Worth It

by Linda Kage

  I folded it gingerly and tucked the note into my basket. Then I gathered our picnic and packed it away.

  When I stood to leave, there was a heaviness inside me. It would be days—days—before I saw him again. My heart ached and my throat kept tightening, which was always what it did right before I cried.

  I tried to hum some more “Falling for You” to keep the waterworks at bay, but my spirit had plummeted. Entering the thickest, darkest part of the forest, I wiped my hand over my cheek to make sure I hadn’t actually dropped any tears. If I cried now, I’d look a mess by the time I made it home, and someone may wonder what was wrong with me. But my cheeks were dry and that was good. Sticking close to a large oak because the path I was taking had a muddy spot, I yelped when a crunching rattled the ground behind me.

  Whirling around, I scanned the woods, but nothing seemed out of place. I guess something could’ve just fallen from the branches, but it had sounded more like footsteps breaking twigs, like something or someone was walking, following me. Except, if it’d been an animal, it wouldn’t have stopped as soon as I’d spun around, would it? Which made me think...human.

  An eerie sensation crawled up the back of my neck. Suddenly, I knew I wasn’t alone.

  “Hello?” I called uneasily.

  No one answered. If one of my brothers were around, they would’ve answered me. Why wouldn’t someone answer me...unless they didn’t want me to know they were out here with me?

  “Oh God,” I didn’t mean to whimper. Someone was following me through the woods.

  I turned to flee, but a voice called, “City, wait. It’s just me.”

  Jerking to a stop in my tracks, I froze a good second, frowning and unable to believe I was hearing the voice I was hearing. Then I spun toward it. “Knox?”

  He half stepped out from behind a tree, while keeping the other half hidden as he waved. “Hey. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  Blood flooded my brain with an overabundance of happy endorphins as I dropped my basket and hurried to him. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you’re here. I didn’t think you were going to make it today.”

  As I neared him, he moved, keeping the tree between us so I couldn’t see all of him. I slowed to a stop. “Knox?”

  He tapped the side of the tree with his palm and then pressed his forehead to it. “Yeah, I, uh, I can’t meet today. I just wanted you to know.”

  “I did know. I got your note.”

  “Right. So...maybe Monday. Okay?”

  I shook my head, having no idea what was going on, but feeling as if I’d done something wrong, as if he might never meet me in the woods again. “Why won’t you even look at me?” I finally asked.

  One eye appeared from the side of the tree, but it looked so full of regret, it calmed my worries. At least I hadn’t done something to put him off. But still…something was seriously wrong.

  “Why were you following me?” I hedged, hoping to somehow work my way to the real issue of whatever was bothering him.

  He went back to pressing his forehead to the tree and bumping his hand against the trunk, only now he used his fist instead of an open palm. “Just, you know, to make sure you got home okay?”

  I sniffed. “I’ve never had a problem walking home by myself before.”

  That one eye reappeared, serious as it watched me. “You’ve never walked home by yourself before. I’ve always been there.”

  Instant warmth spread through me, knowing he’d always been worried about my safety, always seeing to my protection. Then I frowned. “No you haven’t.”

  “Yes I have.”

  “But what about the first day? When we met. You ran off first.”

  He shrugged. “I almost stumbled into your brothers that day, so I doubled back and caught sight of you heading home. You didn’t look like you were walking too steady, and after you’d hit your head the way you did, I worried you might not make it. So I’ve followed you back to the edge of the woods ever since, just to be sure.” Another shrug. “It became a habit.”

  I grinned. “Why you stalker, you.”

  He didn’t grin back, and I couldn’t take the subtle approach any longer. I dove at him and grabbed his arm, yanking him away from the tree until he was facing me fully.

  He gaped at me, startled. Then he winced with guilt and shame.

  “Oh my God,” I blurted, slapping my hands over my mouth. “Your eye. Knox, what happened?” I stepped to him to touch the bruised side of his face, but he flinched away.

  “It’s not a big deal.”

  “Not a big...” I repeated, incredulous. Then I set my hands on my hips. “Knox Arrow Parker, yes, it is a big deal. Who did this to you?” He glanced away, and unease plopped heavily into the pit of my stomach. “Was it my brothers?”

  “No,” he instantly reassured, taking my hands and giving me an earnest look. “This was...it was my own fault.”

  I cocked my head to the side, not understanding.

  He sighed and glanced away. “I didn’t want you to see because...it’s embarrassing.”

  All my sympathies aching for him, I stepped in closer. When he didn’t shy away, I leaned up onto my toes and gingerly pressed my lips to the red spot. He closed his eyes and sighed as if he relished the contact. So I kissed his boo-boo again. Turning into me, he nuzzled his nose into my hairline and then wrapped his arms around me. “How do you always know how to make everything better?”

  “It’s a gift.” Cupping the unwounded side of his face, I rained more delicate kisses over the slightly puffy skin. Something had to have made quite an impact to leave this much of a mark. I shuddered, wondering what he’d been through.

  He merely held me close and tipped his face down toward me, allowing me to perform more tender loving care.

  When I had him good and mollified, I kissed his jaw and murmured into his ear. “How did you get a black eye, Knox?”

  “My dad,” he rasped, only to turn into me fully and hide his face in my hair.

  I hugged him back, and we held each other for the longest time.

  “I made us a picnic,” I finally said.

  He made a sound in his throat; it reminded me of a sob. “I know. I saw. It broke my heart to watch you pack it back up.” He groaned his regret. “I should’ve just come out of my hiding spot and shown you my eye then.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I assured him, taking his hand. “We can still eat it now.” I led him back to the basket, but when I reached for it, he took it from me.

  “I can carry it.”

  I smiled at him. “Thank you. Do you want to eat at our tree? I think that’s closer than the dock.”

  He nodded once. “Okay.”

  So we walked to the tree and neither of us spoke the entire way. It felt strange, leading him along. He was never so meek. But whatever had happened between him and his dad must’ve rattled him. It took everything I had not to ask. Not yet, anyway. He’d talk when he was ready.

  We reached the trees and made ourselves comfortable on the ground. His eyes lit up when he saw everything up close that I’d brought. Meeting my gaze, he sent me a half grin. “Good choices.”

  “I had a feeling you might approve.”

  Sitting side by side with our backs to the trunk of our tree and our shoulders brushing, we polished off everything. Neither of us spoke, but it was a comfortable silence, filled with a handful of glances and shared smiles.

  As he was licking the last of the Doritos off his fingers, he rumbled out a moan of delight. “Mmm. One of my favorite flavors. Only one thing on earth tastes better.”

  “What’s that?” I asked, determined to find this food he loved, as rare as it may be, and procure it for him, even if I had to travel to the ends of the earth.

  He glanced at me, his lips curving warmly. “You.”

  When he leaned toward me, I met him halfway, smashing my mouth against his. His tongue immediately spiked deep, gifting me with a hint of peanut butter, apple and ranch.


  “You taste like heaven,” he broke away to tell me through shallow breaths. Then he tugged me onto his lap, and I was suddenly riding his erection through our clothes.

  We’d only gone this far a couple of times, but I loved each and every encounter. I thought maybe I was ready to do more just as one of his hands landed on my waist, under my shirt. While his other hand buried itself into my hair, he slid his fingertips against my bare skin.

  I sighed into his caress, welcoming it. His warm palm moved from my waist, around to my back. It followed my spine up until his fingers reached my bra. His lips left mine to move along my jaw, then down my throat. Following the line of my bra, he slid his hand around to the front until he was cupping me through cloth, but as soon as his thumb brushed over my straining nipple, I gasped and went rigid, not expecting the zing that went through me.

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” His hand came out from under my shirt in record time and lifted in surrender. “Jesus, City. I don’t know what I was thinking. I should’ve asked first. I wasn’t... I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” I assured him. I wanted to tell him he could put his hand back there. I’d actually liked it; it had just shocked me. But from the look on his face, he wasn’t going to touch me again, so I lost my nerve.

  “I’m sorry,” I said this time, because I hated ruining the moment. I rested my head on his shoulder and he immediately wrapped his arms around me. “I just—”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said and kissed my forehead.

  He kept his mouth against me and continued to hold me close, so I wrapped my hands around his forearm and clung back. Nestling onto my side so I could press my ear to his slowing heartbeat, I closed my eyes and enjoyed what I did have with him.

  “He doesn’t hit us a lot, you know,” he said out of the blue. “I don’t want you to think he just wails on us every day.”

  I turned my nose into his shirt and inhaled his clean, Knoxy scent. “Okay,” I said.

  “As long as we stay out of his way, he pretty much forgets we even exist unless one of us really gets in his face, and then it’s just a single wallop, and he’s done.”

  “And you got in his face?” I guessed, stroking my hand up the muscles in his arms.

  He shook his head. “No, not this time. Someone stole a bottle of his Wild Turkey, and he blamed me.” With a snort, he added, “If he’d been thinking, he’d have known it couldn’t have been me, though, because I was at work last night when it went missing.”

  “Who do you think took it?”

  Lifting his shoulder into a half shrug, he guessed, “Rocket probably. But I’m not sure. I just knew it had to be one of the siblings, and since they’re all smaller than me, I took the punishment.”

  My fingers wandered over his shoulder and up the side of his neck. “Do you do that a lot? Take the punishment for your younger siblings?”

  After he gave another casual shrug, I decided he probably did. “You’re such a good big brother.”

  “Meh.” He shook his head, disagreeing.

  “Tell me,” I murmured, scraping my fingers over his prickled jawline. “How much of the money that you make at the plant do you save away, and how much do you spend on your family?”

  “I don’t know,” he mumbled, shifting under me as if suddenly uncomfortable. “Maybe...fifty, fifty.”

  “Errr.” I made the sound of a buzzer, telling him he’d given the wrong answer. “Try again.”

  He sighed. “Fine. I probably squirrel away...twenty percent.”

  My smile bloomed. “So I stand by my statement. You, Knox Parker, are an amazing brother.”

  His eyes glittered as he gazed at me without responding.

  My eyebrows lowered. “What?”

  “Nothing.” He shook his head but kept watching me in that thoughtful way.

  “No. Tell me. Why’re you looking at me like that?”

  “It’s nothing. I just...” His cheeks went flushed and my mouth fell open. What the heck? What had I done to make him blush? Finally, he glanced away and mumbled, “I just like being with you. You make me happy.”

  I drew in a shuddery breath, tempted to spill giddy, girly tears. When I’d first bumped into him weeks ago and had daydreamed about his beautiful smile and windblown hair, I never in my wildest dreams would’ve guessed he’d be saying something like this to me, and look like he meant every breath of it.

  I licked my lips, just...overcome. I really did need to do something to cool myself down, or I’d blurt out how much I’d fallen for him.

  So I said, “That’s because I know kangaroos can jump higher than the Empire State Building.”

  A grin cracked his lips, and he shook his head. Then he gave a silent laugh. “You’re delusional.”

  I gasped in mock outrage. “What? You actually think the Empire State Building can jump higher?”

  This time, he laughed out loud and grasped my hand. Staring at our interlaced fingers, he murmured, “I even live to hear your corny jokes.”

  The brush of tree branches overhead as they swayed in the gentle wind seemed to creak through my bones. I stopped breathing, too afraid to ruin the moment with even an exhale.

  He sounded so serious and reluctant to tell me this, so I knew he meant what he said, deeply. When he finally darted a glance my way—his eyes full of uncertainty and fear—I rushed out a breath. Oh, crap. I needed to say something back and quit swimming in my internal happy dance.

  “I like being with you, too,” I whispered.

  “I’m serious, City.” His gaze burned into mine. “Coming here every day to be with you is like...” He shook his head and glanced out between the trees. “It’s not even real, it’s so nice. It’s like some kind of dream.”

  “I know what you mean.” Every morning when I woke, my first thought was to wonder if the day before had really happened, or if it’d just been a lovely hallucination.

  With a sigh, he pressed his mouth to my temple. “What’re we going to do?” he said into my hair.

  I stiffened because he made it sound as if we were doomed, but then I realized... maybe we were. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, about us.” Pulling back, he stared into my eyes with a worry that sparked my own fears. “Outside these woods, what do we have? I can’t meet you anywhere in public. Hell, I probably can’t even talk to you at school when it starts back up. Neither of our families would ever let us stay together. Your father would probably have me murdered. Mine would disown me.”

  I hugged myself as the truth behind his words made me shiver with dread. “Are you saying you want to stop meeting?”

  “No!” He tugged me closer against his chest, his eyes large. As he buried his nose into my hair, he murmured, “God, no.” Then he kissed my temple and smoothed stray locks out of my face. “Getting to see you is the highlight of my day. I don’t think I could handle not seeing you anymore.”

  I rested my cheek against his heartbeat and closed my eyes. “Then, what’re you saying, Knox?”

  “I don’t know.” He sighed out his frustration. “I’m just...fuck, I’m pissed. This isn’t fair. If I pass you on the street or in the halls at school, I’m going to have to ignore you, and I hate that. I don’t want to ignore you. You’re my City.” His words broke at the end and I rubbed his arm soothingly.

  He kissed my hair again. “Let’s go to the movies. Tomorrow.”

  I let out an incredulous laugh. “Are you insane? We can’t...”

  But when I looked up at him, there was something so desperate and determined in his eyes, I couldn’t deny him anything. I shut my mouth, and he continued pleading.

  “I have the night off. We could go there separately, sit in the last row, and I don’t know, accidentally sit right next each other. I’ll even provide the popcorn and drinks.”

  “This is really important to you, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, it is. I don’t want to only ever meet you in the woods, even though I love this. I...I gotta feel
like there’s something real beyond these trees. I want to be able to take you on a date. Just...once.”

  I nodded, not against the idea at all, even though it’d probably be the riskiest thing we’d ever done. No way could I tell him no, so I said, “Okay, then. It’s a date.”

  “Who was that?” Aspen asked as the new bartender moved away.

  I sent a cursory glance his way, still surprised Pick had hired a new guy so suddenly, but then I returned my attention to the alcohol lining the back wall, because that’s why I was here: to get my drink on and fall somewhere between pleasantly numb and utterly oblivious.

  As Noel told Aspen something about explaining everything to her later, I tried to decide what poison I was going to drown myself in. Tequila? Vodka? Rum? Bourbon?

  Just about anything would do.

  To help me forget.

  I might have possibly had a mini breakdown at the salon earlier. Aspen and I had gone in, fully prepared to get nearly every inch of my hair chopped off, but at the last moment, when the lady had brought the scissors out, I’d freaked.

  I’d burst into tears, claiming I couldn’t do it.

  Aspen had patted my back as she’d ushered me outside with all my hair still intact, telling me it was about time I cried.

  So I cried harder because I couldn’t tell her I wasn’t crying over Cam. Then I cried some more because I probably should’ve been crying over Cam.

  I should’ve been mourning the loss of the confidence he’d stripped from me when he’d betrayed me and felt the need to turn to another woman. And I did feel stupid and exposed and oh-so insecure after learning I wasn’t even enough to keep someone like Cameron Finkle interested.

  And yet that wasn’t why I cried.

  I should’ve cried because I felt awful for not loving Cam, for not being devastated that it was finally over between us. I should’ve cried to realize what a heartless shrew I’d become for not caring the way I should.