“Your mom and dad. They’re going to wonder why I’m still here. I should sneak out,” I whispered.
“They’re not home,” he whispered back, clearly mocking me. “They decided to spend the night at the hotel that was hosting the party. Safer than the roads. And in turn, I told them you would be staying here for the same reason, so all parents are aware.”
“Happy new year,” I whispered as I reached up and touched his face. A grin spread across it.
“Happy new year,” he whispered back as he pressed his lips against mine. “I knew kissing you would be amazing, but I didn’t realize how amazing,” he said.
“Then why did you stop?”
“Great question,” he said with a grin. Our lips pressed against each other’s, tasting and exploring endlessly until they were tender.
At some point we both fell asleep again and my eyes opened when the sun started shining through his window. I tried to slip out of his arms but he was faster, tightening his grip around me.
“Not so fast,” he said.
“What if your parents come home?”
“Then I tell them I spent my New Year with the girl I love and she shared a bed with me.” I pushed his arm and heard him laugh behind me. “Fine,” he complained as he let me go. “But we will have to tell them eventually.” I sat up then turned back to him. As I looked down at him relaxing on his bed I could feel the butterflies building up inside of me. The sight of him shirtless with messy hair made me weak.
“I know, but not yet. I know that once school starts again the chatter will start. Everyone saw your stunt on the day before break.”
“Stunt? You mean me declaring how I feel and not giving a damn about what anyone thinks?” He sat up a little.
“Right. Yes. Everyone knows, but we’re not in school now and I want this to be just for us. Just for now. When school starts we can tell everyone, but I don’t want my mom asking me a million questions every time I say we’re hanging out.” He met my eyes and his face turned serious.
“You’re right. Okay then. This is just for us for the rest of break.”
“Thank you.” He sat up and wrapped me in a warm hug. “I should get home before my parents do.”
“Okay, but I’m coming over later. Can we act normal?” he asked. I nodded yes and hoped that I could.
I had about an hour to myself before my mom and dad got home and I tried to stay as low key as possible, even though my mom’s questions started the moment she saw me. She rattled off questions about my trip and I knew the subject of Tru would come up since she saw the pictures that were published.
“How is he? Are the magazines right? Are you two an item again?” she asked as she tidied up the kitchen.
“No. I didn’t even know he’d be in town. He’s been doing some travel in Europe. It was nice to see him, but we’re just friends.”
“I see,” she said, raising an eyebrow at me.
“I’m serious. That ship has sailed,” I said, trying to be as convincing as I could be.
“Okay,” she said with a sigh. “I believe you. His loss.”
“No, no one’s loss. We’re still great friends,” I said, confident that it was true. “By the way, Hunter will be here for dinner,” I said, changing the subject, and by the look on my mom’s face she was happy about this.
“Perfect. I’m making enchiladas. Plenty to go around.”
I nervously fiddled around in my room while I waited for Hunter to come over, and a few times I had to stop and remind myself that it was just Hunter. The same Hunter I had grown up with and the same Hunter I had fallen in love with, but no amount of reasoning would make the butterflies in my belly stop. When I finally heard the doorbell ring I had to stop from sprinting through the house to answer it. I let my mom get the door and heard her yell a familiar call I had heard hundreds of times.
“Fen, Hunter’s here!” she shouted and I calmly walked into the living room, motioning for him to follow me to the porch. He raised a curious eyebrow at me as he followed me out. My mom walked in the opposite direction, going back to what she was doing in the kitchen. Once I saw that the coast was clear and that we were hidden by the vines of my front porch, I pulled him close and a grin spread across his face. I reached up on my tip toes and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to mine.
“Hello to you too,” he said.
“Hi,” I whispered. He wrapped his arms around my waist and he kissed the top of my head, then he looked at my face and I saw the space at the bridge of his nose wrinkle.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, knowing me better than I gave him credit for. I sighed and sat down on the porch swing where he joined me.
“It’s nothing.”
“Nope. You don’t get to do that. Let’s do this right and communicate. If you start hiding things from me then we’re doomed.” I looked at him and could see the line of his jaw tighten. He took my hand and squeezed it. “I’ll ask again. What’s wrong?”
“I’m...scared. I feel so stupid saying that.” I looked down at my shaking hands and he tilted my chin up to look at him.
“Hey,” he said, putting his hand on mine. “Tell me,” he whispered. “What are you scared of?” I took a breath, thinking of the words I needed to say.
“You. That you’ll come to your senses and realize I’m a mistake.” The words blurted out before I realized what they were.
“Jesus, Fen. Why would you say that?” He met my eyes as he waited for an answer I didn’t have. “I have sat by and waited since you left in the summer. I told myself that if it was meant to be then you would find your way to me. It was hard as hell to sit and watch while you were with Tru, but you were happy and that was all that mattered. I waited it out. I waited because you’re all I wanted.”
“Why? Why now?” I held back a sob that was threatening to escape. “All this time. Why now?” He shook his head for a moment.
“Because,” he said with a humorless laugh. “Because before now I didn’t deserve you. I wasn’t who you deserved and I worked on being that person. Maybe now I’m finally him.” He took both of my hands in his. “Your face is the one that pops up in the quiet moments. That little smirk you get while we watch cartoons, or the way you twirl your hair while you’re reading one of your goofy teen romance books. And that little sound you make when you’re sleeping. Sort of like a whimper. You always make it when you fall asleep while we’re watching shows. These are the things I see when I close my eyes at night and they’re the things that keep me calm.” As he looked at me there was no way to stop the tears welling up in my eyes. He reached out and wiped the corner of my eye with his thumb as he gently smiled at me. “You’re not a mistake. Being in love with you is the most perfect thing I have ever felt,” he whispered. He locked his gaze on mine then leaned in and softly pressed his lips against mine. “This is perfect,” he whispered against my lips. “You’re perfect.” I felt calm as he pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me.
I reluctantly pulled away from him and we went inside and pretended everything was normal as we ate dinner. My mom rattled on about the cabin and all the work she planned to do to it as my dad watched something on the television only he could see from his seat at the dinner table. Every once in a while Hunter and I would exchange a knowing smirk and I would instantly get goosebumps.
Once dinner was done and the dishes were clean I walked him out to his car and as we stood there he wrapped his arms around my waist and smiled at me. It was cold out, but I could feel the heat in my face as he kissed the top of my head.
“I don’t really want to go home. I would much rather stay with you and keep you right here close to me,” he said.
“I’d like that very much,” I said, looking up at him. He sighed as he looked down at me, then he brushed a lock of stray hair away from my face.
“Finally,” he whispered.
“Finally?”
“You’re finally mine.” He pulled me closer and softly kissed me as I recov
ered from the goosebumps his words gave me. I was his. Completely his and the thought gave me butterflies.
We reluctantly parted for the night, but not before promising to see each other first thing in the morning. My mind didn’t want to settle down that evening. So much had happened and it made my mind race a little when I thought of it. I helped my mom clean up in the kitchen then started a load of laundry in an attempt to distract myself, but I knew I couldn’t avoid what was going on in my head for long.
As I stared at my ceiling, just before falling asleep, I realized that things between Hunter and me would never be the same. There was no turning back from this and an inexplicable panic set in. It was a feeling I wasn’t expecting and I instinctively grabbed my phone and called Hunter, who answered in a groggy voice.
“Miss me already?” I held back a sniffle but he didn’t miss it. “What is it Fen?” he asked, sounding much more alert. I took in a few shaky breaths before I answered.
“What if... what if you decide this was a mistake and I lose my best friend?” The crack in my voice gave me away.
“What?” he asked in disbelief. “No, Fen that isn’t going to happen. I’m coming over.”
“No, go to bed. This was stupid. I’m so sorry.”
“Do you really think I can sleep after that?” he asked, and I could hear him moving around his room.
“I’m okay. I’m just being paranoid. Please forget I said it.” I heard his keys jingle and his car start.
“I’ll be there in two minutes,” he said, but it felt faster. I heard the doorbell and as I ran to the living room to answer it I got a curious look from my mom.
“It’s just Hunter,” I said as I ran by. He marched in once the door was open and we rushed to my room, earning another look from my mom. Once we were alone behind the closed door I realized I didn’t have much on, feeling exposed in my boxer shorts and tank top. I covered myself with my arms as I stood next to my bed. “Hunter! Now my mom’s going to get all suspicious,” I said in a rushed whisper.
“I don’t care,” he said, shaking his head. “I love you, I need to make sure you understand that. This isn’t a crush or a whim Fen. I am in love with you. It’s the kind of love that feels like forever, but if you’re not there it’s okay. I just need to know. I need you to be honest with me.” My heart started racing as I took in what he was saying, and suddenly I didn’t care about what my mom was thinking either.
“The kind of love that feels like forever,” I repeated to myself. He took my hands in his and kissed them.
“Yes. When I picture us, there is no ending. Just the rest of forever. I don’t want you to feel bad if you don’t see the same thing.”
I closed my eyes and immediately had flashes of Hunter in my head. Hunter sharing his sandwich with me at lunch in grade school because some bully took mine or Hunter waiting to watch the newest episode of our favorite cartoons so he could see it with me. These and so many little gestures that made my heart melt when I thought about them.
“You have always been my constant. I don’t have very many memories that don’t involve you. I told myself that that it would be impossible for you to ever feel the same about me when I realized I loved you.” I looked up at him as he listened and I couldn’t believe I was saying these things out loud. “Hunter, the one thing that terrifies me most is not having you in my life. That thought...”
“Stop. You don’t have to say it because it will never happen,” he said, firmly enough to make me halt my words. “I won’t ever let that happen,” he said as he looked into my eyes and I knew he was telling the truth.
We spent the remainder of our break together and I worried about what it would be like once we went back to school. On our last day of vacation we went star gazing from the hood of his car.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, after I had been quiet for too long. I looked over at him and smiled.
“I always thought if I was ever lucky enough to be your girlfriend that it would take some getting used to, but it had all felt so perfect. Being like this seems like where we were always supposed to be,” I said. He squeezed my hand that was interlocked with his and leaned over to kiss me. We were on our backs up on the hood of his car in a secluded mountain preserve.
“I know what you mean,” he agreed.
“Will school be weird?” I asked.
“Weird how?”
“People might think that us as a couple is weird.” I felt stupid for saying it.
“Pardon me for saying this, but I don’t give a fuck about what anyone thinks, Fen. Do you?”
“No. Not even a little. I just want to go to school and see your face every day.” I watched as a dazzling smile spread across his face before he leaned in and kissed me again. “I could get used to that,” I whispered playfully.
“Oh really? That’s good because I plan to kiss you a lot,” he said, leaning back in and grinning against my lips.
39.
I stood in front of the full length mirror as I double checked my prom dress. Aunt Haley had it shipped to me from one of her stylists and the elegant, flowing velvet fit like a glove. The V of the neckline was deep, but tasteful and the off the shoulder straps kept it all from falling off of me. The dress was backless, so I turned to make sure everything was fitting properly and it looked like everything was in place.
As I clipped on an earring, I glanced down at two acceptance letters from colleges. Both were out of state and I hadn’t found the right time to mention either to him. I sighed deeply, then stuffed them in a drawer to worry about later. The doorbell rang just after. Hunter, followed by his parents, entered our house. My mom and dad greeted all of them then called for me to come out. I took a deep breath and joined them in the living room. As soon as I saw Hunter I got butterflies. The sight of him in a fitted tux with a small velvet bowtie gave me goosebumps. He was looking at my mom as they chatted and he wore an easy smile with his hands in his pockets. I took a selfish moment to watch him before I got his attention, then finally made my presence known.
“Hey,” I said, almost too quietly. Hunter turned in my direction and I could hear him suck in a breath. He smiled at me, instantly putting me at ease before our moms started posing us for pictures. Once they were done we were free. Hunter put his hand on my back to lead me out and I shivered from his touch. I felt his fingertips trace my spine just a little and I had to close my eyes to steady my breath. Once we were out of sight and at his car he pulled me to him and pressed his lips against mine, making my heart race at double time.
“I don’t want to share you tonight. Especially not when you look like this,” he said with a mischievous grin. I wrapped my arms around his neck and playfully pouted.
“I’m afraid we have no choice. Our friends are waiting for us.”
“What friends?” he said as he grazed his lips against my exposed collarbone.
“Okay, we need to get in your car and go before we decide to ditch the whole prom.” He stepped back and took a deep breath, then opened the car door for me, but stopped me just before I got in.
“Honestly Fenley, you look beautiful,” he said and I was instantly melted.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “And you look pretty amazing as well. Seeing you in a tux isn’t good for my blood pressure.”
“Seeing your bare back isn’t good for mine,” he said with a wink.
Once we were at the prom we found a table with our friends. Monique and Jeremy matched in deep red and Amber and her date were in pink. As we got into a comfortable conversation I felt a little pang of sadness as I thought about the changes to come. Monique would be leaving to study in France, Amber would be heading to southern Arizona, and I wasn’t sure where I would be. Hunter had applied at several schools, but he hadn’t said if any responded and I didn’t want to bring it up.
“Let’s dance,” he said, holding his hand out for me to take. A slow song was on so we wrapped our arms around each other. As we swayed to the song Hunter caught my gaze
. “Where are you tonight?” he asked.
“I’m pretty sure I’m on the dance floor with my boyfriend,” I said.
“You know what I mean. What’s on your mind?”
“Just the usual stuff. I don’t want anything to change. I want this...us right now. I want it to be like this forever.”
“If only,” he said then I felt him kiss the top of my head.
The night was over and we were both glad. The entire evening I was fighting off the need to be alone with Hunter and I tried not to sound too impatient as we said our goodbyes to our friends. Once we were finally alone it was obvious he had been feeling the same way.
“Seeing you in this dress all night has me thinking very ungentlemanly thoughts,” he admitted as he pulled me close. We didn’t do the cliche thing and rent a hotel room. We didn’t even promise that prom night was the night we would give ourselves to each other, but we did pitch a tent in a little clearing near a stream.
“Well, I unfortunately need to get out of it because it’s not very conducive to camping,” I said as I pulled away and grabbed the bag of clothes I had stashed in his car.
“Let me know if you need help,” he said with a grin.
“Funny.” I crawled through the opening of the tent he had managed to put up on his own and slipped out of my dress and into some joggers and a tank top. I came out of the tent to find Hunter in the middle of changing and I was gifted the sight of his bare back. I couldn’t resist the urge to put my hands on his soft skin, so I quietly walked up behind him and traced the defined muscles along his shoulders. He froze in place and I could feel him tense up under my fingertips. I leaned in and kissed his shoulder blades and I could hear a hitch in his breath. I rested my cheek against his back and watched as he balled his fists at his side. He slowly turned around and the look on his face made my heart race. I was frozen in place as just his fingertips glided along my cheek then down my side until his hand rested on the small of my back, his eyes never leaving mine.
Fugly: Book One of the Fenley East Series Page 21
