Harlequin Love Inspired March 2021--Box Set 1 of 2

by Marta Perry

  “I come here when I can’t take it anymore.” She didn’t look at him.

  “Take what?” he asked quietly.

  “Life.” She turned to him then. “I was away at college when I found out Mia was diagnosed with cancer. I came home for Christmas break, and I remember trudging up this hill in a foot of snow and sinking to my knees and begging God to save her. A couple of months after she died, Gabby and I decided to celebrate Mia’s life by camping up here. It was summer, and the black sky, the millions of stars overhead and the peace of this place helped heal my heart. I come here whenever life gets to be too much.”

  “I can see why.”

  “I came here when I found out my parents wanted to sell the ranch.”

  “Ah…” His expression was sympathetic as he pushed up to a seated position. “You probably came here when you found out I was buying it, too.”

  “I did.”

  “You didn’t like me.”

  “I didn’t know you.”

  “Do you know me now?”

  “Yes. I think so, at least.” She licked her lips, nervous all of a sudden. Undercurrents swam beneath their conversation.

  “Did you leave anyone special behind at college?” His caramel eyes captured her, and she inhaled sharply.

  Someone special? Yeah, right. She’d never had a real boyfriend. It wasn’t that she’d lacked for dates in high school to school dances and such. And a few guys had asked her out in college. She’d even said yes to them. But no one had captured her interest. Not the way she’d hoped.

  “No.”

  “Why aren’t you seeing anyone?” He sounded curious, not judgmental. “I don’t get it.”

  It was on the tip of her tongue to snap that it certainly wasn’t by choice, but maybe that wasn’t true. She’d been blaming the men in town for not being interested in her. The truth was she wasn’t interested in them, either.

  With a slight shrug, she gazed out over the prairie. “They aren’t into me, and I’m not into them.”

  He shifted slightly closer. “High standards?”

  “Them?” Her head told her to lean away and create some distance between them. But her body remained frozen in place. “Or me?”

  “You.” His glance fell to her mouth, and she shivered.

  “No, not high standards. More like unrealistic expectations.”

  His mouth curved into a smile, and her pulse pounded like the pronghorn herd over the prairie they’d watched earlier.

  “You’re not the only one, Eden.” The sound of her name on his lips flashed goose bumps over her skin. “I’m the king of unrealistic expectations.”

  “I’m sorry, Ryder. I guess real life caught up with both of us.”

  His eyes darkened and his cheek muscle flexed. “I wonder…”

  What? What did he wonder? She got the impression he wanted to kiss her. She shouldn’t be having these feelings, but she wanted him to kiss her. Desperately.

  He squinted as if he’d had a thought he didn’t want. Then he shook his head and eased back. “No.”

  Disappointment hit her hard.

  It was better this way. She was under no illusions. She wasn’t his type.

  Even so, it sure felt like another unrealistic expectation had just popped.

  CHAPTER NINE

  These feelings for Eden were another unrealistic expectation waiting to destroy him.

  Tuesday morning Ryder and Chris rode behind several cows and their young calves, encouraging them to join the rest of the herd. It was a cool, windy day, and he wore a black sweatshirt to protect himself from the chill. He wished he had something he could put on to protect his heart from these inconvenient feelings he had for Eden.

  “Looks like we missed a few.” Chris nodded to another small bunch of cows and their calves hiding behind a hill near a stretch of cottonwoods.

  Ryder followed him to the group, and together they pushed them along with the rest of the stragglers. As his horse trotted, he kept an eye on the cattle and let his mind wander.

  He’d enjoyed having Eden’s parents over on Saturday. They’d treated Harper and Ivy like they were family. They’d treated him like he was, too. And ever since, he’d been thinking he liked the idea of being part of a bigger family. He liked the thought of the girls having grandparents.

  But that desire took a distant second to what he’d felt when Eden had taken him to that beautiful piece of land. He could see why she was drawn to the place, and he’d been honored when she’d opened up her private thoughts to him. Her claim about having unrealistic expectations had struck him to the core.

  He’d been let down by unrealistic expectations his entire life.

  And for whatever reason, acknowledging it there—on the hill overlooking the prairie full of grass and wildflowers—had sent his attraction to Eden to a whole new level.

  He’d almost kissed her.

  The only thing that had stopped him was remembering the twins’ third birthday when Lily had told him she was leaving him. He’d been blindsided. Looking back, he wasn’t sure why. They’d had problems for years. The relationship had been all but over a few months after the twins were born.

  But still…hearing Lily tell him she was leaving him, watching the movers come and pack her things, knowing she would be living with another man from that moment forward… It had taken an emotional toll.

  He couldn’t afford another crippling emotional event at this point in his life. The twins needed him to be strong. They needed their daddy. They certainly didn’t have a mother to rely on.

  “If we push ’em to the gate, we can do a quick check on the forty-five tag.” Chris looked bright-eyed today. “Is something wrong?”

  “No, I’m fine.” He had to get his mind back on the cattle where it belonged. “I’ll open the gate.”

  When they’d gotten the cattle through, they checked on the calf and headed back.

  “Is it okay for me to kick off a little early on Friday?” Chris asked.

  “Sure. You have plans with Trevor, right?” Ryder asked as they loped across the land. Yesterday, Chris had asked for the weekend off. Ryder had no problem giving it to him. He could handle this place without Chris for a few days. He still had part-time ranch hands to help out, and if he got desperate, he could always call Mason.

  “Yep. We’re driving to Dubois for the rodeo. He’s been texting me his picks for bareback bronc riding.” Chris laughed, and Ryder was struck at how much younger he appeared. Chris often seemed to have the world on his shoulders. “That kid. He’s already competing in breakaway roping, bareback steer riding and even bull riding. He hopes to join the high school team when he’s older.”

  “My nephew’s been mutton busting.” Ryder couldn’t imagine the twins competing in a rodeo at their age, although Harper would probably be a natural fit. “Did you teach him how to ride?”

  “Of course. I had him mutton busting and barrel racing by the time he was in first grade. Kid loves the rodeo.”

  “Is your ex giving you any more trouble?”

  “When doesn’t she?” He wiped his forehead and shook his head. “I’m sure I’ll get a text Friday morning about a distant cousin’s birthday party or whatnot. I’m not bending this time.”

  The barns came into view. Lily was supposed to be arriving on Friday. Mandy had emailed him the flight time and the address of the luxury log cabin Lily would be staying in. He still didn’t think she’d actually show up.

  Maybe he, like Chris, was bending too much when it came to her. Everything was on Lily’s terms. What was the alternative, though? He didn’t know, and he didn’t want to find out.

  * * *

  “There. You’re all set.” Eden tied an apron with images of kittens chasing balls of yarn around Ivy’s waist Tuesday afternoon. She’d already tied Harper’s pony-themed apron. Eden and her m
om had sewed the aprons on Sunday after church. Mom had come up with the idea and, frankly, done most of the work. Spending the day with her mother had lifted Eden’s spirits, not to mention it had helped take her mind off the near kiss with Ryder.

  She was falling too hard, too fast. It was better to put the brakes on now, rather than be demolished later. At least she’d had the gumption to not eat supper with him and the girls last night. She didn’t plan on eating with them anymore moving forward.

  “What are we making today?” Harper asked. The girls waited in eager anticipation in Nicole Taylor’s small kitchen. Eden had babysat Phoebe all morning, and Gabby had picked her up right after lunch. It was just Eden and the twins baking this afternoon.

  Nicole was a pretty blonde with green eyes and a kind way about her. She wore a cute pink apron that said Bakers Gotta Bake on it.

  “I heard you two like chocolate.” Nicole watched them carefully. They yelled “Yes!” and clapped. She grinned. “We’re making a triple-layer chocolate cake.”

  Ivy turned and took Harper’s hands in hers. They jumped in excitement.

  “Are the babies gonna help?” Harper grew serious.

  “No, they’re still too little.”

  “Can I hold one after we make the cake?” Ivy asked.

  “I don’t see why not.” Nicole’s smile lit her eyes. “They seem to like you.”

  The triplets were all bouncing in ExerSaucers in the dining area. Eden took a seat near them while Nicole instructed the girls.

  “Okay, Ivy, why don’t you pour the sugar into the mixer. And Harper, unwrap this stick of butter…”

  Henry, the baby with the darkest hair, thumped the meat of his palms on the tray and yelled when a rubber squeeze toy shaped like a penguin went flying. Eden picked it up and gave it back to him. His gummy grin dripped with drool. He was the cutest thing she’d seen all day. And that was saying something considering she was surrounded by cute.

  Eli was parked next to Henry, and his little tongue stuck out as he concentrated on trying to move a squeaky tiger down a curved, plastic-coated wire. Amelia was bouncing and chirping and smiling away.

  Eden really wanted a baby. As much as she tried to push the urge away, it was still there. It had been there for years.

  Don’t go there. Think about something else—think about something you can actually have. Like a teaching career.

  While a part of her was excited at the thought of getting her degree, another part ached at what felt like goodbye. Making the final decision to go back to school felt like she was locking the door to her other dreams—the ones of becoming a wife and mother. Her logic might not make sense, but she couldn’t shake the feeling, just the same.

  “Our mommy’s coming on Friday,” Ivy said to Nicole.

  “She is? That’s wonderful!” Nicole’s enthusiasm must have pleased Ivy because she beamed.

  “She’s not staying at our house, though.” Harper was more matter-of-fact.

  “That’s okay.” Nicole handed Harper a whisk and gestured for her to whisk the dry ingredients they’d added to a separate bowl. “The important thing is you get to spend time with her.”

  “I want to show her how I can ride a horse.” Harper whisked a little too hard and some flour went flying. “Sorry! I didn’t mean it.”

  “It’s fine, Harper.” Nicole chuckled. “I do it all the time. Baking is messy.”

  Eden’s heart swelled in appreciation for her friend. The woman was one of a kind. She’d lost her husband when she was only a few months pregnant, then she’d moved back to Rendezvous and had the triplets. Last Christmas, she’d fallen in love with Judd Wilson, the cowboy who owned the ranch her cabin sat on. Nicole and Judd were engaged but hadn’t set the date yet. And even with her hands so full, Nicole had still carved out time to make two little girls very happy today.

  Amelia started cooing, “Ooh, ooh, ooh,” and Eden laughed.

  “After the cake is all done, we’re going to put it in a pretty pink box to take home.” Nicole turned the mixer on low.

  “You mean we get to keep it?” Harper asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Daddy likes chocolate.” Ivy nodded.

  Harper peered into the mixer. “Can we lick the bowl?”

  “We’d better not.” As Nicole gave them tips about not eating batter with raw eggs, Eden’s mind drifted back to Saturday.

  Taking Ryder to her special place had been a mistake. Spending the afternoon alone with him had deepened her connection to him, and her feelings had already been inching too close to begin with. Later that night, after the cookout, when she was alone in her apartment, it had hit her that Ryder didn’t have family. Not the way she did.

  He had no parents. His grandparents were gone. Besides Mason, Ryder didn’t have extended family to depend on when life got rough.

  Eden had always been close to her mother and father. She still was.

  Maybe she’d overreacted when her parents sold the ranch. After all, a house was just a bunch of walls if her loved ones weren’t there with her.

  For the next few minutes the mixer whirred loudly, then Nicole turned it off and instructed the girls how to pour the batter into three round pans. Soon, the cakes were in the oven and the timer was set.

  “Can I hold a baby now?” Ivy steepled her hands with the tips of her fingers below her chin.

  “After we wash our hands. Eden, would you mind taking Eli out and setting him in the living room? There’s a quilt on the floor.” Nicole guided the girls down the hall to wash their hands in the bathroom. “I’ll be right there.”

  Eden lifted Eli out and cuddled him to her chest. He stared at her with a serious expression, and she kissed his forehead. “You are way too cute, little guy.”

  She brought him over to the quilt and talked to him for a while before setting him down, and before she knew it, Nicole had carried over Amelia and Henry.

  “Sit on the couch, Ivy, and I’ll hand her to you.” Once Ivy was settled, Nicole placed Amelia in her open arms.

  “She’s heavy.” Ivy smiled down at the child and kissed the top of her head. “She’s prettier than my baby. I wish I could take her home.”

  Nicole laughed. “That’s nice of you to say. Maybe when you’re older, you’ll babysit her. You never know.”

  “I’d like that.” Ivy hugged the child. “Would you like me to babysit you, Amelia?”

  “Harper, would you like to hold Henry?”

  “No thanks.” Harper got down on the quilt and spread out on her tummy. She propped her elbows on the floor and rested her chin on her palms, with her feet in the air. “Can this one crawl?”

  “He can.”

  “Why isn’t he?” Harper asked.

  “He’s playing.”

  “Are you gonna let him eat that puppy?” She seemed concerned he was chewing on the ear of the stuffed animal.

  “Yes.”

  “Can I set her on the quilt?” Ivy asked. “I want to play down there, too.”

  Nicole took Amelia from her and set her on the quilt with the boys. The twins played with the triplets while Eden and Nicole watched them and chitchatted.

  “I’ve decided to take online classes this fall.” Eden figured it was time to start getting her friends used to the idea. She’d already told Gabby last night.

  “You are?” Nicole curled her knees to the side where she sat opposite Eden on the couch. “What kind of classes?”

  “I’m going to finish my degree.” Saying the words out loud bolstered her courage. “I’m switching majors. I want to be a teacher.”

  “You’ll be fantastic! Remind me what your original major was.”

  “Early education. Preschool, mainly.”

  “Ah.” Nicole’s smile encouraged her. “What changed your mind?”

  “It’s time.” And thos
e two words spread peace to the nooks and crannies clinging to her old dreams. “Mason’s moved on. Gabby’s moved on. You’ve moved on. It’s time for me to move on, too.”

  “Have you moved on where it counts?” Nicole pointed to her chest. “In here?”

  “Yes.” It was true. She’d moved on from Mia’s death.

  “That’s all that matters. Tell me everything.”

  Eden kept an eye on the girls, who were happily giving the triplets toys, as she filled Nicole in on what steps she needed to take to get her degree.

  “I’m really impressed,” Nicole said. “But I hope you aren’t planning on moving away.”

  “Oh, no. This is my home.”

  “Good.” Nicole cast a sly glance at the twins, then raised innocent eyebrows. “Rendezvous has a lot to offer.”

  Heat rushed to Eden’s cheeks. “All I’m asking for is a full-time job. Preferably teaching younger grades.”

  “Nothing else?” Nicole gave a quick jerk of her head toward the girls.

  “No.” But it was a lie. Eden wanted it all, including Ryder and the girls.

  One of the triplets let out a cry, and Nicole excused herself.

  An uncomfortable thought weighed on her chest. If Ryder didn’t have the twins, would she still be drawn to him?

  She tried to picture him without the girls and couldn’t. They were a package deal.

  Why was she thinking about it anyhow?

  Ryder did have the girls.

  And he had a beautiful, glamorous ex-wife along with a firm resolution he was never getting married again.

  So regardless if she was falling for him and wanted to be part of the girls’ lives, it wasn’t going to happen. She had no say in it.

  The inevitability of it all crashed down on her. Their time together would end in a few short months. She would not be a permanent part of their lives.

  Always the babysitter. Never the bride.

  * * *

  Ryder stood in front of Eden’s door at eight o’clock that night. The girls were watching an animated film with Noah at Mason’s house. All day he’d been looking forward to having supper with Eden and then talking to her in private. But Eden had left as soon as he’d finished his ranch chores. He really needed to speak to her alone. There was still a good chance Lily would cancel her visit, but if she didn’t, Ryder needed backup with the girls on Saturday and Sunday morning.