lips against mine with a little extra heat than I initiated last night. His body melds to mine, and a fire burns in my gut I’ve never experienced.

  I can feel a bulge against my thigh and can’t help my eyes as they roll to the back of my head.

  “What are you doing to me?” I sigh as he presses his lips to my cheeks and then the down the crook of my neck.

  “I’ve only just started.” He rasps, his lips gently moving across my skin.

  When the toilet flushes, I’m snapped out of my dream and back to reality.

  I shove him away and he rolls off, sliding out of the bed and keeping his back to me. “I want to take you somewhere today. Think you’re up for it?”

  My mind still jumbled; it takes a moment to realize what he said. “Oh, where?”

  He smirks over his shoulder as he slides on his sweats. The muscles in his back flex and roll with his movements. Each tattoo moves in its own rhythm. Nearly his entire back is filled with some sort of ink. My mind blanks. “It’ll be a surprise.”

  “A surprise?” I look away from his back and into his eyes.

  “Yeah. I’ll see if Violet will watch Lilah for a little while.”

  Shit, we’ll be alone? “Oh.”

  He pulls on a plain white tee and picks his bloody clothes off the ground from the night before, bunching them underneath his arm and heading towards the door. “Is that okay? Think I can steal you away from her for a little while?”

  The thought of leaving Lilah unnerves
me, but my curiosity of what he wants to show me is almost unbearable. “Maybe for a little bit.”

  “Sweet.” The door opens and Lilah pokes her head out. “I’ll see if Haley can make you some breakfast. I’ll see you downstairs soon.”

  “Oh, already? Don’t you have to meet with the guys? It seems like you guys are constantly in a meeting.”

  He shakes his head. “Most of them will sleep until this afternoon. Shit has been all over the place with the Mexicans. Just trying to stay a step ahead of them. I’ll meet with them when we get back.” He opens the door. “See you soon.”

  Lilah hops on the bed and looks at me. “Can we have a sleepover tonight?” She pokes out her lower lip and I melt a little inside.

  “We’ll see.” I smile at her, feeling mixed emotions about what’s going on between Aziel and me. On one hand, I feel like I should be keeping my guard up. Once this Santiago stuff is over, if I survive it, I don’t know if I’ll still be able to stay here. I doubt Aziel and everyone else will want some random girl and a kid to be lingering around all the time. Not to mention, this doesn’t seem like the most kid-friendly place.

  But on the other hand, for the first time ever I can act like myself. I can act like a teenager and have a crush on a guy that’ll never be mine. It’s been taken from me all these years, maybe I should give in and let myself be happy while I have the opportunity.

  “How do you feel about playing with Violet for a while today? Aziel wants to take Mommy out for a little while.”

  “Out?” She squints her eyes, which I understand. I never have gone ‘out’ before. She probably has no idea what I mean by that.

  “Yeah. Aziel wants to show Mommy something. I think it will be better if you stay here. Is that okay?”

  “Violet’s nice.” She nods her head.

  “Violet is very nice.” I’ve only spoken to her a couple times, but each time she’s been friendly to me. I trust her.

  “So, you’ll be okay to play with her for a little while?”

  “Okay!” She gets off the bed and rushes to the door.

  “Whoa, hold on a second.” I get off the bed. “I need to get ready first.” Nerves hit my stomach for the first time as I think about going out with Aziel. Is this a date? I have no fucking idea. I don’t even know what we’re doing, so I have no idea how I’m even supposed to dress. Not like that even matters, I only have this one outfit, anyway.

  Knock, knock.

  “I’ll get it!” Lilah runs to the door.

  “No, wait.” I pull her back by the arm and shift her behind me.

  Turning the knob, I crack open the door and see Violet on the other side. “Oh, hi.” I open the door to let her in.

  She turns around, picking two large shopping bags off the ground and hauling them in with her. “Girl, these are heavy as hell.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” I grab one from her and drag it inside. “What the hell is in here?”

  “Clothes.” She drops the bag and sighs, dropping her hands on her hips.

  “Clothes? For who?”

  She looks at me like I’m dense. “Uh, for you guys?” She phrases it like a question.

  “For me? Why? From who? You?”

  She rolls her eyes. “Aziel sent me on a shopping spree yesterday. I’ve got to tell you, shopping for Lilah was super fun, but you? Not so much. What the hell is your style? I was torn between biker bitch or hippy.”

  I burst out a laugh. “Um, neither I think. I don’t know. Why did you get all this stuff?”

  “Because you’ll smell like shit if you keep wearing the same thing over and over again?”

  “Well, obviously. I understand a couple outfits, maybe, but this is like an entire new wardrobe. Where did he get the money?”

  She snorts. “Money isn’t an issue with them, trust me.”

  I grab the oversized bag at my feet and start looking through the clothes. “This is too much.” So many clothes. Nice clothes, too. Not clothes from Target or the Gap like I used to get. Not that these are fancy or high-end clothes like I had in Mexico by any means, but they’re nice, brand name clothes. Harley Davidson, Urban Outfitters. If I had to pick out a style, I think these would be it, too.

  “That’s what I thought too, but when I passed Aziel on my way up here, he seemed to think it wasn’t enough.”

  I balk at her. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  She shakes her head. “You haven’t seen nothing yet. Come look at this, Lilah.”

  Violet walks over to the window, and I hesitantly follow her over. Peeking outside into the yard, I see Charlie and a couple other guys, none I’ve met before, setting up a fucking swing set. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” I say, complete shock rolling through me.

  “That’s what I said! But, honestly girl, it’s nice having another girl around. And people seem to be happy having a little kid around, too. Makes us feel more human. Let Aziel do this for you.”

  “But… but I don’t know. It seems like too much. I feel like this is more than I deserve. Shouldn’t I be doing something for you guys? For Aziel? He’s the one who saved me.”

  Violet says nothing.

  “Why would he do this for me?” I whisper to myself.

  “I think it’s obvious. He’s got the hots for you.” She laughs.

  “Maybe so. But having the hots for someone doesn’t mean you buy an entire store worth of clothes and a damn swing set.” I wave out the window to poor Charlie who looks like he wants to pull his hair out.

  “Well, maybe he wants more than your ass.” She shrugs. My eyes widen and I look over at Lilah, who thankfully didn’t hear her. She is in awe as she presses her palms on the worn wood of the windowsill. Her nose is pressed against the glass, and her breath fogs the window with each puff of breath. “Sorry, I’m not used to having kids around. I’ll work on it.”

  I walk over and pick out the first outfit I can find for Lilah. “Lilah, let’s get you dressed.” I slip on a pair of blue shorts and a white shirt with a sun on it. “Cute.” I tickle her belly.

  “Lilah, let’s go get something to eat and let your mom get ready.” She reaches her hand out to Lilah, which Lilah grabs easily.

  “I won’t be long, Lilah.” Sadness hits me as she walks out the door without a care in the world. It’s too familiar. Her leaving me. Someone else taking care of her. I feel guilty, and a little spoiled after being able to spend every waking moment with her the last couple days.

  “It’s not a date.” I tell myself once I’m alone. “Just going out for a little while.”

  I search through the bag of clothes and find a pair of jean shorts and a an ivory loose tank top. It cuts off right at my belly button, and the shorts are snug, accentuating my curves and butt. I frown at the dresses in the bag. I could go the rest of my life without ever wearing a dress again.

  I rush to the bathroom, brush my messy waves out and pull it into a side braid. After I brush my teeth, I realize I have nothing else to do. I don’t have any makeup here, and it feels good to not have to wear any. I’m so used to be dolled up to look like a barbie, it’s refreshing to be natural for once.

  I strap on a pair of sandals and head out, looking around Aziel’s room one last time before shutting the door behind me. It’s only been a couple days, but it’s slowly transforming into a place I feel comfortable. Little spaces in the room are starting to be filled with my things, and it feels good to have something that feels like home.

  Even if it’s temporary.

  I close the door behind me and walk down the stairs. I don’t see anyone in the kitchen area. No Haley, no Violet or Lilah. No Aziel. I don’t want to go around searching for him, so I decide to walk over to the other side of the room where the pool table and couch sits. There’s a massive TV on the wall in front of an oversized sectional. There are gaming systems hooked up and an unlimited stack of movies below it. Behind the couches sits a pristine looking pool table, the balls still scattered around the table from its previous game.
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  The exposed brick walls are filled with motorcycle pictures, portraits of past members, and even some classic neon beer signs. There’s also a drawing, done by an artist, obviously. It’s a framed picture of the emblem I see on the back of the guy’s cuts. There’s a large circle, with the words The Seven MC written in harsh lettering inside. Around the letters are flames. Angry, brutal flames that wrap around each letter as if trying to obliterate the words.

  It’s beautiful.

  I walk around the couch and am about to sit down when I see a body laying on it. “Oh my God!” I stand back up and step back. “I’m so sorry.”

  West sits there, looking in pain as he stares at me. “It’s okay.”

  I didn’t sit on him, so I’m not sure why his face is scrunched up in discomfort. “Is something wrong? Are you sick?”

  “Just nursing a hell of a hangover. Fucking killer headache, you know what I mean?”

  I bite my lip. “Uh, no, I don’t.”

  He slides his feet to the ground and sits up, brushing his blonde shaggy hair out of his face and clutching his head. “Fucking hell.” He shakes the pain away before looking over at me. “What do you mean, you don’t know? You don’t drink or somethin’?”

  “Well, I do. Or, I have, I guess. But not enough to get drunk.”

  He looks me over from head to toe, his look going from contemplative to irritated. “What the hell kind of life were you living, girl? What’d he do to you down there?”

  I tense, and he lifts his hands in surrender. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset. And sit down, would you? You’re making my head hurt more for having to cock my head all goofy like this.”

  “Sorry.” I sit down obediently. He notices, his lip curling up in distaste. “I don’t know what kind of shit you went through down there, but we’re all on your side here. You seem like a good kid.”

  I pick at my fingernail. “I don’t know. Doesn’t seem like everyone likes me.”

  He rears back. “Like who? I’ll punch them in the face for you.”

  I crack a smile. “I don’t want you to do that. It’s just… the other day, when you guys were grilling me about Tijuana… people didn’t seem very receptive towards me.”