Just Love Me

by Traci Sek

  "Jake." I turn to face him and look into his eyes. They were dull and sad. His hair is still a mess and his white shirt is unbuttoned at the top and now the sleeves.

  "Emily please I -" I held up my hand before he could go any further.

  "I'm sorry for overreacting, but you need to know how much it hurt me to see that ugly bitch kiss you! I ran because I didn't want to be embarrassed any more than I already was."

  He stood there silently looking at the floor. My hands shaking and my heart beating out of control I willed myself to continue.

  "Furthermore, I will not be controlled like my dad controlled my mom. I don't want that life. I need to know how you feel about being in a relationship." He looks up at me confused.

  "Emily, I've never been in a relationship, but I can promise you that I will never treat you like your dad treated your mom! I would never lay a finger on you! I want to give you the world. I Love you." He whispered the last part, making me want to faint. Did he just say what I think he just said?

  “You what?” I watched as his eyes darted from left to right and his forefinger pulled at his collar. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down before speaking again. “I love you. I wasn’t sure until last night. And I know this is probably the worst time to tell you but I don’t care, it's the truth.”

  "Jake this is not some fairytale! It's not that easy! I mean look what happened last night! These girls just want you; they get possessive over you which is amazing considering you've never had a relationship before." I air quoted the last part with my fingers for added effect.

  He grabbed his face and rubbed it. A thing I noticed he did when he got upset or frustrated. "I've had the occasional one-night stand. But they meant nothing, it was just to blow off steam!" My eyes grew wide for a minute before I remembered who he was. A rich playboy. I smacked my forehead.

  "Of course! You slept with her. Didn't you? God, Jake how many times? Huh!?"

  He looked at me with shame. "I don't know... a dozen."

  "And it didn't mean anything!" He reached for me but I pulled away in disgust.

  “Don’t fucking touch me! You make me sick!”

  "Please don't do this Emily. I was in a dark place until I met you! You know this. You made me feel things that I thought I would never feel again. No other woman has ever come that close. The only time we ever had sex was after a therapy session after having one hell of a panic attack. I will never go back to that life again. I promise you!" Desperation dripped from his voice but it lit a fire in my heart.

  “So the only time you feel the need to have sex is when you are not in your right mind?”

  “What? No! It’s not like that at all! I felt something every single time. An uncontrollable, overwhelming, feeling that I never felt before especially not with Jessica. It was always numb and cold. I barely remember half the times we had sex. We didn’t have sex we made love, Emily.”

  “Oh my God, Jake!”

  I started to cry at his words and turned away from him. A feeling of hollowness consumed my insides making me feel queasy. I wanted to believe him, but I've been hurt so many times before by men. I didn't know if I could.

  "I think I’m pregnant,” I whispered through my tears.

  The room went utterly silent as a chill ran over me. I couldn’t face him. My mind was running a muck in my head and I couldn’t find a way to get a grip on it.

  “What did you just say?”

  All the blood drained out of me making me feel ice cold. I couldn’t seem to breathe. His tone sounded harsh and calculating like the man he was at the office every day.

  “Emily, look at me. Please.”

  His warm hands grabbed my arms spinning me around to face him. My body trembled at his touch and the lack of oxygen to my lungs made me sway.

  “I said I think I'm pregnant.”

  “That’s impossible. We use protection!”

  “Jake we’ve had sex multiple times and honestly I don’t remember if we did ot not. Even so, They aren't one hundred percent guaranteed”

  I watched as his contorted face turned to peer panic. “Oh shit.” The blood drained away from his face matching my own. He staggered backward, falling into his chair as his left hand lightly rubs at his face before grasping his bottom lip. I wasn't sure if this was another panic attack setting in or something new. An awkward silence filled the room and the tension was palpable.

  “Jake…” I treaded lightly not knowing what to say or do. I was in just as much shock as he was. I didn’t want to tell him like this but there was no other time. I was lost in so many ways. My heart ached, wanting to talk to my mother. I wanted to run away and lock myself in a room. How does anyone act in this type of situation?

  “Did you take a test?” He asked, not looking at me. His bulging arms rested on his knees holding up his head.

  “I did. When I came home yesterday. I talked to Aida about it. I didn’t know who else to talk to. I’m late and when I got sick, it was different. I knew it wasn’t the stomach bug because I still had energy and I didn’t have a fever. Aida went to the store and bought me a test. She told me how to use it and, well, it was positive.”

  A small suffering groan came from the back of his throat as his fingers gripped his already tousled hair. He stood abruptly from his chair making me jump back in fear.

  “I need to get some fresh air.” He walked around me and out the door faster than I could blink, leaving me standing alone and confused.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Jake

  I think I’m pregnant. Echoed through my mind with every tick of the clock. I know I probably shouldn’t have ran out of my office in such a haste but I literally had no idea what to do. This was all happening so fast. One minute I’m confessing my love to her and the next she’s telling me she’s pregnant. Chills mercilessly continued to crawl up and down my arms. My hands rubbed up and down my skin several times as if I had poison ivy.

  I thought of all the times I hugged my nephews and all the times I had wished and hoped to be a father. Now it was my reality and I was freaking the fuck out. But why? I ran a successful real estate business and was in the running to take my father's place. So why was this such a hard concept for me to accept? My father's look of disappointment and anger flashed in my head. When he heard the news he would for sure lose his mind.

  Maybe it was the fact that I had completely ruined everything within a short period of time. I was supposed to help Emily get back on her feet and move on. Instead I found myself falling hard for her. My heart rate sped up at the thought. But did she feel the same way as me? She didn’t say it back. She took it as a big joke. I couldn’t blame her after what she had just learned and the fact that I kept it from her didn’t help the situation. I was a big fat failure. This is exactly why I didn’t want to be in a relationship. Why I couldn’t handle being a father.

  I was convinced that I would fail miserably. If I were just open with her from the beginning, this would have never become a problem. But you can’t walk away Jake. My mother’s voice echoed in my head.

  “But mom, this project is so hard. I don’t want to do it!”

  “It doesn’t matter Jake. You never give up when the going gets tough. You are going to struggle all your life and you’re going to be faced with worse things than this. Are you just going to give up and walk away?”

  I look up at my mother who has a loving smile on her face. Her chin rests in the palm of her hand, dark circles claim their spot underneath her eyes. I shake my head at her and look back down at another failed attempt at a science project I had been working on for a week.

  “Give it time Jake, You will figure this out. You are smart just like your father and the determination you have will carry you far.”

  A high pitched laugh pulled me back to reality. Blinking a few times I saw a small girl being thrown in the air by what seemed to be her father. He caught her and swung her back up into the air again. My heart swelled at the scene in front of me. I want that . My m
om was so right. I couldn’t just give up and walk away. I needed to figure this whole mess out with Emily because I’ve realized that being alone is so much worse than being with someone who lights up your world like fireworks the way she does to me. Walking away from her and being a coward wouldn’t solve anything.

  I got up from the park bench I had been sitting at for a couple hours, and headed back to my house with a new determination and a renewed sense of reality.

  My feet couldn’t move fast enough as I made my way through the kitchen and straight for the poolhouse making a mental note to move her into the house once and for all. I knocked once, before barreling through the door. Her head whipped around with wide eyes before quickly standing to her feet. I stayed silent as I walked up to her immediately engulfing her in a tight embrace.

  “I’m sorry,” I breathed into her ear. Her rigid body relaxed as her hands wrapped tightly around me.

  “I told you before I didn’t know how to be in a relationship and I certainly don’t know what it's like to be a dad, but I’m willing to try because I love you Emily and I can’t lose you.”

  We stood like that for what felt like an eternity, me not once wanting to let her go, afraid she might break at any moment, before pulling apart.

  “I’m scared Jake,” she said biting her lip.

  “I am too. But I promise from here on out, I will be there every step of the way. No more secrets, no more lies. Just open communication.” My shaky hand moved on its own accord, finding her midsection and placing it gently on top. She took a sharp inhale but then slowly released it before placing her hand on mine. I leaned my forehead against hers soaking up every possible feeling coursing through my veins.

  “I love you too Jake.” It was barely a whisper but none the less I heard it ringing in my ears like a church bell. I smiled but I didn't look at her. I planted a soft kiss on her lips, lingering just a few extra moments before I pulled away from her.

  “Let’s go eat. I’m starved.”

  ***

  I straightened my jacket before knocking twice at my father's office door.

  “Come in.” He yelled.

  Slowly pushing open his door I entered trying to keep my nerves at bay. It had been a week since I found out Emily was pregnant and a week since I avoided work but mostly my father. I took her to the doctor to make sure it was real in which she confirmed one hundred percent that it was. Now it was time to tell my dad. God help me.

  “Do you have a minute?”

  “Well if I said no I don’t think it would matter anyway. Have a seat.”

  I sat down quickly as he closed his laptop and focused his calculating eyes on me. My knee started to bounce against my will and my hands broke out in a clammy sweat. I started to bite my nails as if I were starving.

  “So, um, thanks for um, setting me straight again the other night.” I cleared my throat a few times before making eye contact with him.

  “I’m just glad I caught you in time before you lost control. What are dads for?”

  “Yeah.” I glanced down at the floor as my knee was in full bounce mode. I scratched the back of my neck feeling the monster inside me rattling its cage to be freed.

  “I’m sensing there is more to your visit than an apology.”

  “I talked to Emily.”

  “And? What did she say?”

  Well, it's now or never Jake. Just give it to him.

  “She’s pregnant.”

  His bushy eyebrows lifted infinitesimally before scrunching into a scowl. “Excuse me?”

  “It’s funny you ask that because I had the same reaction.” I chuckled humorlessly before clearing my throat again. Now both of my knees were bouncing at the speed of light and my heart was beating so fast, I thought it would explode. My father abruptly stood to his feet, pushing his chair back forcefully as he paced back and forth.

  “I don’t know what to say Jake. How could you let something like this happen?” His tone is ice cold. I swear the room frosted over within seconds.

  “I got caught up in the moment. It was an emotional moment, the night of the company Christmas party. I’m sorry dad, I can’t believe it myself.”

  “She seduced you didn’t she? Were you drunk and she took advantage of you like your therapist did? She did this for money. I knew she was going to do something like this, I just wasn’t sure what it would be.”

  It was my turn to stand to my feet abruptly with a fire coursing through my veins. There was no way I was letting anyone talk about her that way.

  “Emily did not seduce me! Nor did she plan for any of this to happen. She’s not some con artist after our money!”

  “Oh really?! Tell me how you know this. Have you suddenly become a mind reader?”

  “You barely know her! You have this nasty habit of judging a book by its cover and I’ve had it. I’m not going to stand here listening to you tear apart the woman that I love!”

  “Love?” He scoffed. “You don’t know what love is. You suddenly feel love for a girl just because she's having your baby?”

  “No.” I vigorously shook my head. “No. I told her I loved her before she even told me she was pregnant. I obviously know a lot more about love than you do!”

  He stood by the window, arms crossed, glaring at me. I grabbed the back of the chair with both hands to support myself. After a minute he grunts letting his arms fall to the side as he released a deep sigh.

  “Do you have any idea what it means to have a baby? The amount of time and patience you need for a baby.” I stayed silent. He was right. I had no idea what I was going to do.

  "What do you want me to say, dad? Did you know exactly what you were doing when Josh was born?”

  “That’s not the point. Your mother and I were already married. We planned Josh when we were ready.”

  "Oh my God, Dad! You and Josh have been practically begging me to get out there and get in a relationship, start a family, well here you go. It's just not the way you want it to be because God forbid someone did something out of your regimen!"

  "That's enough! Now you are being childish! Figure this out Jake and watch your ass or so help me it won't be pretty."

  “I’m done with this conversation. I’m ready to face my mistakes and maybe all this happened for a reason. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I’m not running and hiding anymore. I’m not going to give up when the going gets tough. I’m willing to own up to my responsibilities. I’m also ready to start work again. I’ll be up in my office. Send me the time for the meeting to meet the investor for the bed and breakfast.” Without waiting for his reply, I left his office within seconds slamming the door behind me.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Emily

  Christmas was truly amazing despite all the drama that occurred. Jake was more open with me staying true to his promise. When he was home he never left my side except to eat and even then, if we ordered takeout we would sit cuddled on the couch wrapped in a blanket. It was truly magical but we had to return to work. He had gone into work before me to tell his father about our predicament, which scared the hell out of me.

  I walked into the design department in the hopes of a new beginning. Lisa and I hadn't necessarily been on the same page and I couldn’t seem to figure out why. I've barely said two words to her since I’ve started, and judging by the look on her face as the elevator doors closed behind me, I wouldn’t be getting that third word in. She gave me an evil glare before looking back down at her papers as I walked straight to the fax room.

  As much as I liked working here, I didn’t think this is where I was meant to be. I wasn’t comfortable in these stuffy clothes or filing useless paperwork. I wanted to be my own boss, something I would never get the opportunity to do. Especially since I was part of this family now. My hand reached down instinctively to my stomach feeling a warmth spread through me.

  The thought of having a baby scared the shit out of me but it also brought with it an excitement I didn’t think I’d ever feel in
my entire life. I finally had something to live for and I was determined to give this baby everything I didn’t have. A message sounded on my phone as I instinctively grabbed it and swiped to open it. It was a group chat from Ashley asking to meet in the conference room for a team meeting.

  I quickly exited out of the room I had been in as all the employees did the same. Ashley ran a tight ship here which was great to an extent. She was like day and night. During the day she was a big mean boss lady and when the day was over she went back to family mode, sweet and kind. I’m sure it didn’t help that she was ready to pop and she was extremely frustrated that it hadn't happened yet.

  Once everyone had filed into the once large conference room, now a claustrophobic tight space, Ashley began to speak.

  “Good morning everyone! I’ve called you all in here because there are a few things that have come to my attention that seems to need reminding.” My heart skipped a beat. Please tell me Jake didn’t tell her what happened! I’ll never live it down.

  “As most of you know and can clearly see, I’m ready to explode at any minute,” The whole crowd laughed before quieting down again. “My husband has insisted that I no longer come in until I’m fully healed. Therefore my husband will be taking my place for a little while along with my brother Jake.”

  Some of the girls batted their eye lashes and giggled to themselves, some nudged Lisa playfully. She blushed before making eye contact with me as it quickly vanished replacing it with another glare.

  Oh my gosh! That’s it! She has a thing for Jake. Why did I not see that one coming? I fought hard not to roll my eyes but let out an exasperated breath.

  “Sorry ladies he’s taken.” She gave me a smirk making me blush. A few confused eyes trail to me before realizing who it was she was talking about. Great.