One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  When it was the Seven Hundred and Sixth Night,

  She pursued, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the wild Arab mounted horse and made for Baghdad saying in his mind, “’Tis a fine thing to eat honey-fritters! On the honour of an Arab I will break my fast with honey-fritters and naught else;” and he rode on till he came to the place where Dalilah was crucified and she heard him utter these words. So he went up to her and said to her, “What art thou?” Quoth she, “I throw myself on thy protection, O Shaykh of the Arabs!” and quoth he, “Allah indeed protect thee! But what is the cause of thy crucifixion?” Said she, “I have an enemy, an oilman, who frieth fritters, and I stopped to buy some of him, when I chanced to spit and my spittle fell on the fritters. So he complained of me to the Governor who commanded to crucify me, saying, ‘I adjudge that ye take ten pounds of honey-fritters and feed her therewith upon the cross. If she eat them, let her go, but if not, leave her hanging.’ And my stomach will not brook sweet things.” Cried the Badawi, “By the honour of the Arabs, I departed not the camp but that I might taste of honey-fritters! I will eat them for thee.” Quoth she, “None may eat them, except he be hung up in my place.” So he fell into the trap and unbound her; whereupon she bound him in her stead, after she had stripped him of his clothes and turband and put them on; then covering herself with his burnouse and mounting his horse, she rode to her house, where Zaynab asked her, “What meaneth this plight?”; and she answered, “They crucified me;” and told her all that had befallen her with the Badawi. This is how it fared with her; but as regards the watchmen, the first who woke roused his companions and they saw that the day had broken. So one of them raised his eyes and cried, “Dalilah.” Replied the Badawi, “By Allah! I have not eaten all night. Have ye brought the honey-fritters?” All exclaimed, “This is a man and a Badawi, and one of them asked him, “O Badawi, where is Dalilah and who loosed her?” He answered, “’Twas I; she shall not eat the honey-fritters against her will; for her soul abhorreth them.” So they knew that the Arab was ignorant of her case, whom she had cozened, and said to one another, “Shall we flee or abide the accomplishment of that which Allah hath written for us?” As they were talking, up came the Chief of Police, with all the folk whom the old woman had cheated, and said to the guards, “Arise, loose Dalilah.” Quoth the Badawi, “We have not eaten to-night. Hast thou brought the honey-fritters?” Whereupon the Wali raised his eyes to the cross and seeing the Badawi hung up in the stead of the old woman, said to the watchmen, “What is this?” “Pardon, O our lord!” “Tell me what hath happened” “We were weary with watching with thee on guard and , ‘Dalilah is crucified.’ So we fell asleep, and when we awoke, we found the Badawi hung up in her room; and we are at thy mercy.” “O folk, Allah’s pardon be upon you! She is indeed a clever cheat!” Then they unbound the Badawi, who laid hold of the Master of Police, saying, “Allah succour the Caliph against thee! I look to none but thee for my horse and clothes!” So the Wali questioned him and he told him what had passed between Dalilah and himself. The magistrate marvelled and asked him, “Why didst thou release her?”; and the Badawi answered, “I knew not that she was a felon.” Then said the others, “O Chief of Police, we look to thee in the matter of our goods; for we delivered the old woman into thy hands and she was in thy guard; and we cite thee before the Divan of the Caliph.” Now the Emir Hasan had gone up to the Divan, when in came the Wali with the Badawi and the five others, saying, “Verily, we are wronged men!” “Who hath wronged you?” asked the Caliph; so each came forward in turn and told his story, after which said the Master of Police, “O Commander of the Faithful, the old woman cheated me also and sold me these five men as slaves for a thousand dinars, albeit they are free-born.” Quoth the Prince of True Believers, “I take upon myself all that you have lost”; adding to the Master of Police, “I charge thee with the old woman.” But he shook his collar, saying, “O Commander of the Faithful, I will not answer for her; for, after I had hung her on the cross, she tricked this Badawi and, when he loosed her, she tied him up in her room and made off with his clothes and horse.” Quoth the Caliph, “Whom but thee shall I charge with her?”; and quoth the Wali, “Charge Ahmad al-Danaf, for he hath a thousand dinars a month and one-and-forty followers, at a monthly wage of an hundred dinars each.” So the Caliph said, “Harkye, Captain Ahmad!” “At thy service, O Commander of the Faithful,” said he; and the Caliph cried, “I charge thee to bring the old woman before us.” Replied Ahmad, “I will answer for her.” Then the Caliph kept the Badawi and the five with him, — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

  When it was the Seven Hundred and Seventh Night,

  She resumed, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when the Caliph said to Calamity Ahmad, “I charge thee to bring the old woman before us,” he said, “I will answer for her O Commander of the Faithful!” Then the Caliph kept the Badawi and the five with him, whilst Ahmad and his men went down to their hall,208 saying to one another, “How shall we lay hands on her, seeing that there are many old women in the town?” And quoth Ahmad to Hasan Shuman, “What counsellest thou?” Whereupon quoth one of them, by name Ali Kitf al- Jamal,209 to Al-Danaf, “Of what dost thou take counsel with Hasan Shuman? Is the Pestilent one any great shakes?” Said Hasan, “O Ali, why dost thou disparage me? By the Most Great Name, I will not company with thee at this time!”; and he rose and went out in wrath. Then said Ahmad, “O my braves, let every sergeant take ten men, each to his own quarter and search for Dalilah.” All did his bidding, Ali included, and they said, “Ere we disperse let us agree to rendezvous in the quarter Al-Kalkh.” It was noised abroad in the city that Calamity Ahmad had undertaken to lay hands on Dalilah the Wily, and Zaynab said to her, “O my mother, an thou be indeed a trickstress, do thou befool Ahmad al-Danaf and his company.” Answered Dalilah, “I fear none save Hasan Shuman;” and Zaynab said, “By the life of my browlock, I will assuredly get thee the clothes of all the one-and-forty.” Then she dressed and veiled herself and going to a certain druggist, who had a saloon with two doors, salamed to him and gave him an ashrafi and said to him, “Take this gold piece as a douceur for thy saloon and let it to me till the end of the day.” So he gave her the keys and she fetched carpets and so forth on the stolen ass and furnishing the place, set on each raised pavement a tray of meat and wine. Then she went out and stood at the door, with her face unveiled and behold, up came Ali Kitf al-Jamal and his men. She kissed his hand; and he fell in love with her, seeing her to be a handsome girl, and said to her, “What dost thou want?” Quoth she, “Art thou Captain Ahmad al-Danaf?”; and quoth he, “No, but I am of his company and my name is Ali Camel-shoulder.” Asked she, “Whither fare you?”; and he answered, “We go about in quest of a sharkish old woman, who hath stolen folk’s good, and we mean to lay hands on her. But who art thou and what is thy business?” She replied, “My father was a taverner at Mosul and he died and left me much money. So I came hither, for fear of the Dignities, and asked the people who would protect me, to which they replied, ‘None but Ahmad al-Danaf.’” Said the men, “From this day forth, thou art under his protection”; and she replied, “Hearten me by eating a bit and drinking a sup of water.”210 They consented and entering, ate and drank till they were drunken, when she drugged them with Bhang and stripped them of their clothes and arms; and on like wise she did with the three other companions. Presently, Calamity Ahmad went out to look for Dalilah, but found her not, neither set eyes on any of his followers, and went on till he came to the door where Zaynab was standing. She kissed his hand and he looked on her and fell in love with her. Quoth she, “Art thou Captain Ahmad al- Danaf?”; and quoth he, “Yes: who art thou?” She replied, “I am a stranger from Mosul. My father was a vintner at that place and he died and left me much money wherewith I came to this city, for fear of the powers that be, and opened this tavern. The Master of Police hath imposed a tax on me, but it is my desire to put myself under thy protection and pay thee what
the police would take of me, for thou hast the better right to it.” Quoth he, “Do not pay him aught: thou shalt have my protection and welcome.” Then quoth she, “Please to heal my heart and eat of my victual,” So he entered and ate and drank wine, till he could not sit upright, when she drugged him and took his clothes and arms. Then she loaded her purchase on the Badawi’s horse and the donkey-boy’s ass and made off with it, after she had aroused Ali Kitf al- Jamal. Camel-shoulder awoke and found himself naked and saw Ahmad and his men drugged and stripped: so he revived them with the counter-drug and they awoke and found themselves naked. Quoth Calamity Ahmad, “O lads, what is this? We were going to catch her, and lo! this strumpet hath caught us! How Hasan Shuman will rejoice over us! But we will wait till it is dark and then go away.” Meanwhile Pestilence Hasan said to the hall-keeper, “Where are the men?”; and as he asked, up they came naked; and he recited these two couplets211 ,

  “Men in their purposes are much alike, * But in their issues

  difference comes to light:

  Of men some wise are, others simple souls; * As of the stars

  some dull, some pearly bright.

  Then he looked at them and asked, “Who hath played you this trick and made you naked?”; and they answered, “We went in quest of an old woman, and a pretty girl stripped us.” Quoth Hasan, “She hath done right well.” They asked, “Dost thou know her?”; and he answered, “Yes, I know her and the old trot too.” Quoth they, “What shall we say to the Caliph?”; and quoth he, “O Danaf, do thou shake thy collar before him, and he will say, ‘Who is answerable for her’; and if he ask why thou hast not caught her; say thou, ‘We know her not; but charge Hasan Shuman with her.’ And if he give her into my charge, I will lay hands on her.” So they slept that night and on the morrow they went up to the Caliph’s Divan and kissed ground before him. Quoth he, “Where is the old woman, O Captain Ahmad?” But he shook his collar. The Caliph asked him why he did so, and he answered, “I know her not; but do thou charge Hasan Shuman to lay hands on her, for he knoweth her and her daughter also.” Then Hasan interceded for her with the Caliph, saying, “Indeed, she hath not played off these tricks, because she coveted the folk’s stuff, but to show her cleverness and that of her daughter, to the intent that thou shouldst continue her husband’s stipend to her and that of her father to her daughter. So an thou wilt spare her life I will fetch her to thee.” Cried the Caliph, “By the life of my ancestors, if she restore the people’s goods, I will pardon her on thine intercession!” And said the Pestilence, “Give me a pledge, O Prince of True Believers!” Whereupon Al-Rashid gave him the kerchief of pardon. So Hasan repaired to Dalilah’s house and called to her. Her daughter Zaynab answered him and he asked her, “Where is thy mother?” “Upstairs,” she answered; and he said, “Bid her take the people’s goods and come with me to the presence of the Caliph; for I have brought her the kerchief of pardon, and if she will not come with a good grace, let her blame only herself.” So Dalilah came down and tying the kerchief about her neck gave him the people’s goods on the donkey-boy’s ass and the Badawi’s horse. Quoth he, “There remain the clothes of my Chief and his men”; and quoth she, “By the Most Great Name, ’twas not I who stripped them!” Rejoined Hasan, “Thou sayst sooth, it was thy daughter Zaynab’s doing, and this was a good turn she did thee.” Then he carried her to the Divan and laying the people’s goods and stuff before the Caliph, set the old trot in his presence. As soon as he saw her, he bade throw her down on the carpet of blood, whereat she cried, “I cast myself on thy protection, O Shuman.”’ So he rose and kissing the Caliph’s hands, said, “Pardon, O Commander of the Faithful! Indeed, thou gavest me the kerchief of pardon.” Said the Prince of True Believers, “I pardon her for thy sake: come hither, O old woman; what is thy name?” “My name is Wily Dalilah,” answered she, and the Caliph said “Thou art indeed crafty and full of guile.” Whence she was dubbed Dalilah the Wily One. Then quoth he, “Why hast thou played all these tricks on the folk and wearied our hearts?” and quoth she, “I did it not of lust for their goods, but because I had heard of the tricks which Ahmad al-Danaf and Hasan Shuman played in Baghdad and said to myself, ‘I too will do the like.’ And now I have returned the folk their goods.” But the ass-driver rose and said “I invoke Allah’s law212 between me and her; for it sufficed her not to take my ass, but she must needs egg on the Moorish barber to tear out my eye-teeth and fire me on both temples.” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.

  When it was the Seven Hundred and Eighth Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when the donkey-boy rose and cried out, “I invoke Allah’s law between me and her; for it sufficed her not to take my ass, but she must needs egg on the barber to tear out my eye-teeth and fire me on both temples;” thereupon the Caliph bade give him an hundred dinars and ordered the dyer the like, saying, “Go; set up thy dyery again.” So they called down blessings on his head and went away. The Badawi also took his clothes and horse and departed, saying, “’Tis henceforth unlawful and forbidden me to enter Baghdad and eat honey-fritters.” And the others took their goods and went away. Then said the Caliph, “Ask a boon of me, O Dalilah!”; and she said, “Verily, my father was governor of the carrier-pigeons to thee and I know how to rear the birds; and my husband was town-captain of Baghdad. Now I wish to have the reversion of my husband and my daughter wisheth to have that of her father.” The Caliph granted both their requests and she said, “I ask of thee that I may be portress of thy Khan.” Now he had built a Khan of three stories, for the merchants to lodge in, and had assigned to its service forty slaves and also forty dogs he had brought from the King of the Sulaymániyah,213 when he deposed him; and there was in the Khan a cook-slave, who cooked for the chattels and fed the hounds for which he let make collars. Said the Caliph, “O Dalilah, I will write thee a patent of guardianship of the Khan, and if aught be lost therefrom, thou shalt be answerable for it. “’Tis well,” replied she; “but do thou lodge my daughter in the pavilion over the door of the Khan, for it hath terraced roofs, and carrier-pigeons may not be reared to advantage save in an open space.” The Caliph granted her this also and she and her daughter removed to the pavilion in question, where Zaynab hung up the one-and-forty dresses of Calamity Ahmad and his company. Moreover, they delivered to Dalilah the forty pigeons which carried the royal messages, and the Caliph appointed the Wily One mistress over the forty slaves and charged them to obey her. She made the place of her sitting behind the door of the Khan, and every day she used to go up to the Caliph’s Divan, lest he should need to send a message by pigeon-post and stay there till eventide whilst the forty slaves stood on guard at the Khan; and when darkness came on they loosed the forty dogs that they might keep watch over the place by night. Such were the doings of Dalilah the Wily One in Baghdad and much like them were