Be My Light : A BWWM Romance (Make It Marriage Book 4)

by Nia Arthurs

  “Do you still want to do this?” I ask.

  “Yes.”

  “Then there’s something I need to clarify.”

  She doesn’t speak, but I can hear her breathing on the other end of the line.

  “What you said in the car that day about men having sex with just anyone, it doesn’t apply to all of us. Some of us have standards. Some of us even want to care about the person we’re sleeping with.”

  “I didn’t mean…”

  “I’m just letting you know. That doesn’t apply to me. I’m not doing this because I’m bored.”

  “Then why?”

  “Because you’re my friend. Because I want the best for you. Because I want to help you heal.” I pause. “I’m going to be greedy. I don’t want to lose your friendship because I’m taking your body. Do you understand?”

  Her breath hitches.

  I imagine she’s staring, wide-eyed into space. Licking those plump lips nervously. Running her fingers over her dark collarbone.

  Frank wiggles out of my grip.

  I let him run. “Ina.”

  “I understand.”

  “Good.” I sit and rest my back against the bottom of the couch. “When’s your break?”

  “Right now, actually. It’s my first time sitting down all day. My feet are killing me.”

  “Have you eaten?”

  “I got an Oreo pack from the vending machine.”

  “That’s not food, Ina.”

  “I take offense to that, Luc.”

  “You need to eat properly.”

  “Sugar is a part of the food group.”

  “It’s the smallest section.”

  “Still counts.”

  “Are you sure you’re a nurse?”

  She laughs. “I don’t have time to breathe, much less sit down and eat properly. I promise I’ll have a big meal when I get home.”

  “And when is that?”

  “Tomorrow.”

  I frown. So much for my plan to see her today. “What time tomorrow?”

  “Why?”

  “I’ll pick you up.”

  “Lucas—”

  “I need your help.”

  “With what?”

  “Frank.”

  Her voice changes to playful affection. “My little baby?”

  “I’m getting a superhero costume for him.”

  “You are not.” She chuckles.

  “I’m thinking of turning him into the shop’s mascot.”

  “That’s child labor.”

  “He’s a dog, Ina.”

  “I’d still win the lawsuit.”

  I grin. She’s back. We’re back.

  Good.

  I don’t want any of that awkward nonsense again.

  She wants to date other men. Fine. I’m taking her any way I can get her. But I’m laying claim to this. I’m not prepared to give up an inch of what we have.

  “Luc, I need to go.” She lowers her voice. “The Head Nurse is looking for me.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Okay.” She hangs up.

  I let the dial tone ring in my ear.

  There’s something so honest about Ina. So earnest. So bright. After Kate, everything in my life seemed dull. Cold. Stark.

  I wasn’t looking for a solution. I liked being miserable. Gave me an excuse to hide away in my work and pretend nothing else existed.

  Ina kicked me out of that state. She put my frozen heart in a sauna. Took it for a vacation to some sunny, Caribbean paradise.

  If it wasn’t for her, I’d still be haunted by that soul-crushing emptiness that barreled in after my sister’s death.

  I’d still be dead inside.

  “She’s coming.”

  I glance up.

  Jonas stares at me with a carefully neutral expression. “Nellie.”

  “Does she need a ride?”

  “I offered.”

  “Got turned down?”

  “She curses too much.”

  I climb to my feet and slap his back. “I’ll go get the pizza.”

  “We can just order in.”

  I toss my keys in the air and catch them. “I got it.”

  He nods.

  I head out.

  Ten minutes later, I stop in front of the pizza joint to pick up the large pepperoni I got for Nellie and Jonas. Next, I stop at an upscale restaurant and grab an order there.

  The fragrance of the food fills the car and makes my stomach grumble as I drive. I ignore my own hunger and make one more stop before heading to the hospital where Ina works.

  The nurse at the front desk spears me with suspicious eyes when I hand over the food I brought.

  “This is for Nurse Lopez?” she asks, glaring at me through tiny oval glasses.

  “Can you make sure she gets this?”

  She screws her lips. “Fine.”

  I nod my thanks and drive home, whistling softly and thinking about where I’ll take Ina on her day off tomorrow.

  Seventeen

  Ina

  I crash through the break room door and collapse on the couch. The hospital is short-staffed. Since hanging up with Lucas, it’s been one emergency after another.

  I groan pathetically.

  My body’s scolding me via rapid-fire foot aches.

  My eyes are grainy.

  My stomach is cramping from hunger.

  I feel like I’m about to pass out.

  Stretching my body over the sofa, I stare at the ceiling and try to relax.

  Guilt crawls over me the longer I stay still.

  There are people that need help upstairs.

  We’re still understaffed. I can take a power nap and—

  “No, Ina.” I hear Evan in my head. He’s a doctor so he understands my struggle the most.

  I relied heavily on him when I was attending nursing school and he was always willing to help me study or explain tricky concepts I didn’t quite grasp in class. He also took me to task when I pushed myself too hard.

  “Don’t you dare skip this break,” he’d say with his bushy eyebrows down-turned and his lips stretched into that younger-brother-knows-best frown. “Self-care is important.”

  I sit up slowly.

  My back protests.

  I rub my shoulder with one hand, mentally debating whether I should eat and wait an hour to go to sleep or just skip dinner altogether in favor of catching up with some rest.

  Before I come to a decision, something on the table catches my eye.

  It’s a lunch bag.

  Curious, I draw closer to the bag and spot a note on top of it. The Head Nurse’s crab-like scrawl sits boldly on the yellow sticky note.

  This food is for Ina. Do Not Touch!

  Stunned, I call her.

  She answers on the third ring, her voice brusque and sharp. “What?”

  “I just saw the lunch bag in the break room. Is it really for me?“

  “Your boyfriend dropped it off.”

  “My… boyfriend?”

  “He was very concerned.”

  “Oh, I—”

  “Did you give him the impression we don’t have lunch breaks, Ina?”

  “No, I just—”

  “He was so determined I thought he was about to grab me over the desk and scold me for not feeding you.”

  “Did he say who he was?”

  “No, but he seemed official. He wore a button down with a tie. Had brown eyes and brown hair.” She clears her throat and mumbles, “Very handsome.”

  I tighten my grip on the phone. Lucas?

  Her voice returns to its steel bass. “From now on, Nurse Lopez, I’d appreciate if you ate on time and didn’t worry your boyfriend. I’m nobody’s delivery woman.” She hangs up.

  I drop my phone on the table. Eagerly, I unpack the lunch box. The food is cold, but it still looks absolutely delicious. There’s also a mug of tea nestled in the side of the bag.

  My heart swells.

  How. Freaking. Sweet.

&
nbsp; I dig in.

  Oh. My eyes flutter.

  It’s so good.

  I scarf the food down and flop back into my chair, patting my full stomach that’s bulging a little bit more than usual beneath my white nurse uniform.

  That hit the spot.

  Maybe a little too well.

  My eyelids are heavy. I’m about to fall into a food coma.

  Hoping to fight the urge to sleep, I call Lucas.

  “Ina?” His voice is husky when he picks up. I imagine him in bed, his hair more mussed than usual and falling into his dark brown eyes.

  A funny feeling twists my chest.

  I clear my throat. “Hey. Did I wake you?” I check the clock on the wall and wince when I see where the hands are. “Sorry. I didn’t realize it was so late.”

  “It’s fine.” I hear blankets rustling. He must be sitting up. “Did you just get a break?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Wow. That’s brutal.”

  I pause. “I got the food. And the tea.”

  “How was it?”

  “Fantastic. Thank you.” I move to the couch. Settling into the pillows, I slip my shoes off and get comfortable. “Where did you get it?”

  “This little restaurant off the freeway. I’ll take you there some time.”

  I push my toes into the arm of the chair. “I’d like that.”

  His breath echoes quietly in my ear.

  I close my eyes, listening to the rhythmic sound.

  That’s Lucas’s breath.

  That’s his voice.

  It’s like a warm embrace.

  Or what I assume a warm embrace feels like. I’ve rarely been hugged in my life.

  But I’ll be doing that too.

  Soon.

  With him.

  I sigh. The fact that I’m only comfortable with Lucas’s touch is still a mystery. Which reminds me. I need to schedule an appointment with my therapist to talk about all this.

  “Are you nervous?” he asks.

  “About what?”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “A little.” Our arrangement starts tomorrow. He’ll touch me on purpose tomorrow. “I want to get over this.”

  “This?”

  Heat torches my chest. “You know what I’m talking about.”

  “Sex.”

  I ball my hands into fists.

  With any other guy, just hearing that word would make me break out in a cold sweat.

  But this is Lucas.

  And for some reason, my heart is pounding in a different kind of way.

  “But there’s more than that.”

  “More?” I whisper.

  “Much more.”

  “Than,” I hesitate, “that?"

  “You asked me to touch you.”

  “Yes.”

  “With my hands.”

  “Yes.”

  “With my mouth?”

  “Yes.”

  “With my tongue?”

  A strangely delicious tremble works through my spine. “Y-yes.”

  “There’s still more.”

  “Is there?”

  “That’s why I’m asking.”

  “I want to do it.”

  “Do what?” His voice is deeper, raspier.

  “All of it?”

  “You don’t sound sure.”

  “Um…?”

  “How far do you want to go, Ina?”

  My breath is weirdly heavy. “I… I mean, we’re assuming this plan works. If you didn’t notice last time, I can’t even kiss.”

  “But you’ll get over that.”

  “Maybe.”

  “You will.”

  At least one of us has hope.

  “There’s more to it than just me touching you.”

  “You mean…”

  “Yeah.” His voice deepens. “Do you want that?”

  My toes curl.

  Do I want to touch Lucas?

  I wet my lips.

  He pauses. “Do you want it, Ina?”

  My heart is about to explode.

  Warmth spreads through my stomach.

  Down below my skirt.

  What the heck is happening to me? Why do I feel so hot?

  “Ina?”

  “W-what?” I can’t talk. I can’t breathe.

  But it’s different.

  I’m not panicking.

  I’m just…

  I’ve never—

  Lucas chuckles darkly. “You’re freaking out over there, aren’t you?”

  “I’m not,” I say breathlessly.

  It’s no use. He sees right through me. In a gentle voice, he assures, “We won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, darling.”

  My limbs go light. I really, really love it when Lucas calls me darling.

  “You’re trying to scare me.”

  “Just trying to figure out what you want.”

  “You think I don’t know about, um, bedroom stuff.”

  “Stuff?”

  “Yeah. Stuff.”

  He laughs.

  Embarrassment threatens to smother me. “You’re acting like some expert.”

  “Wouldn’t say that.”

  “Then what would you say?”

  “I know what matters.”

  “And that is?”

  “Making sure you get what you want first.” He lowers his voice. “Over and over and over again.”

  Okay.

  Okay…

  I have no idea what he’s talking about, but that weird, fiery feeling in my stomach is back.

  It’s back with a vengeance.

  I dig my nails into the couch and pretend I’m not nearing combustion. “You’re pretty confident in your… abilities.”

  “Let’s just say you picked the right teacher.”

  I cough.

  He’s setting me on fire with just his words and we haven’t even started yet.

  “It’s not going to be easy,” I remind him.

  “I understand.”

  “There’s a lot of baggage I have to wade through.”

  “You trying to scare me now?”

  “I’m giving you a reality check.”

  He gets quiet.

  I pull the phone closer. “Lucas?”

  “I’m here.”

  “There’s something else.”

  “What?”

  “I heard that doing these things can stir up feelings.”

  “Ina.”

  “Emotional, um… you know… feelings.”

  He stops. “What are you saying?”

  “I don’t want that.”

  “You don’t like me?”

  “No, I—it’s… I don’t want you to end up feeling sorry for me. You know—in case…”

  “In case?”

  “In case I get things mixed up in my head and start thinking I like you.”

  He doesn’t say anything.

  I squeeze the hem of my shirt and wait.

  “What if I’m the one who has feelings for you?”

  I laugh. “That won’t happen.”

  “Why not?”

  “I’ll make sure it doesn’t.”

  “Ina—”

  “I don’t want you to end up with someone like me.”

  “Someone like you?”

  “With so much baggage.”

  “Darling—”

  “Promise me we’ll stop if we start to feel something.”

  He doesn’t answer.

  “Lucas, I can’t do this unless you—”

  “Okay.” He sighs.

  “Good. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I quickly hang up and stare at the ceiling.

  My body’s wound tight.

  Because of Lucas.

  I’m feeling things…

  Tingles. Breathlessness. Sensations I’ve never felt before.

  And why is it so dang hot?

  Turning, I press my thighs together and wait for that particular sensation to fade.

  It’s all starting to feel overwhelming. Like so
meone who waded into what she thought was shallow water only to plummet into the deep end.

  I trust Lucas.

  I do.

  But I’m beginning to wonder if I should trust myself.

  I really hope this plan doesn’t come back to bite me.

  Eighteen

  Lucas

  Concentrating on the lecture takes a hell of a lot more effort today. I switch the slideshow on the projector to a picture of a numeric timeline.

  I nod at the screen. “Say hello to your next assignment.”

  The students shuffle around. There are a few sighs. A few groans. One girl in the front row gives me the world’s most I’m so over this eye roll.

  I grin, taking in the sounds of their fingers clacking on their laptops or pens scribbling over white paper.

  It gives me life, honestly.

  The fact that I’m here, anticipating something.

  The fact that I’m in the moment, enjoying myself.

  After Kate, everything fell apart for me.

  My job became an escape rather than a calling. It’s a flaw that I’m only just beginning to recognize.

  I was good but not passionate.

  I was fair but aloof.

  My students were collective blobs that churned out assignments and I had no interest in inspiring them to learn.

  Because I lacked that spark in myself.

  I bounce to the front of the lecture hall and grab my book from the podium. “Any questions?”

  Silence sweeps the room.

  I glance at the clock.

  My fingers tap the side of my pants.

  One hand rises.

  I answer the student’s question and glance at the clock again.

  Flattening my elbow on the podium, I try to play it cool. “If you need help, come see me during my office hours.”

  “Prof, will you be in the office today?”

  “Not today,” I say firmly.

  “You’ve got a hot date or something?”

  Laughter echoes through the hall.

  I smirk. “Until next time, guys.”

  A low rush floods the air as the students mumble to each other, standing, stretching and moving leisurely for the exits.

  I blow past them to be the first one through the door.

  As I near the parking lot, I pull out my phone and text Ina.

  ME: Just finished with class. Give me ten minutes.

  INA: I’ll be waiting outside.

  Grinning, I slide my phone into my pocket and seek out my car.

  I stop short when I see Jonas leaning against the hood. He’s wearing his blue and gold letterman jacket. Thick hair falls messily over his forehead. The sharpness of his jaw tells me he’s gritting his teeth.