One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  When the Cadi heard what I and the Kurd avouched, he was confounded and said, “I see ye are none other than two pestilent atheistical fellows, who make sport of Cadis and magistrates and stand not in fear of reproach. Never did any tell or hear tell of aught more extraordinary than that which ye pretend. By Allah, from China to Shejreh umm Ghailan nor from Fars to the Soudan, nor from Wadi Numan to Khorassan, ever was heard or credited the like of what ye avouch! Is this bag a bottomless sea or the Day of Resurrection, that shall gather together the just and unjust?” Then he bade open the bag; so I opened it and behold, there was in it bread and a lemon and cheese and olives. So I threw it down before the Kurd and went away.’

  When the Khalif heard Ali’s story, he laughed till he fell backward and made him a handsome present.

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  VOLUME IV.

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  HOW THE IMAM ABOU YOUSUF EXTRICATED THE KHALIF HAROUN ER RESHID AND HIS VIZIER JAAFER FROM A DILEMMA.

  It is said that Jaafer the Barmecide was one night carousing with Er Reshid, when the latter said to him, ‘O Jaafer, I hear that thou hast bought such and such a slave-girl. Now I have long sought her and my heart is taken up with love of her, for she is passing fair; so do thou sell her to me.’ ‘O Commander of the Faithful,’ replied Jaafer, ‘I will not sell her.’ ‘Then give her to me,’ rejoined the Khalif. ‘Nor will I give her,’ answered Jaafer. ‘Be Zubeideh triply divorced,’ exclaimed Haroun, ‘if thou shalt not either sell or give her to me!’ Quoth Jaafer, ‘Be my wife triply divorced, if I either sell or give her to thee!’ After awhile they recovered from their intoxication and were ware that they had fallen into a grave dilemma, but knew not how to extricate themselves. Then said Er Reshid, ‘None can help us in this strait but Abou Yousuf.’ So they sent for him, and this was in the middle of the night. When the messenger reached the Imam, he arose in alarm, saying in himself, ‘I should not be sent for at this hour, save by reason of some crisis in Islam.’ So he went out in haste and mounted his mule, saying to his servant, ‘Take the mule’s nose-bag with thee; it may be she has not finished her feed; and when we come to the Khalif’s palace, put the bag on her, that she may eat what is left of her fodder, whilst I am with the Khalif.’ ‘I hear and obey,’ replied the man.

  So the Imam rode to the palace and was admitted to the presence of Er Reshid, who made him sit down on the couch beside himself, whereas he was used to seat none but him, and said to him, ‘We have sent for thee at this hour to advise us upon a grave matter, with which we know not how to deal’ And he expounded to him the case. ‘O Commander of the Faithful,’ replied Abou Yousuf, ‘this is the easiest of things.’ Then he turned to Jaafer and said to him, ‘O Jaafer, sell half of her to the Commander of the Faithful and give him the other half; so shall ye both be quit of your oaths.’ The Khalif was delighted with this and they did as he prescribed. Then said Er Reshid, ‘Bring me the girl at once, for I long for her exceedingly.’ So they brought her and the Khalif said to Abou Yousuf, ‘I have a mind to lie with her forthright; for I cannot endure to abstain from her during the prescribed period of purification; how is this to be done?’ ‘Bring me one of thine unenfranchised male slaves,’ answered the Imam, ‘and give me leave to marry her to him; then let him divorce her before consummation. So shall it be lawful for thee to lie with her before purification.’ This expedient pleased the Khalif yet more than the first and he sent for the slave. When he came, Er Reshid said to the Imam, ‘I authorize thee to marry her to him.’ So the Imam proposed the marriage to the slave, who accepted it, and performed the due ceremony; after which he said to the slave, ‘Divorce her, and thou shalt have a hundred diners.’ But he refused to do this and the Imam went on to increase his offer, till he bid him a thousand diners. Then said the slave to him, ‘Doth it rest with me to divorce her, or with thee or the Commander of the Faithful?’ ‘With thee,’ answered the Imam. ‘Then, by Allah,’ quoth the slave, ‘I will never do it!’

  At this the Khalif was exceeding wroth and said to the Imam, ‘What is to be done, O Abou Yousuf?’ ‘Be not concerned, O Commander of the Faithful,’ replied the Imam; ‘the thing is easy. Make this slave the damsel’s property.’ Quoth Er Reshid, ‘I give him to her;’ and the Imam said to the girl, ‘Say, “I accept.”’ So she said, ‘I accept:’ whereupon quoth Abou Yousuf, ‘I pronounce divorce between them, for that he hath become her property, and so the marriage is annulled.’ With this, Er Reshid sprang to his feet and exclaimed, ‘It is the like of thee that shall be Cadi in my time.’ Then he called for sundry trays of gold and emptied them before Abou Yousuf, to whom he said, ‘Hast thou wherein to put this ?’ The Imam bethought him of the mule’s nose-bag; so he sent for it and filling it with gold, took it and went home; and on the morrow, he said to his friends, ‘There is no easier or shorter road to the goods of this world and the next, than that of learning; for, see, I have received all this money for answering two or three questions.’ Consider, then, O polite [reader], the pleasantness of this anecdote, for it comprises divers goodly features, amongst which are the complaisance of Jaafer to Er Reshid and the wisdom of the Khalif and the exceeding wisdom of Abou Yousuf, may God the Most High have mercy on all their souls!

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  THE LOVER WHO FEIGNED HIMSELF A THIEF TO SAVE HIS MISTRESS’S HONOUR.

  There came one day to Khalid ibn Abdallah el Kesri, governor of Bassora, a company of men dragging a youth of exceeding beauty and lofty bearing, whose aspect expressed good breeding and dignity and abundant wit They brought him before the governor, who asked what was to do with him, and they replied, ‘This fellow is a thief, whom we caught last night in our dwelling.’ Khalid looked at him and was struck with wonder at his well-favouredness and elegance; so he said to the others, ‘Loose him,’ and going up to the young man, asked what he had to say for himself. ‘The folk have spoken truly,’ answered he; ‘and the case is as they have said.’ ‘And what moved thee to this,’ asked Khalid, ‘and thou so noble and comely of aspect?’ ‘The lust after worldly good,’ replied the other, ‘and the ordinance of God, glorified and exalted be He!’ ‘May thy mother be bereaved of thee!’ rejoined Khalid. ‘Hadst thou not, in thy fair face and sound sense and good breeding, what should restrain thee from thieving?’ ‘O Amir,’ answered the young man, ‘leave this talk and proceed to what God the Most High hath ordained; this is what my hands have earned, and God is no oppressor of His creatures.’ Khalid was silent awhile, considering the matter; then he said to the young man, ‘Verily, thy confession before witnesses perplexes me, for I cannot believe thee to be a thief. Surely thou hast some story that is other than one of theft. Tell it me’. ‘O Amir,’ replied the youth, ‘deem thou nought save what I have confessed; for I have no story other than that I entered these folk’s house and stole what I could lay hands on, and they caught me and took the stuff from me and carried me before thee.’ Then Khalid bade clap him in prison and commanded a crier to make proclamation throughout Bassora, saying, ‘Ho, whoso is minded to look upon the punishment of such an one, the thief, and the cutting off of his hand, let him be present tomorrow morning at such a place!’

  When the youth found himself in prison, with irons on his feet, he sighed heavily and repeated the following verses, whilst the tears streamed from his eyes:

  Khalid doth threaten me with cutting off my hand, Except I do

  reveal to him my mistress’ case.

  But, “God forbid,” quoth I, “that I should e’er reveal That which

  of love for her my bosom doth embrace!”

  The cutting-off my hand, for that I have confessed Unto, less

  grievous were to me than her disgrace.

  The warders heard him and went and told Khalid, who sent for the youth after nightfall and conversed with him. He found him well-bred and intelligent and of a pleasant and vivacious wit; so he ordered him
food and he ate. Then said Khalid, ‘I know thou hast a story to tell that is no thief’s; so, when the Cadi comes to-morrow morning and questions thee before the folk, do thou deny the charge of theft and avouch what may avert the cutting-off of thy hand; for the Prophet (whom God bless and preserve) saith, “In cases of doubt, eschew [or defer] punishment.”’ Then he sent him back to the prison, where he passed the night.

  On the morrow, the folk assembled to see his hand cut off, nor was there man or woman in Bassora but came forth to look upon his punishment. Then Khalid mounted in company of the notables of the city and others and summoning the Cadi, sent for the young man, who came, hobbling in his shackles. There none saw him but wept for him, and the women lifted up their voices in lamentation. The Cadi bade silence the women and said to the prisoner, ‘These folk avouch that thou didst enter their dwelling and steal their goods: belike thou stolest less than a quarter dinar?’ ‘Nay,’ replied he, ‘I stole more than that.’ ‘Peradventure,’ rejoined the Cadi, ‘thou art partner with them in some of the goods?’ ‘Not so,’ replied the young man; ‘it was all theirs. I had no right in it.’ At this Khalid was wroth and rose and smote him on the face with his whip, applying this verse to his own case:

  Man wisheth and seeketh his wish to fulfil, But Allah denieth save that which He will.

  Then he called for the executioner, who came and taking the prisoner’s hand, set the knife to it and was about to cut it off, when, behold, a damsel, clad in tattered clothes, pressed through the crowd of women and cried out and threw herself on the young man. Then she unveiled and showed a face like the moon; whereupon the people raised a mighty clamour and there was like to have been a riot amongst them. But she cried out her loudest, saying, ‘I conjure thee, by Allah, O Amir, hasten not to cut off this man’s hand, till thou have read what is in this scroll!’ So saying, she gave him a scroll, and he took it and read therein the following verses:

  O Khalid, this man is love-maddened, a cave of desire, Transfixed

  by the glances that sped from the bows of my eye.

  The shafts of my looks ’twas that pierced him and slew him;

  indeed, He a bondsman of love, sick for passion and like for

  to die.

  Yea, rather a crime, that he wrought not, he choose to confess

  Than suffer on her whom he cherished dishonour to lie.

  Have ruth on a sorrowful lover; indeed he’s no thief, But the

  noblest and truest of mortals for passion that sigh.

  When he had read this, he called the girl apart and questioned her; and she told him that the young man was her lover and she his mistress. He came to the dwelling of her people, thinking to visit her, and threw a stone into the house, to warn her of his coming. Her father and brothers heard the noise of the stone and sallied out on him; but he, hearing them coming, caught up all the household stuff and made as if he would have stolen it, to cover his mistress’s honour. ‘So they seized him,’ continued she, ‘saying, “A thief!” and brought him before thee, whereupon he confessed to the robbery and persisted in his confession, that he might spare me dishonour; and this he did, making himself a thief, of the exceeding nobility and generosity of his nature.’

  ‘He is indeed worthy to have his desire,’ replied Khalid and calling the young man to him, kissed him between the eyes. Then he sent for the girl’s father and bespoke him, saying, ‘O elder, we thought to punish this young man by cutting off his hand; but God (to whom belong might and majesty) hath preserved us from this! and I now adjudge him the sum of ten thousand dirhems, for that he would have sacrificed his hand for the preservation of thine honour and that of thy daughter and the sparing you both reproach. Moreover, I adjudge other ten thousand dirhems to thy daughter, for that she made known to me the truth of the case; and I ask thy leave to marry him to her.’ ‘O Amir,’ rejoined the old man, ‘thou hast my consent.’ So Khalid praised God and thanked Him and offered up a goodly exhortation and prayer; after which he said to the young man, ‘I give thee this damsel to wife, with her own and her father’s consent; and her dowry shall be this money, to wit, ten thousand dirhems. ‘I accept this marriage at thy hands,’ replied the youth and Khalid let carry the money on trays in procession to the young man’s house, whilst the people dispersed, full of gladness. And surely [quoth he who tells the tale] never saw I a rarer day than this, for that its beginning was weeping and affliction and its end joy and gladness.

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  JAAFER THE BARMECIDE AND THE BEANSELLER.

  When Haroun er Reshid put Jaafer the Barmecide to death, he commanded that all who wept or made moan for him should be crucified; so the folk abstained from this. Now there was a Bedouin from a distant desert, who used every year to make and bring to Jaafer an ode in his honour, for which he rewarded him with a thousand diners; and the Bedouin took them and returning to his own country, lived upon them, he and his family, for the rest of the year. Accordingly, he came with his ode at the wonted time and finding Jaafer done to death, betook himself to the place where his body was hanging, and there made his camel kneel down and wept sore and mourned grievously. Then he recited his ode and fell asleep. In his sleep Jaafer the Barmecide appeared to him and said, ‘Thou hast wearied thyself to come to us and findest us as thou seest; but go to Bassora and ask for such a man there of the merchants of the town and say to him, “Jaafer the Barmecide salutes thee and bids thee give me a thousand diners, by the token of the bean.”’

  When the Bedouin awoke, he repaired to Bassora, where he sought out the merchant and repeated to him what Jaafer had said in the dream; whereupon he wept sore, till he was like to depart the world. Then he welcomed the Bedouin and entertained him three days as an honoured guest; and when he was minded to depart, he gave him a thousand and five hundred diners, saying, ‘The thousand are what is commanded to thee, and the five hundred are a gift from me to thee; and every year thou shalt have of me a thousand diners.’ When the Bedouin was about to take leave, he said to the merchant, ‘I conjure thee, by Allah, tell me the story of the bean, that I may know the origin of all this.’ ‘In the early part of my life,’ replied the merchant, ‘I was miserably poor and hawked hot boiled beans about the streets of Baghdad for a living.

  I went out one cold, rainy day, without clothes enough on my body to protect me from the weather, now shivering for excess of cold and now stumbling into the pools of rain-water, and altogether in so piteous a plight as would make one shudder to look upon. Now it chanced that Jaafer was seated that day, with his officers and favourites, in an upper chamber overlooking the street, and his eye fell on me; so he took pity on my case and sending one of his servants to fetch me to him, said to me, “Sell thy beans to my people.” So I began to mete out the beans with a measure I had with me, and each who took a measure of beans filled the vessel with gold pieces, till the basket was empty. Then I gathered together the money I had gotten, and Jaafer said to me, “Hast thou any beans left?” “I know not,” answered I and sought in the basket, but found only one bean. This Jaafer took and splitting it in twain, kept one half himself and gave the other to one of his favourites, saying, “For how much wilt thou buy this half-bean?” “For the tale of all this money twice-told,” replied she; whereat I was confounded and said in myself, “This is impossible.” But, as I stood wondering, she gave an order to one of her handmaids and the girl brought me the amount twice-told. Then said Jaafer, “And I will buy my half for twice the sum of the whole. Take the price of thy bean.” And he gave an order to one of his servants, who gathered together the whole of the money and laid it in my basket; and I took it and departed. Then I betook myself to Bassora, where I traded with the money and God prospered me, to Him be the praise and the thanks! So, if I give thee a thousand diners a year of the bounty of Jaafer, it will in no wise irk me.’ Consider then the munificence of Jaafer’s nature and how he was praised both alive and dead, the mercy of God the Most High be upon him!

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p; John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  ABOU MOHAMMED THE LAZY.

  It is told that Haroun er Reshid was sitting one day on the throne of the Khalifate, when there came in to him a youth of his eunuchs, bearing a crown of red gold, set with pearls and rubies and all manner other jewels, such as money might not buy, and kissing the ground before him, said, ‘O Commander of the Faithful, the lady Zubeideh kisses the earth before thee and saith to thee, thou knowest she hath let make this crown, which lacks a great jewel for its top; and she hath made search among her treasures, but cannot find a jewel to her mind.’ Quoth the Khalif to his chamberlains and officers, ‘Make search for a great jewel, such as Zubeideh desires.’ So they sought, but found nothing befitting her and told the Khalif, who was vexed thereat and exclaimed, ‘Am I Khalif and king of the kings of the earth and lack of a jewel? Out on ye! Enquire of the merchants.’ So they enquired of the merchants, who replied, ‘Our lord the Khalif will not find a jewel such as he requires save with a man of Bassora, by name Abou Mohammed the Lazy.’ They acquainted the Khalif with this and he bade his Vizier Jaafer send a letter to the Amir Mohammed ez Zubeidi, governor of Bassora, commanding him to equip Abou Mohammed the Lazy and bring him to Baghdad.