When I Needed You

by Tina Martin

  “I’m just—this is so embarrassing.”

  “Embarrassing? You have no need to be embarrassed about anything, especially with me. I’m thirty-nine years old and I rely on a twenty-eight-year-old woman for food and I live in her backyard. That’s embarrassing.”

  He laughs – makes me laugh, too. I say, “That’s not funny, Cain.”

  “I know.” He uses his thumb to brush tears away from my face. “I just needed to see you smile.”

  I blink away from his gaze. He’s still standing there looking at me.

  “You good?”

  “Yeah. I can breathe now. Um…let me finish making the food.”

  “How about you let me finish making the food? I think that’s a better idea.”

  “You think you can handle it?” I ask.

  “Yeah. It got it.”

  I attempt to get off the counter. He takes a step back and gives me room to do so. I sit down at the table and finish the water that was initially meant for him. He’s busy chopping lettuce and tomatoes. He even warms the chicken breast strips before he adds them to the salad. I tell him where to find Craisins and croutons. He grabs the bottle of ranch salad dressing from the fridge and brings everything to the table.

  I start eating immediately. The store was so busy today, I skipped lunch to help Sonji and Jamie keep up.

  “Now, talk,” he says.

  I look up at him. “Why are you so concerned about me, Cain?”

  “Because you’re concerned about me. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t be here, would I?”

  “No.”

  “Exactly. So—” His eyebrows raise, waiting for me to respond.

  I say, “First, I want to say that I appreciate everything you do for me. I’m sorry for what I said. I don’t want you to feel like I’m not treating you like a man. I’m sorry if you felt that way.”

  “Thank you for saying that. And that’s not how I feel toward you. It’s how I feel about myself. I know I can be a better man. Yet, I’m stuck. I’m frustrated with myself and I took it out on you.”

  “I did the same to you. The garden, it’s beautiful, but it was something me and my mom did together. She died a year ago today.”

  “Oh,” he says, connecting the dots. “Wow. I’m so sorry, Ahmalee.”

  “It’s not your fault. I’m struggling with my parents’ death and what you did for me was a very kind gesture. The garden is lovely. Mom would be proud of it.”

  He nods. “Had I known the history of it, I would’ve left it alone.”

  I stir lettuce around on my plate.

  He asks, “How are you feeling right now?”

  “If I could describe what I feel in words for you to understand, I would say it feels like I’m forcing myself to breathe while my heart cries. Nobody should ever feel that way.”

  I drink some water, then say, “I didn’t mean to come at you the way I did earlier, Cain. I respect you. I don’t think you’re a thief. I think you’re a good man – a hardheaded one, but a good one. You do know there is such a thing as heat exhaustion, don’t you?”

  “I know.”

  “That was my concern. Your health and well-being take priority over anything that needs to be done around here and I mean that.”

  “Thank you for saying that. As for the garden, I can take it down if you want me to.”

  “No. I don’t want you to take it down. It was very thoughtful of you to do that for me and I’m grateful for it. I know it’s like two hours too late, but thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, Ahmalee.”

  I chuckle slightly.

  “What?” he asks.

  “We survived our first fight. Yay, us!” I say with bridled enthusiasm.

  He laughs.

  “I still can’t believe you called me a slave owner, though. That’s dirty.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. It was hot out there and you went to the left on a brotha. I didn’t know what was going on.”

  “Well, now you know.”

  “And it’s all good,” he says, his eyes dancing to my lips, my chest, then back up to my eyes again.

  I walk over to him, throw my arms around his neck and squeeze. “Yes. It’s all good, but I also want you to know something, Cain Wesley.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I truly do enjoy your company. I’m not lying to you when I say that.” I stroke his beard. “Okay?”

  He nods. “I want you to know something too, Ahmalee. I’m a passionate man. Sometimes, I take arguments too far, but I will never hurt you.”

  “I know.” I smile, snatching my eyes away from his lips. I want to kiss him, but I don’t. We’re friends. I think we need to keep it that way, especially after everything that’s gone down this evening.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Ahmalee

  After dinner, Cain goes to the camper. I light some candles and sit on the sofa with a family photo album. Yes, I’m in a reminiscing mood since my parents are heavy on my mind tonight. I go all the way back to baby pictures. All the happy times we shared, the vacations – who would’ve ever thought their lives would’ve ended the way that it did?

  It has me thinking about my life. Is this really all there is for me? Me and my candle store? Living in Knightdale, North Carolina for an eternity? Never having an opportunity to travel or do anything because I’m stuck here fulfilling my obligations of making candles, keeping the store afloat to maintain a good wage for myself and the two people who depend on me for their families?

  I don’t have a bad life, but I don’t think I have a great one either. It’s what I want. I don’t want to live in mediocrity. If my parents knew the exact date they would die, what would they have wanted to do or accomplish before then? Or, were they perfectly happy with everything they’d done? How they’d lived? After all, they had each other. They had true love. Most people never get to experience that.

  Like me, for instance.

  I’ve never been in love. I think love would make my life a little sweeter if I found the right man, and that’s a big, big if. These days, love feels more like a fairytale – an unreal, magical story. No matter how long you’ve wished for it, it doesn’t happen but the idea of it still gives me hope. That’s why when rude, nosey old women ask me why I’m single, it’s easier for me to pretend I’m happier as a single woman than to be the woman who goes off on a tangent about how good men are hard to find, blah, blah, blah. I bet good men are saying the same thing about the good women they aren’t able to connect with. There should be an easy way for the two sides to effortlessly find each other.

  “Hey, you.”

  The sound of Cain’s voice nearly sends me into cardiac arrest. The photo album I’m holding goes flying.

  “Cain,” I say, throwing a hand to my chest. “You scared me. Jeez!”

  He walks over to where the photo album landed and picks it up for me. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I knocked on the back door.”

  “I didn’t hear it. I was, um—”

  He hands me the photo album.

  “Thank you. Is everything okay? Do you need something? How long were you standing there?”

  He returns to the doorframe where he rests his physically fit body against the wood and crosses his arms. “Not long. I saw your lights still on, so I thought I’d come to check up on you since you enjoy my company so much.”

  “I’m fine. I was just looking at some old photos. Come sit with me.”

  He takes a few steps around me and sits next to me on the sofa. “May I?” he asks, reaching for one of the photo albums on the table.

  “Sure. You can take a look.”

  He opens the album book – seems more interested than I thought he’d be. He points to my mother and says, “Is that her?”

  “Yes.”

  “And this is your father?”

  “Mmm, hmm.”

  “That chunky baby he’s holding must be you.”

  I nudge him. “Hush.”

  “Ain’t nothing wr
ong with a lil’ chub.”

  Amused, I look at him, tracing the edges of his beard with my eyes until I land on his lips. He looks at me. His mouth forms a beautiful smile that makes my heart skip a beat.

  “You were still pretty, though,” he says. “Just like you are now.”

  I feel myself blushing. Why am I blushing? Maybe it’s because Cain is one of those manly men. He’s strong. Likes to work with his hands. Makes me think about the kind of man he was before he found himself on the streets. Like, was he well-respected by his colleagues? Did he have a good work ethic and the same drive he has when he’s doing work for me? What would his ex-wife have to say about him? It’s probably only bad things now, after the fact, but when they were together, was he good to her?

  “It’s good to have memories,” he says, placing the photo album on the table. “With these albums, you’ll always have them with you.”

  “True.”

  “Hey, meant to tell you—one of those interviews I went on was promising.”

  “Seriously?” I ask.

  He looks at me and smiles.

  Gosh, that smile. Just how does one go homeless and still manage to have the perfect set of white teeth? His teeth are as white as mine.

  “What are you smiling about?” I ask.

  “When I said I had a job prospect, your eyes brightened like you wanted to say, thank God, now get outta my house negro.”

  I fall back on the sofa and laugh. “That thought did not cross my mind.”

  “Yes, it did. You ain’t gotta lie. That’s why you’re laughing so hard.”

  “I’m laughing because you’re funny.”

  “It’s intentional. I wanted to make sure you were good before I went to sleep.”

  “Aw…that was sweet of you. I’m actually about to go to bed myself.” I stand and stretch my arms high in the air.

  He stands up, too, and says, “If you need me for anything, don’t hesitate to come get me, okay?”

  “I appreciate that. Thank you, Cain.” I reach to hug him. I wasn’t expecting the reaction that flows through my body when I feel his arms close around me while his chin rests on top of my head. In his arms, I feel safe and cared for. I feel warm all over.

  Dang. I could get used to this.

  He releases me to my dismay. Could he not feel I wasn’t ready to be released just yet?

  “Hey, um, when we were at the shop—I’m sorry Sonji and Jamie were so rude to you.”

  “It’s all good. I’m used to it.”

  “No, it’s not all good. I let them have it after you left.”

  “You didn’t have to do what, Ahmalee. I’ve disrupted your life enough as it is. I don’t want to cause you any problems with your friends.”

  “It’s not a problem. Not at all. And another thing…earlier when you were upset, you felt the need to tell me you’re a man. You don’t have to tell me that, Cain. I know you’re a man and I don’t want you to feel like I question your masculinity because of your current circumstances. In my eyes, you’ve always been a handsome, strong man.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Yes. That’s right.”

  “Well, thank you for saying that,” he says, touching my face.

  “You’re welcome,” I respond, resting my hand on top of his, holding it against my face and basking in the warmth of his touch.

  He glances at my lips. For a moment, I think he’s going to kiss me, but he moves his hand away and says, “Don’t forget to blow out those candles.”

  “I won’t, but even if I do, I have a personal superhero who’ll come busting in through the window to rescue me.”

  “Funny,” he says. “Ay, by the way, your shirt is see-through. Your nips have been playing peek-a-boo with me since before dinner.”

  I laugh, crossing my hands over my chest. “I put this shirt on because I didn’t think you were coming back. I had no idea you would catch this relaxed version of me. I hope you’ve enjoyed the show because you’ll never see these babies again.”

  He chuckles. “Is that right?”

  “Yeah. That’s right,” I say, taking steps closer to him. I throw my arms around him again, then rise to my tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “Goodnight, Cain.”

  “Goodnight, Ahmalee.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Ahmalee

  I skip into work today in a good mood after pulling off my version of taco Tuesday. Since Cain did such a good job chopping lettuce and tomatoes Monday night for our salads, I had him assist me with it again. He cut up some onions, too. I prepared the ground beef and sprinkled in some Old El Paso seasoning mix and we pigged out on hard-shell tacos until we were food-drunk. We spent the rest of the night playing Uno since he claimed he never played the game before. We finally parted ways at midnight.

  I enjoy my time with Cain – probably a little too much. It’s the reason for my smile today – for this elevated mood I’m in. I wonder how I would’ve fared this week without him here. It’s been a challenging week with it being the anniversary of my parents’ death and all. Cain has definitely made these trying circumstances bearable.

  “Well, well, well—look what the wind blew in,” Jamie says.

  “Good morning, Jamie,” I say.

  “Good morning.” She rolls her wrist, purposely looking at her watch.

  “I know. I know,” I tell her.

  It’s almost noon, but since I stayed up so late trying to teach Cain that he could match number to number and color to color in Uno, I overslept. I could’ve gone to bed at a decent hour, but the teacher (me) got whipped by the student (Cain) in cards. I stayed up until I won at least one game.

  Anyway, I’m glad I didn’t break my neck to get to the shop today. It feels good to oversleep and take my time for a change. I should’ve been doing this all along.

  I walk to the back to put my bags down. Jamie follows me. I look up and ask, “Has the store been busy this morning?”

  “Not really. We had a few stragglers. Oh, and before I forget, some lady came by about a special order for the Soothe My Soul candles. Said she needed them for a wedding or something.”

  “How many did she want?”

  “Twenty-four—said they were going to be on guest tables at the reception.”

  “Okay. I’ll give her a call.”

  “Other than that, we’ve been smooth sailing—you picked the perfect day to be late.”

  There she goes, fishing for information…

  I retreat to my cave and check online orders. Ten orders are waiting to be processed. I take care of that portion of the work since I’m already in the back.

  I start boxing them up, printing out packing slips and mailing labels when Jamie asks, “How’s Cain?”

  She puts more emphasis on his name than necessary.

  “Cain’s fine.” She doesn’t know how literal I mean that. The man really is fine in his very own rugged kind of way.

  “Is he the reason you came tipping in here all late?”

  “I wasn’t tipping first of all, and if you must know, yes. We were up late playing cards.”

  “Hmm…sure that’s all you were doing.”

  “Positive.”

  “You like him, don’t you?”

  “Duh. I thought that was obvious.” I grin.

  “Now, I see why your britches were in a bunch when I didn’t shake his hand.”

  “No, you were just being rude. You shouldn’t do that to anyone, Jamie.”

  “Yeah, I know. You were right. What I want to know is, how do you like the man so much when you don’t know that much about him?”

  “You sound like a hater, Jamie.”

  “I’m just saying.”

  “If I recall correctly, you met your current biker boyfriend at a pub and went home with him that same night?”

  “Yeah, but that’s me. You ain’t wild and free like me, Ahmalee. Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve been a reserved Miss Goody Two Shoes.”

  It’s funny he should say tha
t. It’s not the first time somebody said that about me.

  She continues, “I don’t recall ever seeing you all red-faced over a man.”

  “I’m not red-faced,” I say and realize I can’t stop smiling. I am red-faced after all. “Look—Cain’s a friend. We have fun together. He’s not going to be with me too much longer, so I’m taking advantage of the company. It’s nice to have someone around the house with me.”

  Cain will be back on his feet soon. I’m sure of it. He’s a hard worker. I’ve seen him in action. I know he’ll get a job and bounce back. It’s only a matter of time. I hope he doesn’t rush because I like having him around. I don’t want to hear the silence I’ll experience when he’s gone.

  “Well, you tell your new bestie you’re going out with me and Sonji Thursday night. He can’t have all of your time.”

  “Fine, Jamie. I’ll tell him. Where are we going, anyway?” I ask, packing another order – five, four-ounce jars of Milk & Honey Goat Milk Lotion.

  “Sonji wants to go to Taza Grill.”

  “Never been.”

  “You know what I’m talking about though, right? That Greek place on Falls of Neuse Road. They had good reviews on Yelp. Sonji might be on to something.”

  “Cool. Then it’s a date.”

  The doorbell chimes. Jamie goes to the front to greet the customer while I continue packing boxes. Then I finally get around to returning the phone call for my possible new customer.

  She answers, “Hello.”

  “Hi. This is Ahmalee Hayes from Ivy and Eden Candle Company.”

  “Oh. Hi! Thank you so much for calling me back. You have such a cute little shop. And it smells so good in there.”

  “Thank you. I appreciate that. My associate told me you were interested in the Soothe My Soul candles.”

  “Yes. They smelled so good. What fragrance oils did you blend for those? I think I smelled lavender.”

  “Yes. Lavender and vanilla.”

  “That combination is so good together. Is there any way you can do twenty-four, four-ounce jars before August 4th?”

  “Sure. That won’t be a problem. The four-ounce candles are $12.00 so for wholesale orders, they’ll be $10.20 each, plus tax, so you’ll be looking at around $250 for the case.”