One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  When is was the Seven Hundred and Twelfth Night,

  She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when Ali of Cairo was in the well, Zaynab donned her mantilla and, taking his clothes, returned to her mother and said, “I have stripped Ali the Egyptian and cast him into the Emir Hasan’s well, whence alas for his chance of escaping!”232 Presently, the Emir Hasan, the master of the house, who had been absent at the Divan, came home and, finding the door open, said to his Syce, “Why didst thou not draw the bolt?” “O my lord,” replied the groom, “indeed I locked it with my own hand.” The Emir cried, “As my head liveth, some robber hath entered my house!” Then he went in and searched, but found none and said to the groom, “Fill the ewer, that I may make the Wuzu-ablution.” So the man lowered the bucket into the well but, when he drew it up, he found it heavy and looking down, saw something therein sitting; whereupon he let it fall into the water and cried out, saying, “O my lord, an Ifrit came up to me out of the well!” Replied the Emir, “Go and fetch four doctors of the law, that they may read the Koran over him, till he go away.” So he fetched the doctors and the Emir said to them, “Sit round this well and exorcise me this Ifrit.” They did as he bade them; after which the groom and another servant lowered the bucket again and Ali clung to it and hid himself under it patiently till he came near the top, when he sprang out and landed among the doctors, who fell a-cuffing one another and crying out, “Ifrit! Ifrit!” The Emir looked at Ali and seeing him a young man, said to him, “Art thou a thief?” “No,” replied Ali; “Then what dost thou in the well?” asked the Emir; and Ali answered, “I was asleep and dreamt a wet dream;233 so I went down to the Tigris to wash myself and dived, whereupon the current carried me under the earth and I came up in this well.” Quoth the other, “Tell the truth.”234 So Ali told him all that had befallen him, and the Emir gave him an old gown and let him go. He returned to Calamity Ahmad’s lodging and related to him all that had passed. Quoth Ahmad, “Did I not warn thee that Baghdad is full of women who play tricks upon men?” And quoth Ali Kitf al-Jamal, “I conjure thee by the Mighty Name, tell me how it is that thou art the chief of the lads of Cairo and yet hast been stripped by a girl?” This was grievous to Ali and he repented him of not having followed Ahmad’s advice. Then the Calamity gave him another suit of clothes and Hasan Shuman said to him, “Dost thou know the young person?” “No,” replied Ali; and Hasan rejoined, “’Twas Zaynab, the daughter of Dalilah the Wily, the portress of the Caliph’s Khan; and hast thou fallen into her toils, O Ali?” Quoth he, “Yes,” and quoth Hasan, “O Ali, ’twas she who took thy Chief’s clothes and those of all his men.” “This is a disgrace to you all!” “And what thinkest thou to do?” “I purpose to marry her.” “Put away that thought far from thee, and console thy heart of her.” “O Hasan, do thou counsel me how I shall do to marry her.” “With all my heart: if thou wilt drink from my hand and march under my banner, I will bring thee to thy will of her.” “I will well.” So Hasan made Ali put off his clothes; and, taking a cauldron heated therein somewhat as it were pitch, wherewith he anointed him and he became like unto a blackamoor slave. Moreover, he smeared his lips and cheeks and pencilled his eyes with red Kohl.235 Then he clad him in a slave’s habit and giving him a tray of kabobs and wine, said to him, “There is a black cook in the Khan who requires from the bazar only meat; and thou art now become his like; so go thou to him civilly and accost him in friendly fashion and speak to him in the blacks’ lingo, and salute him, saying, ‘’Tis long since we met in the beer-ken.’ He will answer thee, ‘I have been too busy: on my hands be forty slaves, for whom I cook dinner and supper, besides making ready a tray for Dalilah and the like for her daughter Zaynab and the dogs’ food.’ And do thou say to him, ‘Come, let us eat kabobs and lush swipes.’236 Then go with him into the saloon and make him drunken and question him of his service, how many dishes and what dishes he hath to cook, and ask him of the dogs’ food and the keys of the kitchen and the larder; and he will tell thee; for a man, when he is drunken, telleth all he would conceal were he sober. When thou hast done this drug him and don his clothes and sticking the two knives in thy girdle, take the vegetable-basket and go to the market and buy meat and greens, with which do thou return to the Khan and enter the kitchen and the larder and cook the food. Dish it up and put Bhang in it, so as to drug the dogs and the slaves and Dalilah and Zaynab and lastly serve up. When all are asleep, hie thee to the upper chamber and bring away every suit of clothes thou wilt find hanging there. And if thou have a mind to marry Zaynab, bring with thee also the forty carrier-pigeons.” So Ali went to the Khan and going in to the cook, saluted him and said, “’Tis long since I have met thee in the beer-ken.” The slave replied, “I have been busy cooking for the slaves and the dogs.” Then he took him and making him drunken, questioned him of his work. Quoth the kitchener, “Every day I cook five dishes for dinner and the like for supper; and yesterday they sought of me a sixth dish,237 yellow rice,238 and a seventh, a mess of cooked pomegranate seed.” Ali asked, “And what is the order of thy service?” and the slave answered, “First I serve up Zaynab’s tray, next Dalilah’s; then I feed the slaves and give the dogs their sufficiency of meat, and the least that satisfies them is a pound each.” But, as fate would have it, he forgot to ask him of the keys. Then he drugged him and donned his clothes; after which he took the basket and went to the market. There he bought meat and greens. — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

  When it was the Seven Hundred and Thirteenth Night,

  She continued, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that Ali of Cairo, after drugging the cook-slave with Bhang, took the two knives which he stuck in his belt and, carrying the vegetable-basket, went to the market where he bought meat and greens; and, presently returning to the Khan, he saw Dalilah seated at the gate, watching those who went in and came out, and the forty slaves with her, armed. So he heartened his heart and entered; but Dalilah knew him and said to him, “Back, O captain of thieves! Wilt thou play a trick on me in the Khan?” Thereupon he (dressed as a slave) turned and said to her, “What sayest thou, O portress?” She asked, “What hast thou done with the slave, our cook?; say me if thou hast killed or drugged him?” He answered, “What cook? Is there here another slave-cook than I?” She rejoined, “Thou liest, thou art Mercury Ali the Cairene.” And he said to her, in slaves’ patois, “O portress, are the Cairenes black or white? I will slave for you no longer.” Then said the slaves to him, “What is the matter with thee, O our cousin?” Cried Dalilah, “This is none of your uncle’s children, but Ali Zaybak the Egyptian; and meseems he hath either drugged your cousin or killed him.” But they said, “Indeed this is our cousin Sa’adu’llah the cook;” and she, “Not so, ’tis Mercury Ali, and he hath dyed his skin.” Quoth the sharper, “And who is Ali? I am Sa’adu’llah.” Then she fetched unguent of proof, with which she anointed Ali’s forearm and rubbed it; but the black did not come off; whereupon quoth the slaves “Let him go and dress us our dinner.” Quoth Dalilah, “If he be indeed your cousin, he knoweth what you sought of him yesternight239 and how many dishes he cooketh every day.” So they asked him of this and he said, “Every day I cook you five dishes for the morning and the like for the evening meal, lentils and rice and broth and stew240 and sherbet of roses; and yesternight ye sought of me a sixth dish and a seventh, to wit yellow rice and cooked pomegranate seed.” And the slaves said “Right!” Then quoth Dalilah, “In with him and if he know the kitchen and the larder, he is indeed your cousin; but, if not, kill him.” Now the cook had a cat which he had brought up, and whenever he entered the kitchen it would stand at the door and spring to his back, as soon as he went in. So, when Ali entered, the cat saw him and jumped on his shoulders; but he threw it off and it ran before him to the door of the kitchen and stopped there. He guessed that this was the kitchen door; so he took the keys and seeing one with traces of feathers thereon, knew it for the kitchen key and therewith opened the doo
r. Then he entered and setting down the greens, went out again, led by the cat, which ran before him and stopped at another door. He guessed that this was the larder and seeing one of the keys marked with grease, knew it for the key and opened the door therewith; where-upon quoth the slaves, “O Dalilah, were he a stranger, he had not known the kitchen and the larder, nor had he been able to distinguish the keys thereof from the rest; verily, he is our cousin Sa’adu’llah.” Quoth she, “He learned the places from the cat and distinguished the keys one from the other by the appearance: but this cleverness imposeth not upon me.” Then he returned to the kitchen where he cooked the dinner and, carrying Zaynab’s tray up to her room, saw all the stolen clothes hanging up; after which he went down and took Dalilah her tray and gave the slaves and the dogs their rations. The like he did at sundown and drugged Dalilah’s food and that of Zaynab and the slaves. Now the doors of the Khan were opened and shut with the sun. So Ali went forth and cried out, saying, “O dwellers in the Khan, the watch is set and we have loosed the dogs; whoso stirreth out after this can blame none save himself.” But he had delayed the dogs’ supper and put poison therein; consequently when he set it before them, they ate of it and died while the slaves and Dalilah and Zaynab still slept under Bhang. Then he went up and took all the clothes and the carrier-pigeons and, opening the gate made off to the barrack of the Forty, where he found Hasan Shuman the Pestilence who said to him, “How hast thou fared?” Thereupon he told him what had passed and he praised him. Then he caused him to put off his clothes and boiled a decoction of herbs wherewith he washed him, and his skin became white as it was; after which he donned his own dress and going back to the Khan, clad the cook in the habit he had taken from him and made him smell to the counter-drug; upon which the slave awoke and going forth to the greengrocer’s, bought vegetables and returned to the Khan. Such was the case with Al-Zaybak of Cairo; but as regards Dalilah the Wily, when the day broke, one of the lodgers in the Khan came out of his chamber and, seeing the gate open and the slaves drugged and the dogs dead, he went in to her and found her lying drugged, with a scroll on her neck and at her head a sponge steeped in the counter-drug. He set the sponge to her nostrils and she awoke and asked, “Where am I?” The merchant answered, “When I came down from my chamber I saw the gate of the Khan open and the dogs dead and found the slaves and thee drugged.” So she took up the paper and read therein these words, “None did this deed save Ali the Egyptian.” Then she awoke the slaves and Zaynab by making them smell the counter-Bhang and said to them, “Did I not tell you that this was Ali of Cairo?”; presently adding to the slaves, “But do ye conceal the matter.” Then she said to her daughter, “How often have I warned thee that Ali would not forego his revenge? He hath done this deed in requital of that which thou diddest with him and he had it in his power to do with thee other than this thing; but he refrained therefrom out of courtesy and a desire that there should be love and friendship between us.” So saying, she doffed her man’s gear and donned woman’s attire241 and, tying the kerchief of peace about her neck, repaired to Ahmad al-Danaf’s barrack. Now when Ali entered with the clothes and the carrier-pigeons, Hasan Shuman gave the hall-keeper the price of forty pigeons and he bought them and cooked them amongst the men. Presently there came a knock at the door and Ahmad said, “That is Dalilah’s knock: rise and open to her, O hall-keeper.” So he admitted her and — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.

  When it was the Seven Hundred and Fourteenth Night,

  She pursued, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when Dalilah was admitted, Hasan asked her, “What bringeth thee hither, O ill-omened old woman? Verily, thou and thy brother Zurayk the fishmonger are of a piece!”; and she answered, “O captain I am in the wrong and this my neck is at thy mercy; but tell me which of you it was that played me this trick?” Quoth Calamity Ahmad, “’Twas the first of my lads.” Rejoined Dalilah, “For the sake of Allah intercede with him to give me back the carrier-pigeons and what not, and thou wilt lay me under great obligation.” When Hasan heard this he said, “Allah requite thee, O Ali! Why didst thou cook the pigeons?”; and Ali answered, “I knew not that they were carrier-pigeons.” Then said Ahmad, “O hall-keeper bring us the cooked pigeons.” So he brought them and Dalilah took a piece and tasting it, said, “This is none of the carrier- pigeons’ flesh, for I fed them on grains of musk and their meat is become even as musk.” Quoth Shuman, “An thou desire to have the carrier-pigeons, comply with Ali’s will.” Asked she “What is that?” And Hasan answered, “He would have thee marry him to thy daughter Zaynab.” She said, “I have not command over her except of affection”; and Hasan said to Ali the Cairene “Give her the pigeons.” So he gave them to her, and she took them and rejoiced in them. Then quoth Hasan to her, “There is no help but thou return us a sufficient reply”; and Dalilah rejoined, “If it be indeed his wish to marry her, it availed nothing to play this clever trick upon us: it behoveth him rather to demand her in marriage of her mother’s brother and her guardian, Captain Zurayk, him who crieth out, saying, ‘Ho! a pound of fish for two farthings!’ and who hangeth up in his shop a purse containing two thousand dinars.” When the Forty heard this, they all rose and cried out, saying, “What manner of blather is this, O harlot? Dost thou wish to bereave us of our brother Ali of Cairo?” Then she returned to the Khan and said to her daughter, “Ali the Egyptian seeketh thee in marriage.” Whereat Zaynab rejoiced, for she loved him because of his chaste forbearance towards her,242 and asked her mother what had passed. So she told her, adding, “I made it a condition that he should demand thy hand of thine uncle, so I might make him fall into destruction.” Meanwhile Ali turned to his fellows and asked them, “What manner of man is this Zurayk?”; and they answered, “He was chief of the sharpers of Al-Irak land and could all but pierce mountains and lay hold upon the stars. He would steal the Kohl from the eye and, in brief, he had not his match for roguery; but he hath repented his sins and foresworn his old way of life and opened him a fishmonger’s shop. And now he hath amassed two thousand dinars by the sale of fish and laid them in a purse with strings of silk, to which he hath tied bells and rings and rattles of brass, hung on a peg within the doorway. Every time he openeth his shop he suspendeth the said purse and crieth out, saying, ‘Where are ye, O sharpers of Egypt, O prigs of Al-Irak, O tricksters of Ajam-land? Behold, Zurayk the fishmonger hath hung up a purse in front of his shop, and whoso pretendeth to craft and cunning, and can take it by sleight, it is his.’ So the long fingered and greedy-minded come and try to take the purse, but cannot; for, whilst he frieth his fish and tendeth the fire, he layeth at his feet scone-like circles of lead; and whenever a thief thinketh to take him unawares and maketh a snatch at the purse he casteth at him a load of lead and slayeth him or doeth him a damage. So O Ali, wert thou to tackle him, thou wouldst be as one who jostleth a funeral cortège, unknowing who is dead;243 for thou art no match for him, and we fear his mischief for thee. Indeed, thou hast no call to marry Zaynab, and he who leaveth a thing alone liveth without it.” Cried Ali, “This were shame, O comrades; needs must I take the purse: but bring me a young lady’s habit.” So they brought him women’s clothes and he clad himself therein and stained his hands with Henna, and modestly hung down his veil. Then he took a lamb and killing it, cut out the long intestine244 which he cleaned and tied up below; moreover he filled it with the blood and bound it between his thighs; after which he donned petticoat-trousers and walking boots. He also made himself a pair of false breasts with birds’ crops and filled them with thickened milk and tied round his hips and over his belly a piece of linen, which he stuffed with cotton, girding himself over all with a kerchief of silk well starched. Then he went out, whilst all who saw him exclaimed, “What a fine pair of hind cheeks!” Presently he saw an ass-driver coming, so he gave him a dinar and mounting, rode till he came to Zurayk’s shop, where he saw the purse hung up and the gold glittering through it. Now Zurayk was frying fish, and Ali sai
d, “O ass- man, what is that smell?” Replied he, “It’s the smell of Zurayk’s fish.” Quoth Ali, “I am a woman with child and the smell harmeth me; go, fetch me a slice of the fish.” So the donkey-boy said to Zurayk, “What aileth thee to fry fish so early and annoy pregnant women with the smell? I have here the wife of the Emir Hasan Sharr al-Tarik, and she is with child; so give her a bit of fish, for the babe stirreth in her womb. O Protector, O my God, avert from us the mischief of this day!” Thereupon Zurayk took a piece of fish and would have fried it, but the fire had gone out and he went in to rekindle it. Meanwhile Ali dismounted and sitting down, pressed upon the lamb’s intestine till it burst and the blood ran out from between his legs. Then he cried aloud, saying, “O my back! O my side!” Whereupon the driver turned and seeing the blood running, said, “What aileth thee, O my lady?” Replied Ali, “I have miscarried”; where-upon Zurayk looked out and seeing the blood fled affrighted into the inner shop. Quoth the donkey-driver, “Allah torment thee, O Zurayk! The lady hath miscarried and thou art no match for her husband. Why must thou make a stench so early in the morning? I said to thee, ‘Bring her a slice,’ but thou wouldst not.” Thereupon, he took his ass and went his way and, as Zurayk still did not appear, Ali put out his hand to the purse; but no sooner had he touched it than the bells and rattles and rings began to jingle and the gold to chink. Quoth Zurayk, who returned at the sound, “Thy perfidy hath come to light, O gallows-bird! Wilt thou put a cheat on me and thou in a woman’s habit? Now take what cometh to thee!” And he threw a cake of lead at him, but it went agley and lighted on another; whereupon the people rose against Zurayk and said to him, “Art thou a trades-man or a swashbuckler? An thou be a tradesman, take down thy purse and spare the folk thy mischief.” He replied, “Bismillah, in the name of Allah! On my head be it.” As for Ali, he made off to the barrack and told Hasan Shuman what had happened, after which he put off his woman’s gear and donning a groom’s habit which was brought to him by his chief took a dish and five dirhams. Then he returned to Zurayk’s shop and the fishmonger said to him, “What dost thou want, O my master?”245 He showed him the dirhams and Zurayk would have given him of the fish in the tray, but he said, “I will have none save hot fish.” So he set fish in the earthen pan and finding the fire dead, went in to relight it; whereupon Ali put out his hand to the purse and caught hold of the end of it. The rattles and rings and bells jingled and Zurayk said, “Thy trick hath not deceived me. I knew thee for all thou art disguised as a groom by the grip of thy hand on the dish and the dirhams.” — And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.