Dating Essentials for Men

by Robert Glover

  •“What would YOU like to do?”

  This passively pleasing attitude doesn’t make women think you are respectful, it makes them think you are wimpy. A healthy woman wants a man to take the lead. She doesn’t want to be in control and she doesn’t want a wimp.

  An integrated male can set the tone and take the lead without being controlling. Decide how you want to live your life and invite a woman to follow.

  Always remember, a woman can’t follow where a man doesn’t lead.

  Tell, Don’t Ask

  Tell a woman to do what she already wants to do (even if she doesn’t know it yet).

  This projects confidence and mojo. When you tell a woman what to do, with no attachment to outcome, you will appear to have greater status than her, this will turn her on.

  Never ask a woman for her phone number, say “give me your number.” Never ask a woman if she wants to go out with you, tell her “meet me Tuesday at 7:00 at Starbucks.”

  Never ask a woman if she wants to have sex, tell her “take your clothes off and get in my bed.” It is amazing how many women have told me “I can’t believe you’re telling me what to do” as they are unbuttoning their blouse!

  Take Action

  Action projects mojo. Sexual interest is communicated through action – not discussions. Don’t talk about it, just do it!

  A while back in a group I led for single men, one of the guys mentioned that he had a date the next weekend with a woman he met at speed dating. The group member had been talking about this woman in group for about four weeks. Even though they had actually only spent about an hour and half together in addition to the seven-minute speed date, they had been talking on the phone for weeks, discussing the nature of their relationship, whether or not they would have sex, etc., etc.

  I told the group member that it was time to “Fuck more, talk less.”

  This is always a good philosophy when it comes to taking the kind of action that projects confidence and mojo!

  Don’t Spend Too Much Time Listening to Women Talk About Their Problems

  Nice Guys and bad daters mistakenly believe that spending lots of time listening to women, asking them what they want, and letting them set the tone is effective foreplay. It isn’t. This approach just turns you into a girlfriend with a penis.

  While communication is important in building relationships, action is more powerful than talk when it comes to building passion.

  There is actually a reverse correlation between the amount of time a man spends listening to a woman talk about her problems and the amount of sex she will have with him. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but test it.

  Tease Her

  Healthy women love to be teased. It is a great way to raise a woman’s interest level if she already has at least moderate interest in you. It really doesn’t matter what you say or do, just tease her.

  Teasing and humor projects dominance and familiarity.

  I did a survey awhile back asking women why they were attracted to a man who can make them laugh. The common answer was that it projects confidence and intelligence. Many said it made them feel secure. One woman (who I was dating) responded matter-of-factly, “I don’t care if a man is homely, if he makes me laugh, I’ll do him!”

  Touch Her

  Touching a woman while you are talking to her demonstrates dominance and confidence. It is also a great way to test for interest level.

  Lean into her. Press your shoulder against hers. Gently but firmly grasp her arm just above her elbow and direct her through a crowded room. Touch the small of her back and gently pull her toward you. Take her hand when you cross a busy street. Lean in and kiss her on the cheek when you say goodbye.

  Most bad daters are afraid of offending a woman or being rejected by her. But if a woman has high interest in you, she will like being touched by you.

  Let Go of Attachment to Outcome

  If you don’t have any attachments to outcome, you can take all kinds of chances. You can risk looking foolish. You can crash and burn and live to tell about it. As soon as you get attached to outcomes, you’ll become passive and risk-averse. Test, set the tone. Lovingly don’t give a fuck what she thinks about you.

  Most of the principles I have presented in this chapter will be further explained and illustrated in part 2 of the book. Keep reading.

  Part 2: Perfecting Your Practice

  The chapters in this half of Dating Essentials for Men focus on learning new skills and developing new daily routines. These skills and routines will help you meet and talk to women and get what you want in dating, love and sex.

  I promise, you will be amazed by the end of this section how easy it is to meet women, talk to them, get their phone numbers, and even get them into your bed. You will be amazed at how easy dating is when you apply some tried and true principles.

  But I also have to warn you. Perfecting Your Practice is where the rubber meets the road. In the Mastering Your Mind part of Dating Essentials for Men, you could easily just read my tidbits of wisdom on dating, relationships, and women and nod your head and say, “This is good stuff.”

  PYP is where you actually have to get out there and do something!

  When I first started putting the Dating Essentials for Men material together, I questioned myself, “There is already so much information on dating out there, and so many gurus teaching men to date, who am I assume that my philosophy and approach will make a difference?” That was around 2007 and I expect the amount of dating resources and number of dating gurus has tripled or quadrupled since then.

  I came to the realization back when I began creating Dating Essentials for Men, it didn’t really matter how much material was already out there, because the majority of bad daters are looking for a quick fix or magic bullet.

  What many lonely, horny guys do is go surfing online for something that will change their love and sex life without them really having to do anything different. The average bad dater will purchase boatloads of books, CDs, classes, programs, and even boot camps, looking for a quick easy fix to their frustrations around women, love, and sex.

  I also discovered that regardless of how much good material the average bad dater buys and consumes, most rarely push themselves out of their comfort zone and consistently go apply what the material encourages them to do. They just keep buying more material.

  That is what I mean when I say that Perfecting Your Practice is where everything gets real. If you really want something to be different in your life, you are going to have to do something different. Sometimes these different things are going to scare you to death. Luckily, your anxieties won’t kill you.

  Everything I present in this section is doable. I know this, because not only have I – the original bad dater – done them all many times, I’ve watched countless other bad daters practice these principles and have great dating success.

  This shit works if you work it.

  Make a commitment to yourself. Vow to get out daily and practice the stuff I teach you in this book. Do the things that scare you the most – that is where the real growth and transformation occurs.

  Perhaps it will be helpful to know, I didn’t really write this book to help men meet women and get more love and sex. I wrote Dating Essentials for Men to help us grow as men, face our fears, get out of the nursery, embrace the challenging and fulfilling world of the masculine, and transform every aspect of our lives for the better.

  The fact that a very pleasant side effect of practicing what I teach in Dating Essentials for Men is that you will discover that interacting with women, getting their numbers, getting laid, and finding a Really Great Woman, isn’t all that hard.

  Dating Essentials for Men has the power to transform your life in every way. The fact that you will also learn how to attract great women into your life is just the icing on the cake.

  Let’s do it!

  Chapter 11: Pay Attention to Detail (She Does)

  “God is in the details” – Ludwig Mie’s van
der Rohe

  Men find comfort in repetition and familiarity. We guys tend to get into ruts and do the same old thing over and over again. The average male can be happy wearing the same shirt and pair of pants day after day. Men can walk past piles of crap stacked around their house and hardly notice. Guys can get into a filthy car, toss another Burger King bag or Starbucks cup on the floor and leave it there for weeks.

  These tendencies seem to be especially true for bad daters.

  A lack of focus, inattention to detail, procrastination, and problems following through are common traits of BDs. These patterns of neglect are manifested throughout their life – in their home, their car, their behavior, and their personal appearance. This pattern of inattention to detail is one of the reasons bad daters have problems with dating and relationships.

  If you want to be a successful dater and naturally attract women, you have to pay attention to the details in every area of your life.

  Turning Women On

  Do you know what turns women on?

  Most bad daters assume it might include having lots of money, being tall and good looking, having a full head of hair, being different from all the “jerks” out there, or listening to women talk about their problems for hours on end.

  These are all the wrong answers.

  Women are sensual creatures. They experience life through their senses – touch, sight, taste, smell, and with what they hear. Their senses control their emotional state.

  When a woman’s senses are positively activated by a man, she experiences attraction. Even though women aren’t as focused on a man’s physical appearance as men are on a woman’s, it still matters. Women are attracted to effort, confidence, potential, and attention to detail. These things all create a positive impact on their senses.

  The purpose of this chapter is to get you to look at yourself and your environment through different eyes (the way a woman might look at things). The suggestions in this lesson will help you activate all of a woman’s senses in a positive way. This information is meant to make you aware and conscious of what you personally project to women and what your surroundings say about you.

  Remember, women notice the details, even if you don’t.

  Attracting Women Naturally

  Most bad daters and Nice Guys tend to look for some kind of magic formula that will cause women to instantly fall for them. These same guys want a shortcut or guaranteed pick-up line or opener that will make them irresistible to women. Believe it not, seeking these fail-proof openers and magic bullets actually require way too much work.

  Paying attention to detail in your life not only improves the quality of your everyday life, it also is a powerful way to attract women to you naturally without you having to depend on overworked and artificial pick-up routines.

  This chapter contains a ton of easy ways to improve your life. It is somewhat of a shotgun approach, so don’t get overwhelmed. Pick a few of the suggestions and start working on your life a little at a time. Before long, you will be amazed at how much easier it is to naturally attract women to you – just by the way you live!

  If god is in the details, so is your Really Great Woman!

  Oh, and just a warning. Don’t let your mind talk you into waiting until you have checked off every box in this chapter before you actually get out there and talk to women. Do both. Work on your life while you work on your dating skills

  Personal Grooming

  You can’t wait until you find a girlfriend to start paying attention to detail in your life. You never know when you might cross paths with a woman who could be a really great match. Every time you walk out your front door, look like you are going someplace important. Whether you are just running to the 7-11 or walking your dog in the park, look like you care.

  Hair. You want a style that looks good, suits you, and is easy to maintain. If you are balding or have receding or thinning hair, go as short as possible. Either trim it close or shave your head. As hair thins or recedes, keeping it short minimizes the effect. Short cropped hair looks confident and masculine. Never comb over any part – it is obvious (like when a woman pulls her long sweater over her ass hoping no one will notice how big it is). Comb-overs make you look insecure and geeky. Just go short.

  If it has been awhile since you changed or experimented with your hairstyle, go to a salon and get a really good style. The cut will cost more than you think it is worth, but a pro will know what looks best on you. Ask them to show you how to style it the way they did and ask what product they used. Then, when you get home, have a friend take pictures of your hair from several angles.

  The next time you need a haircut, take the pictures to Hairmasters or your barber. They can make it look the same for less money if they have a picture to go on. Then, depending on how fast your hair grows, get it cut regularly (probably every three to five weeks). Style your hair and use your product. Keep it simple, but do it.

  Teeth. Of course you will floss and brush your teeth daily. Go to the dentist twice a year for cleaning. Talk with your dentist about the appearance of your teeth. Most guys would benefit from having their teeth whitened periodically, especially if they drink coffee or smoke (if you smoke or chew, quit).

  If your teeth are crooked or uneven, consider orthodontics or veneers. Veneers can be a great way to improve the look of your teeth at a reasonable price. Your smile says volumes about you, so make it electric. If bad or yellowing teeth make you too uptight to smile, take care of it. You are worth it.

  Just a few years ago, I invested in veneers and crowns for my top teeth. I had never really liked my smile. Since that time, I smile freely and people tell me I looked happier and younger – and much more attractive. I suggest you save yourself a ton of money on dental work, plan a dental vacation to Mexico.

  Your Body. Go to the gym regularly and get yourself into shape. Slim down or build up. You will undoubtedly feel more confident if you are lean and strong. There is no reason not to be.

  Being and staying fit will help you live longer and improve your mood. Most women aren’t looking for a body builder, but they like a man who takes care of himself, looks good in his clothes, and is comfortable getting naked. So, if you have been telling yourself, no woman would want you because you are overweight or too skinny, do something about it. No more excuses!

  A note. Throughout the chapters in this book, I will repeatedly state that women are “security seeking creatures.” They look to men to make them feel safe. This is the core of female attraction.

  In order for a woman to feel safe with a man, she has to know that he is in control of himself. That is the reason for their “shit tests.” They have to test and see if you have your “shit” together before they will feel safe with you.

  One of the first signals you send about whether or not you are in control of yourself is what you project with your body. This why you need to take good care of your body, eat healthy and workout regularly. If you are overweight or sunken-chested, women will immediately see you as a man who doesn’t have control of himself. This is a complete turn-off for the kind of women you want to attract.

  Finger Nails. Many women have told me that is one of the first things they notice about a man. If your nails are dirty, ragged, or too long, this is a turn off for many women.

  Facial Hair. If you have facial hair, keep it groomed and trimmed. I know Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt can get away with looking like street bums, but most of us can’t. You can buy clippers with depth guides to help you keep facial hair neat and proportional. You can also ask a good stylist what looks good on your face. What we guys think looks good is not always accurate.

  A little facial stubble can look stylish, but don’t use it as excuse to avoid shaving regularly. Women generally tell me they like a smooth face on a man. Stubble irritates their sensitive skin.

  Manscaping. Body hair is masculine. You don’t have to go through the waxing agony of the Steve Carell character in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, but you should keep body hair under
control. Trimmers with a guide can come in handy to keep chest and back hair nicely trimmed. There is no need to look like a shaggy bear after six months of hibernation.

  As we guys get older, we lose hair on our heads and grow it everywhere else. At least once a week, trim the hairs in your nose and ears. Women really notice this (they tell me all the time to be sure and tell men to pay attention these details). You can use a small battery powered trimmer made for this or small scissors with blunt ends. I regularly get my ears waxed and my eyebrows trimmed by a professional. It doesn’t cost much, doesn’t take long, and makes a big difference.

  Cologne. I personally believe that the natural smell of male pheromone is the best scent on a man. Surveys I have seen say that most women don’t like a lot of cologne on a man. If you like to wear cologne, take a woman shopping with you and have her help you pick a good scent for your body. Then use a light touch. Too much fragrance is a turn off. Don’t slap it on or bathe in it. Spray a gentle mist from arms’ length on your bare chest only, not your clothes.

  The rule of thumb is that the only person who should be able to smell your cologne is a woman who has her nose pressed against your chest. Since smell is the strongest memory center in the brain, your scent will trigger good feelings in your woman every time you are close to her.

  Overall Appearance. Be willing to spend money on your appearance. Dental work, contacts, Lasik eye surgery (one of the best gifts I ever gave myself), minor plastic surgery, even just getting a facial or manicure is a great way to improve your looks and make you feel good about yourself. This doesn’t make you vain. You don’t have to go overboard, but invest in yourself.

  Every guy I have ever known who has done something to improve his overall look has felt great about the investment he made in himself. Most guys wish they had done it sooner.

  Fashion

  “They come runnin' just as fast as they can, Coz every girl crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.” – ZZ Top

  Develop your own style. This means giving some thought to what looks good on you and what makes you feel good. Fashion is a conscious process. Find a basic look that works well for you, whether it is jeans and a t-shirt, chinos and polo shirts, or nice trousers and button-down shirts..