Amish Widow's Secret

by Samantha Price

  Ruth said, “I don’t think being mean to your schweschder caused your situation.”

  “I know that, I just mean that…”

  The bishop interrupted, "The rain falls on the good and the bad, the just and the unjust."

  "Things happen because we’re in this sinful world, and there's nothing we can do about that," Ruth said.

  "But if you're in the familye of Gott, you're in this world, but you're not of this world."

  Cassandra nodded. "What advantage would it be for me to come back into the community and get baptized?"

  Ruth’s jaw dropped open and Cassandra quickly added, “I didn’t mean to offend…”

  The bishop smiled and said calmly, "Eternity with Gott and your sins will be forgiven and cast as far from you as the east is from the west. You'll be washed clean in the blood of the Lamb."

  Ruth seemed to recover from her shock and said, "You'll be a new creature. Old things pass away, and everything will become new."

  "That's what I need—a new life."

  "We're just here to help you; we’re not here to talk you into anything. The decision must be yours. Everybody will have to stand before Gott in the Day of Judgment."

  "You’ll be rewarded," Ruth said, smiling at her before she picked up the teapot and poured a cup of tea. She passed a cup to Cassandra. "Sugar?"

  "Nee, denke.” Cassandra said to the bishop. “Will you baptize me here if I want to be baptized before the baby’s born?"

  "Of course, if that's what you want."

  “I’ll give it serious thought.”

  “That’s all we can do,” the bishop replied. “Besides giving it serious prayer.”

  Chapter 17

  Study to shew thyself approved unto God,

  a workman that needeth not to be ashamed,

  rightly dividing the word of truth.

  2 Timothy 2:15

  * * *

  It was around four o'clock when Max brought Cassandra home from the bishop's house. When Cassandra stepped down from the buggy, Max announced he was going right back to work.

  Cassandra walked into the kitchen and saw Maud doing dishes.

  "Can I help you with anything there, Maud?"

  "Nee, I've just finished putting the dinner on, and there'll be no work to do here for another couple of hours until we are ready to have the evening meal."

  "Well, that sounds good to me."

  "Why don't you go for a walk and enjoy the last of the afternoon sun?"

  "I think I might do that. Denke. Would you care to join me?"

  “Nee, I’ll stay here,” Maud said.

  Cassandra walked away from the house wondering in which direction the property was where Reuben was working.

  Now that she’d come to know Reuben she couldn't stop thinking about him and imagining a life with him. A life, one that included her soon-to-be-born child.

  She walked for quite a distance and still she couldn't see another house except one in the distance, and there was no sign of Reuben’s wagon.

  After some time, she made her way back to the house.

  Dinner that night was the next time she saw Reuben. She was setting the table when he walked through the back door.

  "Hello, you two,” he said to Maud and Cassandra, as he walked into the kitchen.

  Maud looked up. "Hello there."

  Cassandra smiled at him. "Hello."

  "I don't think I smell any pies cooking," he said with a cheeky grin.

  "I can't bake a pie every night. That would spoil you."

  "And what's wrong with being spoiled?"

  Cassandra answered, "Being spoiled is being spoiled. Everyone knows that's not good."

  When Maud briefly left the room, Reuben said, "Would you like to do something tomorrow afternoon?"

  "Don't you have to work?"

  He nodded. "I’ll wake extra early and work right through so I have some time tomorrow afternoon."

  "I'd like that. What will we do?"

  "I'll think of something." He flashed her a smile before Maud walked back into the room.

  When Cassandra walked to her bedroom that night, she was even more certain that things between her and Reuben were going extremely well. Even Jake and she hadn't gotten along that well at the start. This could be a new life for her—a new life for her and her baby. She placed the kerosene lantern on her nightstand and closed the bedroom door behind her. After she had changed into her nightgown, she untied the strings of her prayer kapp and hung it on top of one of her dresses on the clothes peg. She sat on the bed and unwound her hair, freeing it from the braids that had been hidden under her kapp all day.

  She ran her brush through her long dark hair while looking out the window at the dark night wondering exactly how long it would take for the handsome Reuben to ask her to marry him.

  Maud had said he was ready for marriage, and from his own lips he’d said that was what he wanted—to get married and have a family.

  Would he be able to forgive her past? That was the only problem she could see that might stop him from taking their relationship further.

  * * *

  The next morning after breakfast, Maud asked, "When are we going to start trying out these pies?"

  "Tomorrow? Will tomorrow be all right?

  “I guess so. How about we go to the markets today and see what ingredients we can find? We’ll see if we can find any blackberries; they should still be in season."

  Cassandra breathed out heavily. "Will we get back before this afternoon? I told Reuben I would be able to spend some time with him this afternoon."

  "Jah, we should be back by this afternoon."

  Maud didn't say anything, but Cassandra could tell Maud was thinking of telling her not to spend so much time with Reuben until he knew the truth. Maud and Max were close to Reuben, so it made sense that they wouldn’t want Reuben to get hurt any more than they would want their niece to be hurt.

  Chapter 18

  And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart,

  and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.

  Deuteronomy 6:5

  * * *

  That afternoon, Cassandra could barely contain her excitement when she heard Reuben’s wagon rattling its way up to the house. She hurried out to meet him while trying not to appear too anxious.

  "So do you know where we're going yet?" she asked as she climbed up into the wagon.

  He smiled at her.

  "What is it?" she asked breathlessly.

  He nodded to the back of the wagon. She turned her head and saw a basket.

  "We’re having a picnic?"

  Instead of answering her, he picked up a blanket from under his seat and showed her.

  She clapped her hands. "I love picnics. I haven't been on one in so long."

  "I thought you'd like one," he said as he moved his horse back down the driveway. "And we're going back to ‘our place.’"

  "The windmill?" she asked.

  "Jah, I figured that should be ‘our place.’"

  Cassandra giggled, glad that things were going better than she had ever hoped. No one had ever made her feel so happy or as special as Reuben was making her feel right now.

  When they arrived at the windmill, dark clouds were gathering overhead.

  "I hope it's not going to rain for our picnic."

  "We’ll have to hope the rain holds off." Reuben tied his horse to a nearby fence post, helped her down, took the blanket under his arm and took hold of the picnic basket. "You choose the place," he said to Cassandra.

  "How about over there under that tree? And if it rains we’ll have some shelter."

  "Never go under a tree in a storm," he said.

  She looked up at the sky, smiling. "There’s no storm."

  "It should be okay then." Reuben spread the blanket out and they both sat down. "If it rains, we'll have to brave the spiders," he said with a teasing grin.

  “No spiders allowed! Can I open the basket?" Cassandra asked.


  When he nodded, she opened it to see fruit and sandwiches, along with a bottle of red grape juice and two glasses.

  "Where did you get the time to do all this?" she asked.

  "I made time."

  She giggled as she unscrewed the lid of the grape juice and poured them each a glass.

  “Isn’t the man supposed to do that?” he asked.

  “I don’t know, but I know I can't do everything. I poured the drinks so you can serve the food."

  "Oh, it's like that is it? Will I have to do everything in this relationship?" He smiled and looked up at her.

  She giggled. "I didn't know we were having a relationship."

  "A friendship is a relationship. Unless you want it to be something more?"

  She smiled back at him. And then she was lost for words. She wished she had some witty comeback to his lively banter, but what if she was taking it more seriously than he was?

  "I'm sorry; this is probably too quick for you, considering the death of your boyfriend."

  "Nee, it's not that. Things weren’t good between us before he died— quite awhile before he died."

  "I see." Reuben nodded, but the mood had changed. "I need to say something to you, Cassandra, and I know this is probably going to come as a surprise for you and you’ll probably think I'm moving too fast, but I've never met a woman quite like you. I feel so easy and natural speaking with you. I feel like I’ve known you forever."

  "I feel the same about you."

  “Do you?"

  She nodded. "I do." Cassandra looked into the sincerity of his eyes. She knew if she said the word that they would be boyfriend and girlfriend, but she couldn't have things progress that fast, not when he didn't know her secret. She had to stall things in some way, or should she tell him right now?

  She decided. "There’s something I need to tell you and I don't know how you’re going to take it."

  "Why so serious? It can't be that bad."

  “It’s quite bad. You see, when Jake and I were on rumspringa we lived together." There, she’d said it.

  His jaw dropped. "That must’ve taken a lot of courage to tell me that. I respect honesty over everything else."

  Seeing how badly he’d taken that part of the news, she couldn't bring herself to tell him what had resulted from her living with Jake. Maybe if she spent a few more weeks with Reuben, he would be so much in love with her that nothing would stand between them.

  "So does that change how you feel about me?" she asked.

  "Have you been baptized?"

  She shook her head. "I was only back in the community for a couple of days before I decided to come and stay with Aunt Maud. I talked to the bishop about being baptized here." News of her talking to the bishop about being baptized put a smile on his face.

  "You did?"

  She smiled, and he leaned forward and picked up a glass and together they clinked glasses.

  "Is Jake the closest you came to getting married?" he asked.

  She nodded. "Jah, and you?"

  "I've taken a few girls on buggy rides, but it never came to anything. I've been told I'm too fussy. But then I met you, and you’re everything that I asked for."

  She stared at him, wondering if he was joking but there was no hint of a smile on his face. “I'm not perfect you know, Reuben. I've made many mistakes and done some dreadful things."

  Then he laughed.

  "I’m trying to be serious with you and you won't stop making me laugh."

  He laughed some more and she could do nothing else but laugh with him.

  When their laughter died down, he unwrapped sandwiches and placed two on each plate.

  "These are chicken sandwiches.”

  "They look delicious," Cassandra said.

  After they had eaten lunch, they walked down along the riverbank. She thought he was close to asking her to marry him, but he never did. Just a few more weeks and surely he'd be truly in love with her, and then she would tell him.

  Chapter 19

  Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth,

  but that which is good to the use of edifying,

  that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

  Ephesians 4:29

  * * *

  A month flew by, and Reuben and Cassandra had grown closer. He had no idea of the secret Cassandra was keeping from him.

  “Where’s Reuben?” Cassandra asked when she sat down to dinner and there was no sign of him. She noticed Maud and Max look at each other.

  “He’ll be a little late,” Maud said.

  “Is there something wrong?” Cassandra asked looking again between the two of them.

  “Nee, there’s nothing wrong,” Max insisted.

  Just as they started eating, the sound of a buggy coming to the house rang through the kitchen.

  “You’ve got visitors,” Cassandra said.

  “Nee, you’ve got the visitor,” Maud said with a smile.

  Cassandra frowned at her. “What do you mean? Is it Jenny?” The only other visitor might be Bishop John or his wife, Ruth.

  Max stood up. “Come, see for yourself.”

  Cassandra followed Maud and Max to the front door. It was Max’s buggy driven by Reuben. Cassandra looked harder and saw someone sitting beside him.

  When the buggy stopped, a young lady got out.

  Cassandra’s heart nearly stopped. It was Gretchen.

  Maud explained, “Reuben was kind enough to collect her from the station. We wanted to surprise you for your birthday tomorrow, but it’ll have to be an early surprise.”

  Cassandra forced a smile as Gretchen ran toward her.

  “Cassandra!” Gretchen hugged Cassandra and because everyone was watching the two of them, Cassandra had to pretend to be pleased to see her.

  “What a shock. You came all this way. How lovely!”

  “Yes, it’s your birthday tomorrow so Mamm thought you’d like to have one of us with you. Mamm doesn’t like long journeys, so I said I’d go instead.”

  Gretchen greeted Maud and Max.

  Maud put her arm around Gretchen, “Come on inside. I’ll set another place at the table now that we don’t have to keep your visit a secret.”

  Cassandra stopped and looked at Reuben, who was leading the horse to the barn. She walked over to him. “Denke for collecting her.”

  He could barely look at her. “That’s fine. You’re welcome.”

  “Why don’t you leave the horse and come in for dinner. You can fix him up later,” Cassandra said.

  “Can’t do that. The horse needs to be rubbed down.”

  By his abrupt tone, Cassandra knew something was wrong. Had Gretchen told him her secret? Is that why he was being so distant and cold?

  He looked up at her. “Can you let Maud know I’ve eaten already? I won’t join you all for dinner.”

  “Sure, I’ll let her know.” Cassandra walked away fighting back tears. If he couldn’t accept the child she was carrying, then he was not the man for her. And if he were not the man for her, then there was no one. Adopting the baby out was now the only option. She’d been silly to build her hopes on Reuben before she’d told him the truth.

  Cassandra sniffed, and wiped her eyes before she joined the other three in the kitchen. “Reuben said he’s already eaten.”

  “Okay,” Maud said.

  Cassandra sat down and ate what she could. Even though she'd lost her appetite, she knew she had to eat for the sake of her unborn child.

  As soon as she got her sister alone, she’d ask her what she’d told Reuben.

  “Your schweschder’s been quite busy here. We’ve been making pies and selling them at a roadside stall,” Maud told Gretchen.

  “Gut! Can I help? It sounds like fun.”

  Cassandra nodded because she could barely speak. Only Gretchen could think that working sounded like fun.

  “An extra pair of hands is always a gut thing,” Max said.

  “Wait ‘til I tell Mamm what you’ve been up to,
” Gretchen said.

  “What do you mean?” Cassandra asked narrowing her eyes. Did she mean she’d tell her mother she was interested in a man? What exactly had Reuben told her sister?

  “The pies, silly.”

  “Oh,” Cassandra said as she looked back down at the food on her plate.

  “Do you feel unwell, Cassandra?” Maud asked.

  Cassandra nodded. “I do. All of a sudden, I feel sick.”

  “That’s a shame,” Max said.

  “It happens like that. Why don’t you go and lie down?” Maud suggested.

  “I’ll come and see you later to see if you want anything,” Gretchen said.

  “Denke, I think a lie down might do me good.”

  Cassandra walked to her room feeling sick to her stomach. What was her mother thinking sending Gretchen there? She’d have to know that would be the worst thing in the world. When had she and Gretchen ever gotten along?

  An hour had passed before there was a small knock on her door.

  “Jah?” Cassandra answered.

  “It’s me.”

  “What do you want?”

  Gretchen walked in and sat on her bed. “How are you feeling?”

  “Don’t act like you care.”

  “I do, of course, I do.”

  Cassandra sat up in bed. “What did you say to Reuben?”

  “It’s not my fault. I thought he knew already.”

  She was right. Her secret was no longer a secret. “What exactly did you say?”

  “I just said something about the boppli and I hoped you weren’t big and fat when I saw you. I can’t remember exactly.”

  Cassandra groaned.

  “Do you like Reuben?”

  “Jah, I do, but now that’s not going to work—like everything else in my life—thanks to you.” She stared at her sister. Gretchen was fair and pretty, and was always perfectly dressed with not a strand of hair finding it’s way from beneath her kapp. “Why are you here anyway?”

  “It’s your birthday tomorrow.”

  “Since when has anyone cared about that?”

  “Mamm was worried about you.”