The Heart of the Matter

by Heather M Green

“I can’t think about it yet. I feel like I’ll start to hyperventilate because the pain will be too much.”

  “Then save us both the pain and stay.” She glanced quickly at me and then down at our clasped hands in her lap. “I love you, Sophie. I’m not letting you get away again. I’ve learned my lesson.” She looked at me again, her beautiful eyes- green tonight- filling with unshed tears.

  “I’m really torn,” she admitted softly. “And I’m having a hard time mulling over my options.”

  “I can help with that if you will just talk to me. The way I see it, you have the option of going back to Texas, all alone, and spending twelve to fourteen long hours a day in some clinic. Alone-”

  “As opposed to what you do every day,” she interrupted.

  I brought her hand to my mouth again and kissed her fingers. “We aren’t talking about me right now. Or,” I continued, “You could give up your dream, move back here, and never be alone again.” I threw her a meaningful look. “I also see a third option for you...us.” I squeezed her hand. “Go back to Texas, open your clinic, and I’d fly down to see you as often as I can until a spot opens in a hospital there and I can transfer.”

  “But, that could take forever. Besides, I wouldn’t ever ask you to do that,” she argued.

  “What’s the difference between you relocating and me relocating?”

  “You’ve really thought about this, haven’t you? You make it sound so cut and dry.”

  “I already told you. Losing you again is not an option. Aside from that non-option, we have a hundred other options to consider as long as they end with us together.” I looked at her quickly. “If that’s what you want.”

  Sophie

  The rest of the ride to Kaley’s was silent. This was a new James- one, it appeared, who wasn’t going to sit by and let me walk out of his life again. My heart warmed at the thought. While it was everything I’d ever wanted to hear him say, I didn’t see how we could do it. Especially in light of the fact that I was opening my dream sports therapy clinic in a few weeks. I’d made a commitment to Matt. How could I just back out? But I wanted this possible commitment with James, too. Saying goodbye to him again definitely wasn’t an option for me either.

  Kaley’s decorated house was warm and welcoming, lightening my heart somewhat and encouraging me to let the worry and indecision go for a while. James took my hand as we walked to the door. It flew open before we even reached the steps and Kaley stuck her head out.

  “Oh, good. You’re finally here. Now Mom can settle down.” She rolled her eyes, opening the door wider so we could get inside out of the cold. She took our coats, hanging them in the closet next to the front door.

  James’ dad met us in the hall, coming from the kitchen. “Mr. Anderson.” I held out my hand.

  “Now don’t go getting all formal on me,” he teased as he shook my extended hand. “Once Max, always Max.”

  “Okay, Max,” I responded with a grateful smile. “Thank you. Good to see you again.”

  “Well, we won’t talk about how it’s been too long since the last time. I’d hate to embarrass my son-”

  “Why start worrying about that now?” Kaley questioned.

  “Especially when it seems he’s finally seen the light,” Caroline gleefully added to Max’s statement as she pulled me in for a crushing hug. “We’ve missed you, Sophie.” She was almost giddy. “We’re glad we didn’t scare you too much when you stayed at the house so you would join us tonight.”

  “It’s good to be here,” I said as I returned her hug.

  “Sophie! You’re here.” James’ youngest nephew, Eli, burst into the little reunion and threw his arms around my legs. “Are you watching Polar Express and having cocoa? Come see our train.” I allowed him to drag me into the family room where James’ other nephew, Landon, sat at the base of their brightly decorated Christmas tree watching a train chug tirelessly around and around the trunk of the evergreen on a bright red track.

  “Hi, Sophie,” Landon said shyly with a small wave.

  “Hey, Landon,” I said with a smile at the adorable boy. “Did you build this yourself?” I sat on the floor next to him and Eli climbed on my lap.

  “Yeah.” He shrugged to downplay the pride he felt at my recognition of his accomplishment. My smile widened into a grin.

  “I helped too, Sophie,” Eli informed me, turning my attention toward him with a small hand on my cheek.

  “Well, you two are pretty great builders,” I praised with a pat on Landon’s back. “I bet you also decorated this amazing tree.” I fingered a cupcake wrapper frame with a mini picture of Eli glued to its center that hung from a branch. There was one just like it- except with Trevor’s kindergarten face- on my parents tree back in Texas. Warmth for the season and family traditions filled my heart.

  Landon gave another embarrassed shrug while Eli snuggled in and the three of us sat watching, mesmerized by the constant buzz of the train and its cyclical movement. The warm lights from the tree cast us in a peaceful glow.

  “You three look like a Norman Rockwell painting,” Caroline observed as she sat on the couch behind us.

  I turned and noticed James on the couch next to her. How long had he been there? His soft smile in our direction made my heart flip.

  “Tell me what you asked Santa to bring you,” I said to the boys as I stood and carried Eli with me to the couch. I settled in next to James and listened as Eli counted off his wish list on his fingers.

  “You can’t ask for that,” James interrupted when Eli mentioned the very Ironman action figure I’d wrapped earlier. “That’s what I asked Santa for.”

  “He can bring it to both of us,” came Eli’s generous reply. “Santa’s rich.”

  Grandma Caroline laughed at that and Eli hopped down from my lap to watch the train with his brother.

  “Wonder what Kaley would think about that comment,” James said, amused.

  “Her bank account doesn’t think that’s an accurate statement,” Kaley answered from the doorway. “Hot cocoa’s on.”

  “Can we drink it by the tree?” the boys pleaded as they followed Kaley and Caroline into the kitchen.

  James stood and held a hand down to me. I took it and then pulled back when he moved to pull me up. He grinned at me, an amused question in his eyes. He attempted to pull me up again, but I pulled back, keeping myself seated. Then, when I stopped pulling, the sudden loss of force propelled James backward, with me following behind. James’ surprised cry and subsequent ‘oof’ when we landed in a heap on the floor had me alternately laughing and moaning in pain while the family rushed from the kitchen, mugs of cocoa in hand.

  “What the…” Max started.

  “Get a room,” Mark said in mock disgust.

  “You guys messed up our train,” Landon exclaimed as Eli’s lower lip began to tremble.

  Red faced and out of breath, I rolled off James and brushed some pine needles from my hair, biting my lip to keep my laughter under control. My shoulders shook as I watched James roll out from under the tree into a seated position beside me, assessing the damage to the tree and the train track.

  “At least the tree is still standing,” Caroline murmured, smiling behind her mug before taking a sip.

  My laughter died abruptly when Eli ran to Kaley and sobbed into her legs, “Uncle James killed baby Jesus.”

  I looked at James in confusion. He held up a finger in a ‘I’ve got this’ gesture and stood and walked over to pick Eli up. He patted his back and talked softly to him. I watched Eli nod his head and slide out of James’ arms. He wiped his tears and came over to sit on my lap beside the tree. James followed, asking Eli to show him how to fix the track.

  Sitting side by side, heads together, James, Eli, and Landon connected the pieces of the track until it was complete. Good as new. Landon proudly placed the train on the track. Just as James moved to turn the train on for its repeat journey, Eli dove under the tree and reappeared with a triumphant grin and a miniature baby Jes
us clutched tightly in his hand. Ahh, baby Jesus. It all made sense now.

  We watched as Eli reverently set baby Jesus in the train and sat back, satisfied. “See, Mom. Baby Jesus can go save the world now.”

  “And that,” Max said, “is a perfect segue into our reading from the Bible. Everyone find a seat.” Kaley produced a Bible and handed it to Max. I kept my seat on the floor near James and the boys. Soon, we were all settled and Max’s deep voice carried us to another place and time- another Christmas thousands of years ago- where one baby Jesus really did come to save the whole world.

  “I’ll grab him,” Kaley whispered and lifted a sleeping Eli from my arms. As soon as she removed his warm little body from my lap, I shivered then sat forward to help Mark lift Landon’s sleeping form off James. Caroline and Max had long since lost interest in the movie and gone to bed. I watched as Kaley and Mark made their way up the stairs to deliver their exhausted bundles of potential energy to their beds for the night. I sat back on the couch and sighed when James wrapped an arm around me, pulling me to him. I gladly snuggled closer.

  “This was the perfect Christmas Eve,” I said around a yawn. I settled my arm across his stomach and burrowed my head into his chest, inhaling his scent and feeling contentment fill me from my head to my toes.

  James’ only response was a soft kiss in my hair and the tightening of his arm around me. I lifted my head from his chest to find him staring into the Christmas tree lights. I could see their brilliance reflected in his eyes.

  I reached my hand up and slid it across his cheek. His eyes met mine and I smiled. “Thank you,” I murmured, leaning up to kiss his scruffy cheek.

  “No. Thank you,” he responded, low and deep. I leaned away enough to see his eyes. I only had a second to wonder about the mischievous twinkle I saw there before he said, “I’m down with a roll under the Christmas tree with you any time.”

  I laughed and swatted at his chest. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

  “Oh, you are reading me totally wrong if you think I’m complaining.” He gently kissed my forehead and I leaned into it, resting my face against his. His warm, mint cocoa breath surrounded me, teasing. He picked up my hand that wasn’t tucked behind his back and laced our fingers together, bringing them to rest on his chest.

  We sat in the stillness, aware of only each other. After a time, I felt my eyelids get heavy and James pulled back and whispered, “I need to get up. You are too warm and soft.”

  “It’s probably just as well,” I yawned and stood, stretching my arms above my head. “I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes open. You are really cozy.” I looked at him through my lashes, suddenly shy.

  He rolled his eyes. “You’re killing me, San Antonio.” He pulled me into his arms and rested his chin on the top of my head. He huffed out a sigh and let his arms drop to his sides. “Let’s get you home.” I watched him walk to the foot of the stairs and softly call up to Kaley. Her footsteps sounded above us as she made her way to the stairs, but I kept my eyes on James, admiring him with sleepy eyes. Man, he looked good no matter the time- day or night.

  He turned and caught me ogling. His questioning look became a slow smile. I looked away, self consciously working to smooth down the craziest parts of my hair with one hand.

  “You guys out of here?” Kaley asked, coming down the stairs.

  “Yeah. I’m such great company, I’m putting San Antonio to sleep,” James teased, pointing at me with a thumb over his shoulder.

  Kaley waved off the comment. “Don’t worry, Sophie, he has that effect on nearly everyone.”

  I laughed and grinned up at James as he grabbed my coat and held it out for me to slip into. He returned my grin and we stood there by the front door, grinning stupidly at each other. I really needed to get to Trevor’s house. Anyone looking at me could see how I bore my soul through my eyes.

  “Please take her home,” Kaley begged in disgust. “It’s so sweet in here, I’ll be sick for Christmas if I keep watching you two.”

  “Oooh, poor Kaley,” James teased, throwing his arms around her for a quick hug. “Love ya, Sis. Have fun tomorrow.”

  “If you’ll let me get to bed tonight, maybe I will,” she grumped.

  “Thanks for having me over tonight, Kaley.” I reached around James to give Kaley a hug. “It was fun being with your boys.”

  “I’m so glad you came. Now you know what to expect for next year.”

  Startled, I looked at James. He glared at Kaley through narrowed eyes, but it appeared to be more of a cover for the embarrassment that glowed on his pink cheeks. She just grinned and shrugged. “Except next year,” she pointed at both of us, “it’s at your house.”

  Her saucy comment almost flew right over my sleep-fogged head. “Did she say-”

  “Good night, Kaley,” James said, taking my hand and pulling me out the door.

  “Good night, you two,” she called out to us. “Love you.”

  James

  I rang the doorbell, nervous about who I’d see on the other side of the door. I cleared my throat and clutched Sophie’s gift in my hand. Her parents had been kind at church the week before, but things weren’t completely comfortable between us.

  “Hey, Dr. Anderson.” Trevor greeted, opening the door wide. “Merry Christmas. Come on in.”

  “Thanks. And it’s James,” I replied, stepping into the house. I placed Sophie’s gift on the entry table and held out my hand for him to shake.

  He gripped it warmly and said, “Sophie’s in the kitchen helping with the last of the dinner prep. Follow me into the family room,” he invited with a wave of his hand. “The Steelers are getting their butts kicked.”

  “Let me slip in and let her know I’m here and I’ll meet you in there,” I told him, turning toward the kitchen.

  With a roll of his eyes, Trevor shrugged and continued on to the family room.

  I stopped and leaned against the kitchen doorway, folding my arms across my chest and grinning at the scene in front of me.

  Sophie stood at the counter. Jeran stood on a chair at her left, ‘helping’ her mash potatoes. “See, Aunt Sophie. I do a good job smashing ‘um.” He grinned proudly up at her and she mussed his hair.

  “You do a great job,” she praised. Then she scooped a portion of the fluffy, white potatoes out of the bowl with her finger and held it to his lips. “What do you think? Are they done?” He opened his mouth to accept a taste, but she raised her hand and wiped them on his nose.

  He immediately began to laugh as he used the back of his hand to wipe them off. “You missed,” he told her. “Twy again.”

  Sophie scooped some more out and held them out to him with the same results. “Oops!” she cried in mock dismay. “I missed again.” Jeran laughingly wiped them from his nose a second time. “Maybe you should help me try some,” she suggested.

  His grin nearly split his face as he reached into the bowl, retrieved a fist-sized portion, and went at her face with them. With a squeal, she grabbed his wrist at the last minute, barely keeping him from smearing her face with dinner. “You little stinker,” she laughed and tickled him with the hand not keeping the handful of potatoes at bay.

  “Okay, you two,” Sophie’s mom reprimanded. “We won’t be able to eat those...Dr. Anderson-” she cried as she spied me in the doorway. We had never been officially introduced, so I was surprised she knew me.

  Sophie whirled around and her eyes lit up. “James!” She looked down helplessly at the fist of potatoes she still held and back at me.

  I went to her and leaned down to kiss her cheek, pausing a moment to breathe her in. “Hey, San Antonio.” She grinned up at me, glancing at my lips, and then at Jeran and her mother. I smiled in understanding and wiggled my eyebrows. When she blushed, I winked at her.

  “What are you two doing?” I asked, turning my attention from her adorable face to Jeran.

  “Smashin’ potatoes. Want some?” He held his hand out to me and I took a small step back.
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br />   “Oh, come on, Doctor,” Sophie teased. “Just one bite.” She grabbed Jeran’s wrist and pulled it closer to my face.

  “Uh, uh, Aunt Sophie,” I warned her with a shake of my head. Her response was a wicked grin.

  Jeran laughed again as Sophie instead leaned forward and sucked potatoes off one of his fingers. “Delicious!” she declared. “We’re good potato smashers.”

  Giggling, Jeran attempted to stick his whole fist in his mouth to suck the potatoes off. “Weally good,” he declared with his mouth full. “Gwama, we finished.”

  Sophie grabbed his wrist just in time when he began to shake his hand to force the remaining potatoes off. “Let’s wash you instead,” she said, picking him up and carrying him to the sink. I turned on the water and Sophie rubbed his small hand.

  When Jeran was pronounced clean, he wiggled to get down. Sophie lowered him to the floor, grabbed a towel off the counter, and bent over- her face close to Jeran’s. “Kisses,” she said to him through puckered lips. He lifted his little face, puckered his lips, and then raised his wet hand to smack her cheek. Sophie’s startled cry elicited a belly laugh from Jeran and he ran from the room as fast as his little legs would take him.

  “Get back here, you monster.” she called after him. He shrieked and ran faster, though Sophie didn’t follow. Instead, she turned to her mother and asked, “What about gravy?”

  “I’ll do the gravy,” her mother said. “Get the rolls out of the oven and put them in a basket. Then go tell the others that dinner is ready.”

  “I’ll tell them,” I offered. “I told Trevor I’d be in for the game anyway.” I winked at Sophie again and followed adrenaline packed voices to the family room.

  “Steelers are making a comeback,” Trevor yelled when I entered.

  I stepped around toys and wrapping paper to get to the couch. Then I changed directions when I spotted Sophie’s dad sitting in a chair off to the side.

  “Hello, Doctor,” Sophie’s dad greeted, coming to his feet.

  “Sir,” I responded, shaking his hand. “I’m supposed to tell you that dinner is almost ready. But I also wanted to talk with you for a moment if that’s okay.”