Hate Sober

by T. L Smith

But as much as she says she gets our relationship, she doesn’t get it at all.

  Alec and I, we’re family.

  To me he is. And soon, one day soon, he will see that too.

  “Of course I do. I only want what’s best for Alec.” I turn to face him and watch him come out of his puzzled look to offer me a smile. It’s forced, like he’s still in shock, but at least he managed something.

  “Congratulations to you both,” I finally manage to say, after the initial shock has now worn off.

  Jacinta walks over and hugs me. I hug her back and look toward Alec when she pulls away.

  “I’m happy for you both. This is exactly what you’ve always wanted,” I say to him.

  He’s wanted a family of his own for so long. I get it. I do. He nods his head, unsure about what to say.

  “And now he will have a family… with me.” She touches his arm and he looks to her.

  “Are you doing this because you’re jealous?” he asks, and her eyes go wide. “You’re jealous of Everly, aren’t you? Even after I told you I’m trying harder and harder with you every day. I’m falling in love with you, Jacinta, but you make it hard when you treat someone I love like that.”

  Her hand drops from his and she looks at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” she trails off.

  Alec shakes his head at her words. “Everly, you shouldn’t have been here for this. This announcement should have been between us as a couple. We thank you for your congratulations.” He walks off, and I hear his footsteps go up the stairs.

  Fuck! I stand stock-still, unsure of what I should do next.

  Finally coming to my senses, I reach for my bag and turn to leave, but her voice stops me.

  “I want him to see you the way you see him…” she pauses, “… as nothing but family. And with that, you share big things like this with your family.” She pushes her hair back and looks up the stairs. “I’ve got a lot of groveling to do. I don’t mean to be bitchy. I guess the hormones are sending me crazy.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “You really are as sweet as he says you are.”

  With that, I turn and walk out.

  I don’t want to be around any longer than necessary. They can sort their own shit out, and I can stay away until Alec needs me.

  My hand grips my car door handle hard. My father, mother, and Gunner were standing out front when I pulled up. After I manage to open the car door, Gunner steps down and walks over to me. My mother watches on, as does my father.

  “Everly,” he says, and I have to shake my head.

  Fucking hell, I don’t need any more drama. Not today.

  “Why are you here?” I guess now his text message makes sense.

  “I’ve asked your parents’ permission to take you on a date.” He blinks a few times and scrapes his foot along the ground. “Now.”

  I look up at my mother and father. My father’s lips are in a thin line, but my mother smiles.

  “What if I don’t want to date you?” I ask.

  He steps closer and his smell envelops me and floats me away with him. I have to try not to close my eyes, but I still bask in everything that is Gunner.

  “I will keep on trying until you say yes.”

  “No,” I reply, walking past him and up the stairs.

  “Are you sure you want to play this game with me, Everly?”

  I turn back, smiling at him. “Oh, I’m sure.”

  He smirks.

  I don’t know if I just made a mistake or not, but either way, that smirk made my heart jump.

  27

  Everly

  What about today?

  * * *

  This is the message I’ve just received from Gunner.

  I smile at his persistence, but don’t reply as I walk into work. My days have been getting better, and all my scars are starting to heal. My lip is no longer cracked and now I can wear lipstick to help cover the marks. As I’m opening the door to the café, a hand touches my shoulder and I scream. I scream so loudly that I deafen myself as I pull my purse to my center and bend over. Hands are quickly removed from my body, and I hear a voice, but my ears are ringing in sheer terror.

  “Squirt, shit. Fuck! Okay, so not the best move. I’m so sorry.”

  My breathing’s deep and ragged, but I try to get it under control before I unwrap myself from the standing ball I bent myself into. When I do, Alec’s face is struck with worry as he looks at me.

  “Are you all right?”

  I nod, wiping the tears that formed in my eyes as I stand. “I’m sorry. I thought I was better.” He shakes his head at my apology and reaches for my shaking hands, holding them in his to help calm me down.

  “Don’t apologize to me. Does Gunner know you still get scared?”

  I pull my hand back and look at him. “Why would I tell him?” I question Alec. “Do you speak to him now?” I ask accusingly.

  He puts his hands in the air. “Only briefly.”

  Well, shit! That answer surprises me.

  “Really?” I ask, turning around and opening the door to my café.

  He follows me inside and laughs. “It’s so pink.” I nod. “I forgot how pink it is.”

  “Do you hope you’ll have a little girl?” I ask.

  He pauses his steps and shakes his head. “I don’t know. Jacinta apologized for what she did. I’m sorry.”

  I shrug. “It’s fine, really.” I walk to my office and he follows. “I do hope you have a girl, though, so I can spoil her with all things pink.” I give him a huge smile.

  “Oh, Lord no. I had enough of that with you growing up. All you ever wanted was to wear pink. I’m surprised you don’t now.”

  I wave my hand around the café. “This is pink enough.”

  He nods his head in agreement and takes the seat opposite me. “I’m not here to talk to you about Jacinta, Squirt.”

  I look up at him, my eyebrows pinching together. “What then?”

  “Gunner.”

  I moan. “Of course you are. You’re here to tell me to stay away again, right?”

  “Actually, no. I’m here to tell you to give him a chance.”

  My mouth hangs open, I can’t seem to close it no matter how much I try.

  Did he just say what I think he did?

  No way in hell did he say that.

  “I know I’m not his biggest fan. But that’s because I knew who he was. What made him tick, especially with women. I knew all about his weird obsessions. And with you, well… despite what he did, which you seem okay with…” He waits for me to interject, and when I don’t, he continues, “I’ve never seen him want someone as badly as he wants you. I never would have thought he would give it all up for a girl,” he says. “He burned down his parents’ house because you were hurt there. The man gave most of the illegal business away, sticking to the legal part and what he loves doing. I will never be a ‘Team Gunner’ man, but I am ‘Team Everly,’ no matter what. And you haven’t smiled a good, genuine Everly smile in such a long time. The last time I saw your smile was when you were with him.”

  “Did he speak to you?” I ask, while his words run through my head. He’s right. What Gunner did to me and how he did it scared me. But I can’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy some of it. He was right about the fact I enjoyed it. The problem was I also hated portions of it. So, it all boiled down to mixed emotions, and still does.

  “Yes. After you left yesterday, he came by.” Alec shakes his head. “He has some nerve coming to my house.” He smirks. “But I also saw him for who he used to be before he became who he is today. That was the kid I became friends with. And I can see all he wants is to make everything better with you.”

  “It’s not so easy.”

  “Oh yeah, I know. You make him work for it, Everly. And make him work hard.” Alec stands and winks. “Gunner always gets what he wants. Let him know you aren’t as easy to obtain.”

  “He already knows that. Otherwise, I’d be by his side.” I smile back.
/>   “And that’s why I love you.” He stills as the words leave his mouth, but I keep my smile in place.

  “I love you, too, Alec. Always will.”

  He nods but doesn’t say another word as he walks out, leaving me sitting in my chair brewing over his words and what they mean.

  Would it—no, could it—be that easy to go back to him?

  If the answer is yes, then you bet your ass he will be working for it.

  Gunner’s standing outside of my apartment when I get home. He’s dressed in his usual attire of black dress pants and a black, fitted button-up shirt. He looks good, but when doesn’t Gunner look good. My eyes travel the length of him and I notice he’s holding onto a bottle of wine as well as a bouquet of flowers. I still when I see him, and he offers me one of his dazzling smiles when he finally spots me. The beat in my chest becomes harder when I get closer, and when I do, he doesn’t waste any time stepping closer to me.

  “Everly...”

  Why, oh, why, does he say my name like he’s commanding me to come? He needs to stop that. I never liked my name before it left Gunner Reid’s lips.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “You were scared today.”

  I pull back at his words and pull my eyebrows together. “You spoke to Alec? Is this a new thing I should be worried about?”

  “He wants what’s best for you,” is all he replies.

  I can see he isn’t comfortable discussing Alec, so I leave it at that.

  “And what do you want, Gunner?” I cross my arms over my chest.

  “You.” It’s a straight and simple reply.

  “What if you can’t have me?”

  “I’ll keep trying until you want me again,” he says, like it’s going to be easy.

  “What if it takes years?” I say to him, knowing full well my love for him is still inside me, it just needs to be brought out again.

  “Years is how long I will wait then.” Gunner steps closer, his body so close to mine now. “You’re worth the wait, Everly.”

  “Who are they for?” I ask, changing the subject while nodding to the flowers.

  “Some gorgeous woman who makes me work for it.” He offers them to me, and I take the beautiful bouquet of roses. When I do, our fingers touch and he doesn’t move them. “Are you okay, though?”

  “I will be.”

  “Do you want me to wait outside tonight?” He nods to his car, but his hand still touches mine.

  “You would stay in your car for me?”

  “Yes. If that makes you feel safe.” He pulls his hand away and lets me take the flowers.

  “No, I’m fine. But thank you.”

  He nods his head and places his hands in his pockets.

  “You still smoking?” I ask him.

  “No,” he answers.

  I look behind me and then back to him. “I should go. I need to shower.” He smirks. “Don’t you dare,” I say, seeing the words wanting to leave his mouth. But he holds them back and then holds up his hands saying, “I didn’t say a word.”

  “No, Gunner Reid is all very innocent in this,” I reply with an eye roll. Turning away from him, I open the door. “Goodnight, Gunner.” I don’t look back at him, because I like what I see. The problem is, I like it a lot.

  “Goodnight, Everly,” he whispers from behind me.

  I manage to get myself inside somehow by putting one foot in front of the other. He affects me, of that there is no doubt. I place the flowers on the table when my phone starts dinging. Opening it, I see his name flash on the screen and my heart skips a beat.

  I forgot to tell you something, please come back outside.

  I contemplate not going and staying exactly where I am. Wanting to know what he wants gets the best of me, though, so I open the door to see him leaning against the building, his ankles crossed over each other as he looks up at me.

  How can he look so good?

  His high cheekbones shine under the light as he puckers his lips before he speaks. I’ve missed those lips and how they made me feel, but I also haven’t forgotten how he didn’t care what I felt when he should have the most.

  “Well?” I ask, as he stares me down.

  He steps in front of me, grabs a lock of my hair and pushes it away, then smiles. “I forgot to tell you how beautiful you are today.” He turns and walks to his car. I watch him as he gets in. He doesn’t start it, just sits there as he waits. I walk back inside and lock the door, a smile forming as I go to my window to watch him drive away.

  Gunner Reid’s gone and fucked with my heart. And he’s fucked with it good.

  The bastard.

  “It’s not like that, I swear,” I tell my mother for the tenth time over the phone. “Don’t even think about planning another wedding. I haven’t even agreed to go on a date with him yet.” I huff into the phone while shaking my head as I sit on my bed.

  It’s been two days since Gunner brought me flowers and waited outside my door. Every day when I arrive home, he’s standing there with a new bunch of flowers and a devilish smile on his face. He asks me if I am okay, then he tells me how beautiful I look. Then he leaves. It’s the same routine every single day, and somehow my mother has gotten wind of it and thinks she knows we will end up back together and is upset because I haven’t told her anything.

  “Oh, please. If you two get married again, which you will, I suggest no one comes and it’s just you two.”

  I’m surprised at her words. “Really?”

  “Oh, so you’re thinking about it. Tell me now, what’s going on?” I shake my head at her twisting of my words and perhaps her trickery in getting them from me.

  “Nothing, I swear. I don’t even know if I could let anyone touch me. Not after…” I shiver at the thought and it racks right through my body. Roberto didn’t penetrate me with his cock, but he still violated my body with his fingers and mouth.

  I own this body, and only I should be able to say who touches it and when.

  “You will. In time, my love.”

  I nod at her words just as a knock comes on my door. “I have to go, someone’s here.”

  “Okay, keep me on the phone just in case.” I do as she says and go to check the door.

  Looking through the peephole, I see it’s Gunner so I open it. He’s dressed in ripped jeans, black boots, and a white shirt.

  “I have to go. It’s Gunner.” I go to hang up, but accidentally hit the speaker part.

  “Okay. Safe sex until you’re married again.”

  His lip twitches at her words and I shake my head, quickly ending the call.

  “You’ve been talking to my mother?” I ask him while leaning against the door, making sure I have a grip on something so I don’t fall helplessly into his arms, which look really good right now.

  “I have. Does this bother you?” he asks, his dark eyes trained on me as he speaks.

  “Why can’t you speak to me if you need answers to something?” It only seems fair.

  His lip twitches again. “I want to know you better. I failed last time. You’re close to your family, and by knowing them, I will hopefully know you.”

  Far out, I’ve just swooned over my ex-husband.

  How the fuck is that possible?

  “What do you need, Gunner?”

  “I want a date. Just one to start off with. I promise nothing big, and no boats.” He winks.

  “I liked the boat,” I tell him honestly.

  “Maybe we can save the boat for our third date,” he says it like it’s an obvious choice.

  “You think you will get three dates?” I ask him, smiling now.

  “Oh, Everly Reid…” He leans in close, and I freeze, unable to move. Not from fear but simply from him being so close, and smelling and looking so good. “I know I will. You just have to say yes.”

  “I don’t know.” I bite my lip. “I may need more time.”

  He nods and doesn’t argue with my answer.

  “Time I can give you.” His reply surp
rises me, and he sees the surprise on my face and smirks before he steps back. “Lock the door, Everly,” he says as he walks away. I do so, shutting and locking it just as he said.

  I want my ex-husband.

  And I want him badly.

  28

  Everly

  I didn’t know him to be a patient man, but that’s just what he is now. He waits at my house every day until I arrive home from work and stands there with something in his hands for me. Some nights it’s dinner. Others it’s a bottle of wine or flowers. I’m falling harder for my ex-husband, and he hasn’t even touched me yet.

  That isn’t right. It can’t be right. I’m afraid I won’t be enough for him, though. He has needs I obviously don’t want to meet. And I would never ask him to give up something of himself just to make me happy. That’s selfish and not something I want to do.

  Two weeks pass, and not once does he ask me again for another date. He’s a man of very few words, usually just telling me how beautiful I am, then going about his night.

  I wanted him to kiss me the other night. I wanted his hands on my body, to know the attraction wasn’t one-sided. It can’t be, though. I see how much he wants me too.

  I’ve completely healed, apart from the scar on my stomach. I don’t think that will ever leave me, it’s too deep. It’s a constant reminder of all the things Roberto did to me, which I’m hoping one day to put behind me for good. Though the anxiety still creeps up on me, especially when I’m by myself or someone comes up from behind me. I’m not sure that will ever leave me.

  Alec and Gunner have formed some sort of friendship again. Alec tells me Gunner doesn’t speak much, but at least they are talking.

  I like that they’re ‘friends’ again, it makes me glad to know Alec’s happy. And he is. Jacinta is early in her pregnancy and he’s already building them a cot for their baby. He will make a great father.

  Today I’m helping May move out of her house to live with Ryan. It’s a big day for her. She’s never once lived with a man, and I’m excited about the adventure she’s about to undertake. Grabbing my keys from the table, I walk outside, locking the door behind me. When I turn around, I spot him. He’s up against his car, dressed in jeans with loosely tied black boots and a smile on his face as he watches me.