All Hope Is Lost

by E. L. Todd

  There was a guy at one of the tables that wouldn’t stop staring at her. His look was blatant, like he wanted her to know he was interested. He was good-looking but a little older.

  I didn’t like him one bit.

  When Beatrice went to his table and grabbed his tab, he made his move. “A beautiful woman like you must have a boyfriend.”

  Yes, she does.

  “Actually, no. I just got out of a relationship.”

  What the fuck did she just say?

  “Yeah?” he asked. “May I ask what happened?”

  “He accused me of being a cheater and a liar.” She knew I could hear every word she said but that didn’t stop her from talking.

  “And are you those things?” he asked in an amused way.

  “No. That’s why I walked away.”

  “You want to hear about a strange coincidence?” he asked. “I’m also not a cheater and a liar. What are the odds of that?”

  “Pretty slim, unfortunately.”

  He chuckled. “I’d love to take you out on your evening off.”

  Motherfucker.

  I didn’t want to hear the end of this conversation. Despite what Beatrice said, we were still together. And I wasn’t letting this asshole take her away from me. I hopped over the counter and bombarded the table. “She’s a lesbian.”

  Beatrice turned her eyes on me, and they were wide with shock.

  The guy seemed perplexed. “Excuse me?”

  Beatrice finally recovered from the shock to speak. “I am not—”

  “I need you in the back. Let’s go.” I pulled her away from the table and glared at the guy. “Dinner is on the house. Now leave.” I dragged her all the way to the back where no one could hear us.

  She fought me the whole way. “Jared, let me go.”

  We were in the liquor storage room. Bottles of wine were on racks and in boxes were around us. There was only one door to this place. The space was cramped but we made it work.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” she snapped.

  “Me?” I couldn’t keep my voice down because I was so pissed. “You’re the one telling the whole bar that you’re single.”

  “I am single.” She stomped her foot.

  “I didn’t agree to that.”

  “Well, you don’t need to agree. You barged into my apartment and accused me of terrible things and you won’t even listen to my explanation. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me. For someone who used to do the cheating, you’re awfully paranoid…” She headed to the door.

  I grabbed her and yanked her back to me. “You did kiss Conrad. That is a terrible thing.”

  “Before I was yours.”

  “You shouldn’t have kissed him at all.”

  “What does it matter?” she snapped. “You told me you didn’t feel a single thing for me. I can kiss whomever the hell I want. Shove your head up your ass and die.”

  “How would you feel if I kissed Lexie before we were officially together?”

  “I wouldn’t have liked it but I wouldn’t have held it against you.”

  “Well, that’s how I feel,” I said. “I know how you feel about Conrad. The fact you kissed him recently just makes me sick. He isn’t with Lexie anymore so how do I know you aren’t going to go back to him?”

  Her eyes darkened to coals. “If you trusted me, the thought wouldn’t have crossed your mind.”

  ***

  Beatrice and I were further apart than ever before, and both of us were equally mad.

  But I was the only one who should be mad.

  I didn’t want her handing herself out to strange men, but I didn’t want to let her go either. I was pissed at her—insanely pissed. But I still wanted her all to myself.

  Didn’t make any sense at all.

  I went to Beatrice’s apartment the next afternoon. She should be chasing me down, but I was stuck trying to get her to talk to me. Our relationship just began, and we were already fighting like cats and dogs.

  I didn’t even cheat on her.

  I knocked on the door and waited for a response. The sound of her feet echoed through the door, and I knew when she was on the other side looking through the peephole. When her feet moved in the opposite direction, I knew she decided to ignore me.

  “Beatrice, open the damn door.”

  “Go away.”

  “Open this door or I’ll break it down. And I dare you to call my bluff.” Lexie was headstrong and stubborn but she was nothing compared to this. How did Conrad tame this woman? What was his secret?

  She opened the door with her lips pressed tightly together. “What do you want?”

  “What do I want?” I snapped. “How about you invite me in?”

  “I only invite my friends in.”

  “Now I’m not your friend either?” I asked incredulously.

  “I don’t know what you are anymore.” She dropped her arm and allowed me to enter her apartment.

  Just like with the office door, I slammed it. “I never accused you of cheating on me. You went out and did it then I found out about it. So don’t act like you’re an innocent little fairy.”

  “A little fairy?” she asked with her hands on her hips.

  “You know what I mean. You act like you can do no wrong. You shit glitter.”

  She crossed her arms with both of her eyebrows raised. “Jared, I didn’t do anything wrong. You stormed into my apartment then told me off. I already told you what happened.”

  “That doesn’t give you the right to tell people you’re single.”

  “Well, you told me we would talk when I apologized, and I knew I would never apologize. That means the relationship is over.”

  “No.” I was angry, but I didn’t want this relationship to end—not ever.

  “Just no?” she asked. “You gave me an ultimatum then stormed off on your high horse. I don’t think I can be with someone like that anyway.”

  “Shut up.”

  Her eyes expanded. “Excuse me?”

  “You love me, and we both know it. We’re going to make this work. We’re just having a fight right now. Don’t act like you’re available to every guy who drools all over you. Maybe I overreacted in our argument, but what you did was also wrong. Own up to it and don’t repeat the same mistake.”

  She was still pissed, but the anger dwindled. “Okay…I admit I shouldn’t have said that. I only did it because I knew you would hear it and get angry.”

  At least we were getting somewhere. “Okay.”

  She gave me an expectant look, like she wanted me to say something.

  “Just don’t let it happen again.”

  She stomped her foot. “Now you need to apologize to me, Jared.”

  “For what?”

  She growled then threw her arms down. “Forget it. Just go.”

  “Wait, hold on.”

  “I’m done waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass.”

  Now I had to decide what was more important; Beatrice or my pride. “Let’s just talk about this calmly…I want to work this out.”

  That bridled her anger somewhat. Her arms were crossed over her chest again and that mean look was in her eyes.

  “It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just remember how hung up you were on him. Now that he and Lexie aren’t together anymore…it’s not totally crazy for me to be a little threatened. We both know you would have gone back to him in a heartbeat if you could.”

  “I admit that,” she said. “But then you came into the picture.”

  My heart started to flutter.

  “Lexie is single, so you could go to her at any time. Have you?”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “Because of you.”

  “I think we can both agree that we would rather be here rather than with them.” Her body language still implied she was angry even though her voice was soft.

  “Yeah.”

  “So, there’s no reason to be jealous.”


  “I guess not,” I said with a shrug. “But it still bothers me that you kissed him.”

  “Again, I was single.” That fire shined in her eyes, the kind that would scar me for life.

  “But why did you kiss him at all?”

  “I told you why, Jared. And it wasn’t the kind of kiss that got me all hot and bothered. Your imagination is probably depicting it far more sexual than it really was.”

  “Unless he threw up in your mouth, it was too sexual.”

  “Jared, you’re being ridiculous right now. You rejected me. Do you remember that?”

  “But I was only doing it to protect you.”

  She threw her arms down again. “And you expected me to figure that out? I’m not a mind reader. Even when you tell me what you’re thinking I still don’t understand you.”

  “I just—”

  “I went out with Jason a few times but you never held that against me.”

  “Because he’s not the love of your life,” I snapped.

  “Yeah?” she challenged. “Neither is Conrad.”

  “What?” Both of my eyebrows rose.

  “I’ve been in love with you for nearly a year, Jared. You’re my best friend. What we have is far deeper than what I had with him. My relationship with Conrad was constantly disrupted by my stupidity. I learned from my mistakes and now I won’t repeat them—with you.”

  I stood still but felt the pull of my body toward hers. I wasn’t an emotional guy, so when I did feel something it blindsided me. Beatrice made my heart do lots of somersaults and flips. I jumped to the wrong conclusion and said a lot of stupid shit when I was threatened because I didn’t know what else to do. Before Beatrice, I was all about fucking and sports. Now everything had changed. “I’m sorry.”

  Her body finally relaxed.

  “I’m not good at this sort of thing, you know. I don’t handle my emotions very well. I don’t express myself in the right way. All I do is get angry and I can’t contain it. I never expected to feel this strongly for you, and the second I did it turned my world upside down. I said a lot of stupid things, but know that it comes from a good place.”

  Her eyes softened. “I do know.”

  Now that we were okay I gave her a teasing smile. “Because I kind of like you…and I want you to stick around.”

  “You kind of like me?” she asked me with a light laugh. “That’s funny because I like you just a little bit.” She held her hand up and made a small gap between her thumb and forefinger.

  I slowly approached her with the same smile on my face. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  My hands moved around her waist and rested on the small of her back. She had a prominent arch and I liked to rest my hands there. My lips hovered near hers, and I looked down into her pretty face. “How can I make you like me more?”

  “You can do something special for me.”

  “Like what?” I pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth.

  She released a quiet moan. “Something like that.”

  I kissed her again then trailed my mouth along her jawline. Then I reached her neck where I tasted her soft skin. “Is it working?”

  “Yeah…”

  My lips moved to her ear. “You like me more?”

  “A lot more.”

  I kneeled down then lifted her shirt. I pressed kisses across her stomach and hips, and my fingers worked the top of her jeans at the same time. “How about now?”

  “You’re getting there…”

  I pulled her jeans and panties down her thighs then moved my mouth to the area between her legs. I kissed the sweet part of her body and listened to her moan quietly. “How about now?”

  She gripped my shoulders and rolled her head back. “Now I love you.”

  Chapter Nine

  Cayson

  A part of me wanted to quit my job so I could be with my family all the time. Skye was at the hospital every second of the day, but I was stuck at the office dealing with labs, physicians, and people.

  And Laura.

  Since Skye was going to inherit PIXEL soon we really didn’t need my income at all. I worked out of principle, because I was the man of our marriage and I needed to provide for my family.

  And I enjoyed it too.

  But now I wish I was with Cedric instead of sitting at my desk. Papers and documents were scattered everywhere, and my computer was running slow because it had been on for so long.

  Now that I had Cedric, it made me realize I was really a father.

  I was someone’s dad.

  I knew this when Skye was pregnant. I knew it when she gave birth to him. But when I held him for the first time it hit me hard. I had someone to take care of for the rest of my life. My legacy would live on through him. The product of my love with Skye was something even more beautiful than both of us.

  It was crazy to think about.

  My phone lit up on my desk so I checked the screen. Skye sent me a video of she and Cedric. She was holding him in her arms, and Cedric was grabbing her forefinger. Someone else was filming them, and I assumed it was Sean. Skye looked down at our son with love in her eyes. Then the clip ended even though I was desperate to see more.

  I should be at that hospital, not here.

  ***

  When I got off work, the hospital was the first place I went. I walked inside and saw Skye sitting in a chair with Cedric on her lap. She leaned over him and rubbed her nose against his.

  I watched them quietly because I didn’t want to disturb them.

  Skye looked up, and she smiled when she saw me. “Daddy’s here.”

  “Yes, he is.” I smiled when she called me that. I took the seat beside them. “How’s my family doing?”

  “Good,” Skye said. “We were just playing peek-a-boo a moment ago.”

  “Too bad I missed that.”

  Sean and Scarlet were sitting in the other chairs, and they watched us quietly.

  Skye picked Cedric up then handed him to me. “I’m sure you’re anxious…”

  He slid into my arms then looked up at me with those big eyes. His features reminded me of my own, with the exception of his eyes. Every time I looked into them I was reminded of Skye. “Hey, War Chief. Had a fun day with Mommy?” I changed the tone of my voice slightly, and I couldn’t stop myself. My pitch always changed when it came to him.

  Cedric continued to stare at me without blinking.

  “Anyone else come to visit?”

  “Uncle Slade stopped by.”

  That didn’t surprise me. He usually made an appearance. “Have you eaten?”

  “Yeah, Dad got me something earlier.”

  I leaned back in the chair and cradled him to my chest. When I looked down into his face again, his eyes were closed.

  “He always falls asleep in Daddy’s arms.” Skye sighed as she stared at us.

  “Have you heard anything new?” I asked while I stared at Cedric.

  “No,” she said. “But I hope we can take him home soon.”

  “We will,” I said. “We just need to be patient.” That was easier said than done. Skye and I hardly visited the house, and the place was ready for a baby that hadn’t arrived yet.

  The doctor came through the doors for his usual visit. “Just got off work, Cayson?”

  “Yeah,” I answered. “And this was my first stop.”

  He chuckled. “Your only stop, actually.”

  Skye leaned her head on my shoulder and stared into Cedric’s face.

  “I have good news,” the doctor said. “His vitals and lab work look great. His breathing levels are normal. It’s time to take him home.”

  “Really?” Skye sat up and clutched her chest.

  That was the best news I heard all week. “He can come home with us?”

  “Yes.” The doctor smiled in a genuine way, like this moment was what he’d been working toward all month.

  Sean hugged Scarlet and held her that way for a long time.

  I couldn’t believe this momen
t finally arrived. “We’re out of the woods?”

  “I want to check up on him in a few weeks,” the doctor said. “But I’m sure he’s fine from this point onward.”

  Skye’s eyes welled with tears instantly because she was always emotional when Cedric was involved. “Our baby is coming home…”

  I looked down into Cedric’s face. “Did you hear that? You can finally see your home. It’s decorated with pirate ships. Mommy and I did it ourselves.”

  Cedric’s eyes opened, but they were half-lidded.

  Skye went to her parents and joined their hug. Scarlet was crying, and Sean was consoling both of them.

  It was a happy moment for all of us. We’d camped out at the hospital every day, and we were constantly tense over our son. It’d been the longest month of our lives, and definitely the most painful. But we got through it together, with the help of our family.

  Now the hard part was over.

  ***

  “Cedric, this is your home.” Skye spoke to Cedric as I carried him in the car seat. “Your room is upstairs.” She talked to him like he could understand everything she said. She claimed it was important for his development.

  I spoke to Cedric just because I enjoyed it.

  I set the car seat on the hard wood floor next to the couch.

  “Let’s get the play pen out so he doesn’t have to be strapped in there.” Skye headed for the garage.

  “Baby, I’ll get it.” I undid the straps covering Cedric. “Just sit here with him.”

  She didn’t argue and came to his side.

  Sean and Scarlet didn’t come over, probably because they knew we wanted to be alone with our son the first time we brought him home.

  I lifted Cedric into her arms then grabbed the box from the garage. The construction was straightforward but it would take me a few minutes to set it up. Skye sang to Cedric under her breath as I worked on the playpen. Christmas was just around the corner and we hadn’t had a chance to put up the tree yet. When we did, the house would be perfect.

  Once the playpen was set up, I placed it in the center of the living room. “It’s ready.”

  “You made sure the sides are secure?”

  I tried not to roll my eyes. “Yes, Skye.”

  “He won’t accidentally roll out of it and hit his head?”

  I should have known she’d be an overprotective and anal mother. “He’ll be fine.”