Amish Widow's Secret
Page 9
“It’s a little late for that. They just sent me away without a care.”
“That’s not so and you know it.”
“What I know is that my life is ruined and now with you opening your big mouth to Reuben it’s doubly ruined.”
“He would’ve found out.”
“I know, but it was better to have it come from me. Can’t you see that? I don’t know what he thinks of me now. He could barely speak to me.”
Gretchen shrugged. “Sorry. Can I do anything to fix it?”
“Jah, you can go home.”
“I just got here. I don’t want to make that long trip again for a few weeks.”
“You’re staying for weeks?”
Gretchen nodded. “I thought you’d be pleased.”
Cassandra shook her head. “Why would I?”
Gretchen stood. “Why are you always so mean to me? I’ve come all this way so you wouldn’t be by yourself on your birthday, and you’re still mean and horrid to me.”
“The sooner I get rid of you and rid of this,” she placed her hands on her stomach, “the better off my life will be.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“I do. How can I have a proper life and find a gut mann when he finds out what happened to me.”
“If you love someone you can tell them all your secrets.”
“Get out, Gretchen. Just go. My life’s bad enough without you talking about things you know nothing about. You think you know everything and you know nothing.”
Gretchen opened her mouth to speak.
Cassandra lay back on the bed. “Just go.”
“Were you going to tell him?”
“Of course, I was. He’s living in the grossdaddi haus, I can hardly keep it a secret.”
“Well, tell him that.”
“I can’t. I had the perfect opportunity to tell him weeks ago and I didn’t.”
“Gott forgives and says we should forgive too.”
Cassandra was growing more irritated with her sister every moment. “Yeah, well you should tell Reuben that not me.” She picked up a pillow and threw it at her sister.
Gretchen picked up the pillow, which had fallen to the floor, and placed it on the bed before she walked out of the room closing the door behind her.
* * *
Cassandra decided first thing in the morning she’d have Maud call Jenny and fast-track these meetings with potential parents for her baby.
Chapter 20
God is not a man, that he should lie;
neither the son of man, that he should repent:
hath he said, and shall he not do it?
or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?
Numbers 23:19
* * *
Cassandra had slept in. She knew it when she woke up and saw that the sky was dark gray. If it had been a bright sunny day, the light would have woken her.
She hurried out to breakfast, but there was only Gretchen at the table.
“Gretchen, where’s Maud?”
“She said she had some errands to run. It’s just me and you.”
“Great!” Cassandra said sarcastically as she fell into a chair.
Gretchen rose to her feet. “I’ll get you something to eat and then I’ll tell you what Reuben said about you this morning.”
Cassandra jumped up and grabbed Gretchen’s arm. “You spoke to him this morning?”
Gretchen pulled her arm out of Cassandra’s grasp. “That hurt! Jah, I did!”
“What did he say?”
Gretchen put her hands on her hips. “I was trying to help you.”
“Ach nee! What happened?” Cassandra sank into the chair knowing that she wasn’t going to hear good news.
“I told him you were going to tell him.”
“What did he say?”
“He said you should’ve told him already, but he understands why you didn’t.”
Cassandra smiled. “So, he’s not mad at me?”
“Nee, he didn’t seem to be.”
“Denke, Gretchen. That’s great news.”
“Then he said something about he might be moving on soon. He’s looking for someone else to finish the job he’s doing for Maud and Max.”
“What!” Cassandra shrieked. “That’s not gut!”
“Well, don’t yell at me. It’s all your fault.”
“I’ll be in my room.” Cassandra hurried to her room because she didn’t want Gretchen to see her cry. Now all her hopes of marrying Reuben were dashed to pieces and it was all Gretchen’s fault. It would’ve been a horrible shock for Reuben to find out that news from someone else.
“I’ve got some breakfast here for you, Cassandra.”
“Leave it outside.”
“Can I come in?”
“Nee, stay away from me,” Cassandra said.
When she didn’t hear anything for a while, she opened the door. There was no sign of Gretchen. Her eyes dropped to the tray of food that Gretchen had left for her. She leaned down to pick up the tray, and her belly was seized in a sharp, breath-stopping pain. Cassandra clutched at her stomach and screamed. “Gretchen!” She heard Gretchen’s footsteps.
“What is it? What's wrong?”
“Pain,” Cassandra managed to say.
“What will I do? No one’s here.”
Cassandra was certain she was losing the baby, but she couldn’t. She closed her eyes and prayed for the life of her baby. For the first time in her life, she cared more for the life of her baby than her own. “Go to the barn and find the number of the midwife, Jenny.”
“Should I call 911?”
“Jah, do it; go now.”
* * *
By the time the paramedics arrived, Cassandra was sitting on the couch. She said she was a little better, but they insisted she go to the hospital for tests. They told her it could be an ectopic pregnancy, which would be dangerous for both herself and her baby. All the way in the ambulance she prayed that she wouldn’t lose her baby.
She faded away, and passed out in the ambulance. When she came to, she was in a hospital bed.
“What happened?” she asked a nurse in uniform who was standing close by.
“You fainted.”
“Is my baby okay?”
“You’re both fine. We did an ultrasound and you’re both doing well.”
“It’s not an ectopic pregnancy?”
The nurse shook her head. “No. The doctor wants to keep you in overnight, though, and you should be alright to go home in the morning.”
Cassandra silently thanked God. “What caused the pain?”
“The doctor thinks it was round ligament pain, which often occurs in the second trimester as the baby grows. It can be pretty intense.”
“So that’s normal?”
“Yes. There’s no need to worry. I’ll be back to take your blood pressure in an hour. Your blood pressure was a little low and the paramedics said you hadn’t had anything to eat this morning.”
“That’s right.”
“That’s why we’ve got you on an intravenous drip. It’ll make you feel better and replace any fluids you’ve lost.”
She looked down at her hand where the drip was attached.
“Press this button if you’d like someone to help you to the bathroom.”
“Okay.”
Then the nurse left her alone. Cassandra looked around the room. There were four beds, but one was empty. The other two had old ladies in them and they were asleep.
It was after lunch was served that Maud and Gretchen came to see her. Cassandra had never been so pleased to see her sister.
“I’m okay and so is the boppli. Thank you for helping us, Gretchen."
“You gave us a fright,” Maud said as Gretchen hugged Cassandra.
“I gave myself a fright.”
Someone else walked into the room and Cassandra looked over to see who it was. It was Reuben.
“Maud, why don’t we find that coffee shop that we were told was in the ho
spital?”
“Jah, we shall,” Maud agreed with Gretchen.
When the two ladies were out of the room, Reuben came forward taking off his hat. “I’m so sorry, I’ve been such an idiot.”
“Nee, you haven’t been.”
He shook his head. “It was such a shock to hear from Gretchen something I thought you should’ve told me. You could’ve told me, you know.”
“I was going to tell you, but I was ashamed of getting into this situation without being married.”
“You weren’t alone in that. You had help from a certain man. A certain man who, you told me, left you when he returned to your community without you. Did he know about the boppli?”
“He did.”
“I hope you will still… This is harder than I thought. Can we take up where we left off?”
“I don’t know. I’ve got a big decision to make and I must do what I think is best for the boppli. I might be finding a couple to adopt the baby.” As much as she felt she was in love with Reuben, she couldn’t allow him to distract her from the big decision she had to make. Jake had left her, and Reuben had nearly left her. She couldn’t allow herself or her baby to be subject to the whim of a man.
He shook his head. “Don’t do that, Cassandra. Don’t give up your boppli. You might regret it forever.”
“I might, but I’ll do it if that’s what’s best.”
“Best for whom?”
“The baby is all that matters to me now.”
He stepped forward and crouched down by her bed. “I’ve hurt you.”
She looked into his eyes. Yes, he’d hurt her. Who did she have she could rely on? It seemed there was no one.
“I want us to be like we were before.”
“Before you knew about the baby?”
He nodded.
“We can’t. You told my schweschder you were going to leave.”
“I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry. You must find it in your heart to forgive me, Cassandra.”
She nodded. She’d like to forgive him. “I’ll try.”
“When I heard you were in the hospital it was like a knife was searing through my heart. I realized then I don’t want to be without you—ever. Would you marry me, Cassandra?”
Her jaw dropped open. He wanted to marry her?
“I will never leave you. I’ll always stay by your side and look after you and your baby. We can raise the boppli together. I think I’d be a gut dat.”
This was what she’d always wanted, but now she was too tired to think properly. “I think that’s what I want, but I’m so tired.”
He stood up, leaned over and kissed her on her forehead. “I’ll give you all the time you need.” He shook his head. “I can’t help thinking this was all my fault.”
Was that why he was asking her to marry him—out of guilt? She would’ve asked him, but she was growing too tired to speak.
“I’m going to collect you tomorrow morning. We spoke to the doctor in the hallway and he said you’d be going home. Do you mind if I'm the one who comes for you?”
“That’s fine,” Cassandra managed to say before her eyes closed.
Chapter 21
But my God shall supply all your need
according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19
* * *
Cassandra woke in the hospital a few hours later. She had a dim memory of Reuben asking her to marry him.
She lay there feeling sorry for herself. As much as she wanted to keep the baby, she knew she had to do what was best. Maybe ‘best’ was giving the baby away to someone—someone with a stable home. Her baby deserved to grow up in a loving home, as she’d had.
She’d been horrible to her parents and her younger sister for years, and for what? Tears poured down her cheeks as she thought of all the horrible things she’d done throughout her life. She hadn’t made things easier for Jake; she had talked him into going on rumspringa when he hadn't wanted to. Now he was gone, she couldn’t even say she was sorry. She wasn’t about to ruin another man's life.
Ideally, she’d want to keep the baby, but she had no job, no home, and no money to raise a baby with. Reuben had come into her life when she hadn’t expected him. Maybe God had blessed her with a gift. With Reuben, she might find a second chance for happiness. Cassandra closed her eyes tightly and prayed that things would work out the very best for her baby, herself, and for Reuben.
What if God had designed this before the beginning of time, that she and Reuben should or would raise this child together? Just because she had made mistakes didn’t mean she couldn’t turn her life around—right a wrong and live a good life. She opened her heart to God and confessed how selfish and mean she’d been to people. Now that she was carrying a child, she knew how it felt to carry the responsibility of another life. Slowly, bit-by-bit deep in her heart, Cassandra knew she wouldn’t want to be treated by this child how she’d treated her parents.
She’d been horrid to her sister who’d come all that way to see her.
Cassandra knew the only way out of this was to turn her life over to God and let Him work it out—and right there in her hospital bed, of all places to be spending her twentieth birthday, that is what she did.
When she opened her eyes, she knew she had to trust God to see her through and show her the right way to go.
It was the next morning that Reuben came to collect her.
As soon as Reuben had entered the room, her heart brightened. This was the man for her and she knew it.
“How are you?”
She was sitting fully dressed on the bed. “The doctor came and saw me early this morning and said I’m good to go home.”
He sat next to her. “Do you need to rest?”
“He didn’t mention it, but I won’t be running any marathons.”
He nodded. “Good to know. I’ll cancel the one I entered you in next week.”
She giggled. “Jah, please do.”
Reuben looked down and took her hand. Then, he looked into her eyes. “I always want to be by your side, looking after you, Cassandra.”
“You do?”
He nodded. “I know I said I wouldn’t pressure you…”
“But now you’re going to?”
When he glanced over at the people in the other beds, Cassandra leaned in and whispered, “Don’t mind them. They’re not listening.”
“I want to marry you; and then, if you want we’ll go back to your community and live there, or we'll stay here.”
“You’ve thought it through?”
“I’ve been thinking of little else since I first saw you in Max and Maud’s kitchen.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Really?”
He nodded. “Why don’t we get married now, before the boppli’s born?”
“You’d marry me and raise the boppli with me?”
“I can’t think of anything I’d rather do.”
She smiled and looked down at their clasped hands. When she looked up at him, she asked, “And this is not offered out of guilt or pity?”
“Not at all. It’s out of love. I’ve never felt this way before. I’d never known love before I met you. Will you marry me, Cassandra Yoder?”
She inhaled deeply. She’d prayed all night for the best outcome and she could not have imagined a better outcome than this. The man she loved would become her husband and he was happy about raising her child as their child. “I will. I will marry you. This must be the best birthday gift ever.”
He put an arm around her and pulled her tightly toward him, kissing her gently on her forehead. “Happy birthday, a day late. Shall we go to see the bishop soon? I’d say today, but I think you should take it easy. I’ll go and speak to the bishop for both of us.”
“Would you?” Cassandra wanted to marry him as soon as she could.
“Let’s get out of here, and I’ll go and talk with the bishop as soon as you’re safely back at Maud’s.”
* * *
When they got back to Maud’s, Reuben told Maud and Gretchen the good news even before he left to speak to the bishop.
“That’s wunderbaar news,” Maud said.
“I’m so happy for both of you,” Gretchen said. “And where will you live?”
“We haven’t decided yet,” Cassandra said. “We’re having the boppli here in Oakes County. If that’s still going to be okay with you, Aunt Maud.”
“It’s perfect.”
“Gut. I feel comfortable with Jenny and I don’t want to change things now.”
Reuben said, “I probably should have spoken to the bishop first, but we were excited.” He looked lovingly at Cassandra.
“Well, go ask—or tell him now,” Cassandra ordered.
He laughed and said to Maud, “She’s giving me orders already.”
“That’s something you’ll have to get used to,” Gretchen said, laughing too.
They all laughed, and then Reuben headed off to speak with the bishop.
Maud put her arm around Cassandra. “Come and lie down on the couch. I’ll get you a blanket. Unless you’d rather lie down in your bedroom.”
“The couch sounds good, denke.”
Once Cassandra was comfortable on the couch, Maud and Gretchen wanted to hear all about her romance with Reuben.
“Of course, I could tell it was going to happen. I knew there was something there the moment you laid eyes on each other.”
Cassandra laughed. “The good thing is that now I can keep the boppli.”
“When will you tell Mamm and Dat?” Gretchen asked.
“I don’t know. I want to get married without a lot of people around. I might not tell Mamm and Dat until after the wedding.”
“You can’t do that, Cassandra,” Gretchen said.
“I can if that’s what I want. Reuben doesn’t have any familye, so I don’t want a whole lot of my familye there to remind him that he doesn’t have any.”
“Okay.” Gretchen nodded. “That’s very thoughtful of you.”
“Reuben is going to ask the bishop if we can get married soon. The bishop already knows I’m pregnant.”