Amish Widow's Secret

by Samantha Price

They traveled about five miles and came to a street of houses near the edge of the township.

  "The bishop lives in that cream-colored house there.” Maud pointed to a house just before Max pulled into its driveway.

  There were already about twenty buggies lined up in a row and from the number of people Reuben had told her were in the community that might mean that everybody was already there. They pulled up next to Reuben’s wagon and Cassandra noticed that he was nowhere in sight.

  She looked over at the house and saw people going inside. She wasn't nervous about meeting new people like she would’ve been when she was younger. In the back of her mind, the birth was the worst thing she could think that she’d ever have to go through, so meeting new people was nothing in comparison.

  Maud got out of the buggy while Max secured the horse.

  "We won't wait for Max. The bishop doesn't like people to be late," Maud told Cassandra.

  "I'm right behind you."

  Maud linked her arm through Cassandra’s. "Don't be scared."

  "I'm not. Why would I be?"

  Maud gave a small laugh. "There’s no reason. I just thought you might be."

  The bishop's house was much smaller than the typical houses back home. And there weren't many people in the house, which was just as well. The main room in the bishop’s house definitely wouldn't have held all the people in her own community.

  A few people came up to introduce themselves, and then everyone took their seats when a man stood up to open with prayer.

  “He’s the deacon,” Maud whispered as she pulled Cassandra into the second front row with her.

  As soon as the prayer was over, a man stood up and sang.

  “That’s Bishop John over there,” Maud whispered.

  He was a man who appeared to be in his early sixties, with thick hair and beard—a mixture of gray and black.

  The bishop gave the word on giving thanks and how we should give thanks every day no matter if we think what has happened to us is bad or good. Cassandra thought that notion quite silly.

  Why would she thank God for being in the situation she was in? It wasn't a situation to be proud of or happy about. Having a baby out of wedlock would be the worst thing that could happen to a young woman who was supposed to be Godly.

  Maybe the bishop had meant that people could give thanks to God for most of their situations, but certainly not all. That was something she’d find out from him if he wanted to speak with her sometime. She had yet to make the decision to be baptized and become a proper member of the community. As it was, she knew she had one foot in and one foot out. Had it not been for the pregnancy she wouldn’t have gone back to her parents’ house.

  The rest of the meeting was pretty much the same as meetings back home, singing and prayers.

  When the meeting was over, she looked over to the other side of the room where the men sat. She caught Reuben’s eye, and he smiled at her. She gave a quick smile back and then looked away.

  She knew it wouldn't be good to act too friendly with him in front of other people—tongues would wag. Besides that, if she told the bishop her secret it wouldn’t be good if he knew she was becoming close to Reuben.

  Everyone moved out of the house.

  “We’re eating outside today because the weather is fine,” Maud said.

  Before long, the tables were spread with a huge variety of food.

  “There aren’t as many people as my community, but there’s nearly as much food here,” Cassandra said.

  Just as Cassandra had suspected he would, the bishop came to speak with her during the meal. Thankfully, there was nobody close by.

  "Cassandra, is it?"

  "Jah, it's nice to meet you.” Cassandra put out her hand and the bishop shook it.

  "I know your parents."

  "You do?"

  "I do. I haven't seen them for many years, but I stayed in their community when I was quite young."

  "They didn't mention they knew you, but I guess I didn't ask."

  "Would you like to visit with me and my wife—say on Tuesday afternoon?"

  "Jah, I would love to. Would you like me to come by myself or would you like Maud to come too?"

  "By yourself; that would be preferable."

  "All right. I'll have to arrange someone to get me there.”

  “Let me know if you have difficulty and my wife and I can collect you and bring you back."

  "Denke. I should be able to arrange something."

  She was certain that Max would take her there and bring her back if the bishop had asked to see her.

  When the meal was over, Cassandra, Max, Maud, and Reuben were the last to leave.

  "We might as well go from here rather than go back to the house," Reuben said to Cassandra.

  "That's fine with me." Cassandra hoped the bishop and his wife wouldn't see the two of them together. She didn't want to have to drop the bombshell that she was pregnant and have to explain her friendship with Reuben all at the same time.

  When she climbed up into the wagon, she looked around and the bishop and his wife were nowhere to be seen. She waved goodbye to Max and Maud and then they were on their way.

  "What did you think about our meeting?" he asked.

  "Pretty much the same as the meetings back home."

  "Is that good or bad?"

  "Neither good nor bad. It's just that's what I had expected, I guess."

  "You don't give much away do you?"

  She glanced over to see him smiling. "What do you mean? What would you have me say?"

  "Normally people like what our bishop has to say."

  "Jah, I did. Put it this way; it certainly got me thinking.”

  He took his eyes off her and looked back at the road. She knew she would have to change the subject otherwise they would be talking about the bishop all day and the merits of his sermon.

  "And where are you taking me to date?" She laughed. “I mean, today?”

  He laughed along with her. “On our ‘date,’ I’m taking you back to the windmill we saw from the wagon the other day. Remember I told you I wanted to explore around it?"

  "I remember. That sounds gut.”

  Chapter 15

  Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit,

  and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

  Ephesians 6:18

  * * *

  “I saw you talking with Bishop John,” Reuben said.

  “Jah, he seems very nice and his wife does too. What's her name again?"

  "Her name is Ruth."

  "The bishop asked me to visit them on Tuesday afternoon."

  Reuben gave a little chuckle.

  "What's so funny? Isn't that what he does with all the people who visit the community?"

  "I'm not certain about that. Let me know what happens.” Reuben laughed some more.

  "Why are you laughing? What's going to happen?"

  "I'm sorry. I shouldn't find it funny. I can just picture you there, sipping tea and nibbling very politely on a cookie."

  “Jah, that's how it will be because I am very polite."

  "You’re different, that’s what you are.”

  Cassandra pouted not knowing if that was good or bad. “How so?”

  “You’re different from the other girls.”

  "I hope that's a good thing."

  "It is a good thing. I think it's good to be different. Everybody needs to be their own person."

  "Are you giving me a compliment?"

  "Jah I am.”

  Cassandra couldn't stop smiling when she was around him and she hoped he felt the same. “What about you?”

  He glanced over at her. “What about me—what?”

  "Did you have to talk with the bishop when you first came here?"

  He shook his head. "When I first came here, there was an old bishop here. He's since died, and I didn't have to see him either."

  “Where is this windmill?"

&nbs
p; "Aren't you enjoying this ride with me in the sunshine?"

  She giggled. "I am, but the wagon’s a little rougher than a buggy."

  "Next time I take you out somewhere, I’ll arrange to borrow Max’s buggy."

  "So you're confident there will be a next time?" She lifted her chin and stared at him down her nose.

  He grinned. "I'm saying I want there to be a next time, but I can't speak for you. I think I've got my work cut out for me. I’ll have to work very hard to impress you today so you’ll go out with me again sometime this week."

  "This week. Isn’t that moving a little too quickly?"

  "You know what I always say?" He smiled at her.

  "You snooze you lose?"

  He gave a nod. "You're a fast learner."

  Maybe the bishop had been right after all. If she had not gotten pregnant, she wouldn't have been sent to Oakes County, to Aunt Maud’s. And if she hadn’t come to Aunt Maud’s she wouldn’t have met Reuben. She was sure she would never meet another man as good as he. They rode in the wagon in silence enjoying the sunshine for another five minutes before the windmill came into view.

  “Are we here already?" Cassandra asked.

  "Yes, here it is," he said, bringing the horse to a halt. He hurried around to help her out of the wagon.

  When she stepped down, she said, "You're a true gentleman."

  "I am. And that's just one of the many good things about me."

  "And what are some other good things about you?"

  "I have to leave some things for you to discover by yourself. If I were to tell you everything you would think of me as prideful."

  Cassandra laughed. “I was starting to think that anyway."

  They walked side by side to the windmill.

  "I think this is a very romantic place," he said.

  "I don't know about romantic, but it certainly is mysterious.”

  When they got closer, Reuben said, "There's the door. Shall we go inside?"

  "There is no way I'm going inside. It’s probably full of spiders."

  "And you're scared of spiders?"

  "Isn't everybody?"

  He shook his head. "Nee. Not especially. They keep some smaller pests out of the haus."

  "You can go inside there if you want and I'll wait out here. If you scream, I’m not coming in there to save you."

  He looked at her and pushed out his bottom lip. "I thought you would rescue me.”

  "Not at all."

  He laughed. "Okay; we won't go inside. Let's go for a walk down by the river."

  "That I can handle."

  As they walked, he said, "I never thought I'd meet a girl like you."

  She knew that he was falling as hard for her as she was for him. Was now the right time to tell him the real reason why she was there? She looked up at the sky to see the white fluffy clouds moving steadily along in the cool breeze. It made sense not to tell him now. It would be too easy for him to walk away, but if he just got to know her a little better, then he might truly fall in love with her and stand by her.

  Cassandra made the decision then and there to wait and tell him later. Besides, it was still early on in her pregnancy. There were a few months to go before she would even look pregnant and even then no one would be able to tell under the huge dresses that Maud had promised to help her sew.

  "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. It’s far too early considering how your boyfriend died recently. It was selfish of me not to think of that.”

  She nodded. “Jah. It is a bit too early to think about things like that."

  "Let's just enjoy one another's company," he suggested.

  "Jah, I'd like that."

  They walked along the banks of the river and exchanged stories about their childhood memories. Reuben spoke a little about his parents, and she told him a little of what it was like while she was living on rumspringa away from home and her community. Reuben had never been on a rumspringa.

  * * *

  “How did you and Reuben enjoy your time together?”

  "We had a really good time. We went for a long walk by the river and it was near an old windmill. He wanted to go inside, but I was scared it would be full of spiders." Cassandra laughed. Then she looked up, wondering why Maud was silent. "Maud, is there something wrong?"

  "Nee. It's not my place to say anything. But I wouldn't like to see either of you get hurt and that might be the outcome if the two of you grow close."

  "Are you saying I should stop seeing so much of him?"

  "Is it going to happen again?" Maud asked with one eyebrow arched.

  "He asked me if I would go out with him again during the week."

  "And you agreed?"

  Cassandra breathed out heavily, and her shoulders slumped as she nodded. “I suppose you're right. That's not the reason I'm here."

  "If you and he are meant to work out, Gott will work out."

  Cassandra wasn't convinced that what Maud said was right, but, nevertheless, she nodded as though she agreed with her.

  Chapter 16

  Commit thy way unto the Lord;

  trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

  Psalm 37:5

  * * *

  Maud had been right about everything—Cassandra saw that now. It was the very worst time that she could meet a man like Reuben and under the very worst circumstances. Maybe the bishop would have some answers or was it best not to tell him how she truly felt about Reuben? Perhaps the bishop would think it a little odd that she had feelings for another man so soon. She hadn’t been in love with Jake at the end, but she felt she was trapped in the relationship. How would she possibly explain that to the bishop? She had been as good as married to Jake since they were living together as man and wife. Feeling trapped in a relationship would mean nothing to the Amish bishop, who would’ve only told her to work through the relationship and pray about it. Now that Jake was gone, would the bishop understand what she was going through?

  She sat beside Maud at the kitchen table. "What will I do, Maud? I really like him. But I don't know how he'll react when he finds out about the boppli. He might think badly of me and he might not want to start off his life with a woman like me."

  Maud thought for a while before she answered. “It complicates things. One thing I know is that Reuben is ready to find a fraa. He wants to be married. I don't know what to tell you to do other than be careful."

  Cassandra sucked in her lips. She didn’t get to where she was now by being careful. She was always one to run into things head on without thinking. She knew she had to change. "I had the opportunity to tell him today, but I didn't. It's supposed to be a secret, but can it be from him? He will find out when the boppli arrives because he's living so close."

  "Nee, he won’t. You won’t be birthing here in the haus."

  "Where will I be?"

  "That's something you'll have to discuss with Jenny. You’ll have the boppli somewhere else, maybe in the birthing center at the hospital. From there your baby will go right to whomever you have chosen."

  The reality of it all struck Cassandra. The perfect solution to her situation would be if she married Reuben, but that was only if he was happy to raise her baby with her. How was she to know what he would feel about the situation, and whether he would welcome another man's child?

  "I certainly didn't come here expecting to have this problem. In fact, that was the last problem I thought I would have."

  "Life’s like that sometimes. We never know what Gott's got in store for us."

  "I wish He’d give me some advance warning next time."

  "Don't worry too much about things, Cassandra. Things usually have a way of working themselves out."

  "That's what my father says all the time."

  "Because that's what our father used to say to us." She laughed.

  Cassandra didn't know if she’d ever say that to her children because after she gave this one away she didn't know if she’d ever have any more.

  "T
he bishop said he wants me to visit him and his wife on Tuesday afternoon."

  "Gut. I'll arrange for Max to drive you there and collect you."

  "Would you? That would be wunderbaar."

  Cassandra sat across from Bishop John in her very best clothes, looking as tidy as she possibly could make herself. She’d polished her black lace-up boots and made sure that every strand of her dark hair was tucked under her prayer kapp.

  "Do you know why I'm here?" Cassandra asked the bishop and his wife.

  "Jah, your parents sent me a letter before you arrived. I know why you're here."

  Ruth, the bishop's wife, leaned forward. "And the purpose of your visit."

  "That's gut, then I don't have to explain it to you.”

  "Your vadder and mudder told me that you were on rumspringa when..."

  Yes, she'd been on rumspringa, the time when young-adult Amish people were allowed to live outside the community, if they chose to, and do anything and not be held accountable—it was before the baptism and their official joining with the Amish community. They were allowed a taste of the outside world so they could be clear in their mind whether they wanted to make the commitment and be baptized into the Amish faith.

  "Jah, that's right I was—when it all came about. Unfortunately, it's something I can't take back." Cassandra could feel her cheeks were hot. It was embarrassing to sit there admitting what she’d done.

  "Have you given much thought to your baptism?" Ruth added, "Would you be baptized now that you’ve come back to the community?"

  Now it was the bishop’s turn to speak. "Or are you going back to live life as an Englischer after the boppli arrives?”

  "That's what I'm here to decide."

  "You don't know yet?" Ruth asked.

  "I'm not certain of anything at the moment."

  "We will put no pressure on you. It’s your decision to make. Do you have anything you want to talk with us about?" the bishop asked.

  "Jah I do. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. Is Gott punishing me for something? I never got along with my younger schweschder and we’re mean to each other sometimes."