Reflection

by Lynn Moon

  Takoda smiles as I enter the kitchen, I smile back. My father tilts his head as he gives me a strange glance, but he smiles too.

  “How’s your report coming?” he asks, sipping on his coffee.

  “We’ll be working on that today,” Takoda answers. He takes my pack from my shoulder.

  “Thank you.” I kiss my father on the cheek to say goodbye. “I won’t be late.”

  “I guess you’ll tell me later everything that happened? Particularly why you’re so banged up?”

  “Of course,” I reply staring at him. I’m still not sure how or what to tell him. It’s important I speak with Takoda first.

  “Later, Dad.” I turn to leave.

  “Journey.” I turn back to look at him as he says, “You do know you can talk to me about anything. And I do mean anything.”

  “Yes, of course,” I answer, glancing over at Takoda.

  I can’t get out of there fast enough. As we drive down the long country road shadowed by overhanging branches, Takoda glances at me. I stare out the window.

  “Something is bothering you. Want to tell me about it?” he asks.

  “There’s nothing to tell.”

  “I can tell.”

  “I can’t get the way the Nomaddas have to live out of my mind. It’s disgusting and filthy. And why are they down there to begin with? Why aren’t they here, with us? Then there’s my family. To know that my family killed millions.”

  Takoda pulls the jeep to the side of the road. “Come here.” He takes me in his strong embrace. “You are someone special, I knew it the moment I met you. You’ll figure this all out, and you’ll do the right thing.”

  “How can I do anything? I’m not in charge of anything, not even me!” As I sit in Takoda’s arms, a huge yellow truck barrels down the road. I know who it is. I duck down.

  “If he stops, I’m not here,” I whisper.

  Abeytu’s truck slows, but doesn’t stop. I no longer feel safe in that man’s presence. I do not trust him.

  Takoda pulls back onto the road and when he no longer sees the ugly yellow truck in his mirror, he says it’s safe for me to sit up.

  “Now you have to tell me what that was all about. And don’t tell me you’re ashamed of being seen with me.”

  “Please,” I say. “I don’t know, I just don’t trust anyone right now. Except you. I just feel better not having everyone know where I’m going and what I’m doing.”

  “But we’re not doing anything.” Takoda laughs.

  “I know,” I snap. “I can’t explain it. I just didn’t want him to see me, that’s all.”

  Takoda shakes his head and continues to drive.

  “So we have to do a report?” I ask, trying to change the subject.

  “Yes, and I brought my tablet so we can work on it.”

  At the ruins, we find our spot, and I help spread out a blanket. The area is deep inside the crumbling building under the canopy of the large trees. I feel at home here, this place just makes me feel good.

  Takoda packed us a great picnic lunch filled with fruit, cheese, and bread. He’s always so thoughtful, and I love him for that. I stare at the basket and wonder if I’ll ever be hungry again.

  “We should write down what we know,” Takoda’s words pull me from my hypnotic trance.

  “You mean for our report?” I ask, unhappy that he disturbed my thoughts.

  “I’ve already completed that,” he says, smiling and sitting up. “No, I’m talking about writing down your family tree. From what we’ve learned, we believe your mother is not your biological mother. The question is whether George is your biological father? You and your sister look a lot like him, so I would have to conclude that as a yes. But, to be sure…here, use this…please.” He hands me a small rectangular box.

  “What’s this?” I turn the box over in my hand. The writing’s not English.

  “There is a swab inside. Before you eat, wipe the inside of your cheek. I’ve already acquired samples from your dad and sister.”

  “How?”

  “Your sister was easy. I told her it’s for my biology class. As for your Dad, I stole his razor from his bathroom. So unless someone else is shaving in his shower, the hairs should be from him. My father is a chemist and has access to equipment that will analyze your DNA. Don’t worry, he’ll be discreet. No one will ever know, but us, and him.”

  “How can you be so sure?” I’m not convinced this is such a good idea.

  “Believe me, my father trusts these people less than we do. Go on, swab.”

  I hesitantly swab the inside of my cheek and place the tip back into the plastic bag and then inside the box. When I hand it to him, Takoda tucks it into his pack. He leans over and kisses me. I melt into his touch and can think of nothing else.

  “You are a part of me, Journey,” he says, staring into my eyes. “I will never want another.”

  “Please, you’ll want to marry and have kids someday. And we know it can’t be with me. The laws forbid it.”

  “We’ll figure out something,” he says. “We will find a way for us to be together, I promise. You will bear my children someday. Your grandmother found a way.”

  I shake my head and smile. At sixteen, having children is the furthest thing from my mind. But I hate to think of Takoda with anyone else.

  “Okay, let’s get to work,” he says, turning on his tablet. “Let’s start with you and your sister.”

  Takoda pulls up a graphic program and lists me and my sister at the top of the page.

  “Okay, what do we know?” he asks, glancing over at me.

  “I can’t verify the old woman is my great grandmother. I mean, how old does that make her? It’s impossible she’s still alive?”

  “Remember, Journey, your ancestors were scientists and playing God. They were trying to extend their lives and, from what we’ve learned from our 3-D friend, they succeeded.”

  “It’s all I can think about,” I add.

  Takoda strokes my hair and grins. “So what do we know?”

  “Oh, I almost forgot!” I jump up and grab my small pack leaning against a tree. From the bag, I pull out my binder my father gave me when I first arrived.

  “What’s this?”

  “My father showed it to me,” I answer, sitting down next to him. “If my mom wasn’t my mom, then who was she?”

  The first few pages are of my sister and me at different ages. As I flip the pages, Takoda studies the photos carefully.

  “May I?” he asks, reaching for the binder.

  “Sure.” I dig through the food basket and pull out a bottle of lemonade. “What do you think?”

  “Not sure yet,” he says, removing a picture of my mother holding me as a baby. Takoda slips the picture between the computer screen and the keyboard, and within seconds, the picture displays on his screen. “Something doesn’t look right.”

  “Like what?” I ask, chewing on a piece of fruit.

  After placing the picture back into the binder, Takoda enlarges the photo until only pixels fill the screen.

  “Look,” he says, with a frown.

  “I see squares.”

  He sighs. “Look closely, Journey. See how the colors change all along here?”

  “Not really, but I believe you.” I really can’t see what he’s talking about. “Explain?”

  “These photos are fakes,” he adds, studying the picture closely. “Do you remember any of these being taken?”

  “I can only remember those of me and Makayah,” I explain, and as I think about it, I realize I have no memory of any of the pictures with my mother.

  “What are your earliest memories of her?” he asks, scanning some of the other photos.

  “Do you remember her being pregnant with Makayah?”

  “Not really,” I reply, glancing around the ruins. I didn’t want to admit to what Takoda was hinting at.

  “How old is she?” He scans a picture of my father into his computer.

  “Ten,” I answer.
A tear rolls down my cheek.

  “You are sixteen, so that would make you six when Makayah was born. You should remember something about the pregnancy.”

  “But I don’t.” Tears fall from my eyes

  “Journey, do you want to stop?” he asks, rubbing my shoulder.

  “No, I need to know the truth.” It takes all my courage to look at Takoda. Somehow he always makes me feel better about myself.

  “I feel your pain, Journey.”

  “Okay, this is a little too weird.” The statement’s more of an accusation. “What’s going on between us? It’s as if you can really feel what I’m feeling.”

  “The only fake photos are the ones with your mother,” he says. He’s obviously trying to change the subject.

  “Don’t ignore me,” I demand. “Explain, please, about us.”

  Takoda stares at me, and my stomach tightens.

  “I’m afraid,” I say, close to tears.

  “No, I’m afraid,” Takoda adds, lowering his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Journey.”

  “Sorry for what?”

  “Sorry for…for us,” he replies.

  “Okay, talk.” This conversation is going nowhere fast, and I’m never any good at guessing games. “Spill it.”

  19

  REVELATION

  I REALIZE Takoda’s breaking up with me. We’ve gotten too close, too fast. I can hardly breathe and panic pulls me into its tight embrace. I have to run. I have to get out of here, as fast as I can. If he speaks the words, I will die. I’m running, running for my world, my life. Running to escape the truth that’s haunting me, chasing me.

  “No!” I have no idea where I’m going but it doesn’t matter anyway.

  The ground gives way and I’m falling through a hole. As the last bit of air escapes my lungs, cool hard ground slaps me so hard my world darkens. I hear a crack as the back of my head smacks against the hard floor.

  “Journey,” Takoda whispers. “Journey, my love. Why did you run? Journey, please open your eyes, baby, please.”

  Slowly, my eyes open. Taking in a deep breath doesn’t help, my body cries out in pain.

  “Where are you hurt?” Fear emanates from his begging voice.

  “Takoda, I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry for what?”

  “For loving you so much!” I cry.

  “Oh, my baby, my beautiful baby.” Takoda places his cheek next to mine and cries with me before checking my body for breaks or cuts.

  “I think I’m okay. I don’t think anything is broken, but I smacked my head pretty hard.”

  “That was really stupid, Journey. Why were you running like that? What scared you?” he demands.

  “I didn’t want to hear you say the words.”

  “What words? What are you talking about?”

  “You’re breaking up with me and I don’t want to hear you say it.”

  “Breaking up with you? Never.”

  It takes a couple of seconds for the words to register in my thick brain.

  “You were feeling my pain. The fear was mine.” Takoda sits back resting his arms on his knees studying me.

  The realization of what he’s saying hits me harder than the floor slapping me on my back. I look at him with a fear growing inside me.

  “I’m the one that is sorry,” he says, with tears swelling in his eyes.

  “Come again?” I gasp.

  Takoda looks away as he speaks. “When we bonded, when I went through the change, I never got a chance to explain everything. It all happened so fast.”

  “Did I do something wrong?”

  Takoda leaps to my side and embraces me. He rests his chin on my head as he continues his explanation. “You did nothing wrong, Journey. Nothing.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “The Kupatanna,” he whispers. “The Kupatanna made us one; we can never part. If we do, we could die.”

  “One?” I do not understand.

  “One,” he repeats. “If I cry, you’ll cry. If I’m hungry, you’ll get hungry. If you laugh, I will laugh. Deep feelings, deep emotions we will share.”

  The force of the realization dawns on me and I laugh. I’m laughing so hard with every wave of joy, my body screams in protest as pain hacks at my bones. Takoda starts to laugh too.

  “I’m fine, Takoda,” I finally say once I’m able to catch my breath. “My hip hurts, my head hurts, but I think I’m okay. Can you help me up?”

  “Certainly.”

  “We are quite the pair, you and I. So what do we do now?”

  “Crawl back to our site?” Takoda suggests.

  Brushing off the dirt, I stare at Takoda. I love him so much.

  He hugs me. “Sometimes I’m not sure if you love me, or if you are mimicking my feelings for you.”

  “Takoda, you listen to me and you listen good,” I state as firmly as I can. I stare so intensely into his eyes they widen in shock. “I loved you the moment you turned around and looked at me when were in town that day. Every time you take my hand, it’s all I can do not to melt. You became a part of me before that Kupatanna thing happened. To me that means nothing, you are what’s important to me. Do you understand?”

  Takoda nods, tears run down his face smudging the dirt on his cheeks. I laugh and try to wipe the dirt with my sleeve. He takes my hands into his.

  “Union with me, Journey,” he begs. “I love you and want to be with you forever. Union with me.”

  “I’m a little too young for that, Takoda. Besides, I have to be home for dinner or George will come looking for us.”

  “I’m serious, Journey,” he replies.

  “I am too.” I smile. “Look, I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I do know one thing. I want to be with you forever. And if this is all we can have, then I’m satisfied. I can settle for anything, as long as you are a part of it. Do you understand?”

  He nods and rubs my cheek. “I believe I do.”

  • • •

  It takes us a while to get back to our blanket, but it’s a relief when we see the food and drinks. We were lucky, the ruin I fell through was just one of the many ancient buildings that’s sprawled through the complex. A door was just a few feet away from where I landed. We really had no issues escaping from my self-made prison. After we eat, we rest holding hands. The birds fly from tree to tree, and I never want the afternoon to end. On the way home, we’re silent. Our bodies are tired and our emotions drained. It’s dark when we enter my driveway.

  “Try to write down what you do remember about your family,” Takoda suggests, getting out to walk me to my door.

  “I’m fine,” I argue, raising my hand to object. “Don’t walk any farther. Go home and take care of that ankle.”

  “Tomorrow then?” he asks.

  “Tomorrow,” I agree with a smile.

  Takoda makes a fist. He touches his cheek with his knuckles and opens his hand out to me. “This is how we address our other,” he explains. “The one with whom we are to union.”

  I do the same. It seems we are one now. We share emotions and it’s almost as though he can read my mind. He’s so beautiful with his long hair and his amber eyes. I’m in deep and I know it.

  Dad and Makayah are playing cards when I enter the cabin.

  “What happened to you?” Makayah asks from the table.

  I must be a mess. I pull a twig from my hair.

  “My God, Journey, what happened?” My father asks, running to my side.

  “I fell down a hole,” I reply, feeling a little stupid. “It’s my fault, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.” It isn’t a complete lie. “I need a shower.”

  “Abeytu came by this morning. He said he passed Takoda’s jeep on the road but didn’t see you.” George looks a little puzzled.

  “That’s weird, I was there,” I reply, nonchalantly.

  “Why were you parked there anyway?” he asks.

  “I thought I’d forgotten something. I was looking through my pack before we got a
ny farther,” I answer.

  “That makes sense,” he replies, satisfied. “You’d forget your head if it wasn’t attached.”

  “Very funny,” I holler from my room.

  The hot shower is wonderful. I examine my new cuts and bruises. I wonder if my body will ever go back to being normal.

  That night I lay in my bed thinking about Takoda and our connection. Can I push it further? If I concentrate hard enough, could I actually hear what he’s thinking? And for that matter, can he hear what I’m thinking? The thought, although comforting, is slightly disturbing.

  • • •

  My dreams begin, Takoda and I stand together in our small apartment in the ancient city next to the waterfall he built especially for me. I’m happy and feel loved. The city is busy with everyday life. I leave the apartment glancing over my shoulder. Two guards are only a few paces behind. My stomach clinches and my hands shake. I don’t know why, but I feel I’m in trouble. It’s important I get out of here—fast. I can hear the guards laughing. They’re making jokes and the taunts are aimed at me. Why?

  I hurry but the faster I walk the faster they walk. My father’s store is only a few more paces ahead, and if I can make it there I will be safe. Only a few more paces.

  Before I take another step, strong arms pull me into a dark alley. A strong hand covers my mouth, I can’t scream. The harder I kick, the firmer the hold. My feet scrape along the side of the stone structure. My heel hits something sharp. Pain shoots through my leg. I have to get away, my life depends on me getting away.

  Stars splash across my eyes as my head hits something hard. My robe’s yanked over my head. I feel the cold rock digging into my back. They’re touching me, and I can’t scream. A large hand covers my mouth and nose. I can’t breathe. My hips shout in pain as he falls on me. I know what is next and panic fills my soul. I bite his hand as hard as I can. He yelps and draws back. I’m slapped hard across the face. His other hand pushes my chin so hard I know it’s going to break my neck. Intense pain echoes between my legs and I scream, but no air escapes my lips.

  My hands slap at the man holding me. I scream at the top of my lungs. I’m not going to let anyone do this to me. I fight, fight hard and with every ounce of strength I have left.