A Royal Pain: Paranormal Dating Agency (Otherworld Shifters Book 3)

by Godiva Glenn

  “Sure.” The line clicked, and the phone vibrated against Alethea’s cheek. She rolled onto her back and checked the message. It was a place she recognized. But first.

  She scrolled through and sure enough, Pavel’s number was now programmed into her contacts list. A few taps and she closed her eyes to listen to it ringing. He picked up and she cursed at how sober and clear he sounded.

  “Pavel? What in the name of the gods happened last night?”

  The sun reflected off every surface in the casual restaurant, determined to catch Alethea’s eyes in just the right way to multiply the pounding in her head. Across the table, the infamous matchmaker chewed and swallowed a bite of food with grace Alethea scorned. Decked out in a steel-gray tailored dress, Gerri stood out in the drab eatery.

  No matter how many lessons and how many coaches had passed through Alethea’s life, she’d never managed the easy refinery of many of her noble peers. And now here she was, hungover and probably looking like a pauper next to a mysterious American with enviable fashion sense and the ability to eat fried fish without seeming like a commoner.

  “You should have something. Your body is starving for nutrients,” Gerri said and sipped her wine.

  “The smell is somehow both alluring and repulsive at once. I’m not sure my stomach can handle it.” Alethea pinched the bridge of her nose as the room spun. “You said you had a remedy.”

  Gerri nodded as she swallowed and her bright blue eyes scanned Alethea head to toe. “The cure for a hangover is to get back to life and deal with it.”

  The brazen attitude stunned Alethea momentarily. Aside from her cousin and a few other friends, she was used to being fawned over. Gerri’s tone was refreshing, albeit unexpected. “You realize I’m a princess, and you’re in my territory?”

  Gerri flipped over her phone, which until now had sat face down on the table between them. Her fingers swept across the screen and then she read aloud, “I want someone to make my father furious, someone who doesn’t give a flying eff about protocol.” She met Alethea’s eyes. “When you compose a drunk email requesting revenge on your oppressive father, I suspect that the princess card goes out the window.”

  Alethea rubbed her temples and stared at the lime floating in her water glass. “This isn’t some fantasy world of nonstop perfection and we aren’t the royal family everyone knows and loves.”

  “Honestly… titles aren’t my concern. I would like to help you just because. But first, I’m going to need more than this rant.” Gerri wiped the corner of her mouth with her napkin and turned her plate so that the untouched seasoned french fries were within Alethea’s reach.”

  “I don’t know if I should waste your time. My father won’t approve of anyone, and in the harsh light of day, I’m not sure I still want to just grab a random guy to grate his nerves.” Alethea took a fry and bit the end off. The salt was perfect, as if she’d never had a fry before. Her brain started to clear. “I know a guy who could use your help though, maybe—”

  “I would never hook you up with a random guy, and my purpose has nothing to do with upsetting your father.” Gerri reached across the table and took Alethea’s hand. “Between the lines of rambling about politics and requiring a lumberjack who knows how to haul his wood—”

  Alethea groaned.

  “—there was a clear communication of raw honesty and passion,” Gerri continued. “I want to help you. Beneath the façade of not wanting a man and claiming that you’d ever let your father dictate who you date, I can tell you want something real.”

  Pursing her lips, Alethea pulled her hand back. When she was young she’d watch her parents and believe that someday she’d have that. The way they would stare into each other’s eyes and smile gave her a warm feeling inside, and yes, it was the type of moment she’d wanted for herself. But that was the dream of a little girl.

  “I don’t know if I can expect something real.”

  “And why not?”

  “Because men have an idea of what a princess is. Perfect and demure. I feel like a mess in expensive clothing. A tiara’d bull in a china shop,” Alethea admitted.

  “I don’t see that when I look at you. I see a lovely young woman who perhaps can’t handle her drink, but otherwise…” Gerri went to her phone again and after a few moments slid it across the table.

  An article was pulled up on the device, one of her standing before a crowd with a caption of how much time and effort she’d contributed to a historical festival last year. She remembered that day. Most of her life was about sitting and smiling, but occasionally she got the chance to do something.

  “That’s a rare one. Usually, they call me a fat disgrace.”

  Gerri took her phone back and scoffed. “Jealousy is an ugly thing. You’ve got a colorful personality and amazing curves.” She leaned back in her chair and tucked a loose strand of platinum blonde hair back behind her ear. “I can’t force you to use my help, but I have staked my reputation on finding true love for the most stubborn of men and women. Tell me what you want, and if he’s out there, I’ll find him.”

  Alethea ate another fry and shrugged. “I just need someone who is willing to put up with the downsides of being with a princess.” She tilted her head back subtly to the left, indicating the well-dressed couple at the table behind her. “Like armed babysitters.”

  “I thought I smelled hired muscle,” Gerri joked.

  “I don’t think what I want in a match is anything incredible. I want someone fun but proper, I guess. Just someone who can keep me from falling asleep during boring engagements. And yeah, if he can give foot massages that would be great.” Alethea sipped her water. “Did you know I’m required to wear at least three-inch heels for any event outside of the charities I personally manage? I love my heels but if it’s an all-day affair I would gladly switch out.”

  “That’s it?”

  “Can’t you guess the rest? The problem is gaining my father’s approval. Because the perfect guy for me has to be good for the entire country.”

  “Ah. Thrust into the spotlight of royal politics, royal culture, royal etiquette. What is the usual flaw in the men of your past?” Gerri asked.

  “Either we don’t click, or my father disapproves and then there’s no point continuing.”

  “You won’t challenge your father to give your dates a chance?”

  Alethea half-chuckled. “I challenge my father at every opportunity. But the men won’t. I suppose I understand. He’s their king. A bit more intimidating than the usual grumpy father.”

  “The right man wouldn’t give up that easily.”

  “Yet that’s why there aren’t many men in my past. Usually, a first date weeds out everyone, and very few have gotten past that.” She’d had one long-term relationship in her life, but it had been with a man who’d proved to be a nightmare. Thankfully, she’d snapped out of it just in time.

  “Really? I swear I’ve seen running tallies of your exes,” Gerri said with a hint of suspicion.

  Sighing, Alethea tapped the excess salt from a fry. “Nothing better to do with their time, paparazzi. Basically, if a guy looks at me, stands next to me, et cetera, he becomes my boyfriend. If it happens more than once, he’s my fiancé. They craft sordid relationships out of thin air. Trust me. I’m a relationship bomb.”

  Gerri tsked. “A shame. I’ll ignore everything that I’ve overheard, but I still need to know. If you aren’t getting past the first date, why not?”

  “Let’s see… discovering unfavorable past relationships of the scandalous type. Questionable finance choices. Too outspoken on outrageous political views.” Alethea waved a hand. “I’m not a saint but I’m the heir. The public will be much harder on whoever ends up in a relationship with me. I need someone with a squeaky-clean past.”

  “Okay. Someone with no red-flags in his history, who can charm the paparazzi, remain politically neutral, and fit in with the polish of the palace.”

  Alethea nodded. “And… I mean, let’s not tos
s away the uh…” She lowered her voice. “Since you asked, I mean. I would like someone with a certain amount of enthusiasm and stamina behind doors. Someone who won’t just treat me like a fragile princess.”

  Gerri leaned forward. “So you need royal consort material with a little something extra.”

  “A big something,” Alethea corrected.

  Beaming, Gerri sat back and tapped the table as she seemed to think. “Most of the men I work with are shifters, but I suspect this will require something different.”

  “I can’t lie, a part of me thinks there’s no way you’ll find someone. But even if not, thank you.”

  “Don’t even worry about it. I enjoy doing it. And when I saw that email, well. Who can pass up the woman bold enough to put dick size in her perfect match criteria?”

  Vevina’s hair flickered like a burning flame. “This is insane. We need to wake the aspect and you need to apologize.”

  Blair watched her pace and fume. “I won’t. He understood. Otherwise, why would he have given me this gift?” He gestured to seed, which now sat in a crafted wooden box—a gift from Brook. “I just need to find out where I’ll go. Which I think I’ll know within a few hours.”

  “What?” Vevina paused, her hands on her hips and eyes narrowed. “It’s not bad enough that you kept this a secret from me, that you wanted to leave, and on top of that, that the aspect visited you and gave you the means to leave—now you say you’ll be leaving soon?”

  “I didn’t tell you until now because I knew you’d be upset. This way, you’re only lecturing me a brief period of time,” Blair said while he swiped across his tablet. He’d quickly become adept with the technology. “But I need your help.”

  Vevina plopped down onto the grass next to him. “I can’t process this in a ‘brief period of time,’ Blair.” She groaned and tugged her hair. “Okay. One infuriating question at a time. What do you mean you need to find out where to go?”

  “I’ll go where my mate is.”

  Her mouth dropped open and she stared at him for a moment. “Your mate?”

  He handed the tablet over. “I contacted the matchmaker that set up Brook and Kerren.”

  “Gerri Wilder? From Earth?”

  “That’s the one. Which is why I need your help now.” He offered a pitiful smile. “I can’t leave my tree just yet. Gerri wanted to meet in person, so I invited her to Prism. I was hoping you could fetch her from the gate.”

  Vevina fell back against the trunk of his tree dramatically. “Why does everyone try to leave? It’s perfect here. Earth is boring. There’s no magic. No miracles. That’s why Brook left.”

  “That’s not why she left. We spoke at length about it—”

  “You told Brook before you told me?” Vevina shrieked.

  “She gave me an Earth primer,” he pulled a large heavy binder from the pocket of his tree. “I’m told it’s the one you made. I decided not to go where Brook is from. The world has any number of beautiful places.”

  Vevina took a deep breath. “If you read the primer then you’ll notice that you need money—”

  “Which Weylan Barrows will be providing. At least at first. Until I can find a job.”

  Vevina’s brows set into a straight line. “Kerren knew too, then.”

  Blair nodded and sat quietly while Vevina digested the information. He hadn’t expected the prince to care about him, but Brook had certainly championed the cause. Her husband wasn’t just the prince, he was the Duke of Weylan Barrows, the land Blair called home.

  “You’ve put a lot of thought into this,” Vevina said finally. “I still don’t think you should go, but if it’s really what you want…”

  “It is,” Blair promised.

  “And you decided you wanted a mate first? You didn’t want to get settled and maybe try meeting someone on your own?”

  He shook his head. “The aspect said I’d need to put down roots again. I don’t know what he means, but I suspect that I may in the future be tethered again—though hopefully, I’ll have a much larger radius. I don’t want to risk not finding love.”

  “I guess that makes sense,” she said pouting. “I still don’t like it.”

  He smiled and watched the flame color of her hair settle to a neutral annoyance instead of anger. As a sprite, Vevina’s emotions tended to burn quick and switch easily. She could hold a grudge, but it was her nature to adapt—even if she was vocal against it. “Time is strange, but Ms. Wilder should be using the portal at the Landsgate Faerriot.”

  “I know that one. I guess I could just go and meet her on the other side. At least then I could grab a drink at the bar.” Vevina rolled her eyes. “I know you’re going to make some woman very happy, but are you sure you don’t want to try being a bachelor for a bit?”

  “To what? Sow my seed randomly, exactly like my kin do here?” He shook his head. “I’m certain. And it’s not just about sex. I want someone to hold and love and care about.”

  She ran a hand over the rough bark at her back. “And what about this? Do you know what will happen to it?”

  “I don’t. I’m not sure the aspect knew either. But we’re old enough to understand how wild magic is. There’s always balance. My tree will always be with me, somehow.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Then you’ll help me?” he asked.

  Her eyes closed, and she took a deep breath before opening them again. “We have different types of friends through our lifetime. I thought you’d be around forever, and I think because of that I took you for granted.”

  “Vevina…”

  “Of course, I’m going to help you. I’ll miss you, even if you’re the melancholiest dryad to exist, you were the one with the best advice and the prettiest leaves.” She glanced sidelong at him. “But you better believe that I’m going to give Gerri all the dirt on you while I escort her back.”

  “I can’t guess what dirt exists on me, but sure. Go for it.”

  Hours had passed since Vevina had left to meet with Ms. Wilder, and Blair had nothing to do but wait and wear a path around his tree. A path he frequently fixed with a little dryad magic. He wasn’t about to let anyone see his piece of land as anything but perfect.

  Earth and Prism didn’t keep time in the same way. He wasn’t a scientist, and he didn’t understand what little he’d tried to research about planetary rotation and such, so he simply trusted that eventually, they’d arrive.

  The wait was agony. What was I thinking?

  He’d contacted a miracle worker, and now felt he’d gone too far. If the stories were accurate, he didn’t compare to her previous clients. She matched kings with their queens. Her pairings didn’t just change lives, they saved entire clans from chaos.

  All he had to offer a potential mate was his botanical expertise—and that was all magic. As a human, he wouldn’t be surprised if he couldn’t keep a cactus alive.

  “Oh my,” a soft voice said, the words carrying across the distance. A short woman in a pantsuit the color of the setting sun carefully walked towards him, her eyes glued to the large tree behind him. “Prism is beautiful, but I wasn’t prepared for this.”

  He grinned and followed her gaze. Yes, his tree was magnificent.

  Vevina followed closely behind the woman, whom he assumed to be Ms. Wilder. “It’s the only of its kind in all of Prism, that I’ve seen.”

  Stopping just short of Blair, Gerri tilted her head back, her eyes now flickering between the tree and Blair. “It’s hauntingly lovely.” She held out her hand to him. “Blair, I presume. Gerri Wilder. I must admit I had no idea what to expect when I noticed your ad. I didn’t even know dryads were real.”

  He shook her hand gently. She was tiny, but he sensed nothing fragile about her. Shifter? Most of the fae were shifters of some sort, but Earth shifters were different. She definitely was not the human he was expecting. “Thank you for coming. I was surprised when you responded, but I’m overwhelmed with gratitude that you did.”

  “I like a c
hallenge. A fae that has never left his world, but is willing to settle down on Earth in search of a soul-mate, without any safety net? That’s a challenge.” She brushed her hands down the front of her pant legs and looked around. “This is it? This is your home?”

  “It is. My tree is everything I have.”

  Gerri nodded slowly. “I can’t pretend to understand this, but I can go with it. Your application was fairly thorough. I knew what you wanted in a woman, but now I see what you have to offer.”

  He wasn’t sure how to respond, given that he himself couldn’t tell what that could be.

  “He’s devoted,” Vevina chimed in.

  “Yes. I wouldn’t say I’ve got a green thumb, but I know a thing or two about a garden. We passed a few dryads on the way here, but your tree is the most impressive. Something about it simply exudes… attention to detail.” She smiled at him. “If you offer the same amount of consideration and love to your partner, it will be easy to find you a match.”

  The compliment warmed him from within. He’d never thought of it in those terms. “Thank you. Does that mean you’ve someone in mind?”

  “A few someones. I need to narrow it down. There was something missing from your request. Something most men and women leave off, I suppose for propriety.”

  “I thought I was thorough—your words,” he replied.

  “Love has many facets. It’s not just about the mental components. You want someone creative and carefree, but you can be shallow with me. You have to have some preference in body type and sexual kink?”

  Blair froze. He was almost positive that he wasn’t supposed to talk about that with her. She may not have been human, but she wasn’t fae. There was an entirely different cultural protocol.

  Vevina nudged his side. “Confession time.”

  “Oh? Do you know something?” Gerri asked Vevina, her glittering eyes taking in the sprite.

  “She doesn’t—”

  “He likes breasts and he likes to be bossy,” Vevina stated.

  Gerri glanced from Vevina to Blair and then back. “How do you know this?”