One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  Therewith Nuzhet el Fuad rejoiced and said, “Indeed, this is an excellent device.” [Then Aboulhusn stretched himself out] forthright and she shut his eyes and tied his feet and covered him with the kerchief and did what [else] her lord had bidden her; after which she rent her dress and uncovering her head, let down her hair and went in to the Lady Zubeideh, crying out and weeping, When the princess saw her in this case, she said to her, “What plight is this [in which I see thee]? What is thy story and what maketh thee weep?” And Nuzhet el Fuad answered, weeping and crying out the while, “O my lady, may thy head live and mayst thou survive Aboulhusn el Khelia! For he is dead.” The Lady Zubeideh mourned for him and said, “Alas for Aboulhusn el Khelia!” And she wept for him awhile. Then she bade her treasuress give Nuzhet el Fuad a hundred dinars and a piece of silk and said to her, “O Nuzhet el Fuad, go, lay him out and carry him forth.”

  So she took the hundred dinars and the piece of silk and returned to her dwelling, rejoicing, and went in to Aboulhusn and told him what had befallen, whereupon he arose and rejoiced and girt his middle and danced and took the hundred dinars and the piece of silk and laid them up. Then he laid out Nuzhet el Fuad and did with her even as she had done with him; after which he rent his clothes and plucked out his beard and disordered his turban [and went forth] and gave not over running till he came in to the Khalif, who was sitting in the hall of audience, and he in this plight, beating upon his breast. Quoth the Khalif to him, “What aileth thee, O Aboulhusn!” And he wept and said, “Would thy boon-companion had never been and would his hour had never come!” “Tell me [thy case,]” said the Khalif; and Aboulhusn said, “O my lord, may thy head outlive Nuzhet el Fuad!” Quoth the Khalif, “There is no god but God!” And he smote hand upon hand. Then he comforted Aboulhusn and said to him, “Grieve not, for we will give thee a concubine other than she.” And he bade the treasurer give him a hundred dinars and a piece of silk. So the treasurer gave him what the Khalif bade him, and the latter said to him,”Go, lay her out and carry her forth and make her a handsome funeral.” So Aboulhusn took that which he had given him and returning to his house, rejoicing, went in to Nuzhet el Fuad and said to her, “Arise, for the wish is accomplished unto us.” So she arose and he laid before her the hundred dinars and the piece of silk, whereat she rejoiced, and they added the gold to the gold and the silk to the silk and sat talking and laughing at one another.

  Meanwhile, when Aboulhusn went out from the presence of the Khalif and went to lay out Nuzhet el Fuad, the prince mourned for her and dismissing the divan, arose and betook himself, leaning upon Mesrour, the swordsman of his vengeance, [to the pavilion of the harem, where he went in] to the Lady Zubeideh, that he might condole with her for her slave-girl. He found the princess sitting weeping and awaiting his coming, so she might condole with him for [his boon-companion] Aboulhusn el Khelia. So he said to her, “May thy head outlive thy slave-girl Nuzhet el Fuad!” And she answered, saying, “O my lord, God preserve my slave-girl! Mayst thou live and long survive thy boon-companion Aboulhusn el Khelia! For he is dead.”

  The Khalif smiled and said to his eunuch, “O Mesrour, verily women are little of wit. I conjure thee, by Allah, say, was not Aboulhusn with me but now?” [“Yes, O Commander of the Faithful,” answered Mesrour] Quoth the Lady Zubeideh, laughing from a heart full of wrath, “Wilt thou not leave thy jesting? Is it not enough that Aboulhusn is dead, but thou must kill my slave-girl also and bereave us of the two and style me little of wit?” “Indeed,” answered the Khalif, “it is Nuzhet el Fuad who is dead.” And Zubeideh said, “Indeed he hath not been with thee, nor hast thou seen him, and none was with me but now but Nuzhet el Fuad, and she sorrowful, weeping, with her clothes torn. I exhorted her to patience and gave her a hundred dinars and a piece of silk; and indeed I was awaiting thy coming, so I might condole with thee for thy boon- companion Aboulhusn el Khelia, and was about to send for thee.” The Khalif laughed and said, “None is dead but Nuzhet el Fuad;” and she, “No, no, my lord; none is dead but Aboulhusn.”

  With this the Khalif waxed wroth, and the Hashimi vein started out from between his eyes and he cried out to Mesrour and said to him, “Go forth and see which of them is dead.” So Mesrour went out, running, and the Khalif said to Zubeideh, “Wilt thou lay me a wager?” “Yes,” answered she; “I will wager, and I say that Aboulhusn is dead.” “And I,” rejoined the Khalif, “wager and say that none is dead save Nuzhet el Fuad; and the stake shall be the Garden of Pleasance against thy palace and the Pavilion of Pictures.” So they [agreed upon this and] abode awaiting Mesrour, till such time as he should return with news.

  As for Mesrour, he gave not over running till he came to the by-street, [wherein was the house] of Aboulhusn el Khelia. Now the latter was sitting reclining at the lattice, and chancing to look round, saw Mesrour running along the street and said to Nuzhet el Fuad, “Meseemeth the Khalif, when I went forth from him, dismissed the Divan and went in to the Lady Zubeideh, to condole with her [for thee;] whereupon she arose and condoled with him [for me,] saying, ‘God greaten thy recompence for [the loss of] Aboulhusn el Khelia!’ And he said to her, ‘None is dead save Nuzhet el Fuad, may thy head outlive her!’ Quoth she, ‘It is not she who is dead, but Aboulhusn el Khelia, thy boon-companion.’ And he to her, ‘None is dead but Nuzhet el Fuad.’ And they gainsaid one another, till the Khalif waxed wroth and they laid a wager, and he hath sent Mesrour the sword- bearer to see who is dead. Wherefore it were best that thou lie down, so he may see thee and go and acquaint the Khalif and confirm my saying.” So Nuzhet el Fuad stretched herself out and Aboulhusn covered her with her veil and sat at her head, weeping.

  Presently, in came Mesrour the eunuch to him and saluted him and seeing Nuzhet el Fuad stretched out, uncovered her face and said, “There is no god but God! Our sister Nuzhet el Fuad is dead. How sudden was the [stroke of] destiny! May God have mercy on thee and acquit thee of responsibility!” Then he returned and related what had passed before the Khalif and the Lady Zubeideh, and he laughing. “O accursed one,’ said the Khalif, “is this a time for laughter? Tell us which is dead of them.” “By Allah, O my lord,” answered Mesrour, “Aboulhusn is well and none is dead but Nuzhet el Fuad.” Quoth the Khalif to Zubeideh, “Thou hast lost thy pavilion in thy play,” and he laughed at her and said to Mesrour, “O Mesrour, tell her what thou sawest.” “Verily, O my lady,” said the eunuch, “I ran without ceasing till I came in to Aboulhusn in his house and found Nuzhet el Fuad lying dead and Aboulhusn sitting at her head, weeping. I saluted him and condoled with him and sat down by his side and uncovered the face of Nuzhet el Fuad and saw her dead and her face swollen. So I said to him, ‘Carry her out forthright [to burial], so we may pray over her.’ He answered, ‘It is well;’ and I left him to lay her out and came hither, that I might tell you the news.”

  The Khalif laughed and said, “Tell it again and again to thy lady lack-wit.” When the Lady Zubeideh heard Mesrour’s words [and those of the Khalif,] she was wroth and said, “None lacketh wit but he who believeth a black slave.” And she reviled Mesrour, whilst the Khalif laughed. Mesrour was vexed at this and said to the Khalif, “He spoke sooth who said, ‘Women lack wit and religion.’” Then said the Lady Zubeideh to the Khalif, “O Commander of the Faithful, thou sportest and jestest with me, and this slave hoodwinketh me, to please thee; but I will send and see which is dead of them.” And he answered, saying, “Send one who shall see which is dead of them.” So the Lady Zubeideh cried out to an old woman, a stewardess, and said to her, “Go to the house of Nuzhet el Fuad in haste and see who is dead and loiter not.” And she railed at her.

  The old woman went out, running, whilst the Khalif and Mesrour laughed, and gave not over running till she came into the street. Aboulhusn saw her and knowing her, said to his wife, “O Nuzhet el Fuad, meseemeth the Lady Zubeideh hath sent to us to see who is dead and hath not given credence to Mesrour’s report of thy death; so she hath despatched the old woman, her stewardess, to discover the trut
h; wherefore it behoveth me to be dead in my turn, for the sake of thy credit with the Lady Zubeideh.” Accordingly, he lay down and stretched himself out, and she covered him and bound his eyes and feet and sat at his head, weeping.

  Presently, the old woman came in to her and saw her sitting at Aboulhusn’s head, weeping and lamenting; and when she saw the old woman, she cried out and said to her, “See what hath betided me! Indeed, Aboulhusn is dead and hath left me alone and forlorn!” Then she cried out and tore her clothes and said to the old woman, “O my mother, how good he was!” Quoth the other, “Indeed thou art excused, for thou wast used to him and he to thee.” Then she considered what Mesrour had reported to the Khalif and the Lady Zubeideh and said to her, “Indeed, Mesrour goeth about to sow discord between the Khalif and the Lady Zubeideh.” “And what is the [cause of] discord, O my mother?” asked Nuzhet el Fuad. “O my daughter,” answered the old woman, “Mesrour came to the Khalif and the Lady Zubeideh and gave them news of thee that thou wast dead and that Aboulhusn was well. “And Nuzhet el Fuad said to her, “O my aunt, I was with my lady but now and she gave me a hundred dinars and a piece of silk; and now see my condition and that which hath befallen me! Indeed, I am bewildered, and how shall I do, and I alone, forlorn? Would God I had died and he had lived!”

  Then she wept and the old woman with her and the latter went up to Aboulhusn and uncovering his face, saw his eyes bound and swollen for the binding. So she covered him again and said, “Indeed, O Nuzhet el Fuad, thou art afflicted in Aboulhusn!” Then she condoled with her and going out from her, ran without ceasing till she came in to the Lady Zubeideh and related to her the story; and the princess said to her, laughing, “Tell it over again to the Khalif, who maketh me out scant of wit and lacking of religion, and to this ill-omened slave, who presumeth to contradict me.” Quoth Mesrour, “This old woman lieth; for I saw Aboulhusn well and Nuzhet el Fuad it was who lay dead.” “It is thou that liest,” rejoined the stewardess, “and wouldst fain sow discord between the Khalif and the Lady Zubeideh.” And he said, “None lieth but thou, O old woman of ill-omen, and thy lady believeth thee, and she doteth.” Whereupon the Lady Zubeideh cried out at him, and indeed she was enraged at him and at his speech and wept.

  Then said the Khalif to her, “I lie and my eunuch lieth, and thou liest and thy waiting-woman lieth; so methinks we were best go, all four of us together, that we may see which of us telleth the truth.” Quoth Mesrour, “Come, let us go, that I may put this ill-omened old woman to shame and deal her a sound drubbing for her lying.” And she answered him, saying, “O dotard, is thy wit like unto my wit? Indeed, thy wit is as the hen’s wit.” Mesrour was incensed at her words and would have laid violent hands on her, but the Lady Zubeideh warded him off from her and said to him, “Her sooth-fastness will presently be distinguished from thy sooth-fastness and her leasing from thy leasing.”

  Then they all four arose, laying wagers with one another, and went forth, walking, from the palace-gate [and fared on] till they came in at the gate of the street in which Aboulhusn el Khelia dwelt. He saw them and said to his wife Nuzhet el Fuad, “Verily, all that is sticky is not a pancake and not every time cometh the jar off safe.’ Meseemeth the old woman hath gone and told her lady and acquainted her with our case and she hath disputed with Mesrour the eunuch and they have laid wagers with one another about our death and are come to us, all four, the Khalif and the eunuch and the Lady Zubeideh and the old woman.” When Nuzhet el Fuad heard this, she started up from her lying posture and said, “How shall we do?” And he said, “We will both feign ourselves dead and stretch ourselves out and hold our breath.” So she hearkened unto him and they both lay down on the siesta[-carpet] and bound their feet and shut their eyes and covered themselves with the veil and held their breath.

  Presently, up came the Khalif and the Lady Zubeideh and Mesrour and the old woman and entering, found Aboulhusn and his wife both stretched out [apparently] dead; which when the Lady Zubeideh saw, she wept and said, “They ceased not to bring [ill] news of my slave- girl, till she died; methinketh Aboulhusn’s death was grievous to her and that she died after him.”. Quoth the Khalif, “Thou shalt not forestall me with talk and prate. She certainly died before Aboulhusn, for he came to me with his clothes torn and his beard plucked out, beating his breast with two bricks, and I gave him a hundred dinars and a piece of silk and said to him, ‘Go, carry her forth [and bury her] and I will give thee a concubine other than she and handsomer, and she shall be in stead of her.’ But it would appear that her death was no light matter to him and he died after her; so it is I who have beaten thee and gotten thy stake.”

  The Lady Zubeideh answered him many words and the talk waxed amain between them. At last the Khalif sat down at the heads of the pair and said, “By the tomb of the Apostle of God (may He bless and preserve him!) and the sepulchres of my fathers and forefathers, whoso will tell me which of them died before the other, I will willingly give him a thousand dinars!” When Aboulhusn heard the Khalifs words, he sprang up in haste and said, “I died first, O Commander of the Faithful! Hand over the thousand dinars and quit thine oath and the conjuration by which thou sworest.” Then Nuzhet el Fuad rose also and stood up before the Khalif and the Lady Zubeideh, who both rejoiced in this and in their safety, and the princess chid her slave-girl. Then the Khalif and the Lady Zubeideh gave them joy at their well-being and knew that this [pretended] death was a device to get the money; and the princess said to Nuzhet el Fuad, “Thou shouldst have sought of me that which thou desiredst, without this fashion, and not have consumed my heart for thee.” And she said, “Indeed, I was ashamed, O my lady.”

  As for the Khalif, he swooned away for laughing and said, “O Aboulhusn, thou wilt never cease to be a wag and do rarities and oddities!” Quoth he, “O Commander of the Faithful, I played off this trick, for that the money was exhausted, which thou gavest me, and I was ashamed to ask of thee again. When I was single, I could never keep money; but since thou marriedst me to this damsel here, if I possessed thy wealth, I should make an end of it. So, when all that was in my hand was spent, I wrought this trick, so I might get of thee the hundred dinars and the piece of silk; and all this is an alms from our lord. But now make haste to give me the thousand dinars and quit thee of thine oath.”

  The Khalif and the Lady Zubeideh laughed and returned to the palace; and he gave Aboulhusn the thousand dinars, saying, “Take them as a thank-offering for thy preservation from death,” whilst the princess did the like with Nuzhet el Fuad. Moreover, the Khalif increased Aboulhusn in his stipends and allowances, and he [and his wife] ceased not [to live] in joy and contentment, till there came to them the Destroyer of Delights and Sunderer of Companies, he who layeth waste the palaces and peopleth the tombs.

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  THE KHALIF OMAR BEN ABDULAZIZ AND THE POETS.

  It is said that, when the Khalifate devolved on Omar ben Abdulaziz (of whom God accept), the poets [of the time] resorted to him, as they had been used to resort to the Khalifs before him, and abode at his door days and days, but he gave them not leave to enter, till there came to Omar Adi ben Artah, who stood high in esteem with him. Jerir accosted him and begged him to crave admission for them [to the Khalif]. “It is well,” answered Adi and going in to Omar, said to him, “The poets are at thy door and have been there days and days; yet hast thou not given them leave to enter, albeit their sayings are abiding and their arrows go straight to the mark.” Quoth Omar, “What have I to do with the poets?” And Adi answered, saying, “O Commander of the Faithful, the Prophet (whom God bless and preserve) was praised [by a poet] and gave [him largesse,] and therein is an exemplar to every Muslim.” Quoth Omar, “And who praised him?” “Abbas ben Mirdas praised him,” replied Adi, “and he clad him with a suit and said, ‘O Bilal, cut off from me his tongue!’” “Dost thou remember what he said?” asked the Khalif; and Adi said, “Yes.” “Then repeat it,” rejoined Omar. So Adi recited the follow
ing verses:

  I saw thee, O thou best of all the human race, display A book

  that came to teach the Truth to those in error’s way.

  Thou madest known to us therein the road of righteousness, When

  we had wandered from the Truth, what while in gloom it lay.

  A dark affair thou littest up with Islam and with proof

  Quenchedst the flaming red-coals of error and dismay.

  Mohammed, then, I do confess, God’s chosen prophet is, And every

  man requited is for that which he doth say.

  The road of right thou hast made straight, that erst was crooked

  grown; Yea, for its path of old had fall’n to ruin and