Worth It

by Linda Kage

  I snorted and glanced away, but the fucker kept talking.

  “Let’s see. You came across a pregnant girl in trouble and got her help. Then, when you were left alone with her car, you didn’t take off with it even though you could’ve used the cash it would’ve brought you. Instead, you used the rest of all the money you had to clean it. Then you returned it to the hospital to see how she was doing.”

  I grumbled under my breath that none of that made me full of such great values.

  Pick’s lips quirked as if he knew something I didn’t, then he kept talking. “There’s also another reason I took you in. I owed you one for something you probably don’t even know you did for me.”

  I glanced at him, frowning in confusion. “What’s that?”

  The secretive smile kept playing around his mouth. “I’ll tell you about it sometime. But not yet.”

  My eyes narrowed even more. I didn’t like how mysterious he was being. He didn’t seem to mind, though. He kept talking.

  “Aside from that, there’s the fact I had to be the asshole who told you about your family.”

  I flinched, not wanting to go there.

  “I feel like shit about that, man. And you had nowhere to go, no one to contact for help, no money for...fuck, anything. I wanted to make it up to you somehow. So I took you in and offered you a job because it was the first thing I could think to do. It was what you needed most.”

  I started to tell him he didn’t owe me shit—even if I had unknowingly done him a favor once upon a time—I could take care of myself. But he held up a hand. “And then I also felt inclined to keep tabs on you in case Felicity wanted to know where to find you when I told her you were out.”

  Just hearing her name slayed me. I winced and kept my eyes averted. “I can’t keep you from telling her, can I?”

  “Nope.” He shook his head.

  I sniffed, irritated that I couldn’t control this; she was going to find out about my release and whereabouts. Soon. But I still tried to fight it. “Well, I don’t see how she’d care to know.”

  “Don’t you?” Pick murmured. “I do.”

  I looked up at him, wondering what the hell that meant. He’d used the words friendship and loyalty when talking about her, but just how the hell close were they?

  What had she told him about us?

  Did this mean she wanted to see me again?

  A crazy, anxious hope raced through me, but I swallowed it down. Didn’t matter what she wanted. Didn’t matter what I wanted. After what I’d become, the safest place for her was as far away from me as I could keep her.

  “Don’t ever let me work with her,” I growled, piercing Pick with a deadly serious glare.

  He opened his mouth as if to argue, so I waved a hand toward the dent in his wall. “Just look at what I did. I’m fucked up. I don’t want her anywhere near that.” I didn’t want her to see me like this; I didn’t even want her to know I was like this.

  Pick blinked away an expression of shock, but then nodded as if he understood. “Don’t worry. I’ve already scheduled it so none of your shifts coincide.”

  I nodded. “Good.” That was all I needed to hear. “I’ll find some homeless shelter or something to stay in tonight.”

  Not bothering to wait until I was dismissed, I stormed toward the door, but he called, “No, you won’t. I trust you, Knox. I trust you to sleep in the same apartment as my family, the same bed with my little boy and girl.”

  I glanced back at him, shocked, and he nodded. “Yeah, we saw that they’d crawled in with you in the middle of the night, and we didn’t move them. Because both Tinker Bell and I trust you. We know you’d never hurt them. Don’t take that lightly.”

  I gulped and looked away, because shit, I didn’t take such conviction lightly. It humbled me, yet made me feel worse, because I knew I didn’t deserve it. Just what did he think he saw in me that was so reliable, and how in the hell could he have any kind of faith in me when I had none in myself? After what I’d just done? When my biggest fear these days was myself? How could he be so sure?

  Something dark dwelled inside me now, something black and violent and ugly, like a stain on my soul that could never be washed away. I hadn’t been in control of myself at all when I’d destroyed his office. That scared me.

  I should never be trusted near anything that anyone deemed valuable. And to me, Felicity Bainbridge topped that list.

  “I’m going to take off in a few minutes,” Pick said. “You can get one of the guys to drop you off at my place after work, I’m sure. I will see you in the morning, Knox.”

  I couldn’t argue with his determined dismissal. His belief in me made me want to believe in myself. It made me fucking hope.

  Knowing I’d probably regret it, but still unable to tell him no, I nodded my acceptance for now and left him there. I was still shaken when I returned to the front, but I was determined to do this, work for him and pay him back for all his faith and charity.

  They’d already opened, and the place was beginning to fill. Ten and Asher were moving between tables, pausing to take orders while Noel and Mason worked the bar. But when Mason spotted me, he sent me a jerky nod.

  “Yeah, you should probably work back here tonight.” He hurried out from behind the counter, ushering me to take his spot, probably thinking it safest to keep me as far away from the customers as possible. Public safety and all that.

  Noel was a lot more brusque and cold than he’d been before my office scene as he directed me in what to do. It was disorienting at first. My dyslexia would barely let me read shit on the cash register, but luckily I had a strong memory and most everything was color coordinated.

  Usually he popped over to tell me prices or how to mix something before I could even ask, which also made it harder for me to fuck up. But I think I surprised him with my adeptness because he kept sending me shocked little glances every time I did something right without his interference.

  By the time I hit a groove, the club was packed, music poured through the speakers and this energy thrummed through my veins. It felt good, doing honest labor, being free, not having a warden breathing down my neck or other inmates plotting my demise.

  An exhausted Ten plopped onto a stool, setting down a tray full of empty glasses and bottles. His eye was already turning red where I’d jacked him, and I was even more chagrined to discover I’d hit him on the scarred side of his face.

  He rubbed his jaw as I cleared his tray for him, tossing empty bottles in the trash and stacking the used mugs in the tray to be washed.

  “Shit, man,” he said. “You really do have one hell of a hit. None of these other douchebags ever left my bell ringing quite this long after they hit me.”

  “And trust me, we’ve tried,” Noel told me as he paused to add more used glasses to the tray.

  “You had the most Nancy swing of all, Gamble,” Ten called after him as Noel moved back to his side of the bar.

  Grinning, he turned back to me. I felt the need to apologize again, even though I’d already said sorry in Pick’s office. But I held my tongue.

  He didn’t seem to mind my silence. “Seriously,” he said. “Did you box or something in prison, because shit... I’m impressed.”

  “Something like that,” I said, figuring all that fighting to stay alive might as well be equated with boxing.

  “Well, you should take it to a ring. I’d definitely put money on you.”

  After he wandered away, I considered what he’d said. At first, I was deliciously tempted. It’d felt good to swing and hit things. But then I shuddered, thinking that feeding my aggression had to be bad. Not that it mattered. I was already fucked in that regard, damaged beyond repair. Maybe I could use my ability to hit—since it seemed to be my only talent—to make money. I knew I couldn’t stay here long.

  Felicity was going to find out I was around. I had no idea how she’d react, but I was pretty sure she’d eventually want a face-to-face. I dreaded it as much as I relished the idea
of getting to see her again. As long as I was gone before she tried for some contact, though, I’d never have to worry about it.

  A pair of tipsy girls slid up to the bar and ordered some piña coladas. I spilled some ice when pouring it into the mixer, so after they left, I knelt down to gather the stray cubes.

  I wasn’t down there five seconds, before I was interrupted.

  “Hey, Noel,” a voice called cheerfully from above me, tapping me on the top of the head. “Can you get me a—”

  The woman jerked her greeting short when I looked up, startled by the contact. Piercing blue eyes widened and familiar lips parted in shock.

  I froze, unable to breathe, unable to blink, unable to think.

  With her perfect face wreathed in ringlets of red hair, Felicity Bainbridge gaped at me before pulling back and shaking her head slightly. “You’re not Noel.”

  Unable to look away, I rose on unsteady feet. Air finally seesawed through my lungs as I took her in. She hadn’t changed at all, except to grow a few new curves. Otherwise, my sweet, flawless City was standing in front of me, a mere counter separating us.

  My tongue decided to go on vacation.

  Wrinkling her nose, she demanded, “Who’re you?”

  Her gaze had long since left my face and was scrolling down my body.

  Heat, and longing, and crushing disappointment rippled through me. I knew I looked different, but realizing the one person I’d shared more intimacies with than anyone else on earth didn’t even recognize me was kind of agonizing.

  It was the last solid shred of proof that the boy I’d once been no longer existed.

  I opened my mouth with no idea what to say when Noel saved me by appearing at my side. “Hey, this is Felicity. She’s a waitress here, so no charge. ’Kay?”

  “Noel.” The relief in her voice as she whirled to him made me clench my teeth and restrain myself from flinching. But damn, it singed the old heart muscle to watch her turn away from me so readily in favor of another man. “What...who...?” Her gaze darted back to me briefly before she eyed him expectantly.

  “Oh. This is the new guy,” he explained. “Apparently, he doesn’t have a name yet.”

  “Uh...” Felicity’s eyebrows crinkled with confusion. Again, she spared me the barest curious glance before turning her attention right back to Noel. “O...kay. Since when do we have a new bartender?”

  “Since tonight. What’re you doing here, anyway? Where’s Aspen?”

  “Your wife decided I needed to drink my troubles away.” Felicity rolled her eyes but chased it with a smile. “She came in with me, except Mason waylaid her with some school questions so—oh! Here she is.”

  When a small dark-headed woman appeared at her side, Felicity tugged her close and pressed their cheeks together as she grinned at Noel.

  “Hey, you,” Noel greeted, reaching for the new woman as he leaned over the bar to pull her in for a greeting kiss.

  As their mouths meshed, my gaze strayed back to Felicity. It was incredible how little she’d changed in six years. There was a bit more maturity to her face, and yeah, her body was no longer sixteen, but other than that, even her hair was the same.

  My mouth watered and body tightened with a need I hadn’t felt in quite a while. I wanted to follow Noel’s lead and reach for my girl, tug her over the bar to me and devour her mouth. My fingers flexed, tingling with the need.

  I still couldn’t believe she was right fucking there.

  And I wasn’t touching her, wasn’t even talking to her.

  As if sensing my intent gaze, she glanced at me. She began to look away, just as quickly, but then darted back with one more quick frown my way, as if letting me know she thought I was a creeper for staring the way I was. When she moved fractionally closer to Noel’s woman, where she was still locking lips with Noel, the two pulled away.

  Glancing at me, Noel hitched his chin to the other end of the bar. “I got these two. You can get that group down there.”

  For a heartbeat, I couldn’t move away from City. She was right there, the one person who owned my soul.

  But then reality crashed around me. She didn’t know me; I was a complete stranger to her. And I’d promised myself I’d stay away. Forcing my ass into gear, I gave Noel a single nod and turned away from her to take the order of the three guys at the other end of the bar.

  I hummed Colbie Caillat’s “Falling for You” under my breath as I skipped through the trees and dodged mushy, marshy-looking spots. I knew the path well by now. I’d traveled it every day for the past two weeks.

  Knox and I no longer met by “our” tree. Now we went to “our” dock at the strip pit. Sometimes we swam, sometimes we didn’t, but every time we ended up kissing. I’d become well and truly addicted to kissing. I swear, my mouth could just live against Knox’s. I hated it every time we had to pull apart and go home. But he had an evening job at a local dog food factory, and always had to leave to get ready for that, and I...well, I didn’t want to risk causing any suspicion from my family by staying away too long, even though no one had noticed my lengthy afternoon walks in the woods yet.

  Today, I dared more than usual. After sneaking a basket into the kitchen, I’d packed us an afternoon snack. From all our conversations, I knew Knox loved peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, nacho chips, and apples the best, so I crammed them inside along with two bottles of water and plates and napkins.

  When I heard my mother’s voice nearing the kitchen, I dashed out the back door and streaked across the yard to the trees, panting by the time I reached the first one. After ducking behind it, I waited thirty seconds before peeking around the trunk to make sure no one had come outside to look for me. The coast looked clear, but I was still wary, so I dodged from here to there for a while until I felt secure enough to realize no one was following me. Once I relaxed, the excitement of getting to see Knox again rose.

  I was unable to stop grinning and actually murmur some of the lyrics aloud by the time I reached the pit.

  “I’ve been spending all my time just thinking about you,” I crooned, only to give a happy squeal when I realized I was the first to arrive. “Yes!” I had some time to set up my surprise for him.

  I’d lacked the forethought to grab a picnic blanket, which made me sigh in disappointment because I wanted everything to be perfect. But then I told myself Knox probably wouldn’t even notice. There were a lot of details he skipped over, like towels, and combs, and prissy things my mother would insist upon. That was one of the very reasons I was so crazy about him. He didn’t prioritize image before me.

  A slight breeze tried to spoil my plans and blow away my plates and napkins, but the apples proved to be the perfect paperweights and kept them in place. I saved the sandwiches in their plastic baggies so no dirt or bugs could blow onto them as I placed them next to the apples. I didn’t know how long I’d have to wait because we couldn’t exactly give each other reliable schedules.

  The other day, he’d had to wait three hours on me before I could get away from my mother and one of her lectures. Then Max had cornered me afterward, waylaying me more and trying to console me or something for the way Mother had spoken to me. I was almost in tears by the time I reached the dock, thinking I’d missed him. But there he lay on his back, feet crossed at the ankles and nearly asleep as he dried himself in the sun from taking a dip in the pit.

  Relief racing through me, I’d hurried up the ramp to reach the dock, only to slow to a stop and just relish the sight of him in wet swimming trunks and nothing else.

  “I never knew Sleeping Beauty was a guy before,” I finally said.

  He hadn’t opened his eyes but a smile crept across his face. “Why do I have a feeling I’m about to be kissed to see if that wakes me up?”

  “Probably because you are.” Kneeling beside him, I grinned until I leaned down and lightly pressed my mouth to his. He groaned and threaded his fingers through my hair, kissing me back. By the time I pulled away, his eyes were open and gleaming
a golden sparkling brown, and his lips were stretched wide with pleasure.

  “I guess this is proof,” he’d murmured. “You’re definitely my Princess Charming.”

  Sighing over the memory, I sat on the dock next to our waiting picnic and hugged my knees as I stared at the water of the pit. The breeze fluttered tendrils of red hair into my face and the dock swayed lazily under me while the sun soaked lethargic warmth into my bones.

  Even just waiting on Knox was more enjoyable than anything else on earth. Setting my chin on my upraised knees, I noticed a rock sitting on the edge of the dock.

  With a slight frown, I studied it further. It was a fairly large rock that couldn’t have been carried in by the wind. Something had to have placed it there, and I’m pretty sure it hadn’t been around the day before.

  I shied backward, wondering who’d been on my dock. If one of my brothers had been here recently, did that mean they could come back today? Right now? Maybe I should put away one of the plates; if they caught me here, they wouldn’t realize I was expecting company. But as soon as I reached for Knox’s plate, I noticed a small corner of white paper fluttering under the rock’s weight.

  A note.

  With a gasp, I scrambled forward. After rolling the rock aside, I unfolded the single sheet. When I saw, Hey Princess Charming, as the greeting, a smile lit up my entire face. But then I read the rest of the note.

  I’m so sorry I missed you today and couldn’t stick around. Something came up. I doubt I can make it tomorrow and the weekend doesn’t look good either. It’s nothing to worry about though. Just family crap. Hopefully I’ll make it out Monday, and trust me when I say, I’d rather be here with you instead.

  Disappointment slumped my shoulders. The rest of my day pretty much felt ruined now. I kind of wanted to just sit here and cry, but at least he’d been sweet enough to leave me a letter. I even understood why he hadn’t signed it.

  I ran my fingers over his handwriting, frowning at the printed letters. Maybe it was because he hadn’t used cursive, but there was something about his penmanship that reminded me of a fourth grader’s instead of a senior in high school, even though nothing was misspelled and every letter was written precisely, as if he’d taken hours to plot out each one. There was just something in the spacing that was...off.