Serenity

by Jesse J. Thoma

  “Seems like a fair trade-off to me.” She snuggled closer to Kit. The evening wasn’t cold. She had no reasonable excuse except she wanted to be closer to her. She couldn’t remember an evening when she’d enjoyed herself more, which was impressive because they’d spent some of it talking about Sylvia.

  Kit wrapped her arms around Thea and held her close. She didn’t seem in any hurry to leave the date after-party either. They stayed that way for a long while. Cuddled together on the stoop, talking about all manner of things, and looking up at the stars. Thea ran inside to get a candle, ostensibly to keep the bugs away, but also because it seemed like it matched the mood of the moment. She could have sat happily on the stoop until morning, but eventually, Kit had to go.

  When they parted Thea wasn’t sure if she wanted the first kiss, or if she wanted more time. Kit saved her the agonizing by sweetly kissing her on the cheek and running her hand through her hair softly.

  “I’m going to do what I had planned when we first got back. I’ll make sure you get inside safely.” Kit didn’t look like she wanted to let Thea go inside.

  “Kit, I’ve been in and out a bunch already,” Thea said.

  “I know. But if you go in now, then I can skip and dance my way down the street like a fool and you won’t see me.” Kit grinned. “Only the envious squirrels will know how happy I am after going out with you tonight. And they’re jerks anyway, so who cares what they think?”

  “God, you’re cute.” Thea’s stomach flipped and she felt her smile down to her bones.

  “That’s good, right?” Kit cocked her head to the side. “I mean, puppies are cute, but you just coo at them and encourage them not to poop on the rug.”

  “It’s very good.” Thea patted Kit on the cheek and tried to hide the enormous smile that was threatening to break free. “I’m going inside now. You may commence dancing. But don’t forget, I have windows.”

  Kit blew Thea a kiss as she walked backward down the street. Thea went inside but stole a glance out the window. As promised, Kit was doing a celebratory jig down the street. Thea loved it. She especially loved that it was for, and the result of, her.

  Maybe sticking a toe or a whole foot outside her comfort zone wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Thea was looking forward to dinner with Carrie and to talking about all the things going on. It seemed like ages since they’d caught up.

  She spotted Carrie at the bar. Two martinis were in front of her.

  “Cheers. I ordered for you.” Carrie handed her one of the drinks.

  “Oh, it’s going to be that kind of night?”

  “Isn’t it always when we go out? You should have known what to expect. No surprises. And methinks you have some interesting things to tell me. If I’m right, drinks seem in order.”

  “What do you think I have to tell you that requires drinking?” Thea smiled and thought of turmeric coffee.

  “You tell me.” Carrie indicated Thea’s drink.

  The only time Thea really drank, and never even all that much, was with Carrie. She didn’t mind Carrie pushing her outside her comfort zone, which as it turned out, seemed to be the theme of the week. As Carrie said, when she was with her, she knew what to expect, even if it was outside her normal routine. And it was usually a lot of fun.

  Thea picked up her martini. She was about to ask Carrie a question, but Carrie cut her off.

  “I know that look. You will not ask me any questions about children, books, or children’s books. I do not want to talk to my boss about work. I want to have dinner with my friend. Do you accept my terms?”

  Busted. “Fine. Accepted.” Thea took a sip.

  “Thank God. You’ve been holding out all the juicy bits about your new coffee delivery wizard. What else is she delivering for you? Does she look as good out of those clothes as she does in them? She was wearing a construction T-shirt the other day. Does she have a tool belt? Do you make her wear only that? I would.”

  “Stop.” Thea nearly choked on her drink and felt her face grow hot. She was sure she was bright red. Sure, she had momentarily wanted to rip Kit’s clothes off on their date, but Thea saw her as more than a hot body to drool over. She was a bit embarrassed to consider Kit that way, and a little jealous at Carrie’s effusiveness.

  “Kit is a friend. That’s all.”

  “Well then, you, my friend, are blind. You’re also a liar if rumors are to be believed.”

  “I’m not blind.” She was definitely not blind. “She has a complicated history.”

  “So what? So do you.” Carrie waved away her comment. “You still haven’t denied the lying part.”

  Didn’t she know it. “Yeah. That’s sort of the problem. They may not be all that compatible. Her complications and mine, I mean. And we’re way ahead of ourselves here. We’ve only been on one date.”

  “I knew it.” Carrie looked triumphant. “And if you of all people have decided to go on a date with her, then you’re not really all that worried about the compatibility stuff. Or you are, but you’re willing to give it a go. You don’t like being surprised by which way the toilet paper unrolls in the bathroom, so if you’re willing to give a woman a try, she’s special.”

  “There’s clearly only one right way to install a new roll.”

  Carrie slid Thea’s martini closer to her. Thea took the hint and another sip.

  “As your friend I’m officially sanctioning the allowance of a little friction in your life. Breaking some of your rules isn’t the worst thing. You tried to follow them with Sylvia and…well, here we are.”

  “You started strong, but really faded at the end there.” Thea patted Carrie’s hand. “But I appreciate it.”

  They moved on to dinner and other topics, but Thea was distracted. Now that Carrie had mentioned it, Thea was having a hard time not picturing Kit wearing a tool belt and nothing else. Combined with the sawdust, it was really hitting the sweet spot. And now that she knew what Kit’s body felt like, it was a wonder she heard anything Carrie was saying.

  Thea looked up and found Carrie with an all too knowing grin on her face.

  “Not one word,” Thea said.

  Carrie held up her hands in surrender and made a motion like she was zipping her lips.

  “Kit doesn’t think Walter likes her very much.” Thea tried a Hail Mary subject change.

  “I’m assuming I’m allowed to join this conversation?” Carrie raised an eyebrow. “Kit would be right. He’s not a fan.”

  That news hit Thea hard. She loved Walter like family. If he didn’t like someone, she took notice. She was also confused as to why he had gone out of his way to help Kit if he didn’t like her.

  “Do you know why?”

  “I quote, ‘That woman’s sniffing around like she’s got designs on Thea. Thea can do better.’ He doesn’t think Kit’s good enough for you. No one will ever be good enough in his eyes. But his eyes are focused on different things than mine.”

  “Do I even want to know what your concerns are?”

  “He’s looking for happily ever after for you. I see a hot woman who might be able to help dust off some cobwebs in your below decks. I imagine they haven’t gotten much attention since Sylvia abandoned ship?”

  “Would you please, for the love of all things holy, never think about, or mention, my below decks again? Seriously, never.”

  “Fine. Parting words. Tool. Belt.”

  “I don’t know why I spend time with you.” Thea shook her head and finished her drink.

  “Yes, you do,” Carrie said.

  “If Walter’s so against Kit, why did he find me when she was injured and needed help, or tell her where I am when she comes in? Or why did he tell me to get the stick out of my ass and take some risks?” Thea went to take another sip of her drink and put it down again when she realized it was empty.

  “He really said that?” Carrie stopped mid sip.

  “No, of course not. But it was implied.” Walter’s be
havior was a little unnerving.

  “Honey, he’s doing all that for you. He doesn’t have to like Kit to love you. And loving you means doing what makes you happy and is best for you, his own feelings be damned.”

  “I don’t know what to do with that.” Emotions were complicated, messy. This was why she’d been avoiding them since Sylvia.

  “You don’t have to do anything,” Carrie said. “Except send me a picture of hottie pants wearing her tool belt. Otherwise, keep following your heart for once, instead of your head. See where that takes you this time.”

  Thea wasn’t sure she knew how to do that. The moment she let her emotions overrule her brain she’d freaked out and almost ruined the whole thing. But Kit hadn’t seemed overly concerned, so maybe she shouldn’t be either. Maybe they could figure it out together.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kit felt like she was still buzzing from her date with Thea. The guys at work had been all over her, making kissy faces, batting their eyelashes, and constantly asking if she was okay to operate the power tools. She’d find a way to pay Josh back for letting it slip she’d gone out with Thea. The guys said they were worried her head was too far in the clouds and her eyeballs were covered in hearts. She didn’t argue. There was no point. Her feet felt like they were floating a foot off the ground. She was a walking, talking, post-first date, euphoric stereotype.

  The two days felt unreasonably long since she’d seen Thea. Before, she’d never hesitated to stop by the library for no particular reason, but now she worried about seeming too eager. She was usually busy early in the week and didn’t always make it to the library anyway, and now she wanted to be especially respectful of Thea’s desire for predictability. Luckily, she’d been even busier than usual and hadn’t had the chance to twist herself in knots over it. Tonight, she didn’t need an excuse. Ethel would tie her in knots of a different kind if she missed a meeting for anything short of death. Especially a meeting after Kit ventured back into the wild world of dating.

  Kit charged up the library steps. Feeling like something a dog regurgitated the first time she’d been on these steps barely registered now. At one point she never thought she’d think of anything else.

  When she entered, Walter was at the desk and Thea wasn’t in sight. Kit didn’t want to be rude, but she wanted to spring past Walter and find Thea. Just to say hi, or hug her, or stand there awkwardly. “Ms. Marsden,” Walter said. “Good evening.”

  “You can call me Kit. It won’t kill you. Oh, God, will it?”

  “It might.” Walter regarded her coolly. “I prefer to keep things professional.”

  Kit didn’t know if Walter was messing with her. He was a tough read.

  I will win this man over if it kills me. “In what professional capacity are we interacting?”

  Walter looked perplexed.

  “Thea takes care of my library related needs and I don’t see you outside of this building. If I did, it wouldn’t be professionally motivated. Unless you have something you’d like to share with the class, you old fox?”

  “Nothing I can think of at this juncture,” Walter said, his head tilted slightly as he studied her.

  Not even a smile. Okay. Maybe the truth would work, then. “Look, you don’t like me. I’m not blind. I’m not good enough for Thea? My past is a disqualifier? You can’t unsee the first time we met? You have an aversion to sawdust? What is it? She loves you, so I don’t want you to hate me.”

  Kit was a little more aggressive than she meant to be, but the truth of the words hurt. Walter certainly looked taken aback. Seeing Walter had killed her good mood.

  “I do not hate you, Ms. Marsden.” He looked sad. “And I would never hold your past against you. On the contrary, I greatly admire your efforts and achievements in securing your sobriety.”

  Securing my sobriety? I didn’t get the last loaf of bread before a winter storm.

  “But I’m not good enough for Thea? You don’t approve?” Kit felt her frustration rising. It wasn’t Walter’s fault. She couldn’t make him like her, but it felt important that he did. She knew how much he meant to Thea. It would be hard for her to dismiss Josh’s impression of someone if he didn’t like them.

  “No one is good enough for Thea in my estimation.” Walter shuffled a few books on the desk. “And no one ever will be.”

  “Well, I guess we agree on something.” Kit’s stomach churned and she shoved her hands in her pockets.

  “And I do agree your history and hers appear to be incompatible on the surface. But I encouraged her not to let that dictate her actions when it comes to you.”

  Kit looked up from the floor and stared at him. “So you don’t like me, but you told Thea she shouldn’t run away from me. I’m confused, Walter.”

  “Ms. Marsden, I never said I don’t like you. You’ve said it and the rumor is certainly out there. I don’t trust you. And before you ask, it’s not because I worry you’ll relapse. Rather, you appear to me to be a woman running from herself. And if you don’t know yourself, how can Thea?”

  Kit’s first reaction was defensive because his words stung. She wanted to tell him to go to hell. That he was wrong. Instead she took a deep breath and asked another question. “If you don’t trust me, I still don’t understand why you would encourage Thea to not run from me?”

  “Ms. Marsden, you make her happy. She smiles more lately because of you,” Walter said. “And if I may be uncharacteristically crass for a moment, I’m really rooting for you to get your shit together soon. For the good of both of you.”

  Walter swearing was probably as rare as a leprechaun twerking with a yeti and Kit was the only witness. She was working out a reply when she was derailed by the feel of a hand trailing across her shoulders and down her right arm. She didn’t wait for the full descent before she pulled Thea’s hand into her own. The tension she’d felt from talking with Walter receded and was replaced with a jolt of excitement.

  “That, Ms. Marsden. That’s the reason. Right there. Mind what I said, for both of you.”

  “I feel like I missed something important,” Thea said, her bright smile fading a little. She looked from Walter to Kit.

  “Nope,” Kit and Walter said in unison.

  “Well, now I know I did. One of you will tell me later.”

  Walter waved his hand dismissively and walked away.

  “He doesn’t seem afraid of your serious voice.” Kit watched Walter retreat.

  “And what about you?” Thea moved in front of Kit but kept some distance.

  Kit would prefer her closer, but Thea was still at work. “Oh, you scare me plenty,” Kit said.

  Thea looked pleased with that information.

  “I’m glad tonight was a meeting night.” Thea reached out and caught Kit’s hand quickly before letting go. “I knew I’d get to see you and it saved me having to come up with an excuse to get you here without resorting to begging.”

  “You wouldn’t have had to beg.” Kit took a small step forward. “Although I wouldn’t have minded if you did. But I wanted to respect what you’ve asked for. I’m not usually free the couple of days before my meeting, anyway, but I didn’t want to change things up just because we had a date over the weekend, either.”

  Kit couldn’t tell, but she thought Thea appreciated her being mindful of her need for a schedule.

  “I really appreciate your thinking of that, Kit. But if we’re going to give this a try, and you better not back out now, then I don’t want you to overthink. If you want to come visit, please come visit. I like seeing your face. Don’t wait two days because you think that’s what I want. You’re probably wrong.”

  Kit wondered how much of a goober she’d look like if she danced around a little bit. She played it a little cooler instead.

  “I don’t mind being wrong. But if you only want to see my face, I can give you a picture.”

  “You know that’s not all I want.” Thea’s eyes glinted and her lips quirked in a sexy half smile.

&nbs
p; “Tell me more about what else you want.”

  “I will not do that in the middle of the library, ten minutes before your meeting.” Thea gave Kit a playful shove a few feet back.

  “Can’t blame a girl for trying.” Kit grinned and hoped her desire showed in her eyes. “Can I take you out again?”

  “You better.” Thea smiled at someone walking past and took a small step backward. “I need to find out if we do second dates as well as we do firsts. Research is very important to librarians.”

  Thea walked Kit to her meeting and although they were no longer holding hands, Kit could still feel Thea’s hand in hers. It felt like it had always belonged there. She missed Thea’s touch. Was it possible to feel so close to someone you’d hardly spent any time with? Apparently, it was.

  Frankie was walking out of the community room as they approached. She had a bag of trash.

  “Hey, Kit. Hey, Thea. Just finished setting up. No one took the trash out, so I emptied it. The meeting’s going to be a little aromatic. At least it’s not dead fish. I’m going to stick around for a while, so if you need anything, I can take care of it.”

  Kit thanked Frankie and stole a couple of additional minutes with Thea before the meeting began. She wanted to be respectful of the fact that Thea was still in her place of work, but she couldn’t stop herself from some form of physical contact. She touched Thea’s cheek, rested her hand on Thea’s waist, and briefly linked their hands. She felt a little like a high schooler again sneaking off behind the bleachers. It made everything more exciting, although the way Thea looked at her was all the excitement she needed.

  She was daydreaming when Ethel slid into the seat next to her. She looked frazzled.

  “Hey, kiddo. Haven’t seen you much lately.”

  “You saw me last week.” Kit looked Ethel over. She seemed different today.

  “But no coffee dates. No breakfast. You don’t call, you don’t write. Tell me about your lady troubles. Or work problems? Which was it again?”

  “Neither. Things are great.” She was a little worried about Ethel. She seemed awfully stressed lately and a little distractible. She didn’t know what the protocol was for checking in on how Ethel was doing. Was turning the tables okay? Ethel had her own sponsor and support system in place, but Kit was a friend and NA was peer support. They were all there for each other. Truth was, it felt like Ethel saved her life, so if there was something wrong, Kit would do just about anything to help, but she needed to know what it was first.