One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  Jaafer accordingly wrote a letter to that effect and despatched it by Mesrour, who set out forthright for Bassora and went in to the governor, who rejoiced in him and entreated him with the utmost honour. Then Mesrour read him the Khalif’s mandate, to which he replied, ‘I hear and obey,’ and forthwith despatched him, with a company of his followers, to Abou Mohammed’s house. When they reached it, they knocked at the door, whereupon a servant came out and Mesrour said to him, ‘Tell thy master that the Commander of the Faithful calls for him.’ The servant went in and told his master, who came out and found Mesrour, the Khalif’s chamberlain, and a company of the governor’s men at the door. So he kissed the earth before Mesrour and said, ‘I hear and obey the summons of the Commander of the Faithful; but enter ye my house.’ ‘We cannot do that,’ replied Mesrour, ‘save in haste; for the Commander of the Faithful awaits thy coming.’ But he said, ‘Have patience with me a little, till I set my affairs in order.’ So, after much pressure and persuasion, they entered and found the corridor hung with curtains of blue brocade, figured with gold, and Abou Mohammed bade one of his servants carry Mesrour to the bath. Now this bath was in the house and Mesrour found its walls and floor of rare and precious marbles, wrought with gold and silver, and its waters mingled with rose-water. The servants served Mesrour and his company on the most perfect wise and clad them, on their going forth of the bath, in robes of honour of brocade, interwoven with gold.

  Then they went in to Abou Mohammed and found him seated in his upper chamber upon a couch inlaid with jewels. Over his head hung curtains of gold brocade, wrought with pearls and jewels, and the place was spread with cushions, embroidered in red gold. When he saw Mesrour, he rose to receive him and bidding him welcome, seated him by his side. Then he called for food: so they brought the table of food, which when Mesrour saw, he exclaimed, ‘By Allah, never saw I the like of this in the palace of the Commander of the Faithful!’ For indeed it comprised all manner of meats, served in dishes of gilded porcelain. So they ate and drank and made merry till the end of the day, when Abou Mohammed gave Mesrour and each of his company five thousand diners; and on the morrow he clad them in dresses of honour of green and gold and entreated them with the utmost honour. Then said Mesrour to him, ‘We can abide no longer, for fear of the Khalif’s displeasure.’ ‘O my lord,’ answered Abou Mohammed, ‘have patience with us till to-morrow, that we may equip ourselves, and we will then depart with you.’ So they tarried that day and night with him; and next morning, Abou Mohammed’s servants saddled him a mule with housings and trappings of gold, set with all manner pearls and jewels; whereupon quoth Mesrour in himself, ‘I wonder if, when he presents himself in this equipage before the Commander of the Faithful, he will ask him how he came by all this wealth.’

  Then they took leave of Ez Zubeidi and setting out from Bassora, fared on, without stopping, till they reached Baghdad and presented themselves before the Khalif who bade Abou Mohammed be seated. So he sat down and addressing the Khalif in courtly wise, said to him, ‘O Commander of the Faithful, I have brought with me a present by way of homage: have I thy leave to produce it?’ ‘There is no harm in that,’ replied the Khalif; whereupon Abou Mohammed caused bring in a chest, from which he took a number of rarities and amongst the rest, trees of gold, with leaves of emerald and fruits of rubies and topazes and pearls. Then he fetched another chest and brought out of it a pavilion of brocade, adorned with pearls and rubies and emeralds and chrysolites and other precious stones; its poles were of the finest Indian aloes-wood, and its skirts were set with emeralds. Thereon were depicted all manner beasts and birds and other created things, spangled with rubies and emeralds and chrysolites and balass rubies and other precious stones.

  When Er Reshid saw these things, he rejoiced exceedingly, and Abou Mohammed said to him, ‘O Commander of the Faithful, deem not that I have brought these to thee, fearing aught or coveting aught; but I knew myself to be but a man of the people and that these things befitted none save the Commander of the Faithful. And now, with thy leave, I will show thee, for thy diversion, something of what I can do.’ ‘Do what thou wilt,’ answered Er Reshid, ‘that we may see.’ ‘I hear and obey,’ said Abou Mohammed and moving his lips, beckoned to the battlements of the palace, whereupon they inclined to him; then he made another sign to them, and they returned to their place. Then he made a sign with his eye, and there appeared before him cabinets with closed doors, to which he spoke, and lo, the voices of birds answered him [from within]. The Khalif marvelled exceedingly at this and said to him, ‘How camest thou by all this, seeing that thou art only known as Abou Mohammed the Lazy, and they tell me that thy father was a barber-surgeon, serving in a public bath, and left thee nothing?’ ‘O Commander of the Faithful,’ answered he, ‘listen to my story, for it is an extraordinary one and its particulars are wonderful; were it graven with needles upon the corners of the eye, it would serve as a lesson to him who can profit by admonition.’ ‘Let us hear it,’ said the Khalif.

  ‘Know then, O Commander of the Faithful,’ replied Abou Mohammed, ‘(may God prolong to thee glory and dominion,) that the report of the folk, that I am known as the Lazy and that my father left me nothing, is true; for he was, as thou hast said, but a barber- surgeon in a bath. In my youth I was the laziest wight on the face of the earth; indeed, so great was my sluggishness that, if I lay asleep in the sultry season and the sun came round upon me, I was too lazy to rise and remove from the sun to the shade; and thus I abode till I reached my fifteenth year, when my father was admitted to the mercy of God the Most High and left me nothing. However, my mother used to go out to service and feed me and give me to drink, whilst I lay on my side.

  One day, she came in to me, with five silver dirhems, and said to me, “O my son, I hear that the Sheikh Aboul Muzeffer is about to go a voyage to China.” (Now this Sheikh was a good and charitable man and loved the poor.) “So come, let us carry him these five dirhems and beg him to buy thee therewith somewhat from the land of China, so haply thou mayst make a profit of it, by the bounty of God the Most High!” I was too lazy to move; but she swore by Allah that, except I rose and went with her, she would neither bring me meat nor drink nor come in to me, but would leave me to die of hunger and thirst. When I heard this, O Commander of the Faithful, I knew she would do as she said; so I said to her, “Help me to sit up.” She did so, and I wept the while and said to her, “Bring me my shoes.” Accordingly, she brought them and I said, “Put them on my feet.” She put them on my feet and I said, “Lift me up.” So she lifted me up and I said, “Support me, that I may walk.” So she supported me and I went along thus, still stumbling in my skirts, till we came to the river-bank, where we saluted the Sheikh and I said to him, “O uncle, art thou Aboul Muzeffer?” “At thy service,” answered he, and I said, “Take these dirhems and buy me somewhat from the land of China: haply, God may vouchsafe me a profit of it.” Quoth the Sheikh to his companions, “Do ye know this youth?” “Yes,” replied they; “he is known as Abou Mohammed the Lazy, and we never saw him stir from his house till now.” Then said he to me, “O my son, give me the dirhems and the blessing of God the Most High go with them!” So he took the money, saying, “In the name of God!” and I returned home with my mother.

  Meanwhile the Sheikh set sail, with a company of merchants, and stayed not till they reached the land of China, where they bought and sold, and having done their intent, set out on their homeward voyage. When they had been three days at sea, the Sheikh said to his company, “Stay the ship!” And they asked him what was to do with him. “Know,” replied he, “that I have forgotten the commission with which Abou Mohammed the Lazy charged me; so let us turn back, that we may buy him somewhat whereby he may profit.” “We conjure thee, by God the Most High,” exclaimed they, “turn not back with us; for we have traversed an exceeding great distance and endured sore hardship and many perils.” Quoth he, “There is no help for it;” and they said “Take from us double the profit of the five dirhems and turn not b
ack with us.” So he agreed to this and they collected for him a great sum of money.

  Then they sailed on, till they came to an island, wherein was much people; so they moored thereto and the merchants went ashore, to buy thence precious metals and pearls and jewels and so forth. Presently, Aboul Muzeffer saw a man seated, with many apes before him, and amongst them one whose hair had been plucked off. As often as the man’s attention was diverted from them, the other apes fell upon the plucked one and beat him and threw him on their master; whereupon the latter rose and beat them and bound them and punished them for this; and all the apes were wroth with the plucked ape therefor and beat him the more. When Aboul Muzeffer saw this, he took compassion upon the plucked ape and said to his master, “Wilt thou sell me yonder ape?” “Buy,” replied the man, and Aboul Muzeffer rejoined, “I have with me five dirhems, belonging to an orphan lad. Wilt thou sell me the ape for that sum?” “He is thine,” answered the ape-merchant. “May God give thee a blessing of him!” So the Sheikh paid the money and his slaves took the ape and tied him up in the ship.

  Then they loosed sail and made for another island, where they cast anchor; and there came down divers, who dived for pearls and corals and other jewels. So the merchants hired them for money and they dived. When the ape saw this, he did himself loose from his bonds and leaping off the ship’s side, dived with them; whereupon quoth Aboul Muzeffer, “There is no power and no virtue but in God the Most High, the Supreme! The ape is lost to us, by the [ill] fortune of the poor fellow for whom we bought him.” And they despaired of him; but, after awhile, the company of divers rose to the surface, and with them the ape, with his hands full of jewels of price, which he threw down before Aboul Muzeffer, who marvelled at this and said, “There hangs some great mystery by this ape!”

  Then they cast off and sailed till they came to a third island, called the Island of the Zunonj, who are a people of the blacks, that eat human flesh. When the blacks saw them, they boarded them in canoes and taking all in the ship, pinioned them and carried them to their king who bade slaughter certain of the merchants. So they slaughtered them and ate their flesh; and the rest passed the night in prison and sore concern. But, when it was [mid]night, the ape arose and going up to Aboul Muzeffer, did off his bonds. When the others saw him free, they said, “God grant that our deliverance may be at thy hands, O Aboul Muzeffer!” But he replied, “Know that he who at delivered me, by God’s leave, was none other than this ape; and I buy my release of him at a thousand dinars.” “And we likewise,” rejoined the merchants, “will pay him a thousand diners each, if he release us.” With this, the ape went up to them and loosed their bonds, one by one, till he had freed them all, when they made for the ship and boarding her, found all safe and nothing missing. So they cast off and set sail; and presently Aboul Muzeffer said to them, “O merchants, fulfil your promise to the ape.” “We hear and obey,” answered they and paid him a thousand diners each, whilst Aboul Muzeffer brought out to him the like sum of his own monies, so that there was a great sum of money collected for the ape.

  Then they fared on till they reached the city of Bassora, where their friends came out to meet them; and when they had landed, the Sheikh said, “Where is Abou Mohammed the Lazy?” The news reached my mother, who came to me, as I lay asleep, and said to me, “O my son, the Sheikh Aboul Muzeffer has come back and is now in the city; so go thou to him and salute him and enquire what he hath brought thee; it may be God hath blessed thee with somewhat.” “Lift me from the ground,” quoth I, “and prop me up, whilst I walk to the river-bank.” So she lifted me up and I went out and walked on, stumbling in my skirts, till I met the Sheikh, who exclaimed, at sight of me, “Welcome to him whose money has been the means of my delivery and that of these merchants, by the will of God the Most High! Take this ape that I bought for thee and carry him home and wait till I come to thee.” So I took the ape, saying in myself, “By Allah, this is indeed rare merchandise!” and drove it home, where I said to my mother, “Whenever I lie down to sleep, thou biddest me rise and trade; see now this merchandise with thine own eyes.”

  Then I sat down, and presently up came Aboul Muzeffer’s slaves and said to me, “Art thou Abou Mohammed the Lazy?” “Yes,” answered I; and behold, Aboul Muzeffer appeared behind them. So I went up to him and kissed his hands; and he said to me, “Come with me to my house.” “I hear and obey,” answered I and followed him to his house, where he bade his servants bring me the money [and what not else the ape had earned me]. So they brought it and he said to me, “O my son, God hath blessed thee with this wealth, by way of profit on thy five dirhems.” Then the slaves laid the treasure in chests, which they set on their heads, and Aboul Muzeffer gave me the keys of the chests, saying, “Go before the slaves to thy house; for all this wealth is thine.” So I returned to my mother, who rejoiced in this and said to me, “O my son, God hath blessed thee with this much wealth; so put off thy laziness and go down to the bazaar and sell and buy.” So I shook off my sloth, and opened a shop in the bazaar, where the ape used to sit on the same divan with me, eating with me when I ate and drinking when I drank. But, every day, he was absent from daybreak till noon-day, when he came back, bringing with him a purse of a thousand diners, which he laid by my side, and sat down. Thus did he a great while, till I amassed much wealth, wherewith I bought houses and lands and planted gardens and got me slaves, black and white and male and female.

  One day, as I sat in my shop, with the ape at my side, he began to turn right and left, and I said in myself, “What ails the beast?” Then God made the ape speak with a glib tongue, and he said to me, “O Abou Mohammed!” When I heard him speak, I was sore afraid; but he said to me, “Fear not; I will tell thee my case. Know that I am a Marid of the Jinn and came to thee, because of thy poor estate; but to-day thou knowest not the tale of thy wealth; and now I have a need of thee, wherein it thou do my will, it shall be well for thee.” “What is it?” asked I, and he said, “I have a mind to marry thee to a girl like the full moon.” “How so?” quoth I. “To. morrow,” replied he, “don thou thy richest clothes and mount thy mule, with the saddle of gold, and ride to the forage-market. There enquire for the shop of the Sherif and sit down beside him and say to him, ‘I come to thee a suitor for thy daughter’s hand.’ If he say to thee, ‘Thou hast neither money nor condition nor family,’ pull out a thousand diners and give them to him; and if he ask more, give him more and tempt him with money.” “I hear and obey,” answered I; “to-morrow, if it please God, I will do thy bidding.”

  So on the morrow I donned my richest clothes and mounting my mule with trappings of gold, rode, attended by half a score slaves, black and white, to the forage-market, where I found the Sherif sitting in his shop. I alighted and saluting him, seated myself beside him. Quoth he, “Haply, thou hast some business with us, which we may have the pleasure of transacting?” “Yes,” answered I; “I have business with thee.” “And what is it?” asked he. Quoth I, “I come to thee as a suitor for thy daughter’s hand.” And he said, “Thou hast neither money nor condition nor family;” whereupon I pulled out a thousand diners of red gold and said to him, “This is my rank and family; and he whom God bless and keep hath said, ‘The best of ranks is wealth.’ And how well saith the poet:

  Whoso hath money, though it be but dirhems twain, his lips Have

  learnt all manner speech and he can speak and fear no

  slight.

  His brethren and his mates draw near and hearken to his word And

  ‘mongst the folk thou seest him walk, a glad and prideful

  wight.

  But for the money, in the which he glorieth on this wise,

  Thou’dst find him, midst his fellow-men, in passing sorry

  plight.

  Yea, whensoe’er the rich man speaks, though in his speech he err,

  ‘Thou hast not spoken a vain thing,’ they say; ‘indeed,

  thou’rt right.’

  But, for the poor man, an he speak, albeit he say s
ooth, They

  say, ‘Thou liest,’ and make void his speech and hold it

  light

  For money, verily, in all the lands beneath the sun, With

  goodliness and dignity cloth its possessors dight.

  A very tongue it is for him who would be eloquent And eke a

  weapon to his hand who hath a mind to fight.”

  When he heard this, he bowed his head awhile, then, raising it, said, “If it must be so, I will have of thee other three thousand diners.” “I hear and obey,” answered I and sent one of my servants to my house for the money. When he came back with it, I handed it to the Sherif, who rose and bidding his servants shut his shop, invited his brother-merchants to the wedding; after which he carried me to his house and drew up the contract of marriage between his daughter and myself, saying to me, “After ten days, I will bring thee in to her.” So I went home rejoicing and shutting myself up with the ape, told him what had passed; and he said, “Thou hast done well.”

  When the time appointed by the Sherif drew near, the ape said to me, “There is a thing I would fain have thee do for me; and after, thou shalt have of me what thou wilt.” “What is that?” asked I. Quoth he, “At the upper end of the bridechamber stands a cabinet, on whose door is a padlock of brass and the keys under it. Take the keys and open the cabinet, in which thou wilt find a coffer of iron, with four talismanic flags at its angles. In its midst is a brass basin full of money, wherein is tied a white cock with a cleft comb; and on one side of the coffer are eleven serpents and on the other a knife. Take the knife and kill the cock; cut away the flags and overturn the chest; then go back to the bride and do away her maidenhead. This is what I have to ask of thee.” “I hear and obey,” answered I and betook myself to the Sherif’s house.