Chasing The Bodyguard: An Irish Mob Action Adventure Road Trip Romance

by Grace Risata

  Double-checking the handgun currently stashed in my backpack and making sure it was locked and loaded, I growled, “Let’s do this!” before cracking my neck and preparing for battle.

  “Just wait a fucking minute, Rambo. No weapons,” he ordered. “Please, Leandra…I’m begging you…don’t fuck this up for me.”

  Samuel never begged. Ever.

  This gave me pause.

  What if a woman came running out of the house, leapt into his arms, and I found out that he really did have a wife?

  Fine.

  Whatever.

  I’ll leave my gun in the truck.

  But I’m absolutely taking my switchblade with me.

  Slowly removing the aforementioned knife from my backpack, holding it up right in front of Samuel’s face, and then sticking it in my pocket, I made my defiance known.

  “You’ll have to pry this out of my cold, dead hands,” I promised. “Now get your pansy ass out of the truck and show me what you’re made of, cowboy.”

  Without waiting for him to make a move, I opened the door and marched toward the house with a sense of urgency I hadn’t felt in a long time. Of course Samuel came running after me and ultimately won our race to the front porch.

  Just as predicted, the screen door flew open, a young woman shouted his name, and began to run right towards my bodyguard with a look of pure unbridled joy on her face.

  Well, fuck. I guess I’m psychic after all.

  “Sam! I knew you’d come back!” she screamed before throwing herself at him and hugging my bodyguard so fiercely that I thought she might snap him in half.

  I kept quiet, eager to see how this scene might play out. Obviously I sized up my competition the second I saw her. The full figured brunette was strikingly plain. Wild curly hair stuck out in every direction, her glasses were not fashionable and did nothing but draw attention to a nose covered in freckles, and no make-up was anywhere to be seen. The girl radiated sweetness, purity, and a goodness that seemed foreign to me. I had never been that naïve in my entire life.

  Wholesome. Yes, that’s the word I’m looking for.

  If she’s a day over twenty, then I’ll eat my sweaty socks right now.

  Is this the type of woman that Samuel desires? Young and innocent? Fuck. No wonder why he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I could have this bitch in tears in four seconds flat without uttering a single word. Sure, I could pretend to be inexperienced and shy, but only in bed if we’re role playing. Outside the bedroom, I was nothing but a tiger.

  While I mulled over this interesting turn of events, the woman abruptly ended the hug, backed up, and shoved Samuel with such force that he nearly fell on his ass.

  “No! I shouldn’t be welcoming you with open arms! How dare you sneak off without telling me you were leaving? Do you have any idea how worried I was? You have a lot of explaining to do, jerk!”

  Before he could reply, two new arrivals came outside to join our little party. A woman exited the house first, and then held the door open so a man in a wheelchair could follow her. They both appeared to be in their early fifties, and neither one looked pleased to see Samuel.

  “He’s home,” the girl explained, as though it weren’t blatantly obvious. All four people stared at each other in silence, seemingly afraid to speak. But why? I used my excellent powers of reading body language to try and figure out who would be the one to finally break the ice. All my money was on the older lady. She seemed to be holding herself back, desperate to make her opinion known yet not wanting to upset the man in the wheelchair. The older gentleman was by far the most threatening of the bunch.

  “What are you doing here?” the man asked in a very icy tone.

  Fuck. I didn’t peg him as being the talker of the group. Maybe I’m losing my touch.

  “This is my home,” Samuel replied, looking as uncomfortable as I’d ever seen him. “Is it not?”

  “Of course it is,” the woman replied, taking a small step in his direction, but then stopping. She reminded me of a certain actress that played the mom in one of my favorite comedy movies, but I can’t remember her name right now. With dark hair in a medium length bob, neatly trimmed bangs that perfectly framed her face, and skin just starting to show wrinkles, the woman was completely average and unremarkable in appearance. Her posture painted a different picture entirely. I sensed apprehension, fear, and pain. The woman stood stick straight, stiff as a board, as though waiting for a fight to break out. Her hand clung to the porch rail, needing to be anchored to something.

  “Katherine, take Chrissie inside and give us a moment alone,” the man ordered.

  “I’m not going anywhere, dad,” the younger woman insisted, standing her ground.

  Okay. Now we’re making progress. Chrissie’s father appears to have a strong dislike for Samuel, but why? Even though the older man was sitting in a wheelchair, he seemed like he could still hold his own if given the opportunity. With a muscular upper body, piercing blue eyes that narrowed cynically, and a detached expression that gave no hint of the emotion swirling within, he bore a haunting resemblance to Samuel.

  Wait a fucking minute…

  “We’re all being rather impolite,” the older woman spoke up, finally staring in my direction. “I believe some introductions are in order.”

  Samuel turned around long enough to make eye contact, and I saw a look of pure heartbreak on his face. Agony mixed with regret blended together and formed a cocktail of despair.

  “Leandra, I’d like you to meet my parents, Douglas and Katherine. Chrissie is my younger sister.”

  I gave a half smile and a tiny little wave, unsure of what action he expected me to take. It would have been a hell of a lot easier if I’d known what he told them about his employment situation. Did they know who I was? Were they aware of our business dealings and the not-exactly-legal aspect of it all?

  “Nice to meet you,” Chrissie said with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. I could tell she was curious about my presence. “You two know each other from…where?”

  “She’s my wife,” Samuel replied, not skipping a beat.

  My mouth dropped open and all the oxygen whooshed from my lungs.

  Shit just got real.

  Chapter Twelve

  Leandra

  By some miracle, the Earth continued to rotate on its axis and nothing exploded into millions of pieces. Blood flow returned to my brain and I had exactly four seconds to process this new role as someone’s wife before everything erupted into chaos.

  Douglas slumped his shoulders and looked away, Katherine’s mouth dropped open in shock, and Chrissie burst into tears before taking off at light speed in an effort to remove herself from the situation.

  That sounded like a damn good idea to me.

  “Please, let me go after her,” I suggested, not waiting around for anyone to give me their approval. I don’t ask for permission. Never have, never will. I also needed a minute to regain my composure after Samuel’s stunning announcement.

  I had only been proposed to once in my entire life, and that had not gone well at all. Now I was suddenly married to a man I’d never so much as kissed? Wow. I can’t keep up with all this drama and I’m the fucking head of a crime syndicate.

  Breaking into a jog while being eternally grateful I packed black running shoes in my bug-out-bag instead of stilettos, I managed to catch up with Chrissie sitting on the back porch steps. She hadn’t gone too far.

  The poor thing was sobbing into her hands, unable to catch a breath, chest heaving up and down with anguish.

  How the fuck am I supposed to fix this?

  Think, Leandra! Put yourself in her position and gain the upper hand like you always do. What does she need right now? Give it to her and then earn her trust.

  “Hey, I’m really sorry about all this,” I soothed, speaking quietly and calmly. “I had no idea he’d just blurt it out like that.”

  Chrissie froze and then desperately wiped her eyes while attempting to
clean up the trail of snot running down her face.

  “I don’t usually act this way,” she admitted in embarrassment.

  “I give you credit, actually,” I began, taking a seat next to her on the wooden stairs. “If my brother brought some stranger home and told me he’d married the bitch, I think I’d punch him in the face. That’s no way to do things. Not at all. You’re supposed to start dating someone, get to know them, make family introductions at some lame dinner where everyone is in attendance, break up a few times, get back together, get engaged, and then get married. You’ve got to have your time to plan the wedding, bond with the in-laws, pick out a dress, and all that other happy horseshit, am I right?”

  The young woman’s eyes bugged out in what I can only assume was surprise at my candid words. I don’t sugarcoat. That’s a waste of my time.

  “I’m sure you have a million questions running through your mind, and I can honestly say that I do, too,” I admitted. If that wasn’t the God’s honest truth, I didn’t know what was. “The most important thing is that I want to get to know you and your family and learn more about where Samuel comes from. Everything seems to be happening so quickly right now. I feel like I need to catch a breath and let it all sink in.”

  She nodded in her head in agreement and began peppering me with questions that I was woefully unprepared for.

  “How did you two meet? Where are you from? Why did you get married so quickly? Why weren’t we invited? Does Sam hate us that much? Why did he stay away for so long? You’re not pregnant are you? ”

  I held up a hand before she could go any further.

  “Slow down a little bit. I’ll try to do the best I can here. We met about six months ago and it was instant attraction on my part. The second I saw your brother, he completely captivated me and I knew I had to meet this man. What else? Oh, I’m one hundred percent, absolutely not pregnant,” I explained with amusement. I believe sex is required to make a baby and I haven’t even laid eyes upon my pretend husband’s cock. “You would have to ask Samuel why he stayed away for so long, but I think it might have something to do with money.”

  Chrissie instantly hung her head in shame and mumbled, “I’m not surprised about that. He’s always felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. I keep telling him that it’s not his job to save us, but he doesn’t listen to me.”

  Fuck! I hit the nail on the head with the money guess, evidently. It’s really not that complicated to deduce. Ever since day one, Samuel’s been desperate to do anything to make a buck.

  “He rarely listens to me either,” I sympathized. “Your brother can be stubborn sometimes. Hell, he’s difficult all the damn time.”

  “You really do know him, don’t you?” she remarked with a sad smile. “Has he…has he told you much about us?”

  I figured it wouldn’t be wise to admit I still hadn’t learned his fucking last name yet.

  “Samuel is a man of few words and I get the impression that there’s a strain on the relationships he has here.”

  Brilliant response, Lee! It didn’t take a genius to notice the tension between my bodyguard and his parents. Or the way Chrissie gave him a huge shove after welcoming him home.

  “Yes, that’s definitely true. Sam has always butted heads with my dad, but it’s been worse ever since the accident. Did he tell you about that?”

  I shook my head to indicate that I knew nothing, eager to pry more information out of my new favorite canary. This girl sang like a bird and I truly appreciated the excellent source of knowledge.

  “My dad hasn’t always been in a wheelchair. There was an accident last year…and life has gotten pretty awful ever since. Not that it was ever great before…” she trailed off unhappily while letting out a deep sigh. I think Samuel wasn’t the only one with the weight of the world on his shoulders. This place definitely needed some cheering up. Not that I was the queen of sunshine and rainbows, but between the four of Samuel’s family members there was definitely a shitload of angst. I swear there were more secrets and drama than a damn soap opera. Who knew a tiny Kansas farm held such a range of emotion?

  “I’ll tell you what, Chrissie,” I offered, eager to change the subject before the kid figured out she said too much and clammed up on me. Better to leave things hanging than have her laden with regret. “Why don’t we go back to join everyone else and see what happens next? I sincerely want to get to know you better, and I promise I’m not as intimidating as I might seem. I have no intentions of worming my way into your family and acting like we’re long lost best friends. I don’t do fake, I won’t kiss your ass, and I’m sure as hell not out to cause any trouble between Samuel and his family. I’m only asking for a chance. Is that okay?”

  The young woman cocked her head thoughtfully as if giving my words careful consideration.

  “I would like that very much. I appreciate your honesty. Can I offer you a few bits of advice?”

  “Absolutely.” I’m always open to suggestions. Whether I’ll follow them or not is anyone’s guess.

  “It’s sort of strange to hear you call my brother ‘Samuel.’ It’s really formal. It might be easier if you just used ‘Sam’ like everyone else does.”

  I shrugged. That sounded simple enough.

  “Anything else?”

  “You might want to watch your words a little closer. My parents are very conservative Christian and they don’t tolerate cussing. I’ve noticed you have a fondness for off-color language. Maybe it would be better if you tried to tone that down.”

  Yeah…no. I threw out the ‘fucks’ and ‘shits’ and ‘dirty rotten whorebags’ like they were ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ Cleaning that up would be a monumental task. Although I suppose I had to watch my words anyway, lest I make some offhanded remark that implied I wasn’t fake-married to Samuel.

  Sam.

  Damn it. This was going to be a lot harder than I thought.

  “May I also ask why you don’t have a wedding ring? Your left hand is bare…”

  Son of a bitch! This girl was like Sherlock fucking Holmes.

  “He never gave me one,” I admitted, staring down at my fingers. They were completely naked except the one ring I wore on the fourth finger of my right hand. My father gave it to me when I turned eighteen and I haven’t taken it off since. Maybe it was time to switch the location. “Will you keep it a secret from your parents if I put my ring on the other hand? Can we pretend that it was always there so they don’t ask any questions?”

  “I guess that’s okay,” she replied agreeably, taking a closer look at the platinum band. “That’s very beautiful. Does it symbolize something?”

  “Yes, it does. I’m Irish and this design is called a trinity knot. The three symbols represent infinite love, protection, and honor.”

  “That’s so romantic!” she gushed in awe. I have a feeling she’d change her mind about that if I went into further of an explanation. My father sat me down for an important heart-to-heart talk when he gave me the ring. He asked me what I knew about love, protection, and honor. I gave him some typical starry-eyed eighteen year old’s answer and he shook his head in disappointment. Dad immediately set me straight. The most important person that can ever love you is yourself, Leandra. Do you know why? No one can ever take that love away. Men come and go, but your soul is yours to keep. Don’t ever lose your sense of self. In the same regard, no one has your best interests at heart the way that you do. Learn how to protect yourself and you’ll never have to rely on the fools around you who might have ulterior motives. That leaves us with honor. There is no honor among thieves, as the old saying goes. But you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror every night and live with the choices you make in life. Love yourself, protect yourself, and bring honor to the family. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. Such good advice from my pops. If he could see me now, he’d have a fucking heart attack and start screaming at me to go back to New York and sort out my shit. Eh, everyone needs a vacation now and then. He�
�s hiding from the feds in Mexico and I’m pretend married. Never a dull moment in the Donahue family!

  The sound of a loud cough from off to my left drew me out of past memories and back to reality. It was Samuel.

  “Are you two planning to sit out here all night? I think we should go inside now, because it looks like a storm is brewing,” he advised, pointing to the line of dark clouds rolling in.

  Chrissie got up and walked in the direction of the front yard, not bothering to say one single word to her brother as she passed by. I stood and gave the man an equally sour expression.

  “How long were you standing there?” I asked.

  “The whole time. I followed you the second you took off to make sure nothing was said that I didn’t want her to know. I heard every word, Leandra. You’re fast on your feet when it comes to making up stories. You did a good job.”

  Really? That motherfucker thinks I’m some bitch spitting out random shit to appease his sister?

  “Every single word I said was nothing but the honest truth,” I snapped with enough venom to make him back up a step in surprise. “I’m not the selfish son-of-a-bitch who told one whopper of a lie to his family. This is going to end up hurting you in the long run, Samuel, and I will not be held accountable. I may do many vile things, but I don’t purposely hurt those I love. Why did you tell them we were married?”

  This had been the million dollar question I was dying to ask ever since he made the false announcement.

  “The house only has three bedrooms,” he replied nonchalantly. “There’s no way my parents would have allowed us to sleep together had we not been husband and wife. I didn’t want them to be embarrassed at the lack of accommodations. Anyway, how else could I explain your presence here? It’s not like I could tell them what you do for a living.”

  His excuse made no sense. Why couldn’t we just stay at a hotel? He knew I had more than enough cash. Samuel was hiding something. It was only a matter of time before I figured it out. Until then, I would sit back and observe. This was one hell of a mystery and I was eager to play Nancy Drew. Bring on the drama.