The Heart of the Matter

by Heather M Green

  “Dinner was delicious, Mrs. Mitchell,” I said, rising from the table with Sophie and collecting dishes to carry to the kitchen.

  “Don’t worry about those, you guys,” Stacy told me and Sophie. “You did dinner while I sat with Dylan. I’ll clean up while he’s sleeping.”

  “I’ll help, my love,” Trevor said.

  “Suck up,” Sophie muttered, but she gladly relinquished the dishes to Trevor.

  “I’m merely showing James how to keep in good with the wife,” he said with a smug grin when Stacy rewarded his willingness to help with a kiss.

  Sophie snorted in disgust.

  “Pay attention, Doctor,” Mr. Mitchell admonished. “A little bit of sucking up never hurt any husband.” He leaned down and kissed Mrs. Mitchell on the cheek. “Right, dear?”

  “Okay, everyone,” Sophie said, blushing. “Leave James alone.”

  “And you by default, huh?” Trevor grinned.

  Sophie’s face turned a deeper shade of red and I chuckled. “I’m good,” I assured her. But I wasn’t surprised when she grabbed my hand and dragged me from the room.

  “Sorry about that,” she muttered. “I’m not sure what has gotten into them.”

  “I told you I’m good. It wasn’t bothering me.” I gave her a quick squeeze and laughed when she pinked up again.

  “I have something for you.” I held up a finger and dashed down the hall to the entryway and grabbed the gift off the table. I took her hand and walked her into the living room. Holding the gift out, I said, “It’s not much, but I figured you could drive all your patients crazy playing it every day.”

  She tore the paper off and read the cover of the CD. “Summer/Beach tunes.” She looked up at me with a grin. “This better have something more than a few grains of sand and a glass of water.”

  “I’m pretty sure that’s not what I said,” I laughed. “But it’s the weirdest mix I’ve ever heard.

  “What’s on it?” she asked.

  “Everything from Willie to The Beach Boys.”

  “You did not put Willie Nelson on here.”

  “Oh, you bet I did, San Antonio. Like I said, you’ll be driving them all crazy all day every day.” She laughed and turned the CD over and over in her hands.

  “You forget it’s Texas. It’s all about my kind of music down there.”

  I laughed. Wouldn’t she be surprised. I gestured to the CD with my chin. “I even put some of my favorites on there.”

  “Favorites?” she asked, intrigued. “I thought your ‘favorites’ began and ended within snoozer talk radio.” She made air quotes.

  “You’ll just have to listen.”

  She reached an arm around my waist in a one-armed hug. “Thank you, James. This must have taken a lot of time. I love it.”

  “Well, I figured if you were going to listen to a beach/surfin’ CD, it had to be done right.”

  “And you are such a country guru that you were just the guy to do it,” she laughed.

  “You mock, but I’ll have the last laugh.”

  “I’m a little scared.”

  “And you’ll think of me every time you listen to it.”

  “I kind of wish we could listen to it together,” she said, with a small laugh. Her overly bright smile might have fooled me if not for the quiver in her voice that accompanied it when she said, “There will be time for that later, right?” She sniffed and cleared her throat. Her words were right, but her tone said she didn’t believe it. She wasn’t giving up on us, was she?

  Before I could question her, she said, “Oh, hey, I’ve got a gift for you too.” She walked the few feet to the Christmas tree and plucked a blue envelope from its branches that rested about halfway up the tree. We settled on the couch and she handed it to me.

  “This better not be what I think it is,” I said, opening the envelope and removing the plane ticket inside. “No way, Sophie. This is too much.”

  “How else am I going to guarantee a visit from you?”

  “But you need the money for your clinic.” She covered my hand with her own when I moved to give the ticket back.

  “I did this as much for me as for you,” she whispered, her eyes filling with tears. “Please, James. Take it.”

  “Who’s ready for some Christmas music relaxation?” Trevor asked, coming into the room followed by Stacy and Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell. He grabbed a remote and began pushing buttons.

  Sophie sat back and wiped her eyes. “We are,” she told him with a genuine smile. “The boys are down for the night?”

  Stacy sighed. “Finally. This is always one big, exhausting day. It’s a great day. Don’t get me wrong. But this is really nice too.”

  “This is my favorite part of Christmas night.” Sophie confided, turning slightly and snuggling into me. I put my arm around her and pulled her close.

  “What are we doing?” I whispered into her hair. “I don’t have to sing, do I? Because I can tell you that won’t be relaxing.”

  She laughed and patted my leg. “Rest easy, cowboy. Your only job is to listen and hold me.”

  I whispered a kiss across her temple and sighed. That I could do. Forever.

  Soft instrumental Christmas music filled the room and Sophie relaxed further into me. I watched her family as they settled into their chairs and let the music ease away the stress and busyness of the day. A few gazed at the Christmas tree while others closed their eyes and soaked in the peace. It wrapped around us like a comfy blanket. I couldn’t remember ever feeling so content with life.

  I watched the twinkling lights on the tree, their colors blurring and blending, mesmerizing. Sophie shifted closer and sighed, her head falling forward slightly. I pulled my gaze from the tree and looked down at her. Adjusting her head to a more comfortable position on my chest, I smiled. She was out.

  I looked up and met Stacy’s eyes. She smiled knowingly. “Looks like we should have put her to bed, too.”

  Mr. Mitchell looked at me with a warning in his eyes at the same time that Trevor whispered loudly, “Geez, Stace. Not sure that was the thing to encourage in front of my parents.”

  Stacy elbowed him and laughed softly. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

  Trevor returned her laugh. “It’s all good, James. Dad would only meet her previous boyfriends at the door with his shotgun.”

  “Sent exactly the message I wanted to get across,” Mr. Mitchell grinned.

  I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Though Sophie and I had already had the shotgun talk, hearing a slightly different version from her dad and Trevor had me barely resisting the urge to pull at my collar. The room suddenly felt very hot. I hadn’t scored too many points with Sophie’s dad with my past actions.

  “Oh, leave him alone, David. We don’t want to scare him off,” Sophie’s mom chuckled. The look her dad threw me said that he most definitely did want to scare me off. Or at least make sure we were on the same page as far as commitment to Sophie was concerned. After several uncomfortable seconds of a stare down, his features softened and he began to chuckle softly.

  “Had ya going there for a minute, huh?” he said to me as he smacked Trevor on the shoulder. Trevor’s laughter mingled with his father’s. “Had him goin’, son.”

  “Good one, Dad,” Trevor chuckled. Stacy rolled her eyes and shook her head.

  “Yes, dear,” Mrs. Mitchell said wryly. “You’re quite hilarious.”

  Mr. Mitchell stood and held a hand out to his wife. “Well, love, I’m ready to hit the hay. You coming?”

  Mrs. Mitchell took his hand and let him pull her to her feet. “I’m ready. Good night everyone.” She looked at me. “Thank you for making Sophie so happy. She has waited a long time for you. And thank you for saving our grandson.”

  “My pleasure on both counts, ma’am,” I said with a smile. “Have a safe trip back tomorrow. And thank you for letting me spend part of your Christmas with you.” I nodded to Sophie’s dad to include him in my thanks. “Sir.”

 
“Good night, son,” he said to me, a hand on his wife’s back ushering her from the room. “See to it that no more of her tears are over you.”

  With that, the room was quiet again except for Sophie’s steady breathing and the angelic Christmas music lulling us back into our previous contemplative state.

  Some time later, Stacy roused from her sleeping position on Trevor’s lap. “I hear the baby,” she informed us groggily. “Come on, Trev. You won’t be able to move in the morning if you sleep on this couch all night. Good night, James.” And she left the room with Trevor stumbling after her.

  “Sophie,” I whispered, rubbing my hand up and down her back. “San Antonio.”

  “Uh, uh,” she murmured, snuggling deeper into me. “You can’t go.”

  “I know, Soph, but I need to.”

  She slowly sat up and ran a hand through her hair, squinting up at me through sleepy eyes. I put a hand to her face and smiled. I could get used to waking up to this sight every morning.

  I stood and dragged her to her feet. She immediately wrapped her arms around my waist, her head resting on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. Man, I loved this girl. I put a hand into her hair and held her head tighter to me.

  Soon, I felt a warm, wet sensation on my chest and sighed. “Soph, no tears. Please,” I gently begged.

  Those words were the key to the floodgates because they opened and she sobbed against me. “Don’t go, James. Because...if you go, it m-m-means I have to...to leave...tomorrow. And I don’t know when we’ll see each other again.”

  I pressed another kiss to her head and pulled back enough to look down at her. “Hey, hey,” I soothed, wiping a tear with my thumb. “Don’t cry, San Antonio. Tomorrow is not goodbye.”

  She moved closer and rested her head on my chest again. “Do you promise me?” she sniffed. “Promise me, James. Promise me tomorrow isn’t goodbye.”

  “Oh, Sophie…” I pulled her more snuggly against me. “You know I love you, correct?”

  She nodded against my chest.

  “You believe me when I say I’m not letting you get away again?”

  Another nod.

  I tried to pull back slightly, but her arms tightened around my waist, preventing me from going anywhere. “Soph.”

  She shook her head against me.

  I tried again. “Look at me, Sophie,” I said gently. She raised tear filled eyes to mine. “Tomorrow. Isn’t. Goodbye.” I raised a hand to her cheek. She leaned into it, closing her eyes and encouraging a tear to slowly make its way down into my palm.

  I lowered my lips to hers and drank her in. Her arms moved from my waist, up my chest, and to my shoulders where they reached around my neck, her fingers playing with my hair. My arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her tight against me.

  She kissed me with a desperation I’d never felt before. Her tears clung to my face, forcing me to absorb her fears and doubts about our future. I panicked. I changed the angle of the kiss and pulled her ever closer.

  “Oh, sorry,” Stacy’s embarrassed voice reached us as if from the top of a deep crevasse. We sprung apart, breathing hard. “I thought you’d left already.” She moved farther into the room. “I just need to grab Dylan’s binky and I’ll let you get back to...uh...what you were doing.”

  Sophie’s face turned ten shades of red. I ran a hand across my face, grateful, yet not, for the interruption. Things were getting way too intense.

  “Good night,” Stacy said as she hurried past us, avoiding our eyes.

  I glanced sheepishly at Sophie, but she was watching Stacy leave the room, her own expression bordering on embarrassed horror. I ducked my head to hide a smile when Stacy turned back just before starting up the stairs and grinned at Sophie, mouthing, “Wow!”

  “That was about one hundred kinds of awkward,” Sophie giggled after we heard a bedroom door close.

  “I’m just glad it was Stacy and not your father. He’d fly you back to Texas tonight and lock you up, never to let you see the light of day. And I can’t say I’d blame him.”

  “So,” Sophie said coyly, “You’ll come visit me?”

  “Would the day after tomorrow be too soon?”

  She laughed. “I’ll call you when I get back to San Antonio.”

  I took her hand and we walked to the door. “We’ll figure this out,” I told her, leaning in to place a lingering kiss on her cheek. “I promise.”

  “Tell me again why I have to come with you,” Andy said the next evening. “Besides the fact that you need someone to hold your hand.”

  “What are you talking about? I didn’t ask you to come.”

  “I know,” he said clapping his hands together. “I had to watch this go down. You know that.”

  “It’s sick how you get your thrills,” I said with a shake of my head. “I don’t get you at all.”

  “And I don’t get you, country boy. At least you’re finally seeing the light where Sophie is concerned. Took you long enough. You can thank me for that later.”

  “Thank you?”

  “You’re welcome. That’s what family’s for, right?”

  “No. That was a question, not a statement.”

  “Seriously, dude. What’s the plan?”

  “You’re there for the comic relief. And if things start to go south, it’s up to you to get us out of there with our pride intact.”

  “That’s a lot of responsibility, man, but I got you.” I rolled my eyes at that. “A comment if I may…” he continued.

  “I guess.”

  “I never pegged you for a chicken,” Andy taunted.

  “And I always had you pegged for a lady’s man. Guess we were both wrong.”

  “Ha, ha. You’re in rare form today, man.”

  “It’s called charm, Andrew. Maybe you should try it.”

  “I’m saying hello and goodbye. You’re on your own after that.”

  “Can I remind you that I didn’t ask you to come and that we are in my car? How are you getting home if you say hello and goodbye?” I smiled when I saw that one stumped him.

  “Oh, let’s just get this over with,” Andy growled. “The things I do for you.”

  Sophie

  “There’s someone here to see you, Soph,” Trevor called up the stairs to me. I frowned and shoved the last pair of shoes in my suitcase and looked at my watch. Who could be here to see me? I wondered. Besides James, everyone I know is here already.

  “Okay,” I called down. “Coming.” I zipped my suitcase, turned off the bedroom light, and made my way down the stairs to the living room. “Mom,” I said as I walked into the room, “what time do you want to leave for the air…”

  I stopped short when I saw who was waiting there for me. It wasn’t my mother. James. My stomach did a happy flip at the sight of him. And Andy. This was like deja-vu. A seriously trippy case of deja-vu.

  “Hey, I didn’t expect to see you.” I smiled and reached up to give James a quick kiss. “I thought we said our goodbyes last night. Hey, Andy.”

  “We did, but...here’s the thing.” He took my hand and held it to his heart.

  “You need help taking anything to the car?” Andy interrupted.

  I tore my gaze from James. “Um, yeah. Those two suitcases there,” I told him pointing across the room. “And the backpack by the front door. Thanks.”

  James watched until Andy left the room and tried again. “Here’s the thing. I know because I love you I’m supposed to let you go so you can see the world, become whatever you want to become, so years down the road you don’t resent me for all your unfulfilled dreams. I know this, but you resented me when I let you go the first time. I’m not about to make that mistake again.

  “At the risk of being another Christmas cliche…I brought your gift- the real one.”

  I watched in stunned silence as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box. I was vaguely aware of Trevor, Stacy, the boys, my parents, and Andy joining us on the periphery as James o
pened the box and dropped to one knee. I gasped and then bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling as my eyes filled with tears.

  James took my hand and said, “Sophie, I’ve made a colossal mess of things between us. I know you could most assuredly do better than a mess like me who almost missed out, twice, on the best thing that has ever happened in his life. I know this, and still I’m here to tell you, first of all, that I’m sorry for making you cry and not asking you to stay the first time. And second that I’m tired of living scared, so I’m giving you me as a reason to stay. After all that’s happened, you may not think that is such a great reason, but I’m begging you. Don’t go back to the great state of Texas and work on your drawl. Don’t go and open a clinic with married Matt. Stay here in the great state of Oregon and marry me. I’m not asking you to give up your dreams, just that you make me a part of them. I love you, Soph.”

  “I love you, too,” I told him through my tears. He tugged on my hand and I dropped to my knees in front of him.

  Taking his face in my hands, I caressed the fine stubble growing there. If I said yes, I could touch this face whenever I wanted. I rubbed a thumb across his bottom lip. If I said yes, I could kiss these lips every day. Passionately. Better not think on that one too long right now. I raised a hand to smooth a dark eyebrow. If I said yes, I could get lost in these eyes before I went to sleep every night and wake to them every morning. And our babies…

  James watched me intently as I studied him, and then with a grin, said, "Are you gonna kiss me or not?”

  I grinned back, catching his music line reference. He leaned toward me and I stretched up to meet him halfway. His lips devoured mine like I had devoured his face with my gaze seconds before.

  After a few heady moments, James pulled back slightly, resting his forehead against mine. “I know I have a lot of making up to do,” he whispered. “I know it will take a lot for you to trust me with your heart again. But I also know that these past months without you have been hell. I did a lot of thinking and forgiving and came to some pretty hard realizations.

  “I realized that the real fear isn't marriage or having children. The real fear is never dancing on a beach with you in the moonlight. It's never seeing you snuggle with my nephews. It's never sharing embarrassing stories on long drives or making some of our own. It's never hearing your mind blowing trivia." He paused and then continued more quietly, "It's seeing you with someone else and knowing he deserves you because he hasn't torn your heart to pieces. It's knowing that the memory of kissing you will remain just that. It's knowing that the only truly safe and peaceful arms I've ever been in are wrapped around someone else. I can't make it without you, Sophie. I need you. Desperately. Please marry me. I won't ever let you go again."