Reflection

by Lynn Moon

  “Journey! Wake up!” my father screams. “Journey, wake up!”

  The ringing pulls me slightly from my nightmare. I can hear Makayah answering the call. Dad continues to yell, but the stinking breath of the guard hovers inches above me.

  “No!” I scream. “No!”

  “Sweetheart, it’s only a dream! Wake up, baby,” my father yells again.

  A splash of cold water shocks me back to reality. I shake my head as my father releases his grip. I wipe the water from my eyes and glare at a laughing Makayah, who’s holding an empty glass.

  “Sorry, sis,” she says, with a giggle. “But you needed that.”

  “Thanks, I think,” I say.

  “Takoda’s on the phone for you,” she says, holding the receiver for me.

  George sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. “Are you okay now?”

  “Yeah, sorry, Dad. That was really a horrible dream.”

  “Sounded like it,” he adds, standing to leave my room. “I think I’ll make some hot chocolate for everyone, since we’re all awake anyway.”

  “I’ll help,” Makayah adds. She has a little hop in her step.

  How in the world can she always be so cheerful?

  Takoda’s voice echoes from the receiver in my hand.

  “Are you okay? I just had the worst dream.”

  “Me too.” I really don’t want to relive it. “I was about to be raped.”

  “And I was about to rape a young girl. I was a guard.”

  “It’s weird. Why would you be my rapist?”

  “We are one Journey. We are sharing past memories. We have no choice how it happens. I know you are safe now. I’ll let you get back to explaining things to your father.”

  “Thanks, good night Takoda, I love you.”

  “Good night to you, my love.”

  Makayah dashes into my room to let me know the hot drinks are ready. We spend the rest of the night sitting on the porch sipping our hot chocolate, but never once is my nightmare discussed.

  • • •

  In the morning, George and Makayah leave early. When Takoda arrives, we’re alone. I’m not expecting my family home until close to dinnertime. We use our private space to do some research on me and my family.

  My new computer arrived while I was away. We stay in my bedroom, me on my bed and Takoda at my desk. He’s scanning the Internet, or this planet’s version of the Internet, to see what he can find. I sit on my bed using Takoda’s laptop to examine the pictures he took of the murals from the golden room.

  “I wonder which one is Hera and which one is Rhea,” I say. “Any way to find out? They look the same.”

  “They are twins. Look at their mates,” Takoda answers. “Hey, look at this.”

  The computer screen displays parts of the same mural. However, under each of the portraits, text has been added. I can’t read it, but Takoda can.

  “The one with the blonde hair is Rhea. The dark curly haired one is Hera. I bet you are from Hera.”

  “Well, does it say who Hera’s kids are?”

  “Let’s see,” Takoda types Hera’s name into the search box. He chooses the first option and up pops a picture of my great grandmother just as I saw her in my dream.

  “That’s her!” I scream, slapping my hand over my mouth. “Sorry.”

  “No problem, so that is…who?”

  “Shyanna. I’d recognize her anywhere. What does it say about her?”

  “It says she had one child, a daughter—Lylillea. Lylillea unioned with a Swetaachata, Chawanna. They lived on Journey for most of their lives.”

  “And their children?” I ask.

  “Lylillea and Chawanna had three children. Two girls and a boy.”

  “Names?” I dance around the room. I must know.

  “Their youngest child is a daughter, Lylianna. She married someone named Lagardo and they had several children. In the middle, was a son, Chatello. He married Donaphia from Earth, which is where they’re living today.” He glances up at me and raises his eyebrows. “Are you ready for this?”

  “No, but spill it.”

  “Their first child was a girl, Chawlya. You’d pronounce it with a “sh” sound, such as ShaLieAh.”

  “And?” I urge.

  “Chawlya married a man from Earth, named George Gordon. They had no children.”

  Takoda turns to me as I remain frozen to the floor. I clear my throat but can’t speak. Takoda takes me in his arms. I just stand there. After a few moments I slowly speak.

  “See, she’s not my mother? My mother’s name was Rachael. Maybe my mother is my dad’s second wife.”

  “Maybe.” Takoda replies. “But then again…”

  “Wait, wait wait!” I yell, running to George’s bedroom and digging into his closet. “Found it!”

  “Found what?” Takoda asks, from the doorway.

  “All our family records,” I say, digging through the box. “Here it is.” I pull out some papers. “I just remembered these were here. I forgot all about them. But when you mentioned Chawlya I just remembered that all.”

  “What do you have?”

  “Makayah’s birth certificate,” I state, tears running down my cheeks.

  “What does it say, Journey?” Takoda kneels beside me.

  “Chawlya Gordon is listed as mother,” I cry.

  “Then my suspicions are correct,” Takoda explains. “If our Elders had known they had children, they would have been imprisoned and the children killed. That’s why you were raised on Earth. But your Earth mother’s early death must have changed things. Your father was able to bring you here now because Makayah is over the age of maturity. They cannot hurt you. But I bet he doesn’t know what to do with you. Maybe he feels safe raising you as Earth children. He probably registered he was married to Rachael and listed her as your biological mother.”

  “Do you think she’s still alive?” I ask.

  “Who?”

  “My biological mother,” I whisper.

  “Yes,” he replies. “She is still alive and she is one of the Elders on the council.”

  “Oh my, but wait. Abeytu said I was expected to attend classes. That I was an Elder. I heard him myself!”

  • • •

  I sit in the darkness waiting for my family to return. My heart pounds when I hear the truck come to a stop. Makayah runs up the stairs with her hands full of bags.

  “Wait till you see what I got!” she yells, running past. “We picked up some things for you too!”

  “Great,” I say, keeping my eyes on my father.

  Abeytu helps unload and nods as he enters the cabin.

  “Have a good day, sweetheart?” my father asks, entering the cabin. “Any new bruises?”

  “Very enlightening day, Dad,” I say, without emotion.

  My father stops and studies me and then shrugs. Abeytu and Makayah enjoy a lengthy conversation about one of her new gadgets, ignoring me. But Dad keeps glancing at me with concern.

  Abeytu eventually excuses himself saying he has an early morning meeting. After kissing Makayah and me goodbye, he leaves.

  We have a quiet dinner. Makayah does all the talking, not sensing the tension between me and Dad. I wash the dishes then watch as Makayah gives us a fashion show of her new outfits. It isn’t long before Dad sends her off to take a shower and get ready for bed.

  I sit on the porch swing and wait. Dad stands silently in the doorway staring at me.

  “So, you want to talk about it?” he asks.

  “No,” I reply, gathering my courage.

  “Well then, what do you want to talk about?” he asks, taking a seat beside me on the swing.

  With a deep breath, I say as softly as possible while staring straight ahead, “Chawlya.”

  Dad doesn’t say a word. We sit for a long time without speaking to each other. Makayah comes out to say good night. I stare at the moon’s reflection on the lake and wonder about life in general. Finally, my dad stands and walks to the door and w
aits for a second before speaking.

  “Not tonight,” he says.

  20

  MOTHER

  THE NEXT morning, the house is quiet and I can’t hear Makayah, but I can tell someone’s in the kitchen. It’s probably time to rise and face the judge and jury. I have a right to know my parents, and the truth about my ancestors. No one has the right to take that away from me.

  “Abeytu took Makayah out for the day,” my father announces from the kitchen. He stands at the counter holding his coffee. He pushes another cup my way as I approach. “Don’t worry, it’s not poisoned or anything.”

  “What a strange thing to say to your daughter,” I reply, sarcastically. After a couple of sips, I smile at him. He smiles back and takes a seat across the counter.

  “They mix names,” he says, staring into his cup. “It’s part of the Swetaachata custom. I met Chawlya in school. She was beautiful, smart and magnetic. I fell in love the moment I met her. We unioned right after graduation—on Earth. She attended high school there. She’s part Swetaachata, but you’d never know it by just looking at her. She’s the image of her mother, and her mother before her.”

  “And her mother before her,” I add. “What about me and Makayah.”

  “You two do have some of my looks,” he adds with pride.

  George pulls out a picture from under the counter and hands it to me. The woman is beautiful. Long, curly hair swirls past her knees. She’s wearing the same school uniform I wear every day to school. Immediately I see myself in her. Now I understood what Abeytu meant when he first saw me—how much I look like my mother. He wasn’t talking about my Earth mother, Rachael. He was referring to Chawlya.

  “I love that woman and I still do,” he says. A tear rolls down his cheek. “She is my partner in life.”

  “Where is she?” I ask.

  “She lives and works on Journey. You have to remember Chawlya is a half-breed, which is forbidden by law. Chawanna, her father, didn’t have the deep bluish skin as most Swetaachatas. It made it easy for them to pass as a normal couple.”

  “So what happened?”

  “We met on Earth, our first year at high school. The following year she was transferred back here. We played the system and eventually I came here as an exchange student.”

  “Exchange student?” I ask. “Since when does Earth have students from other galaxies?”

  “There is a lot you still do not understand. Not everything is shared with the people of Earth as it is here. Don’t ask me why.”

  “Okay, go on.” I shake my head. I’m not sure how much I should believe of his story, but I’ll listen.

  “Shortly after I arrived, Chawlya was in an accident and transported to the health center. Lylillea and Chawanna tried to get there. But not before the doctors discovered her true heritage.”

  I watch as my father explains. My heart aches for him, but at the same time, I need to know.

  “Your mother,” he continues, “has two hearts and four kidneys like all Swetaachatas. Lylillea and Chawanna were imprisoned, but the government had a more serious problem to deal with. Chawlya was proof that the union of the two races did not create a mutated child. The question soon became what to do with her.

  “We worked hard to get her parents released—me and Abeytu. Eventually we succeeded, but it took a long time.”

  “How did you get them released?” I ask.

  “We fought through the legal system,” he replies. “The courts here are not the same as on Earth. It took us almost ten Earth years. We hid Chawlya on Earth and that is where we married. She gave birth to you and Makayah, on Earth.”

  “You said I was born here, on Traveler,” I argue.

  “Journey, it is hard to know what to say and not to say to you. I still have trouble sorting through everything.”

  “Just tell me the truth, Dad. I just want to know the truth.”

  “Fine,” he says. “I’ll stick to the truth from here on out. But, you may be about to hear things you don’t want to know about.”

  “Let me be the judge of that,” I reply. “I’d rather know than not know, even if it means hearing something terrible. Understand?”

  “I understand,” he says, with a wink. “You are stronger than I first thought. I’m proud of you.” He kisses me on my forehead and after a brief hug, continues with his story. “It was reported, we don’t know by who, that she had two children. The council forbid her to bring them to Traveler or register your births. To punish Chawlya, the Council refused me passage back to Earth.

  “We left you and Makayah in the care of my sister, Rachael, the woman who raised you. Rachael felt it best if you and Makayah thought of her as your real mother. The chance your mother would ever return was not good. Our Council was ready to go to war. We were almost annihilated during the Tarkadian war so we couldn’t afford another war. It was decided by the Elders that Chawlya must take her place among the Council.”

  “Why?” I ask. “I thought they hated her. They didn’t want her coming back here, so they put her on the Council?”

  “We are not sure why. Perhaps as a way to keep her close. She was ordered to return, but without her daughters. She was ordered to denounce her children.”

  He pauses to watch me. I’m listening, but I really don’t want to hear any more. After a couple of sips of my coffee, I stand. My father stares out at the lake. My silence seems painful for him. He takes a large gulp of his drink and sits back down. I sit down next to him. He waits a few seconds before continuing his story.

  “Leaving you two behind almost killed your mother. She’s never been the same since that fateful day. The only thing that kept her from retrieving you on Earth were the reports she received regularly from Rachael. She loved you two more than life itself.” Dad chuckles as he explains. “She had clippings of your hair and Makayah’s braided into a draping and to this day she has not removed it.”

  “Draping?” I ask. “She had my hair made into a draping?”

  “Takoda wears them too,” he replies, with his voice cracking.

  “You mean the leather and beads?”

  “Now you know. I’m unioned to your real mother, Chawlya. I love her. Rachael was my sister, and I love and miss her too. That’s why she cried. She missed us.”

  “Aunt Deborah?” I ask.

  “She’s my older sister, and she knows.”

  “So is that why you have no issues with me seeing Takoda?” I’m not sure how much I want him to know about our relationship.

  “I’m not blind, Journey.”

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “It’s that obvious,” he teases.

  “So where’s my mother now?”

  Dad ignores my question. “We know you loved Rachael and thought of her as your real mother. We do not want to take that away from you or Makayah. Chawlya knew what she was giving up when she left Earth.”

  “Then why did she leave us?”

  “To protect you and to stop a war between our two planets. She loves both worlds and only wants to do what is best for everyone. She sits on the Council of Elders as a full member. Not everyone on the Council knows the truth. Abeytu was able to conceal some of the facts, but it’s been difficult.”

  “Who knows about us? Me and Makayah?” I ask, concerned about my sister’s safety.

  “Abeytu and I have kept your heritage a secret from everyone.”

  “But you put us in school. How secret is that? Doesn’t the school know who we are?”

  Dad shakes his head as he talks. “They know you are my children. We reported Rachael as your biological mother. No one person knows the whole truth. The Council has never been to Earth. They do not know my family.”

  “This is so not right!” I yell. “This is so wrong.”

  “Journey, you need to understand, we’re only doing what we felt was right and safe for everyone.” He tries to defend his actions.

  “Right for who?” I ask. “You? Makayah? Me? My mothers?”

&nbs
p; “We thought it best if you could have a chance at a normal life, or as close to normal as possible.”

  My anger’s rising and it takes all my strength not to run from the room. I learned my lesson about running blindly away from a problem. No, it’s time to stand up for what’s right, and to fight what’s wrong.

  “I want to meet my real mother,” I say.

  He’s shocked and when he answers his voice cracks. “I’m not sure that’s possible.”

  “Oh, it’s possible,” I snap. “And you’re going to make it happen. I wish to meet the woman who gave birth to me. Don’t make me go looking for her!”

  “Journey, please,” my father begs. “Promise me you will not go looking for her. I’ll do what I can, honest. But if anyone discovers who you really are, they will not hesitate to…”

  “To kill me!” I say finishing his sentence for him.

  Dad looks away.

  “Well, it seems that this planet is just as screwed up as Earth after all,” I scream.

  The tears fall and I can’t hold back the waves of sadness. My father hugs me. “This is so wrong.” I cry out in my father’s arms. “This is so wrong!”

  “You can’t tell Makayah any of this. She’s happy. If you say anything to her, it could upset her. She only remembers Rachael. She has no memory of Chawlya. She was only a year old when she left you and…”

  “You mean my mother left me when I was only eight years old? What kind of a mother leaves her baby and an eight year old child—on another planet?” The thought of it makes me want to hate her.

  “She left to protect you. She loves you, but had no choice—no say—in the matter.”

  “No, you’re wrong. A mother fights for her children. She doesn’t just run away and hide. No, that woman is a coward. You know what?” I yell, facing my father. “She is not my mother, Rachael is my mother.”

  I run to the lake. The sun’s hidden behind a thick layer of fog. The lake is dull, no reflection. I sit next to the lifeless water and cry. Frogs croak in the distance and I wish I could go home; to Carolina, back to my mountains.

  • • •

  Two strong legs wrap around me, and I’m cuddled by familiar arms. Takoda leans in close and hugs me tight. We sit in silence for several minutes before I finally have the strength to speak.