Not Mine to Love

by Skylar Moore

  Water vapor encased them and dampened their clothes. White water cascaded down before them. Mesmerized by it, she stopped. He stood close behind her as they studied the natural spectacle. In summer, this waterfall was usually crowded, and he was glad they were alone even though a few tourists had passed them on the way up.

  “Thank you for bringing me here. It’s . . . it’s so beautiful.” Her voice broke.

  He steadied her, and his thumbs absently caressed her shoulders. The need to hold her, truly hold her, suddenly overcame him. If only he could caress her arms, her hands, her face. Play with her hair. Kiss her bare neck and cherry lips. Take her hand and never let go of it ever again. It took all his strength not to act on his feelings, and he moved away from her before he lost control.

  After watching the waterfall for a few minutes, she turned toward him. “I’m famished and not feeling very well. My blood sugar sometimes drops when I haven’t eaten for a long time.” She was paler than usual.

  He took her backpack and sat her down. “I’m sorry. We should have eaten earlier.”

  Her arm trembled when she drank her Coke, spilling some of it. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulders to support her. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. He inhaled her scent. She smelled of spring and sunshine. They listened to the waterfall, and he was at peace with the world.

  After a long moment, she opened her eyes. To break the intimate moment, he rummaged in his backpack for the chocolate bar. “Sugar rush?”

  “Absolutely.” She smiled and gleefully bit into it. “The Coke is taking effect. I’m feeling much better already.”

  “There’s a smaller pool just five minutes from here. It’s just as breathtaking, and none of the tourists ever go there. If you can walk, we could eat there.”

  She nodded, and he helped her get up slowly. He took her hand in case she fainted and didn’t let go until they had reached the other waterfall. This one was quiet enough that they could hear the birds singing.

  The clear, blue pool stretched out before them and mirrored her beautiful eyes. He unpacked his carefully planned picnic, and they ate in comfortable silence. He wanted her to enjoy the food and the time with him, but he had also made sure it looked simple and casual. It was only six o’clock, but the sun was already setting behind the mountains, painting the sky red. They would soon have to head back, but he wanted to savor every second with her.

  “Is this what a date with you would be like?” she asked.

  The question shocked him. Did this remind her of a date? “Well, that would depend on the woman. If she was outdoorsy, which I hope she’d be, I’d take her to a magical place like this, but something closer to her home—I wouldn’t want her to be stuck in the car with me for that long.”

  “That is annoying.” She giggled.

  He playfully nudged her arm. “And I’d pick her up at home and surprise her with flowers.”

  “Which kind?”

  “Eleven magenta roses or her favorite if I knew.”

  “Doesn’t that look too eager?”

  “Would it be bad if it did? Don’t girls like getting flowers?”

  “Don’t ask me. I think the last time I got flowers from a man was at my high-school graduation—from my dad.”

  “Oh.” This saddened him. He would buy her flowers every single day if she wanted.

  “Would you have a picnic with your date?”

  “Yes, but with some extras. I’d bring dozens of candles, an extra blanket to snuggle up underneath, and sexy fruit like grapes or strawberries.” He had thought this through yesterday in order to avoid any date-like stuff.

  “Sexy fruit? You’re killing me.” Her laughter was infectious.

  “Sexy because I could feed them to her.”

  She raised her eyebrow. “Wow, you’re quite the dating expert.”

  “Oh, I wish. It’s just hypothetical. I haven’t dated in a long time.” Not since I met you.

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah.”

  They both laughed.

  “So, are apples an unsexy fruit then?” she asked as she grabbed one.

  “Yes, because it splashes in all directions when you bite into it.”

  She bit into it and laughed with her mouth full.

  He chuckled. Why did I even bother? Of course she can make anything look sexy.

  “You forgot the most important thing.” She opened her backpack and took out a bottle of white wine.

  “Are you crazy? Why did you carry that up here?”

  “I had a feeling you wouldn’t bring any.”

  “I’m driving.”

  She opened the screw cap and took a sip. “Are we seriously going to drive all the way back tonight? We’ll be too tired. Let’s just sleep in the car until you’re fit for driving again.”

  Sleeping next to her in the confined space of his car was a terrible idea, but when had he ever listened to reason when it came to her? “No complaining that the car is uncomfortable, or you will sleep outside,” he said and drank some Gewürztraminer. It tasted of lychees, passion fruit, and pepper, just like her lips would taste like now.

  Night set in, and the moon illuminated the star-speckled sky. She had some more wine and smirked. “Truth or dare?”

  “Huh?”

  “Truth or dare?” she repeated.

  So, this is how I’m going to die. “Truth.”

  “What’s your favorite part of a girl’s body?”

  “Can I only choose one?” He grinned mischievously.

  “Your favorite.”

  He studied her, and she blushed. He looked at her luscious mouth before their eyes met. “Her lips. Truth or dare?”

  “Truth.”

  “Where’s your favorite place to be kissed?” No matter what she said, he would want to kiss her there.

  “My neck and behind my ears.” She traced the places with her hand. “Truth or dare?”

  He was sweating. “Dare.”

  “Take off your shirt,” she said without hesitation, and his heart stopped.

  His hands trembled as he removed it. “Truth or dare?”

  “Dare.”

  “Whisper something naughty into my ear.” He saw this dare on TV once, but now that he had voiced it, he was scared of what she was going to do.

  She moved closer and placed one hand gently on his shoulder. She leaned in, and her breasts grazed his arm. “Your shirt looks better on the ground,” she purred.

  He flushed.

  She blatantly studied his chest. “Truth or dare?”

  He was afraid of both options and chose the lesser evil. “Dare.”

  “I dare you to go skinny dipping.”

  His heart raced. “Right now? The water’s freezing.”

  “So be quick.”

  “You’re an evil woman.” He took the picnic blanket with him to dry off afterward and walked to the pool’s edge. He faced the water as he stripped down so that she could only see his naked butt. He covered himself with his hands as much as he could and ran into the water. “It’s freaking cold,” he yelled toward Jane, who stood on the bank only a few meters away from him. “Truth or dare, Jane?”

  “Dare.”

  He stopped breathing. They both knew what this meant. “I dare you to join me.”

  She walked toward the water and took off her pullover, revealing her sports bra and toned stomach. As she began to take off her leggings, he turned around—he was a gentleman after all. Water splashed as she ran into it, and she shrieked.

  She swore like a tinker as she swam toward him. Unlike her, he was tall enough to stand in the water, so she held on to his shoulders.

  “You could have told me how fucking cold it is,” she said with chattering teeth.

  He laughed. “I did.”

  The water drained away their body heat and painted her lips blue. Her fair skin glowed in the moonlight, and her full, porcelain breasts caught his eyes, and it took all his strength to avert his gaze. He h
ad never seen a naked woman up close, and from now on, her perfect breasts would haunt his dreams.

  He looked into her eyes and their breath mingled. Water vapor hung over the pool and dampened their hair and faces. Her pupils were dilated, and she had never looked more beautiful. He summoned all his courage and tucked back a loose strand of her hair. She leaned into his touch, and his heart raced. The tumbling water reminded him of the ephemerality of life, but with her so close to him, he felt strong, even immortal. For a long moment, he pondered how she would react if he kissed her, even though he never would.

  A cold breeze swept past them, and she shuddered. She let go of his shoulders to wrap her arms around herself for warmth.

  “Go get dry. You can have the blanket. I’ll wait in the water.”

  He turned around and waited for her to get dressed.

  “You can come out now.” She looked away as he stepped out of the water and dried himself with the wet picnic blanket as well as he could.

  After he was dressed, he sat down next to her. She was beaming. “My feet are so cold. This is the craziest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

  “Me too. You’re one crazy lady.”

  “Is that a compliment?”

  “I haven’t made up my mind about that yet,” he said and smirked.

  On their hike back to the car, Matt lit the way with the flashlight app on his phone. He hadn’t brought his head torch because he was afraid of looking stupid and didn’t think it would get this late anyway. Now he looked stupid with his phone.

  He led them down a quicker and easier path, and they made it to the car before midnight. While Jane warmed herself up on the heated front seat, he read the car’s manual and learned that the rear seats could be adjusted by only pushing a few buttons. He folded them completely flat, opening up a vast space for them to sleep on.

  They used their jackets as cushions and shared the space blanket they had found in the emergency kit.

  How come I always end up in the oddest situations with her? “It looks like we’re signaling aliens.”

  She giggled. “It’s cozier than I thought, but it’s more like foil than a blanket.” Her skin had a rosy glow again.

  She stared out of the window and into the sky for several minutes before she turned toward him again. The foil crinkled loudly until she stopped moving. “Do you believe in happily ever after?” she said out of nowhere.

  His pulse quickened. “Why are you asking?”

  “It’s kind of ironic. On Hill Street, we’re playing one of the greatest love stories of all time, but I’m quite cynical when it comes to love.”

  “How so?”

  “I think in the end, a heart-stopping, soul-crushing love like William and Rose’s will only cause hurt. Have you ever been in love like that?”

  He swallowed audibly. “I don’t know.” His heart raced like it knew, but his head wouldn’t admit it. He stared at the moon. “I come from a broken family, but I like to believe that such love exists. And if there is just the slightest chance that it does, it is worth waiting for.”

  “Hm,” is all she said before silence fell over them.

  Exhausted from the hike, his limbs eventually became heavy, and he drowsed off.

  Chapter 7

  Until three years ago, Jane had always spent the winter holidays with her family. For her, Christmas was sleeping in front of the tree her mum had beautifully decorated while snow fell all night long. Christmas was a deep sense of belonging and feeling loved.

  This year it would be different again. Due to shooting delays, she hadn’t been able to catch her flight to Oxford and was still in her trailer in Glasgow on Christmas Eve. Alec hated Christmas and chose to work in one of his bars. He hadn’t understood that this was not about Christmas, but about missing her family. She liked being alone from time to time, but today she just felt lonely in her barren trailer, and she missed Belle terribly.

  The strenuous shooting days had drained her body and mind, which left her weak, tired, and thin-skinned. Even though it wasn’t that cold in her trailer, she shivered and hoped that some good food would warm her. Her jaw trembled when she saw that all that was left were rice crackers and an overripe avocado. She had managed to go without seeing her family for a year, but having to spend Christmas alone was the last straw.

  Christmas was a difficult time for her. Three years ago, Jane had found out about Harry’s cheating and had confronted him shortly before Christmas. He got violent and threw her out of their apartment. As she had worked as a secretary in Harry’s company at the time, she was left home- and jobless far away from family. Luckily, she had found a job at The Tap, which wasn’t great, but helped her get on her feet.

  Loud banging on the door jolted her out of her thoughts.

  Her face lit up when she saw Matt. She thought he had left hours ago.

  “Pack your things, we’re going to Edinburgh.” He snuck inside before she could protest, and he filled her trailer and her heart with warmth and happiness.

  “Thank you, but I don’t want to intrude on your family time.”

  “Come on, I know you love Christmas, and I need a drinking buddy, so hurry up—I’m already late.” He grabbed her vintage travel bag and started filling it with unnecessary stuff.

  “Wait. Are you sure your mum doesn’t mind?”

  “It’s a huge party, and all of our friends are there. I’m sure she’d love for you to come.”

  His gentle blue eyes and considerate words always made her feel at ease. She couldn’t help but smile at the prospect of spending Christmas Eve with him. “Okay. But please leave the packing to me.”

  He watched her in silence, and she packed nervously under his gaze. When she pulled out her Rudolph pajamas, he burst into laughter. “You once worked in a Victoria’s Secret, and this is what you bring on a trip with me? I’m crushed.”

  “They’re cute, and I always wear them on Christmas.”

  “There’s got to be better stuff around here.” He scanned the room until he caught her glimpsing at the right drawer. “Ha, you’re so easy to read.”

  Before he could open the drawer, she grabbed his wrists and pushed him away. “If you touch my underwear, you’re dead.”

  They wrestled playfully until she straddled him on the floor and pinned his arms over his head with both hands. Matt panted, and his eyes were darker than usual. His soft lips were only centimeters from hers, and his masculine scent made her feel lightheaded. It would have been so easy to kiss him. While she thought about it, she unintentionally licked her lips, and he mirrored it.

  Right then, her stomach grumbled, embarrassingly loud. The moment was gone. Realizing that she was sitting on him, which probably made him very uncomfortable, she got up instantly. “I guess I’m already hungry. Let me finish packing, and I’ll see you in ten minutes.”

  After shutting the door behind him, she fell into her chair, closed her eyes, and exhaled slowly to calm her nerves. Joy sparkled inside her. When she had met Matt, they had had a special connection beyond comprehension right away. She had instantly been drawn to the boy with the body of a warrior and the gentleness of a lamb. It had scared her how easily she could lose herself in him and how readily her body had responded to his proximity. They had been friends ever since they met, even though she had never been friends with a man before. Even so, she had vowed to stay in control and keep him at a distance.

  On days when she felt weak, she longed for him and daydreamed about his hands stroking her body. Today was such a day. Thus, she had to be extra careful not to allow his charm to affect her. She finished packing and put on her favorite red knit dress. In it, she wouldn’t be overdressed or too casual—the perfect statement to prove to everyone at the party that they were just friends.

  Matt’s Audi stopped in front of a charming cottage in a rural area just outside Edinburgh. The ground was slippery, and he held out his hand for her to take. Her stomach fluttered when they touched. Chunky snowflakes fell into his hair,
and the contrast between its wild locks and the soft snowflakes made him look so boyish and cute. She affectionately ruffled his thick curls to get them out.

  He smiled and walked her to the front door. As soon as they reached the porch, he let go of her hand. She looked to the floor to hide her disappointment.

  Matt’s mum Christina greeted them warmly and welcomed them into the living room, and Jane’s eyes locked on the beautiful, gigantic tree. The home conveyed a comfortable elegance, and the party was in full swing. The Beatties hardly had any family, so they had invited lots of friends.

  Matt got them both hot punch from the kitchen. Jane felt lost among all these strangers and tried to make herself small and not make eye contact with anyone. Sensing her uneasiness, he whispered into her ear, “You look gorgeous tonight.”

  Her cheeks flushed, and she couldn’t find her voice. Instead, she stared at the punch in her hands and listened to the loud, cheesy Christmas music playing in the background. This was just Matt—she shouldn’t be blushing like this.

  She started to relax when she realized that this wasn’t a formal dinner—there was just finger food and lots of alcohol. Not much later, she found herself laughing with Matt’s childhood friends and his brother Callum.

  Matt’s mum exited the kitchen, cheeks flushed, with her apron covered in flour. “Matt, could you and Jane help me in the kitchen?”

  “Yes, mum.”

  The kitchen conveyed a rustic charm with its sturdy stone floor and oak cabinets. Christina cut into a beautiful pecan tart. “I’m behind on desserts. Could you please make the tiramisu? All the ingredients are already on the counter over there.”

  “Sure.” Matt got right to it and dipped the lady fingers into the cold espresso and arranged them in a glass dish. “Jane, could you whip the cream?”

  “I’m impressed, Beattie. You must have done this before.”

  He grinned. “Yeah, it’s my favorite. I grew up with just my mum and brother. She had to earn our living, so I had to learn how to cook early on.”

  She gave him a sympathetic smile and started whisking. Even after she had whisked the cream for several minutes, it just wouldn’t stiffen. “My arm’s hurting,” she said and fluttered her eyelashes at him.