Gun Shy

by Lori L. Lake

  “But couldn’t you see how I felt? Couldn’t you feel it?”

  Dez drew her head back and gave her a quizzical look. “What do you mean?”

  “Apparently everyone but the blind has been able to tell how I feel about you.”

  “Meaning who?”

  “Try Luella, Crystal, Vanita, Julie. Oh, and of course there’s Sara, but she’s got inside information. And Tim and Kevin, and Shayna—and my mother definitely caught on, too.”

  “How do you know this?”

  “Half of ’em told me. How else?”

  In an indignant tone Dez said, “Good God! Is everyone we know privy to our relationship?”

  “Dez! It’s not my fault. If all of them could read it in my face, why didn’t you?”

  “I’m glad no one read my face.”

  Jaylynn burst into giggles.

  “What?” Dez asked.

  “Try Crystal and Luella, for sure. Julie, too. And I’m sure Luella keeps Vanita up-to-date. And then there’s Shayna. And Cowboy.”

  “Well, I’ll be damned.” Dez moved closer to the giggling woman. “So how come you couldn’t tell about me?”

  “Just because you felt one way about me or maybe were attracted didn’t mean you wanted a relationship. Lucky I’m more patient than I look. I—I wasn’t sure—you hide things well, you know.”

  “It’s been harder lately.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Dez ran her hand along Jaylynn’s hip. She didn’t quite know how to explain, but she took a shot at it. “I let you in too much. I started to rely on you too much.”

  Jaylynn stroked the pale cheek. “I don’t understand. How can you care about anyone too much? There’s no too much about it. It’s pretty simple. You either care or you don’t.”

  “Yeah, that’s a good theory,” Dez muttered.

  “Now that’s not a theory—it’s a fact. Trust me.” Instead of replying, Dez leaned in for a kiss. “Wait,” Jaylynn said, startling her partner as she hovered over her.

  Alarmed, Dez froze. “What?”

  Jaylynn half sat up, her elbow under her head, and in a very serious voice said, “I thought you didn’t date cops.” She blanched when Dez rolled away and onto her back. Jaylynn held her breath and closed her eyes, swearing silently at herself.

  As Dez stared up at the ceiling, she said, “It doesn’t matter. At this point in our relationship, it appears we’re skipping right over the dating part.”

  Jaylynn laughed in relief. “You goofball, you may not realize it, but every day with you has been a date.”

  “I don’t think so,” Dez said sheepishly. “I’m usually much nicer to my dates.”

  “Now who said you have no sense of humor?” Jaylynn leaned over and put a hand on Dez’s stomach, stroking softly through the material of the sweatshirt and grinning when she felt Dez’s breath catch. She let her hand drift higher until she was stroking the tight skin at her partner’s collarbone, then stroking downward over the tight muscle of her chest. Dez shifted and moved closer until Jaylynn felt the warmth of her breath and a tender touch on her face. Dez lifted up her head and studied her intently. Jaylynn felt soft cotton under her hands as she slid up against Dez’s body, then ducked her head gracefully. She sought out the red lips below, gentle at first and deepening into a solid contact that made Jaylynn dizzy with longing and elation.

  When they came up for air, Dez said, in a husky voice, “I guess I’ll have a new rule. I’ll only date one cop, but that’s it. Afterwards, I draw the line. You’re the only one who got in the door in time, and now it’s closing.”

  Breathlessly Jaylynn said, “For someone who had no idea what to say a little while ago, you sure are talking a lot.”

  Dez put her hands over Jaylynn’s back pockets and shifted her on top, in the process getting her hands up under Jaylynn’s shirt. She captured soft lips again. Her hands wandered up the skin of the silken back, thumbs stroking a line along Jaylynn’s midsection. She felt Jaylynn shiver and arch upward.

  Jaylynn said, “I want to feel your skin against me.” She clutched at the green sweatshirt until it came off over Dez’s head.

  “Yours, too.” Dez pulled off the polo shirt, and found yet another—a T-shirt. “Good God! How you could’ve been cold all day with all these layers on is beyond me.”

  Jaylynn shut her up with a kiss.

  Unclothed from the waist up, they reveled in the touch of warm skin rapidly heating to the touch. Jaylynn slid to her side to give her hands free rein to touch her partner. She laid her head on Dez’s chest and let her right hand run from shoulder to breast to abdomen.

  Jaylynn whispered, “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to touch you, especially the night of the bodybuilding show. I wanted to feel these muscles so bad.”

  Dez answered by rolling Jaylynn onto her back and easing herself gently over the smaller woman’s frame. She traced a trail of kisses down Jaylynn’s neck, stroking her abdomen, caressing breasts until Jaylynn felt she would explode with the pleasure of it. She clutched at the broad shoulders and felt a rush of cool air as her jeans were unbuttoned and slipped off. “Off with yours, too,” she whispered as she fumbled at the zipper on Dez’s jeans. She couldn’t help the sigh of contentment that escaped when the denim against her legs disappeared and she felt the heat of limbs tangled with hers.

  Strong hands stroked across her stomach, over her hips, across her whole upper body and along the inside of her bare thighs. Elation swept through her, and she savored a gentleness that, for some odd reason, she hadn’t expected. She completely lost track of where she was, focusing solely on the tension at her center as the heat grew and expanded in response to Dez’s tender but insistent touch. She felt lips against her neck, and she clasped Dez tightly until she moved closer and closer to an explosion of lights and feeling. The intensity was so powerful that the sensations pounding through her body caused every muscle in her legs and hips to tighten and tremble in repeated waves. Through rasping breaths, she held on to Dez until the tidal wave washing over her began to abate.

  “Geez, Dez,” she wheezed, “you certainly seem to have remembered plenty of bike riding techniques.” She gulped in air and gradually relaxed as Dez leaned over her and continued to stroke her body with deft hands.

  In a low voice, Dez said, “You don’t have any idea how beautiful you are, do you?”

  “Come on, you crazy woman.”

  “And you’re cute when you’re embarrassed.”

  “I can only think of one way to shut you up.” Jaylynn guided the dark head toward her and covered the smiling mouth with her lips. After moments of exploration, they came up for air, and she said, “It’s my turn now.”

  “I thought you just had your turn,” Dez commented dryly.

  “No, it’s my turn to make you squirm.”

  “Somehow that doesn’t sound very romantic.”

  “I’ll work on it. Roll over, Miss Big Mouth Cop.”

  Laughing, Dez obeyed, moving upward so she lay nearer the headboard. She put a pillow under her neck as Jaylynn straddled her, kneeling on either side of the lean hips.

  Jaylynn said, “Okay now, let’s see a nice lying double biceps pose.”

  “I don’t think that’s in the routine.”

  “Put it in,” she said with fake menace.

  So Dez brought up her arms and flexed both biceps, looking first to the left, then to the right in the soft lamplight.

  “Not bad.” Jaylynn palmed each of the bulging muscles. Quietly she said, “I still can’t believe how soft and cuddly you are when, from a distance, you look like so many angles and cuts.” She leaned forward slowly and buried her face in the inviting neck below, nipping lightly with her teeth. When warm hands gripped her hips, she slid forward and shifted her legs until she lay on top. Dez clutched her tightly. Jaylynn ran her hands and mouth over as much of Dez as she could reach. It didn’t take long to find all the spots that pleased Dez most, and she stroked and kissed at the so
ft skin in place after place until she heard a tortured whisper in her ear, “Please. You’re killin’ me.”

  Jaylynn chuckled. She couldn’t help but grin as she caressed her lover’s legs. She found herself enfolded in strong arms against a wide chest. Hearing the pounding of Dez’s heartbeat in her ear, she concentrated on the pleasure she hoped to bring. Before she knew it, Dez was clutching at her powerfully and gasping in her ear. She gripped Jaylynn as she trembled convulsively, and then, when the shuddering subsided, she opened her eyes.

  Jaylynn gazed nervously into bright blue eyes. “Back in the saddle again?”

  “Okay, okay. You were right. But that was definitely more fun than any bicycle I ever fell off.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  They lay tangled together for a few moments as their heartbeats gradually resumed normal levels. Dez hugged Jaylynn tightly and closed her eyes, relishing the comfort of the moment. She sighed. Guarded eyes flicked open to search out Jaylynn’s face. In a low but nervous voice, Dez said, “Should I go home now?”

  Jaylynn blinked in disbelief. “You’re joking, right?”

  “Well, I—I mean, don’t you want me to go—”

  “What? Are you nuts? Of course I don’t want you to go.” She reached up to the top of the bed and flipped back the bedspread.

  Breathlessly Dez said, “Wait a minute, you can’t seriously be cold.”

  “I will be soon. Here, slide over.” She wrestled the covers out from under the two of them and slid her legs under.

  Alarmed, Dez said, “You gotta be kidding. I’ll roast.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Here, pull the sheet up. I’ll make sure the blankets stay over on me.” Jaylynn sat up to arrange the bed. She stretched to click off the bedside lamp, the skin on her back and torso feeling taut and smooth. When the room went dark, she snuggled up next to her still very warm companion. “I don’t want you to leave. Please don’t go—ever—okay?” When Dez didn’t answer, she said, “Will you hold me?”

  Dez folded her into a scorching embrace, and they lay quietly delighting in the closeness. After a while, Jaylynn glanced at the bedside clock. “Wow, can you believe it’s already one o’clock?”

  “It seems more like five a.m.,” Dez said sleepily as she settled in closer to Jaylynn.

  “Not really.”

  “Maybe not to you, the one who got to sleep all over the north roads of Minnesota.” Dez yawned. “But I haven’t slept more than two hours at a time for days.”

  “Why?”

  “Don’t know. I never sleep well. But you won’t believe how tired I am now.” Her voice faded and her eyes closed. Jaylynn watched as Dez took a deep breath, exhaled, and then slept. She smiled, warm and content, and eased over onto her side facing away from Dez. Her partner tightened her grip and tucked her legs up behind Jaylynn’s until they lay spooned together, a strong right arm gripping Jaylynn’s middle.

  The joy coursing through Jaylynn kept her awake for several minutes. She took a deep breath, thinking she’d waited her whole life for this—not just making love, though that had been absolutely wonderful—but for this joining with the dark woman of her dreams. Always in the dreams she felt a distance, a remoteness to her Hero. But with Dez lately, she felt a burgeoning closeness that exhilarated her. This tall, complicated person who now held her so protectively in her arms had opened up, unfolding like a flower, in ways Jaylynn had hoped for all her life.

  With a contented sigh, she closed her eyes and pressed her right forearm against the arm around her middle. She must have fallen asleep shortly after, but she opened her eyes some time later. The LED on the clock read 2:20. Wondering what awakened her, she lay listening for a moment until she heard a familiar tread on the stairs. She heard a tap on her door, and in the moonlight streaming through the window, a head poked in.

  “Spssss. You awake?”

  “Shhh.” Jaylynn sat up, arranging the sheet, and put her finger to her lips. She made a motion to Sara indicating she’d be right out, and Sara disappeared from the doorway.

  Jaylynn extricated herself from her lover’s grip and padded across the floor. She grabbed an emerald green robe from the back of the door and slipped it on before taking a quick glance back. In the soft moonlight she saw dark hair fanned out on the pillow and it made her smile. She was still smiling when she descended the stairs and entered the kitchen to find Sara rooting through the refrigerator.

  Sara looked askance at her over the fridge door, a sly grin on her face. “Sorry to barge in on you. Please tell me I didn’t imagine one very tall policewoman in your bed?”

  Jaylynn blushed, but she kept on grinning. “Nope. That was definitely not your imagination. We’ve had quite the day, to say the least.”

  Sara smiled. “Hmmm. Guess I knew that was coming. Sorry to interrupt. Ever since you left the message on the answering machine, I’ve been dying to find out what happened between the two of you.” She grinned wickedly at Jaylynn as she collected an armload of items out of the fridge and kicked the door shut with her foot. “You want a sandwich?”

  “Sure. I’m starved.”

  They stood assembling sandwiches while Jaylynn told her roommate about the events of the day. By the time she finished the narrative, they were sitting at the table downing milk and eating turkey and tomato sandwiches.

  Sara said, “Where do you go from here then?”

  Jaylynn looked thoughtfully across the kitchen table. “I guess that’s up to her.”

  Sara gave her a puzzled look. “What does that mean? Isn’t it up to the both of you?”

  Frowning, Jaylynn said, “I know exactly what I want, and I can only hope she wants the same, but it’s up to her. I learned my lesson already not to rush things. I’m letting it happen however it goes.” She popped the last crust of bread into her mouth and drank the final dregs of milk. “I can’t believe how tired I am. But I’m glad I ate something. I was hungry.” She rose and picked up her plate and glass.

  “Good night, my friend,” Sara said warmly. “You know I’m hoping and praying this all works out.”

  “I know you are. You’re the best.”

  They smiled at one another. Jaylynn set her dishes in the sink, left Sara sitting at the table, and headed back upstairs. She crept into her room and slipped out of her robe, hung it up on the door hook, and slid into bed next to her toasty partner. She shifted onto her side, her back to the warmth, and felt an arm go around her. She laced her fingers with Dez’s, and they shifted until every surface of their bodies that could touch was in contact.

  Relaxing, she closed her eyes and heard a sleepy whisper, “Guess I should have taken you up on your offer to drag the couch over in front of the door, huh?”

  Jaylynn snickered.

  “You were gone a long time.”

  Jaylynn patted her own stomach with their intertwined hands. “Had to get a snack.”

  “Mmmm, figures. Good night, love.”

  “Sleep well,” Jaylynn replied, warmth and happiness flooding through her. She had waited so long, but finally, she was home.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Dez awoke gradually in much the same position she’d been in when she’d fallen asleep, though she was no longer holding hands with the sleeping rookie. Jaylynn lay on her side facing away from her, her head tucked under Dez’s chin. Dez marveled at how every angle, every curve of their bodies fit together perfectly. She glanced over at the bedside clock and was surprised to see it was nearly ten a.m. For once, she’d actually gotten a whole night’s sleep. She only remembered waking once, attempting to escape a dream of fire and screaming. The woman in her arms soothed her, even in sleep, reaching back and stroking her thigh until Dez shook awake and understood she was safe.

  Her left shoulder felt stiff, but she didn’t want to move for fear of awakening her partner. Gently bringing her free right hand up to the hip lying pressed against her, she touched the silky skin from waist to thigh, her hand sliding back up to rest on the soft hip.
A sense of disbelief washed over her. I’m in love with this woman. I can hardly comprehend this, but last night she let me know she loves me, too. I can barely believe it. She swallowed and drew in a long, slow breath, which she let out gradually.

  She looked around the room, which seemed much larger in the daylight than in the dim lamplight of the night before. Two walls had two casement windows each, which were covered with peach colored blinds, and plenty of light slanted in through the slats. Next to the closet door sat a huge bookshelf overflowing with books. Three Monet posters hung on one of the walls, and a framed Georgia O’Keeffe print hung above the bed. A cinnamon brown circular rug covered the center of the floor, bordered by the bed on one wall, and the bedside table and couch next to it.

  At the other end of the room, next to the door, was a large modular computer desk where a monitor, tower, and printer rested. Above it, hanging from the wall, was a four-by-five foot corkboard. Half of it contained cards and notes and various lists. The other half was covered with newspaper clippings.

  Dez squinted, then rose up on her left elbow. The clippings were all articles about her. The one of her in Jaylynn’s arms at the 7-Eleven looked new, but some of the others were old and yellowed, including the first write-up she’d ever gotten in 1993 when she’d rescued two kids from a burning house. Though too far away to see clearly, she knew a fuzzy photo of herself headlined the article.

  As she stared across the room at the news articles, the figure in her arms shifted and brought her hand up to grab Dez’s. Jaylynn groaned and rolled onto her back. She opened her eyes to look up at her partner. Her hair was tousled, but the unlined face looked rested and at peace. In the luminous sunlight, the hazel eyes appeared brighter than usual, and upon seeing them, a faint hint of recognition, of déjà vu, flowed through Dez. She frowned.

  A tentative hand stroked her cheek, and a cheerful voice said, “Hey, what’s wrong?”