Gun Shy

by Lori L. Lake

  Again Dez was struck by the familiarity of that face, of those hazel eyes. She’d known Jaylynn for over a year, yet she didn’t feel she had ever truly looked at her. Now, holding the beautiful woman in her arms, her face inches away, she was acutely aware of how attractive she was. And not only that, but aware of something else, too, something intimate and almost recognizable she’d known forever and ever. At the same time she felt a buoyant elation, she also experienced a contradictory sense of grief and loss. The paradox confused her. She cleared her throat and in a low voice said, “Nothing’s wrong. As usual, I’m my same old grouchy self in the morning.”

  “I don’t usually get to see you early in the day.” Jaylynn snaked warm arms around the muscled torso and shifted, rolling Dez over, disarranging the covers, until Dez lay on her back with two hazel eyes peering down into her face. “But I could get used to this.”

  “You could, could you?” Dez pulled the covers back up and stroked the smooth shoulders, back, and hips in firm, languid motions. “It sure looks to me like you’ve been used to seeing me first thing every morning.”

  A puzzled look creased Jaylynn’s brow. “What do you mean?”

  Dez looked across the room and nodded toward the corkboard. “What’s that supposed to be?”

  Jaylynn shot a look over her shoulder. Once she figured out what Dez was referring to, she let out an embarrassed laugh. “Ah, my wall of fame. I forgot all about that.” She lowered her head until her lips brushed the collarbone below her. “All I can say in my own defense is that it pales in comparison to the real thing, but was the best I could do for a long time.”

  “I see,” Dez said, arching one eyebrow and giving her partner the faintest wisp of a smile. “How long have you been keeping this news and photo archive?”

  Jaylynn nestled into Dez’s arms and put her head on Dez’s chest. “I think it’s been almost a year now. Since last September, I guess.”

  “How in the heck did you get those old ones?”

  Jaylynn blushed and met her eyes sheepishly. “I swiped ’em from some folders I found packed away in that old gray filing cabinet down in the roll call room. I didn’t think anyone would care. There’s a ton of old junk in there.”

  “But why?”

  “Dez, I know it sounds impossible—maybe weird—but I fell in love with you the first time I laid eyes on you. One look. And that was it for me.” She paused, struggling for words, and beginning to blush. “I couldn’t help it. You didn’t return phone calls. You were distant at the precinct. But I had to get close to you. I don’t know why. I can’t explain.” She broke off obviously flustered.

  “Guess I should be flattered.”

  “Or you could call me crazy,” Jaylynn said, her body tense and uncertain.

  Dez lay there with Jaylynn looming over her, a concerned look on the face staring down at her. She tried to think when she could say she’d fallen in love with Jaylynn, but everything blended together. She’d been like a dead thing—cold and numb and in the dark—and then without warning, a golden ray of sunlight blazed through a portal to illuminate everything for her. But when exactly that happened she couldn’t say. One moment she was isolated and outcast; the next, she had a constant companion who cared for her, who saved her from herself. “You’re about the farthest thing from crazy I’ve ever met,” she said, her voice low and husky. She tightened her grip around the slender waist, and felt Jaylynn relax against her, the blonde head tucked into her neck. “What happens now?”

  “Breakfast?”

  Dez smiled, nodding her head. “Hmm. Should’ve known that would be your first thought.”

  “Aren’t you hungry?”

  “Yeah, I guess I am.” She lay there stroking smooth skin with her fingertips. “I should probably go home.”

  “Why?”

  Dez sighed and looked across the room. “Don’t want to wear my welcome out.”

  A sharp bark of laughter burst from Jaylynn. “You wouldn’t wear your welcome out if we were handcuffed together.”

  With one eyebrow arched, Dez said, “That could be arranged.”

  Dez felt the body against her tremble with laughter, and then in a serious voice, Jaylynn asked, “Do you want to do something together today, maybe?”

  There was no maybe about it. Dez knew she would be content to lie in bed all day holding Jaylynn. The need to be close to her was so strong that she felt a gnawing ache.

  When she didn’t answer right away, Jaylynn let out a gust of air, as though she’d been holding her breath. She leaned away and peered intently at her face. “It’s okay if you’d rather not—”

  “Wait. I didn’t say that. I was thinking about details. You know, things like needing some clean clothes and wanting a shower and a toothbrush—”

  “That’s no problem.” Without warning, Jaylynn rolled away and out of bed. She padded across the room, her skin tawny in the strong morning sunlight. Dez admired the strong thighs, the swell of hips, the slender waist and shapely shoulders. She watched as Jaylynn rooted around in a desk drawer and took something out. “Ah ha, thought I had one here.” She slapped the drawer shut, grabbed the green robe off the back of the door, and returned to sit on the edge of the bed, the robe across her lap.

  Dez marveled that Jaylynn wasn’t at all self-conscious sitting before her with no clothes on, her hair uncombed, and goosebumps on her arms. She handed Dez a narrow package, which Dez saw was a toothbrush.

  “Gee, thanks. And here I thought you said my breath was sweet.”

  “That was hours ago.” Jaylynn laughed. “Here, take my robe and go shower—straight ahead, second door on the left down the hall. Meanwhile, I’ll round up some clothes you can wear.”

  Dez started to pull the covers back, but inexplicably, she blushed. She grabbed for the robe, but Jaylynn gave her an amused look. As though she could read her mind, Jaylynn said, “You’re not going shy on me now, are you, Desiree?” When Dez gave her a wry grimace, Jaylynn giggled. “Shouldn’t I be the shy one? I’ve seen almost every inch of you at the bodybuilding show.” She grabbed the covers and slid in on her side, pressing up to the toasty alabaster skin. “I love how warm you always are.”

  Dez set the toothbrush aside and enfolded Jaylynn in her arms, feeling a lump rise in her throat. Awash in feeling, she ran her hand through the short blonde hair, her pulse quickening. She swallowed. “It’ll be interesting to squeeze into whatever you want me to wear.”

  “You act like you’re an elephant.” Smiling eyes twinkled at her. “You probably haven’t noticed, but your hips are smaller than mine. And maybe your shoulders are broader, Miss Bodybuilding Queen, but I have plenty of XL sweatshirts. So go get in the shower and I’ll dig up something.”

  They disentangled, and as Dez stepped out of the warm covers, Jaylynn slapped her on the butt. “Nice tush,” she said as she held out the toothbrush package. Blushing, Dez snapped it up and slipped into the robe, which was tight across the shoulders, to say the least. She wrapped the tie around her and knotted it in front. “What if one of your roommates—?”

  Jaylynn waved at her. “Don’t worry about it. Just go down the hall. No one will come in. I’m sure neither of them is even up yet. Towels are in the linen closet in there, and the white blow dryer is mine if you want to use it. There’s probably five different kinds of shampoo in the shower—just take your pick.”

  Dez moved to the door and cracked it open, peeking down the hall. She glanced back to see the smirk on Jaylynn’s face, and swung the door wide and stepped resolutely out into the hall.

  She brushed her teeth and hung the purple brush in the rack with half a dozen others. When she got done showering, Dez wrung the water out of her hair, which was thick and tangled, but she didn’t have a brush. She dried off, slipped the emerald robe back on, and padded back to Jaylynn’s room carrying the damp towel with her. She found her partner lounging under the covers again. “Hey, lazybones!”

  Jaylynn stuck her tongue out. “I’m just t
rying to keep warm. You weren’t here, so what else was I supposed to do?” She reached for a pile of clothes next to her on the bed, and slid them toward the edge. “Why don’t you grab the blue brush on the dresser and come here. I’ll brush your hair.”

  Dez did as she was told and came to sit before Jaylynn.

  “You have such beautiful hair,” Jaylynn said quietly as she combed out the black tangles.

  Dez closed her eyes and reveled in the sensation of the brush and warm hands against her damp head and neck.

  In a dreamy voice, Jaylynn said, “I used to dream about this when I was a kid.”

  “Brushing women’s hair?”

  Jaylynn stopped abruptly. “Yeah, something like that.” She set down the brush on the bed and pulled the long dark hair to the side, revealing an ivory smooth neck. Bending her mouth to the skin near the dark hairline she ran a line of kisses down the graceful neck to the top of the green robe. Dez’s breath caught, and she felt shivers course through her body. She twisted to face Jaylynn, found velvety lips and lost herself in a kiss.

  The kiss ended leaving them both breathless. Jaylynn smiled widely, revealing flashing white teeth. “You taste good. No fair. You’ve brushed your teeth.” She picked up the hairbrush and quickly arranged the damp tresses into a French braid. “How’s that?”

  Dez ran her hands over the top of her head. “Good.”

  “All right. Now let me go get cleaned up.” Jaylynn slid out from under Dez and snatched at the green robe before her feet even hit the floor. “My turn. Lemme have the robe.”

  “I can see sharing clothes with you is going to be an experience.” She let Jaylynn tug the robe down off her shoulders. As Jaylynn put the robe on, Dez swung her legs off the side of the bed and sat on the edge, reaching into the pile of clothes to grab a navy blue sweatshirt and put it on. When her head popped through the neckband, she found Jaylynn watching her, the emerald robe around her shoulders but still open. Jaylynn stepped closer, and Dez slipped her hands inside the robe and drew Jaylynn to her. She pressed her lips against the silky skin at Jaylynn’s breast and tightened her hold.

  Next thing she knew, Jaylynn was pushing her back onto the bed and kissing her in earnest. Dez crushed the warm body to her, carried away, her heart thundering. As they broke apart for air, Dez both felt and heard the giant rumble that emanated from the waist pressed against her. They laughed and relaxed. “Go on,” Dez said. “Your stomach is asserting itself again. Go hop in the shower and then we can get some food in you.”

  Jaylynn rose, blushing, and rearranged the robe. “Okay, I’ll hurry.”

  While she was gone, Dez finished dressing in pink cotton underwear, dark blue sweatbottoms, and a pair of athletic socks. She paused for a moment and marveled at the response Jaylynn brought about in her. She hadn’t expected to feel this way, this passionate hunger that robbed her of all sense and swept away every thought from her mind except for the need to touch and be touched. She had never felt this connection, this kind of rapport before, as if she and Jaylynn were totally in harmony, like a finely tuned guitar. One strum, one touch resulted in a rich and vibrant sound and feeling. Both gave her shivers and sent a thrill of happiness through her.

  She laced up her own hightops and noted Jaylynn had been right. Everything fit fine, though the sweatpants were a little short. She pressed her hands against her damp hair and arranged a few tendrils off her face. Moving over to the window near the foot of the bed, she opened the blinds and looked out.

  The sun was heading high in the sky. It shone brightly over the back of the house and glared off the chrome on her red truck. In the far corner of the backyard a shed listed slightly to the left, its white paint cracked and peeling. The last of the wilting tiger lilies struggled valiantly to remain upright, but the early autumn weather was taking its toll. The grass was still a verdant green and looked like it could use one final mowing before winter.

  Dez crossed her arms over her chest and watched two squirrels streak across the grass to scramble up the black walnut in the middle of the yard. Was it just her, or were things happening awfully fast all of a sudden? Two days ago she and Jaylynn were circling one another warily, completely uncertain about the other. Yesterday the barriers began to crumble, and last night, Well, so much for barriers. Today had already started out on a good note, and she wondered how long it could last. She didn’t want to delude herself. What she wanted from Jaylynn and what she might actually get could be miles apart. And yet, something in her told her to trust. That recurring and familiar sense of déjà vu washed over her. She couldn’t have explained her faith in Jaylynn to anyone, not even to Jaylynn, but at a purely instinctual level, something in her cried out to depend upon what she felt and upon what Jaylynn professed to feel.

  She moved away from the window and sat down on the bed. The water clunked off down the hall, and she heard the whir of the hair dryer. Soon, a whirling bundle of energy returned to the room and buzzed around, grabbing up clothes and chattering away. Dez watched her dress in a white Police Academy sweatshirt, jeans, and running shoes.

  Jaylynn brushed her hair back. “Ready for something to eat?”

  Dez nodded and rose from the bed. Jaylynn took her hand and led her down the stairs to the quiet kitchen. She was appalled at Dez’s boring choice of oatmeal, though Dez did grudgingly accept two pieces of lightly buttered toast. Jaylynn sectioned a grapefruit and they ate that, too, then they sat at the table looking expectantly at one another. The kitchen clock ticked away, displaying the time: 11:15.

  “What next?” Jaylynn asked.

  Dez brought up her large hands from under the table and stretched to take Jaylynn’s hands in her own. She squeezed, her thumbs pressing into palms, and said seriously, “These clothes are nice and everything, but—” She cleared her throat and looked out the window.

  Jaylynn frowned at her, puzzled. “But what?”

  Dez returned her gaze to the concerned eyes before her, a funny look on her face. “But if I’m honest, I’d like to go back upstairs and take them off.” A pleasant shade of crimson started at her neck and rose as she saw understanding wash over her lover’s features. Jaylynn broke out in a grin and stood, leaving their dishes on the table. Still holding one of Dez’s hands, she pulled her to her feet and up the stairs to her room.

  They spent the afternoon making love and talking, with Jaylynn running downstairs twice to bring up food to munch on in bed. Soon late afternoon rolled around, and the sun ceased to slant in through the blinds. Dez lay on her back against a pillow, Jaylynn cradled contentedly against her chest with their legs entwined. She brushed hair out of Jaylynn’s face. Hazel eyes opened slowly. Dez watched as Jaylynn’s eyes went from hazy to intent. “What?” Dez asked.

  In a soft, almost inaudible voice, Jaylynn said, “I’m not sure you understand how I feel about you.” Dez waited, watching Jaylynn struggle to put something into words. “This is not lust—well,” Jaylynn’s face colored sweetly, “I’m not denying the lust, but how I feel is more than an incredible attraction. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. Do you understand?”

  Dez nodded slowly.

  “Dez, I don’t want to scare you off.”

  She cupped Jaylynn’s face in a big hand, her thumb stroking a tight circle on the soft skin. She waited.

  “I want you—forever. You probably think that sounds crazy, huh?” Serious eyes and a worried face looked up at her partner.

  Shyly, Dez said, “It’s not just physical for me either. I feel the same way. I—I—well, I can’t explain it.”

  In answer, Jaylynn snuggled more tightly against her, burrowing her face into the ivory neck. After a few minutes, Jaylynn whispered, “The worst time of my life was when you wouldn’t speak to me. You don’t know how much that hurt. Please, please don’t let that ever happen again.”

  In a husky voice, Dez said, “I won’t. I promise.”

  They lay there for several minutes, not moving, not talking, before Dez looked
over at the bedside clock. “It’s nearly five. I should probably go home.”

  Jaylynn raised her head and gave Dez an alarmed look. “I hope you’re not serious.”

  “We’re closing in on twenty-four hours in bed. We work tomorrow. Don’t you want to get up and get ready?”

  “What’s to get ready?”

  “You know—laundry, shopping, cooking, whatever.”

  Jaylynn rolled off the broad chest onto her back and gave a big sigh. Looking up at the ceiling she said, “I don’t want to do any of that. I just want to lie here with you for the rest of our lives.”

  Dez laughed, making a strangled noise. “Short life. You’d run outta food pretty soon. Then all hell’d break loose.”

  Jaylynn moved onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow to survey her partner. With a very cranky look on her face, she said, “I don’t want you to leave.”

  Dez rolled on her side to face Jaylynn so they were nearly nose to nose. With her left hand she feathered her fingers along the warm, silky side until Jaylynn shivered. “Come with me,” Dez said. She leaned in and kissed Jaylynn for added emphasis. She was rewarded with an immediate flashing smile.

  Jaylynn said, “Are you saying I could come over to your place and stay the night?”

  “Sure.”

  Jaylynn was out of bed in a shot. She put on her clothes, which had been tossed haphazardly on the couch. Dez laced her fingers together and put her hands up behind her head as she watched the tornado move around the room collecting clean clothes and stuffing them into a small duffel bag. She sorted through the stack of CDs under the bedside table and grabbed two to put in the bag. Jaylynn tossed the bag over on the couch and came to sit on the edge of the bed.

  Amused, Dez said, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get ready for anything that fast.”

  “You’ve had a good effect on me. Come on. Get your clothes on, Miss Slowpoke.”

  Later, undressed again, they held one another in Dez’s bed. Jaylynn reclined comfortably, her knees drawn up slightly and her head cushioned on a pillow against the bed’s maple headboard. Dez lay on her stomach with her head resting on Jaylynn’s abdomen, her hands tucked under Jaylynn’s lower back. She was very nearly asleep when her partner’s voice rumbled in her ear. “They won’t make us change shifts or stop riding together, will they?”