One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  When it was the Seven Hundred and Fifteenth Night,

  She resumed, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when Ali of Egypt put out his hand to the purse, the bells and rings jingled and Zurayk said, “Thy trick hath not deceived me for all thou comest disguised as a groom I knew thee by the grip of thy hand on the dish and the dirhams!” So saying, he threw the lead at him, but he avoided it and it fell into the pan full of hot fish and broke it and overturned it, fat and all, upon the breast and shoulders of the Kazi, who was passing. The oil ran down inside his clothes to his privy parts and he cried out, “O my privities! What a sad pickle you are in! Alas, unhappy I! Who hath played me this trick?” Answered the people, “O our lord, it was some small boy that threw a stone into the pan: but for Allah’s word, it had been worse.” Then they turned and seeing the loaf of lead and that it was Zurayk who had thrown it, rose against him and said to him, “O Zurayk, this is not allowed of Allah! Take down the purse or it shall go ill for thee.” Answered he, “I will take it down, Inshallah!” Meanwhile Ali returned to the barrack and told his comrades who cried, “Where is the purse?”, all that had passed and they said, “Thou hast exhausted two- thirds of his cunning.” Then he changed his groom’s dress for the garb of a merchant and going out, met a snake-charmer, with a bag of serpents and a wallet containing his kit to whom said he, “O charmer, come and amuse my lads, and thou shalt have largesse.” So he accompanied him to the barrack, where he fed him and drugging him with Bhang, doffed his clothes and put them on. Then he took the bags and repairing to Zurayk’s shop began to play the reed-pipe. Quoth Zurayk, “Allah provide thee!” But Ali pulled out the serpents and cast them down before him; whereat the fishseller, who was afraid of snakes, fled from them into the inner shop. Thereupon Ali picked up the reptiles and, thrusting them back into the bag, stretched out his hand and caught hold of the end of the purse. The rings again rang and the bells and rattles jangled, and Zurayk cried, “Wilt thou never cease to play me tricks? Now thou feignest thyself a serpent-charmer!” So saying, he took up a piece of lead, and hurled it at Ali; but it missed him and fell on the head of a groom, who was passing by, following his master, a trooper, and knocked him down. Quoth the soldier, “Who felled him?”; and the folk said, “’Twas a stone fell from the roof.” So the soldier passed on and the people, seeing the piece of lead, went up to Zurayk and cried to him, “Take down the purse!”; and he said, “Inshallah, I will take it down this very night!” Ali ceased not to practice upon Zurayk till he had made seven different attempts but without taking the purse. Then he returned the snake-charmer his clothes and kit and gave him due benevolence; after which he went back to Zurayk’s shop and heard him say, “If I leave the purse here to-night, he will dig through the shop-wall and take it; I will carry it home with me.” So he arose and shut the shop; then he took down the purse and putting it in his bosom set out home, till he came near his house, when he saw a wedding in a neighbour’s lodging and said to himself, “I will hie me home and give my wife the purse and don my fine clothes and return to the marriage.” And Ali followed him. Now Zurayk had married a black girl, one of the freed women of the Wazir Ja’afar and she had borne him a son, whom he named Abdallah, and he had promised her to spend the money in the purse on the occasion of the boy’s circumcision and of his marriage- procession. So he went into his house and, as he entered, his wife saw that his face was overcast and asked him, “What hath caused thy sadness?” Quoth he, “Allah hath afflicted me this day with a rascal who made seven attempts to get the purse, but without avail;” and quoth she, “Give it to me, that I may lay it up against the boy’s festival-day.” (Now Ali, who had followed him lay hidden in a closet whence he could see and hear all.) So he gave her the purse and changed his clothes, saying, “Keep the purse safely, O Umm Abdallah, for I am going to the wedding.” But she said, “Take thy sleep awhile.” So he lay down and fell asleep. Presently, Ali rose and going on tiptoe to the purse, took it and went to the house of the wedding and stood there, looking on at the fun. Now meanwhile, Zurayk dreamt that he saw a bird fly away with the purse and awaking in affright, said to his wife, “Rise; look for the purse.” So she looked and finding it gone, buffeted her face and said, “Alas the blackness of thy fortune, O Umm Abdallah! A sharker hath taken the purse.” Quoth Zurayk, “By Allah it can be none other than rascal Ali who hath plagued me all day! He hath followed me home and seized the purse; and there is no help but that I go and get it back.” Quoth she, “Except thou bring it, I will lock on thee the door and leave thee to pass the night in the street.” So he went up to the house of the wedding, and seeing Ali looking on, said to himself, “This is he who took the purse; but he lodgeth with Ahmad al-Danaf.” So he forewent him to the barrack and, climbing up at the back, dropped down into the saloon, where he found every one asleep. Presently there came a rap at the door and Zurayk asked, “Who is there!” “Ali of Cairo,” answered the knocker; and Zurayk said, “Hast thou brought the purse?” So Ali thought it was Hasan Shuman and replied, “I have brought it;246 open the door.” Quoth Zurayk, “Impossible that I open to thee till I see the purse; for thy chief and I have laid a wager about it.” Said Ali, “Put out thy hand.” So he put out his hand through the hole in the side-door and Ali laid the purse in it; whereupon Zurayk took it and going forth, as he had come in, returned to the wedding. Ali stood for a long while at the door, but none opened to him; and at last he gave a thundering knock that awoke all the men and they said, “That is Ali of Cairo’s peculiar rap.” So the hall-keeper opened to him and Hasan Shuman said to him, “Hast thou brought the purse?” Replied Ali, “Enough of jesting, O Shuman: didst thou not swear that thou wouldest not open to me till I showed thee the purse, and did I not give it thee through the hole in the side door? And didst thou not say to me, ‘I am sworn never to open the door till thou show me the purse?’” Quoth Hasan, “By Allah, ’twas not I who took it, but Zurayk!” Quoth Ali, “Needs must I get it again,” and repaired to the house of the wedding, where he heard the buffoon247 say, “Bravo,248 O Abu Abdallah! Good luck to thee with thy son!” Said Ali, “My luck is in the ascendant,” and going to the fishmonger’s lodging, climbed over the back wall of the house and found his wife asleep. So he drugged her with Bhang and clad himself in her clothes. Then he took the child in his arms and went round, searching, till he found a palm-leaf basket containing buns,249 which Zurayk of his niggardliness, had kept from the Greater Feast. Presently, the fishmonger returned and knocked at the door, whereupon Ali imitated his wife’s voice and asked, “Who is at the door?” “Abu Abdallah,” answered Zurayk and Ali said, “I swore that I would not open the door to thee, except thou broughtest back the purse.” Quoth the fish-monger, “I have brought it.” Cried Ali, “Here with it into my hand before I open the door;” and Zurayk answered, saying, “Let down the basket and take it therein.” So Sharper Ali let down the basket and the other put the purse therein, whereupon Ali took it and drugged the child. Then he aroused the woman and making off by the back way as he had entered, returned with the child and the purse and the basket of cakes to the barrack and showed them all to the Forty, who praised his dexterity. There-upon he gave them cakes, which they ate, and made over the boy to Hasan Shuman, saying, “This is Zurayk’s child; hide it by thee.” So he hid it and fetching a lamb, gave it to the hall-keeper who cooked it whole, wrapped in a cloth, and laid it out shrouded as it were a dead body. Meanwhile Zurayk stood awhile, waiting at the door, then gave a knock like thunder and his wife said to him, “Hast thou brought the purse?” He replied, “Didst thou not take it up in the basket thou diddest let down but now?”; and she rejoined, “I let no basket down to thee, nor have I set eyes on the purse.” Quoth he, “By Allah the sharper hath been beforehand with me and hath taken the purse again!” Then he searched the house and found the basket of cakes gone and the child missing and cried out, saying, “Alas, my child!” Where-upon the woman beat her breast and said, “I and thee to the Wazir, for none hath killed m
y son save this sharper, and all because of thee.” Cried Zurayk, “I will answer for him.” So he tied the kerchief of truce about his neck and going to Ahmad al-Danaf’s lodging, knocked at the door. The hall- keeper admitted him and as he entered Hasan Shuman asked him, “What bringeth thee here?” He answered, “Do ye intercede with Ali the Cairene to restore me my child and I will yield to him the purse of gold.” Quoth Hasan, “Allah requite thee, O Ali! Why didst thou not tell me it was his child?” “What hath befallen him?” cried Zurayk, and Hasan replied, “We gave him raisins to eat, and he choked and died and this is he.” Quoth Zurayk “Alas, my son! What shall I say to his mother?” Then he rose and opening the shroud, saw it was a lamb barbecued and said, “Thou makest sport of me, O Ali!” Then they gave him the child and Calamity Ahmad said to him, “Thou didst hang up the purse, proclaiming that it should be the property of any sharper who should be able to take it, and Ali hath taken it; so ’tis the very property of our Cairene.” Zurayk answered “I make him a present of it;” but Ali said to him, “Do thou accept it on account of thy niece Zaynab.” And Zurayk replied, “I accept it.” Then quoth the Forty, “We demand of thee Zaynab in marriage for Ali of Cairo;” but quoth he, “I have no control over her save of kindness.” Hasan asked, “Dost thou grant our suit?”; and he answered, “Yes, I will grant her in marriage to him who can avail to her mahr or marriage-settlement.” “And what is her dowry?” enquired Hasan; and Zurayk replied, “She hath sworn that none shall mount her breast save the man who bringeth her the robe of Kamar, daughter of Azariah the Jew and the rest of her gear.” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.

  When it was the Seven Hundred and Sixteenth Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when Zurayk replied to Shuman, “She hath sworn that none shall ride astraddle upon her breast save the man who bringeth her the clothes of Kamar, daughter of Azariah the Jew and her crown and girdle and pantoufle250 of gold,” Ali cried, “If I do not bring her the clothes this very night, I renounce my claim to her.” Rejoined Zurayk, “O Ali, thou art a dead man if thou play any of thy pranks on Kamar.” “Why so?” asked Ali and the other answered, “Her father, Jew Azariah, is a skilful, wily, perfidious magician who hath the Jinn at his service. He owneth without the city a castle, whose walls are one brick of gold and one of silver and which is visible to the folk only whilst he is therein: when he goeth forth, it disappeareth. He brought his daughter this dress I speak of from an enchanted treasure, and every day he layeth it in a charger of gold and, opening the windows of the palace, crieth out, ‘Where are the sharpers of Cairo, the prigs of Al-Irak, the master-thieves of Ajam-land? Whoso prevaileth to take this dress, ’tis his.’ So all the long- fingered ones essayed the adventure, but failed to take it, and he turned them by his magic into apes and asses.” But Ali said, “I will assuredly take it, and Zaynab shall be displayed therein.”251 So he went to the shop of the Jew and found him a man of stern and forbidding aspect, seated with scales and stone-weights and gold and silver and nests of drawers and so forth before him, and a she-mule tethered hard by. Presently he rose and shutting his shop, laid the gold and silver in two purses, which he placed in a pair of saddle-bags and set on the she-mule’s back. Then he mounted and rode till he reached the city-outskirts followed, with-out his knowledge, by Ali, when he took out some dust from a pocket-purse and, muttering over it, sprinkled it upon the air. No sooner had he done this than sharper Ali saw a castle which had not its like, and the Jew mounted the steps upon his beast which was a subject Jinni; after which he dismounted and taking the saddle-bags off her back, dismissed the she-mule and she vanished. Then he entered the castle and sat down. Presently, he arose and opening the lattices, took a wand of gold, which he set up in the open window and, hanging thereto a golden charger by chains of the same metal, laid in it the dress, whilst Ali watched him from behind the door, and presently he cried out, saying, “Where are the sharpers of Cairo? Where are the prigs of Al-Irak, the master-thieves of the Ajam-land? Whoso can take this dress by his sleight, ’tis his!” Then he pronounced certain magical words and a tray of food spread itself before him. He ate and conjured a second time, whereupon the tray disappeared; and yet a third time, when a table of wine was placed between his hands and he drank. Quoth Ali, “I know not how I am to take the dress except if he be drunken.” Then he stole up behind the Jew whinger in grip; but the other turned and conjured, saying to his hand, “Hold with the sword;” whereupon Ali’s right arm was held and abode half-way in the air hending the hanger. He put out his left hand to the weapon, but it also stood fixed in the air, and so with his right foot, leaving him standing on one foot. Then the Jew dispelled the charm from him and Ali became as before. Presently Azariah struck a table of sand and found that the thief’s name was Mercury Ali of Cairo; so he turned to him and said, “Come nearer! Who art thou and what dost thou here?” He replied, “I am Ali of Cairo, of the band of Ahmad al-Danaf. I sought the hand of Zaynab, daughter of Dalilah the Wily, and she demanded thy daughter’s dress to her dowry; so do thou give it to me and become a Moslem, an thou wouldst save thy life.” Rejoined the Jew, “After thy death! Many have gone about to steal the dress, but failed to take it from me; wherefore an thou deign be advised, thou wilt begone and save thyself; for they only seek the dress of thee, that thou mayst fall into destruction; and indeed, had I not seen by geomancy that thy fortune overrideth my fortunes I had smitten thy neck.” Ali rejoiced to hear that his luck overcame that of the Jew and said to him, “There is no help for it but I must have the dress and thou must become a True Believer.” Asked the Jew, “Is this thy will and last word,” and Ali answered, “Yes.” So the Jew took a cup and filling it with water, conjured over it and said to Ali, “Come forth from this shape of a man into the form of an ass.” Then he sprinkled him with the water and straightway he became a donkey, with hoofs and long ears, and fell to braying after the manner of asinines. The Jew drew round him a circle which became a wall over against him, and drank on till the morning, when he said to Ali, “I will ride thee to-day and give the she-mule a rest.” So he locked up the dress, the charger, the rod and the charms in a cupboard252 and conjured over Ali, who followed him. Then he set the saddle-bags on his back and mounting, fared forth of the Castle, whereupon it disappeared from sight and he rode into Baghdad, till he came to his shop, where he alighted and emptied the bags of gold and silver into the trays before him. As for Ali, he was tied up by the shop- door, where he stood in his asinine form hearing and understanding all that passed, without being able to speak. And behold, up came a young merchant with whom fortune had played the tyrant and who could find no easier way of earning his livelihood than water-carrying. So he brought his wife’s bracelets to the Jew and said to him, “Give me the price of these bracelets, that I may buy me an ass.” Asked the Jew, “What wilt thou do with him?”; and the other answered, “O master, I mean to fetch water from the river on his back, and earn my living thereby.” Quoth the Jew, “Take this ass of mine.” So he sold him the bracelets and received the ass- shaped Ali of Cairo in part payment and carried him home. Quoth Ali to himself, “If the Ass-man clap the pannel on thee and load thee with water-skins and go with thee half a score journeys a day he will ruin thy health and thou wilt die.” So, when the water-carrier’s wife came to bring him his fodder, he butted her with his head and she fell on her back; whereupon he sprang on her and smiting her brow with his mouth, put out and displayed that which his begetter left him. She cried aloud and the neighbours came to her assistance and beat him and raised him off her breast. When her husband the intended water-carrier came home, she said to him, “Now either divorce me or return the ass to his owner.” He asked, “What hath happened?”; and she answered, “This is a devil in the guise of a donkey. He sprang upon me, and had not the neighbours beaten him off my bosom he had done with me a foul thing.” So he carried the ass back to the Jew, who said to him, “Wherefore hast thou brought him
back?” and he replied, “He did a foul thing with my wife.” So the Jew gave him his money again and he went away; and Azariah said to Ali, “Hast thou recourse to knavery, unlucky wretch that thou art, in order that” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.