Not Mine to Love

by Skylar Moore

  “Patience. Good things take time.” There was a gleam in his eyes. He stood behind her and closed his big, calloused hand over hers. His other hand was on her hip, and his masculine scent invaded her nose.

  “Just beat the cream back and forth like this.” His stubble tickled her temple. She melted in his proximity, and her legs almost gave out. What is happening to me?

  “Like this?” Her breathing became irregular.

  He wrapped his arm around her belly and held her even closer. Heat radiated from his body, and her heart pounded in her throat.

  She stopped whisking.

  His presence was overwhelming, and she had to close her eyes to try to focus. She had to flee the scene, or she would collapse and have to confess to him and herself that she liked him as more than just a friend.

  She decided to take the coward’s way out. “Um . . . could you finish it for me?” She freed herself from his arms and hastily left the kitchen. Her skin tingled where he had touched her.

  People were already digging into their desserts when she returned from the bathroom.

  “The tiramisu is delicious,” she said to Matt. She searched his eyes, but he wasn’t looking at her properly and seemed tense.

  Callum interrupted them. “Jane, shall I show you around a little?”

  “That’d be nice.”

  The cottage was stunning and spacious. Their mum was an artist, which showed in the beautiful interior design. Callum stopped in front of one of the smaller bedrooms. “This is your room. I’ve already dropped off your bags.”

  Matt’s bag was next to hers on the small bed. Today was not the day to sleep close to him. “We’re not a couple.” Voicing it stung when it shouldn’t.

  “Oh.”

  There was awkward silence.

  “I’m sorry, we thought—um, all the other rooms are taken, but I’ll get a spare mattress for Matt.”

  “Thank you.”

  Back from the house tour, Jane sat down next to Matt, who drank whiskey on the cozy sofa. He must have had quite a bit because he seemed much more laid-back than before. Matt’s friend Gavin called a game of Taboo, and Jane got teamed up with Matt.

  It was Jane’s turn to give clues. “In your hair earlier.”

  “Snowflake.”

  “Yes. Belle hates them.”

  “Dogs. Dog.”

  “Yes. In episode five, there was a body in—”

  “—swimming pool.”

  “Yes.”

  Whatever card came up, and no matter how few clues Jane gave Matt, he seemed to know her mind. They were absolutely killing it and left everyone speechless.

  After the game, they drank a toast to their victory and laughed and talked until it was getting late. They helped Christina clean up the buffet and carried the chafing dishes into the kitchen.

  Matt and Jane were folding the huge tablecloth when everyone suddenly howled and whistled. It took her a moment to realize that she and Matt were standing under the mistletoe hanging from the chandelier. Dumbfounded, she dropped the cloth.

  Gavin shouted, “Come on, Matt, kiss her.”

  Her stomach turned, and she looked at her hands and found she was fidgeting with her dress. Do I want this? This would be their first real kiss without cameras, mints, and musty clothes. Maybe if they finally kissed for real, she could get over him and move on. Besides, after these stressful weeks, she deserved some affection. She closed her eyes, wet her lips, and waited for the kiss. What would he taste like? Would the kiss be chaste like when they were filming, or would he ravage her lips?

  “Sorry, folks, nothing to see here. We’ve kissed enough as William and Rose,” Matt said.

  Time stopped. She flushed red and opened her eyes. Her lungs froze, and her body felt stiff and robotic. Like it wasn’t even hers. Matt didn’t look at her but took the tablecloth and left for the kitchen. All his friends had seen her waiting for that kiss, so there was awkward silence in the room. She contemplated locking herself in the bathroom again, but she would have had to walk past a sofa full of people. So, she willed her hands to open the door to the veranda behind her and stepped into the chilly night.

  She found a spot behind a balk where no one could see her and plopped down onto the floor. Silent tears escaped her, and her whole body shivered because of the cold. Why was she even crying? She didn’t want to be with Matt, but why did he have to be so damn attractive? The hard weeks had finally gotten to her, and she had embarrassed herself in front of everyone. Her life was a mess. She was with Alec who didn’t really care for her, and she was crying at another guy’s house for no apparent reason.

  The veranda door screeched, and she quickly wiped away her tears and hoped it wasn’t Matt. He couldn’t see her like this. To her relief, it was Christina who brought Jane her jacket and a warm blanket.

  “Don’t want our guests to freeze.”

  “Thank you.” Jane quickly put on the jacket and wrapped herself in the blanket. “And thank you for the delicious dinner and your hospitality.”

  Christina sat down next to Jane. “You’re welcome. We’re very happy that you’re here. Matt has never brought anyone home before, so this is very special to us.”

  At this revelation, Jane almost burst into tears again.

  Christina saw her choke back tears and reassuringly rubbed her arm. “It’s okay.”

  It was the comfort Jane needed, but she wished it had come from a stranger rather than his mum. Christina distracted Jane by talking about art and the house’s architecture. After about twenty minutes, it was getting too cold and they decided to go in.

  “Um . . . is my makeup okay?” Jane asked.

  “You’re good, hon, nothing has smeared.”

  They both smiled.

  By the time Jane came in, to her relief, many people had already left or gone to sleep. She wished the remaining few a good night and headed upstairs to their room.

  The centerpiece of the room was a timeworn chair in a classic tartan fabric. Linens, wool plaids, and furs were layered on the tiny bed, and she loved how Scottish and cozy the room felt. Yellow light from the street lamp shone in through the small window. She wondered where Matt was, but used the opportunity to change into her Rudolph pajamas.

  After she had gone to the bathroom to brush her teeth, she set her alarm and lay down on the spare mattress on the floor. He was much taller than her, and it was his house, so he should have the bed. She covered herself with the blanket, and the fresh smell of the pillowcase comforted her. Had Matt talked to his mum? How would he react?

  Her heart pounded when she heard footsteps approaching.

  Knocking.

  “Come in.”

  “Hi.” Matt’s voice was hoarse.

  “Hi.”

  He walked over to the chair and took off his shoes and watch. “You know there’s no way I’m letting you sleep on the floor.”

  She hated and loved this chauvinistic side of him. She didn’t move and watched him take off his sweater, unbuckle his belt, and step out of his jeans. It was a shame he left his undershirt on, but he was ever the gentleman.

  He walked over to her with determination in his steps. “Please, take the bed.”

  When she still didn’t move, he lay down next to her so that they were facing each other. She had forgotten how large he was—they had to lay very close in order not to fall off. Her traitorous heart wildly beat in her chest, and she hoped he wouldn’t hear it. When she mustered up the courage to meet his gaze, she found herself at the mercy of questioning eyes that begged to know whether she was okay. She wasn’t, and he knew.

  He brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, and she melted at his touch.

  “You look cute in your pajamas,” he said, and she smiled coyly.

  “Jane.” He waited until she looked into his burning eyes. “I’m very sorry for just leaving. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to kiss.”

  “It’s okay. It’s not that. I’m just so exhausted, and I miss Belle and my family.” He
r eyes filled with tears.

  He kissed her head and pulled her into a warm embrace, holding her close, and it felt so good. She closed her eyes and exhaled. Her heart beat to the melody of his breathing. He gave her strength, and she wanted the hug to last all night. When he pulled away, her body stiffened and ached for his touch. She couldn’t voice it, but her eyes pleaded for him to stay.

  He understood and lovingly ran his hand through her hair and played with it. It felt incredible, and she couldn’t help but smile a little. “Mhhhhh.”

  He massaged her scalp, his nails grazing it, and she closed her eyes and relished his touch and masculine smell. She needed this. She needed him. For just one night, she would let herself indulge her craving for real intimacy and would allow him to touch her heart and soul. They both knew this had an expiration date. She would be gone come morning, and they wouldn’t talk about it ever again. But right now, she just wanted to live in the moment and enjoy this.

  She touched his chest with both hands and felt his heart beating fast. His hands covered and caressed hers, and her cheeks glowed. She felt peaceful and adored, and a purr escaped her lips. She was very sensitive to touch because it had been so long since someone caressed her. With Alec, intimacy always meant sterile and mechanical sex.

  Matt gently kissed her eyelids and nose. Her whole body tingled at his closeness. She wanted to run her fingers through his hair and graze her nails lightly down his stomach, but also didn’t want to spook him. Instead, she just lay there and enjoyed his caresses.

  Matt’s fingers traveled up her arm, which was already covered in goose bumps, and trailed down her back. He gently stroked it, and they cuddled until she fell asleep in his arms. Her last thoughts were of warmth, safety, and love.

  When she awoke to the alarm of her phone at six o’clock, her head and arm rested on his chest, and his arms were wrapped around her hips. His chest moved up and down to a steady rhythm. She sighed because she didn’t want to leave his warm embrace.

  Later this morning, his family and friends would peacefully sit around the tree and unwrap presents. She imagined snuggling with Matt on the sofa and then taking a long walk with him out in the woods. It would be the perfect Christmas Day. She wished she had the strength to lose herself in him, but her scars were too deep. The screen of her phone blinded her as she ordered an Uber. She hugged Matt one last time, quietly got dressed, and left.

  Chapter 8

  Exhausted from the gym, Matt lay on his bed in his trailer and mindlessly zapped through the sports channels. The winter holidays were already over, and he was back in his routine. His Stranger Things ringtone played, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw the caller ID on his phone. Jane.

  They hadn’t talked much since she had left him on Christmas morning. Even though he had suspected she would leave, waking up without her had still stung. He had so badly wanted her to unwrap the present he got her, which now laid unopened on his kitchen counter.

  “Um . . . hi.” Putting his phone to his ear, he raked a hand through his hair.

  “Hi,” Jane said sweetly.

  “It’s almost midnight. Everything all right?”

  “Just bored.” She yawned. “What are you doing?”

  “Nothing much. Watching the Glasgow Warriors. You?”

  “Getting drunk on Cabernet Sauvignon.”

  His eyebrow raised. “It’s Tuesday.”

  “I decided that life was too short to be sober.”

  “Interesting.”

  “Well, first I wanted to read, but all my books are boring. Maybe you could tell me a bedtime story.” She definitely didn’t sound sober.

  He chuckled. “A story? About what?”

  “William and Rose.”

  “Hmm, let’s see. I’ve always wanted them to be able to just relax. The producers always make them jump through hoops.”

  “They could relax on the beach.”

  “Yeah, they’re on a secluded beach in the Caribbean. Just the two of them. They’re sitting close to the lapping waves and watching the sun set. The golden sand keeps them comfortably warm.”

  “Mmm, I like this story. Go on.”

  “She wears a floor-length summer dress and the shell necklace he bought her at the market. She is slightly tanner than usual. He looks her in the eyes and tells her that she is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.”

  “I think Rose blushes. Can we have them drink wine on the beach? She’d like that.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, they’re drinking Merlot straight from the bottle, and her lips are stained from the wine.”

  “What’s William wearing?”

  “Shorts and an X-Men T-shirt.”

  “X-Men?” she giggled.

  “It’s a modern tale.”

  “Interesting.”

  There was silence until she giggled again.

  “Jane, are you okay?”

  “I think Rose’s already a little woozy, and she has to close her eyes because everything is spinning.” Her voice was breathy, and he loved it. He loved fun Jane.

  “They listen to the quiet whisper of the waves, and William studies his gorgeous partner.”

  “How poetic.” She laughed.

  “I read that somewhere once.”

  “Oh, so you can read,” she said playfully.

  “William thinks about kissing Rose.” Matt’s heart hammered in his chest. He had said it just to shut her up, but now that he had voiced it, he couldn’t believe he had just gone there.

  More silence.

  “I think he should,” she finally said.

  Matt smiled the brightest of smiles. It was just fiction, but a least she allowed him this. “William hugs her, pulls her tight against him, and explores her lips with his, tasting the wine on her lips. She tastes of blueberry, plum, and pepper.”

  “Mmmm.”

  Her humming encouraged him. “He nibbles her neck. It’s salty like the sea breeze.”

  “She takes his hands and places them on her aching breasts.”

  He couldn’t believe that they were doing this. She was obviously tipsy, and he shouldn’t take advantage of her. He should have hung up, but instead he kept going. “He massages her breasts over her dress, and he is getting hard for her.”

  “She takes off her dress for better access.”

  “Um, yes. Access is good,” Matt stammered. He almost exploded when he heard fabric rustling on the other side.

  “She turns around so he can unclasp her bra.” More rustling. “She is topless now.”

  He growled. “He thinks her breasts are absolute perfection. When he saw them for the first time, he felt like the luckiest man on earth.”

  “My breasts are heavy, and my nipples are so hard,” she moaned.

  He had never been with a woman but had imagined it way too many times. “He lifts her breasts and strokes her nipples with his thumbs.”

  “I need you to touch me firmer.”

  “I do. Much firmer. I pinch your nipples and lick your breasts.”

  She cried out. “I have to lay down. I’m too aroused to sit up anymore.”

  “I’m kissing you in trails down your stomach.” When had they abandoned William and Rose? Well, it had never been about them anyway. “My hand is sliding between your legs. Tell me what you’re wearing.”

  She moaned. “A white, lacy thong. It’s see-through.”

  He moaned. “Take it off.”

  “I’m completely naked now,” she said with a sultry voice.

  “What do you look like? Are you shaved?”

  “Yes.”

  He groaned and began stroking himself.

  “I’m so wet and swollen. Please touch me.”

  “Are you wet for me?”

  “Yes, it’s all for you. I imagine your strong hands on me.”

  “My fingers are caressing you.”

  “Ohhhh. Yes. More. I’m moving my hips up and down.”

  “Tell me what you like.”

  “I want your ind
ex finger to play with my clit.” The purr in her voice became more insistent.

  He hoped he was saying the right things. “I slowly circle around your clit before I lightly press down on it. Then, I rub you in circles.”

  She moaned and breathed faster and harder than before.

  “Jane, I’m so turned on by the sounds you’re making. I’m so fucking hard right now. I continue to rub you harder and harder, and take your left nipple into my mouth, rolling it between my tongue and lips.”

  “I’m . . . ah . . . My whole body is throbbing.”

  “Keep rubbing yourself. I wish I could see your face when you come. You’re so fucking beautiful.”

  She panted. “Matt, I’m so close.”

  “I rub your clit with my thumb. I rub you so hard until you find release.”

  “Matt,” she cried out, “I’m coming. Oh . . . Matt . . .”

  Hearing her cry out his name during her orgasm was so erotic, he almost came. She went silent, and her breathing slowly steadied.

  Then she hung up.

  The morning after their mind-blowing phone sex, Matt left his trailer with freshly made pancakes and black coffee. It had taken him forever to make the pancakes because he needed them to be perfect. He wanted to talk to Jane before they filmed in the afternoon. Just as he made his way over to her, Alec exited her trailer. Shit. Matt immediately turned around the corner so Alec wouldn’t see him. How was it even possible that Alec was here? Had that bloody bastard been with her last night? Had the phone sex meant nothing to her? Matt was devastated and furious. As soon as Alec was out of sight, Matt stamped back to his trailer and threw the pancakes into the bin along with the plate.

  A chill crept into the air in the late afternoon. Matt wore thermal underwear beneath William’s clothes and still shivered. They were shooting in five minutes, but Marice had been saying that for the last hour. Matt was aggravated and tried to convince himself that his anger had everything to do with the pointless waiting, the damn cold, and the scratchy jacket, and nothing to do with having seen Alec this morning.