Hate Sober

by T. L Smith

  My father nods his reluctant approval. “You never did. Even when we tried to slowly ease you into it when you turned twenty, all you would talk about is this café.” He waves his hands around my beautiful shop and smiles. “So, we stopped and let you dream.”

  “I dreamed of a white knight, not a black one,” I say, cringing at the darkness I see in Gunner’s eyes when he’s mad. “Did you know his parents?” I question.

  My mother looks away, but before she does her eyes go large as my father stands.

  “It’s best you speak to him about that. It’s not our place to speak ill of the dead.”

  “If I didn’t go back to him, what could he do?” Standing from the chair, I gently push it back in to the table.

  “As long as you are legally married, I’m not sure.”

  “So, divorce is off the table,” I joke.

  “Yes,” my father says in a strong voice. He places a hand around my mother and nods to me as he straightens his suit and tie. “This place is beautiful, Everly, and successful. I’m proud of you.”

  “He wants me to give it up.”

  My father’s head drops to the side. “And I take it you said no,” he says, smiling.

  “Yes. There’s no way, I love this place. No man will make me sell it under any circumstances.”

  My mother places her hand on my shoulder as she leans in to kiss my cheek. “You’re a beautiful woman. Try giving him a chance. He’s your husband.” She looks up at my father and smiles, and I can tell that the love they have for each other is still strong. “I gave your father a chance, and it was the best thing I could have done. That chance got me you as well as him.”

  “Have you heard from him?” I ask as we walk outside. “Alec?”

  “Yes. He’s back at home now.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I didn’t know…” I trail off, referring to how he feels about me.

  “He knows now. It’s just going to take him some time to get used to the fact that you won’t reciprocate his love. Give him some time, he will come around.”

  My mother gets in the car and my father shuts the door for her. When he turns around it’s just us standing by his car door. “You love him, though, don’t you?” he asks, not talking about Alec anymore, instead the conversation has switched to Gunner.

  “Love isn’t enough, Papa. He did things…” I shiver. “He confuses me by wanting me to be someone I am not. That’s not fair to either of us, and I simply don’t want what he is providing in our marriage.”

  “As long as you stay married. It’s all the contract states.” It’s all he says on the matter but he does wink, and that tells me everything I need to know.

  “I hate that contract.”

  He laughs. “So do I, angel. So do I.” He kisses my cheek and gets into the car, pulling out from the curb and driving away.

  Pulling my cell out of my pocket I call him.

  I have to.

  I have no choice but to speak with him.

  “Squirt,” he breathes into the phone.

  “Alec…” I sigh while sitting down on the curb—I’m sitting in the gutter of the street and, honestly, I don’t care.

  “I’m sorry, Squirt. I’m so sorry.”

  “I’ve just spoken to my father…” I pause, thinking about what I want to say next. “Can I stay with you for a while?”

  “Really?” he asks in a hopeful voice that I know is fraught with future hurt. “What about him?” he spits out as if it’s venom leaving his mouth.

  “He will always be my husband, Alec. And I know you don’t want to hear this, but I will always love him…” I pause and continue, “But we aren’t right for each other, and I can never divorce him.”

  “I know, Squirt.” I swipe my tears away before saying goodbye.

  “I’ll see you soon then?” he asks.

  “Yep,” I answer. The word is simple, but has meaning nonetheless, so I hang up.

  My cell starts dinging, but I ignore it, and instead walk back inside the place that gives me comfort and love, my café.

  “You.” The word is spit from behind me as I close up the café for the day. May’s standing there, dressed to perfection and her hand on her hip, when I spin around to see her. Her blonde hair is slicked back, her tight pleather pants mold to her perfect body, and her red lips form a thin line.

  “Hey…” I offer a small wave, but she doesn’t give me one back. Instead, she clenches her jaw and huffs.

  “Don’t you ‘hey’ me. What the fuck, Ev?”

  I wave goodbye to some of my staff as they walk out the door, waiting until they’re completely gone before I turn back to her.

  “You took off. Gunner was looking for you. And he didn’t seem happy about it either. Then he mentioned Alec. Did you run off with him?”

  “Alec isn’t my uncle, May.”

  Her eyebrows scrunch together. “What? Of course he is.”

  “He was meant to be the one to marry me, May.”

  She places a hand up in the air and shrugs. “No. No way. That’s not right,” she says slowly, trying to comprehend what I’m telling her, then looks up at me. “Is that why he never looked at me? He loved you?”

  “He said he does, yes. But I think he’s confused.”

  “Or, maybe you are.”

  “No.” I step up to her and take her hand in mine. “I’m not, May. I don’t love him that way. I wanted to try, but every time I look at him, I see my family. He’s family. I don’t see what he wants me to see in him.”

  “He loves you.”

  I shrug. There isn’t anything I can do about that.

  “Where’s your husband?”

  “I’m going to stay with Alec,” I say.

  “That’s a stupid move.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “You can stay with me.” She makes it a statement, as if it’s a final answer, and one not to be questioned.

  “Are you sure? I may have flipped your roommate off last time I saw her.”

  A smile starts to form then it’s quickly gone. “Yes, it will be better this way. Don’t confuse Alec any more than he already is.”

  “Gunner bought my place. Did I tell you that?” I tell her as we walk to her car.

  “No fucking way.”

  “Way,” I say back to her. “And I’ve found a loophole… I don’t have to be with him, I just can’t divorce him,” I say, then smile as we slide into her car.

  “And you think he will just let you walk away?”

  “Probably not, no. But he already owns so much of me. I can’t give him any more,” I say the words with a heavy heart. They hurt, and he hurts me.

  What would have happened if we were just two normal people who fell in love?

  I didn’t have that luxury.

  Unfortunately, I fell in love with a man who can’t love me the way I want him to.

  5

  Everly

  She comes to a stop out front of Gunner’s home. My breathing’s hard and my hands are shaking uncontrollably.

  How do I tell him, without him tying me down, that I am leaving?

  “You can do this, Ev.” May nods her head and gets out.

  “You should stay in the car. Just wait for me.”

  She leans against her car as I make my way up the stairs one at a time. Upon opening the front door, I hear soft music playing as I enter. Looking up the stairs to where the kitchen is located, I don’t even bother going that way, instead walking past the stairs and to our bedroom. Grabbing a bag, I fill it with whatever I can quickly grab and then run to the bathroom doing the same. I pull out a few pairs of shoes and throw them in my bag. Then I pick up another pair I can’t live without, turn to stand, ready to leave, and that’s when I stop and notice him standing in the doorway with a spatula in his hand, wearing no shirt, staring at me. His ponytail is not as tightly bound at the back of his head as it usually is because a few loose curls hang at the sides. If I were seeing him for the first time, he would take my breath away. Actually, h
e almost does. Apart from the fact that I’m inwardly freaking out right now.

  “Going somewhere?” he asks while nodding to the bag and the one pair of shoes that are dangling from my fingers.

  “Yes.” No need to lie. He’s caught me, and this talk had to come sooner or later.

  His fist clenches around the spatula while I wait for him to react.

  “Where, Everly?”

  “I’m leaving,” I say, pulling the strap of the bag up onto my shoulder.

  “You aren’t allowed to.”

  I close my eyes and shake my head. “I have to be your wife, Gunner, I realize this. But according to the contract, I don’t have to live with you.”

  He smirks and his eyes darken.

  My heartbeat picks up and my hands start to shake.

  “I knew you were clever...” He tisks at me. “But not stupid.”

  “Move, Gunner.”

  He doesn’t, his body blocks the doorway preventing me from leaving. “You think after everything, I will just let you leave me?” The wound on his chest is red, but his chest is taut.

  I tear my gaze away from where it was lingering and look up to his eyes. “Yes. If you love me, you will let me walk away without stopping me. This…” I motion between us, “… is not working. You broke that when you thought you could break me in.” I shudder at the words as they are released from my mouth.

  “You liked it.”

  “Stop manipulating me! You’re making me think I did when I hated it. I hated being tied down. I hated it when you did that to me. I hated everything about it.”

  “I won’t tie you down anymore.”

  “No, it’s not just that, Gunner. I saw a different side of you, and it’s not one I like.”

  “Don’t lie to me, Everly, you liked it.”

  I shake my head at his words—the shake being almost infinitesimal but still there, and I know he saw it. “You did it wrong. You went about it all wrong,” I yell at him. “You don’t just chain your wife in the garage, fuck her, and expect her to be okay with that. You ask her first. We are equals in this…” I use air quotes, “…‘marriage,’ Gunner.” I take a deep breath. “You don’t treat me as your equal.” I try to push him back but, of course, he doesn’t move, so it’s just my body touching his. “Move, Gunner, or I swear to God this will be the last time you see me.”

  He reaches up and I feel his hand touch my hair. He brushes softly over the surface and leans down until he’s near my ear. “I love you, Everly Reid. You are not someone I will let walk away without a fight.”

  My back straightens. “I’m no longer yours.”

  He looks down at my ring and smiles. “Oh, but you are. I’ll let you walk out of here, Everly… on one condition.” I wait to see what he has to say with my hands on my hips. I want to show some defiance. “That you don’t go to Alec. That you don’t stay with him.”

  “I want my place back.”

  He steps in, the doorway is now clear, but I don’t run, even though I want to. When he walks to his closet, he pulls out a set of keys and passes them to me.

  “You will stay there. Don’t go to him. All bets are off if you do.”

  I take the keys from his fingers. “You do realize this is it, right? That I won’t be back.”

  He smirks. “You will be, and I’ll try to be patient while waiting for you.”

  “You aren’t a patient man, Gunner, we both know that. What if it takes me years? Fuck! What if I choose to move on?”

  His whole body locks up at my last words. “You won’t! I’ll kill any man who touches you.”

  I believe him when he says it, simply from the look of determination on his face.

  So, I spin and start walking out, but I feel him right behind me. Just before I open the front door his voice stops me. “Everly…”

  I don’t turn back. “I’m trying to fall out of love with you, Gunner. I could make it easier for myself and see another man. But the thought of anyone touching me after what you did…” I shiver and step out, not caring what he has to say to me. I don’t care for his words, or his promises, or much of anything right now.

  May doesn’t give Gunner a second look as she helps me with my stuff. And when we get in the car, I look up to where he’s standing at the door, shirtless and watching me.

  “He let you go?” May asks when we get far enough away.

  “Yep.”

  “I didn’t think he would. I was ready to come in guns-a-blazing.” She laughs.

  I don’t say anything back as she keeps driving. I was planning on telling her to go to my old place, but tonight I will just go to hers to stop any arguments.

  He doesn’t know where she lives, and I don’t trust a single word he utters.

  “There are things you aren’t telling me. Those bruises may be one of them.” May points at my bare stomach. I don’t even bother covering the bruises anymore, they’re almost faded with only slight discoloring left.

  “Maybe,” I utter, reaching for my shirt and sliding it on over my head.

  “Tell me, Ev. You always tell me everything. Why not about this?”

  “You’ll hate him.”

  She almost coughs up a laugh, but then stops. “I already do.”

  “He’s into things that hurt… sexually.”

  Her eyes go wide as I look away.

  “So, so… shit! Really?” May’s never tongue-tied, but I think this has completely thrown her. I turn and lift my shirt, to which she gasps when she sees my breast.

  “Fuck, Ev, did you like it?”

  “No,” I automatically answer. “But also, yes. It’s hard. I know it makes no sense. The climax was the best I’ve ever had, but he did it in ways I didn’t know what he was doing.”

  “So, he went about it the wrong way.”

  “That’s an understatement.”

  “Tell me more.” She passes me a glass of wine.

  “What?”

  “Well, these things you should have told me about. All the things. We don’t keep secrets, Ev. That’s not how our friendship has been built.”

  “Do I tell you about how he tied me out in the garage, or that he then proceeded to fuck me until I couldn’t stand?” She spits out her drink. “Or, where I had to suck his cock, or he threatened my ass instead?”

  “Fuck.” She drinks the rest of her drink all in one go. “But tell me… did you like it?”

  I give her a strange look, she shrugs.

  “You had to have known he was into some fucked-up shit. You fucked him several times before your marriage.”

  “That was different,” I say. And it was.

  “How? You say all these things he did, you hated, right?” I nod my head. “But you also enjoyed them as well, right?”

  I sigh. It’s the only reaction I have left.

  “You did, and that’s okay. Not every woman likes the same type of vanilla sex, Ev. Some people like hard kink, some like soft, and some like none.”

  “I didn’t want to like it. What are you not understanding?”

  Someone bangs on her door.

  “Fuck off, Penny.” I spin around to May.

  “Your friend better not be moving in there with you, May,” Penny yells.

  “Fuck off, Penny,” I yell again as May covers her giggle.

  We hear her steps disappearing down the hall just as my cell starts ringing again.

  May reaches for it and, without looking, answers. Her face changes the minute she does, and she doesn’t say a word when she hands it to me, but she does stand and leave the room. I look at it and see Alec’s name on the screen and instantly I feel guilty, even if I’ve done nothing wrong.

  “Hi,” I say after placing the phone to my ear.

  “You aren’t coming?” he asks.

  Shit! Dammit! I forgot to tell him.

  “Sorry, I forgot to call you. I’m staying at May’s.” He goes silent and I wait for him to speak, and when he doesn’t, I do, “I’m sorry, Alec. I spoke to my parents toda
y. Told them I don’t want any of the business and to give it all to you.”

  “I only wanted the damn business to be with you,” he says, finally speaking. I feel the heartache in his words and want to reach out to hug him. “You’re sure, Everly?”

  “I am.” We both fall silent again. “I hope you meet her, just so you know. The one who you will love with all your beautiful heart. That woman… she isn’t me, so I hope you find her.”

  “I did…” There’s a little pause and then he hangs up on me.

  I sit there waiting for May to come back, but it takes her some time before she finally does, and when she does, she doesn’t look at me.

  “I’m sorry. I feel like I’m saying that a lot lately.” I smile.

  “It’s not you, Ev, it’s just… well, you know how I had hoped something would happen between Alec and me. All of that has just crashed, so I don’t know how to process it just yet.”

  “You can do so much better,” I say, gripping her hand and pulling her down to me into a hug. “You need someone who will love you equally as much as you love him.”

  “So do you, but I have a feeling you already know that.”

  I do, but that doesn’t make the fact any easier to bear.

  6

  Everly

  Gunner doesn’t contact me, and it goes on like this for days. Not once has he attempted to come and collect me, threaten me, or do anything at all. I thought he would have, considering how he chased after me when I left with Alec the first time. Maybe he’s finally listening to me, or at least trying to.

  A week passes and still nothing. I have to head over to his place to gather more of my things, and I’ve been putting it off as long as possible. It’s the last place I want to be. I don’t want to see him, but a small part of me is somewhat excited to see him as well.

  Knocking on his door I don’t get an answer right away, and just as I’m about to turn around to leave, the door opens and what’s standing in the doorway isn’t my husband. No. It definitely isn’t, that’s for sure. Unless he grew boobs and has a pussy I wasn’t aware of.