On Every Side

by Karen Kingsbury

  I have appointed you for this, my daughter.

  Faith made her way through the station's back corridors toward the rear parking lot. What had God appointed her for? Getting the news out about Rosa? If that was the case, why hadn't anyone called? At age six, she was a sweet-natured child, but give her three or four more years in foster care and Rosa was bound to grow jaded. The innocent faith that lit up her countenance would certainly grow cold in light of the truth that no one wanted her.

  I'd adopt her myself if I wasn't single. The thought simmered in Faith's heart like an overcooked vegetable. It was true, wasn't it? She'd go through the process, work with the system and make Rosa her own daughter if only her personal life wasn't so uncer-tain. But Rosa needed a father, too… a real family I will supply all your needs. Wait for the appointed time.

  Faith had no idea what that meant but she was sure of the message, felt it resonate deep within her soul. And for reasons she didn't understand, the holy whispers sent a ray of hope through her. If God said it would all work out, then somehow— against the odds—it would. For Rosa and for herself.

  She pushed the heavy metal door open and was met by an icy wind. The parking lot was dark and she moved quickly, pulling her jacket close as she stared into the starry sky. Fall had arrived, all right. And with it the promise of colder days ahead. Football weather, really Her father's favorite time of year.

  “Faith…”

  The male voice came at her from across the parking lot and it stopped her in her tracks. She backed up a few steps toward the building, staring into the darkness until she saw the shape of a man about twenty yards away. Her heart pounded. Was it a fan? A stalker? She didn't recognize the voice—and suddenly realized how vulnerable she was.

  “Who is it?” She continued taking steps back toward the station door, determined to alert security before she became the vic-tim of an attack. “Come into the light.”

  “Don't be afraid, Faith.” The man took three slow, steps into a circle of brightness that came from one of the station windows. “It's me. Jordan.”

  Faith felt her knees go weak. It couldn't be… “Jordan who?”

  Step by step he moved closer, and Faith's breath caught in her throat as she made out his face. It wasn't possible, but it was him; her childhood friend…the boy who'd asked her to marry him the summer they were just thirteen. He was a man now, tall and dark with looks that likely stopped women in their tracks. His designer suit suggested he had done well for himself, and Faith was flooded with feelings she couldn't quite decipher. Whatever they were, she was glad for the darkness, glad he couldn't see the heat she felt in her cheeks. “Jordan Riley? How in the world did you find me?”

  “I was in town…on business.” He smiled, and there it was. The same eyes and grin he'd had as a teenager. It was Jordan, all right. Without giving it another thought, she came to him and hugged him.

  “I can't believe it's you.” She pulled back and looked at him. “Who told you I was here?”

  “I went to your old house. A Mr. Joe Cooper told me you were a big star now doing the news for WKZN.” Jordan grinned again, his eyes twinkling. “You looked beautiful tonight, Faith.”

  “You saw me?” Was she dreaming? Was this really Jordan Riley standing here, talking to her after so many years? To think he'd come into town and seen her on the news that night…

  “I watched you for five minutes and I knew I had to see you in person. I have a few meetings tomorrow, then it's back to New York, so tonight was my only chance. I thought I'd surprise you.”

  How long had it been? What was he doing now? Was he mar-ried? And what had happened to his sister, Heidi? A hundred questions shouted for Faith's attention, and she tried to think of which was most important. “So, tell me about yourself… what've you been doing?”

  Jordan put his hands in his pocket and studied her. “It's so good to see you, Faith. You have no idea…” He hesitated, glancing around. “Can we get coffee somewhere, sit and talk a bit?”

  Faith shrugged. “Sure. My mom's visiting her sister in Chicago, so she won't notice if I'm late.”

  Jordan looked at her strangely “Your mom? I thought… aren't you married?”

  A short laugh escaped Faith's freezing lips. “Definitely not.”

  He tossed his hands in the air and laughed. “Well, me, nei-ther. I guess that means it's a date.”

  Faith's heart soared at Jordan's words and she stepped back, surprised at herself. What was she feeling, an attraction? To Jordan? After so many years had gone by? She chided herself for letting her imagination get away with her. They'd been kids back then, after all. This was nothing more than an old friend checking up on her.

  He angled his head, his eyes locked on hers. “So…not mar-ried, huh?”

  “Nope.”

  “Long story?”

  “Very”

  Jordan took a few steps back toward his car. “I'll follow you.”

  Faith led him to a twenty-four-hour diner in the heart of Bethany, a place for people who worked the night shift or needed a quiet moment alone in the still of the early morning hours. When they were seated at a booth, Faith again felt the familiar draw to him. Just as she'd felt it all those years ago…

  The waitress brought them coffee, and Faith studied him over the brim of her cup. “How long's it been?”

  He smiled. “You mean since I kissed you and asked you to be my wife?”

  They both laughed, and he took a swig of his coffee. “I was trying to figure it out on the way over here. Sixteen years I think. They took me away right after my mother died and that was just before Christmas 1985.”

  The mention of his mother put a deep sadness in the air between them. “Whatever happened to Heidi?”

  Pain flashed in Jordan's eyes, and he looked down at his hands. “I don't know. We lost track of each other. That was part of what I wanted to do this week, but the records are sealed. I've been trying to find her since I graduated from law school.”

  Faith felt sick to her stomach. Jordan and Heidi had lost track of each other? Sixteen years ago? She pictured how Jordan had been with his sister, how he'd looked after her and played with her even though she was younger than his friends. “That's awful, Jordan. There must be someone who knows where she is.”

  He shrugged and when he looked at her this time it was as though walls had been erected around his heart. What had been transparent a moment earlier was now guarded, hidden behind a fortress of stone. “I haven't found anyone yet. The clerk today told me I could register a petition with the state's Social Services, but only people directly involved had the right to see the files.”

  “But that's you…you're as involved as you could be. For goodness sake, they took you out of your own house and sepa-rated you from her without giving either of you a choice.”

  Jordan smiled, but the gesture looked forced. “Those things happen. I'll look for her till the day I die, but I've accepted the fact that I may never find her.”

  “So what happened when you left here? Where did you go?”

  “At first I was at a foster home. But one day I overheard the social worker say there was no way the state could keep Heidi and me together. So I ran away, tried to find the house where she was staying but wound up getting in trouble instead. I was thir-teen and they figured I was unstable. Incorrigible, I believe they said. They sent me to a boys’ camp in the foothills about six hours from here. Southridge, it was called.”

  “A boys'camp?” Faith could feel the blood draining from her face as a memory began to take shape in her mind. “But… weren't my parents thinking of adopting you both?”

  “I don't know No one ever said anything to me.” His eyes locked onto hers and she saw concern there.” Faith, I'm sorry about your dad. He was a great man.” Jordan's eyes grew wet. “He was the only father I ever knew…”

  Faith blinked back sudden tears. “I miss him so much.”

  “I bet.” Jordan hesitated.” He was practicing law in town, i
s that right?”

  She nodded. “He and his friend Joshua Nunn opened a law office and took on religious freedom cases. They'd gotten off to a great start when Dad had his heart attack.”

  They fell silent, and Faith shook her head. “Imagine how dif-ferent things might have been if you'd lived with us, if we'd adopted you and Heidi.”

  Now that she had remembered it, she could hear a conversation playing in her mind, one between her parents a few nights after Jordan and Heidi were taken from their home. “It's the only thing we can do, Betty…”

  “I know, but I worry about Jordan. It might not be good to have a boy Faith's same age living under one roof.”

  Her father had been adamant. “It'll work out. God will see us through.”

  Yes, she was sure of it now. Her parents had contacted Jordan's social worker and asked about adopting both Heidi and him. “The more I think about it the more I'm sure. They wanted to adopt you both.”

  His eyes grew wide.” You're serious? Your family was really going to do that?” Awe and regret seemed to play out across his face simultaneously “I remember them calling about it.” She studied him, frowning. “Did you ever hear anything?”

  Jordan shook his head, his eyes a well of sadness. “They prob-ably told your parents I was a risk. By that point they'd already moved me to the boys’ camp.”

  How awful that Jordan had been sent to a camp for delin-quent boys when all he'd wanted was a chance to be with his sis-ter.” I'm so sorry, Jordan.”

  He drew a deep breath and smiled—but the smile didn't seem genuine. It had a polished, practiced look about it—as though he were familiar with masking his real feelings. “Enough about me, what about you?” He reached across the table and squeezed her hands gently before pulling back and finishing his coffee. The feel of his fingers against hers sent electrical currents up her arms and down her spine. “What's the long story behind not being married?”

  Faith was completely flustered. The touch of Jordan's hands on hers had brought back feelings for him she hadn't known still existed. Logic told her that at twelve, thirteen years old one wasn't wise enough to understand love. But the reality lay in the feelings assaulting her heart. She had cared for Jordan deeply, with a wholehearted innocent devotion that is possible only for young people. Indeed she had loved him at a time when life was most impressionable. Now that they were adults, the memory of those earlier feelings—combined with the heady closeness of sit-ting across from him—left her unsure what to say or do next. Help me get a grip here, God….

  He was waiting for her response. “Okay but tell me if you get bored.” She grinned at him and the way he looked at her made her cheeks grow hot again.

  “Trust me, Faith, nothing you say could bore me.”

  She inhaled and forced her heart to beat normally Then she told him how she'd studied journalism in college and started as a sports reporter. Two years later she fell hard for a professional football player.

  Faith hesitated and Jordan raised an eyebrow. “Anyone I'd know?”

  Everyone knew Mike, but Faith wasn't ready to go into details about her relationship with him. Even now it was too hard to share over a casual cup of coffee. Especially with Jordan Riley “It isn't important.”

  The warmth in his expression told her he understood.

  “Then I had my accident.”

  Concern fell across Jordan's face. “Accident?”

  She nodded. “Three years ago. I was driving home from work and a little boy ran out in front of me. I swerved and missed him, but hit a power pole. Wrapped the car around it. They pried me from the wreck, and I was in a coma for two weeks.”

  “Two weeks?” He ran his hand over his hair. “Faith, you're lucky you lived.”

  Faith pictured the people who had filled her room the day she came to, people who had been holding vigil since the acci-dent.” Not lucky, blessed. I had people praying for me around the clock, Jordan.” She hesitated, surprised at how emotional she still felt when she thought back to that time in her life. “My dad put together a prayer chain, and for two weeks people took half hour shifts praying for me. Not a moment went by when some-one wasn't praying.”

  “Hmm.” The muscles in Jordan's jaw flexed. “That's nice.” Something hard flashed in his eyes, and Faith couldn't decide what it was—but she had the oddest feeling that she'd offended him somehow. Strange. Jordan was a believer; certainly he wouldn't have been put off by prayer.

  “The doctors said it was a miracle. It took nearly a year of operations and therapy for me to learn how to eat and walk and be independent again. When I got out of the hospital, I moved back in with my parents, and two years ago I finally felt good as new. That's when I took the job at WKZN.”

  Jordan eased himself forward as they both accepted coffee refills from the waitress.” Lots of people are never the same after an accident like that.”

  “All credit goes to God. Without His help I wouldn't have made it. That's for sure.”

  “Right.”

  An awkward silence filled the distance between them, and Faith studied him closely There it was again, a flicker of distaste or anxiety, as though she kept touching a sore spot somewhere near his heart.

  “You okay?” Faith uttered the question before she could stop herself. Jordan was a man now, someone she barely knew. What right did she have to probe into the private places of his emotions?

  Surprise filled his face but he glanced down at his coffee cup as the corners of his mouth lifted. “Yeah, sure.”

  He wasn't going to elaborate so Faith tried another tact. “How ‘bout you? You left the camp at some point, obviously What's God been doing in your life?”

  She stretched out her legs and felt their feet touch. Without saying anything she discreetly moved hers to one side. He looked up at her again, and though his smile was back, the discomfort in his eyes remained. “I stayed at camp till I graduated from high school. Spent most of my time playing baseball and wound up with a scholarship to play at New Jersey State.”

  Finally some good news. Faith clapped her hands. “Jordan, that's wonderful. You always dreamed about playing ball in col-lege. You have to tell me all about it.”

  He chuckled at her enthusiasm and spent the next half hour regaling her with stories of his playing days. She remembered then that he'd mentioned something about law school. “So after college you became a lawyer?”

  He nodded and signaled for the check.” I should let you get some sleep; it's one-thirty”

  Faith didn't care how late it was, she didn't want the night to end. It felt so good to share a few hours with him after all the years that had passed without him, without knowing what had happened to him. “What kind of law do you practice?”

  Jordan let his gaze fall for a moment and then flashed her a smile plucked from their early days together. “This and that. Civil rights stuff. Nothing interesting.”

  “If you'd lived with us I bet you'd have been working right there alongside Dad. Don't you think?”

  The walls in Jordan's eyes grew thicker, impenetrable. “It's late, Faith.” There it was again. That artificial smile. “I have to go. I have a long drive tomorrow.” He laid a five-dollar bill on the table and stood to help her with her jacket. As their arms touched Faith caught her breath at the jolt that went through her. What was wrong with her? She pulled her jacket on the rest of the way. Probably just adolescent memories playing tricks on her emotions.

  Whatever the reason, she was strongly aware of Jordan beside her as they left the diner and headed for their cars. Before they said good-bye, Jordan pulled her into a hug then looked intently into her eyes.” It was good seeing you again, Faith.” He ran his thumb along her eyebrow. “I thought I'd lost you forever.”

  Her heart skipped a beat, but she held his gaze. Was he going to kiss her? Here in the diner parking lot? He brought his face closer to hers and whispered against her face. “I never stopped thinking about you.”

  A floating sensation came over
her, and she nuzzled her face against his. “I thought about you, too.” She pulled away, wanting to ask him but not knowing how to word it without sounding blunt. “Want my phone number? So you can call me from New York?”

  In response he brought his lips to hers and kissed her gently tenderly—but this wasn't a young boy kissing a girl for the first time. It was the kiss of a rnan.

  A man who Faith knew for certain was as attracted to her as she was to him. They drew nearer to each other as the kiss continued, but before it could become more passionate, Jordan drew back.” I have to go. I'll call you.”

  A dozen emotions assaulted Faith and she searched his eyes. If he could kiss her like that, then he must still care for her. But if he was interested in her, he certainly hadn't said so. Why are you doing this, Jordan? What's going on in your head? She kept her con-cerns to herself, all but one. “You don't have my number.”

  “I'll call you at the station.”

  Then, in what seemed a poorly scripted ending to a wonder-ful evening, Jordan opened her car door and ushered her inside. “Good-bye, Faith.” He bent down and their lips briefly came together once more.

  He climbed into his black sports car and before she could turn the key, he drove away Jordan's entire body trembled as he pulled out of the diner parking lot. It had been heaven spending an evening with Faith, seeing her again, feeling her in his arms. She was more beautiful than he could have imagined, more intuitive to his feelings. He hadn't planned to kiss her, but after their hug, there was nothing he could do to stop himself. In all his life nothing had felt so right as having her in his arms, kissing her.

  But it had been deeply wrong and he was furious at himself for letting his emotions get the better of him.

  What right did he have listening to Faith talk about the miracle of her healing and the ways people had prayed for her? As though he still shared that same belief system? He had planned to tell her that he no longer bought into the stories about Jesus loving him and God having a plan for his life, but somehow the words hadn't come.