One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Ninth Night of the Month.

  When the night came, the king sat private in his chamber and sending after the Wazir, sought of him the story; and he said “Hear, O august king,

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Tale of the Simpleton Husband.371

  There was once in olden time a foolish man and an ignorant, who had abounding wealth, and his wife was a beautiful woman, who loved a handsome youth. The Cicisbeo used to watch for her husband’s absence and come to her, and on this wise he abode a long while. One day of the days, as the woman was closeted with her lover, he said to her, “O my lady and my beloved, an thou desire me and love me, give me possession of thy person and, satisfy my need in the presence of thy husband; otherwise I will never again come to thee nor draw near thee while I live my life.” Now she loved him with exceeding love and could not suffer his separation an hour nor could endure to anger him; so, when she heard his words, she said to him, “Bismillah, so be it, in Allah’s name, O my darling and coolth of mine eyes: may he not live who would vex thee!” Quoth he, “To-day?” and quoth she, “Yes, by thy life,” and made an appointment with him for this. When her husband came home, she said to him, “I want to go a-pleasuring,” and he said, “With all my heart.” So he went, till he came to a goodly place, abounding in vines and water, whither he carried her and pitched her a tent by the side of a tall tree; and she betook herself to a place alongside the tent and made her there a Sardбb, in which she hid her lover. Then said she to her husband, “I want to climb this tree;”372 and he said, “Do so.” So she clomb it and when she came to the tree-top, she cried out and slapped her face, saying, “O thou lecher, are these thy lewd ways? Thou swarest faith to me, and thou liedest.” And she repeated her speech twice and thrice. Then she came down from the tree and rent her raiment and said, “O lecher, an these be thy dealings with me before my eyes, how dost thou when thou art absent from me?” Quoth he, “What aileth thee?” and quoth she, “I saw thee futter the woman before my very eyes.” Cried he, “Not so, by Allah! But hold thy peace till I go up and see.” So he clomb the tree and no sooner did he begin to do so than out came the lover from his hiding-place and taking the woman by the legs, fell to shagging her. When the husband came to the top of the tree, he looked and beheld a man futtering his wife; so he called out, “O whore, what doings are these?” and he made haste to come down from the tree to the ground. But meanwhile the lover had returned to his hiding-place and his wife asked him, “What sawest thou?” and he answered, “I saw a man shag thee;” but she said, “Thou liest; thou sawest naught and sayst this only by way of phantasy.” The same they did three several times, and every time he clomb the tree the lover came up out of the underground place and mounted her, whilst her husband looked on and she still said, “Seest thou aught, O liar?” “Yes,” would he answer, and came down in haste, but saw no one and she said to him, “By my life, look and speak naught but sooth!” Then he cried to her, “Arise, let us depart this place, for ’tis full of Jinn and Marids.”373 Accordingly, they returned to their house and nighted there, and the man arose in the morning, assured that this was all but phantasy and fascination. And so the lover won his wicked will. “Nor, O king of the age,” continued the Wazir, “is this stranger than the story of the King and the Tither.” When the king heard this from the Minister, he bade him go away, and he went.

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Tenth Night of the Month.

  When it was eventide, the king summoned the Wazir and sought of him the story of the King and the Tither, and he said, “Hear, O king,

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Tale of the Unjust King and the Tither.

  There was once a king of the kings of the earth, who dwelt in a flourishing city, abounding in good; but he wronged its people and entreated them foully, so that he ruined the city; and he was named naught else but tyrant and oppressor. Now he was wont, whenas he heard of a violent man in another land, to send after him and lure him with lucre to take service with him; and there was a certain Tither, who exceeded all other Tithers in oppression of the people and foul dealing. So the king sent after him and when he stood before him, he found him a man of mighty fine presence and said to him, “Thou hast been described to me, but I see thou surpassest the description. Set out to me some of thy doings and sayings, so I may be dispensed therewith from enquiring into the whole of thy case.” Answered the other, “With all my heart! Know, O King, that I oppress the folk and people the land, whilst other than I ruineth it and peopleth it not.” Now the king was leaning back: but presently he sat upright and said, “Tell me of this.” The Tither replied, “’Tis well: I go to the man whom I purpose to tithe and cozen him and feign to be busied with certain business, so that I seclude myself therewith from the people; and meanwhile the man is squeezed with the foulest of extortion, till naught of money is left him. Then I appear and they come in to me and questions arise concerning him and I say, ‘Indeed, I was ordered worse than this, for some one (may Allah curse him!) hath slandered him to the king.’ Presently I take half of his good and return him the rest publicly before the folk and dismiss him to his house, in all honour and worship, and he garreth the money returned be carried before him, whilst he blesseth me and all who are with him also bless me. So is it bruited abroad in the city that I have restored to him his monies and he himself notifieth the like, to the intent that he may have a claim on me for the favour due to those who praise me. On this wise I keep half his property. Then I seem to forget him till the year374 hath passed over him, when I send for him and recall to him somewhat of that which hath befallen aforetime and require of him somewhat of money in secret; accordingly he doth this and hasteneth to his house and forwardeth whatso I bid him, with a contented heart. Then I send to another man, between whom and the first is enmity, and lay hands upon him and feign to the other man that it is he who hath slandered him to the king and hath taken the half of his good; and the people praise me.”375 The King wondered at this and at his wily dealing and clever contrivance and made him controller of all his affairs and of his kingdom and the land was placed under his governance, and he said to him, “Take and people.” 376 One day, the Tither went out and saw an old man, a woodcutter, and with him wood; so he said to him, “Pay a dirham tithe for thy load.” Quoth the Shaykh, “Behold, thou killest me and killest my family;” and quoth the Tither, “What? Who killeth the folk?” And the oldster answered, “An thou let me enter the city, I shall there sell the load for three dirhams, whereof I will give thee one and buy with the other two silvers what will support my family; but, an thou press me for the tithe outside the city, the load will sell but for one dirham and thou wilt take it and I shall abide without food, I and my family. Indeed, thou and I in this circumstance are like unto David and Solomon (on the twain be the Peace!)” “How so?” asked the Tither, and the woodcutter answered, “Do thou hear

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Story of David and Solomon.

  Certain husbandmen once made complaint to David (on whom be the Peace!) against some sheep-owners, whose flocks had come down upon their crops by night and had devoured them, and he bade value the crops and that the shepherds should make good the damage. But Solomon (on whom be the Peace!) rose and said, “Nay, but let the sheep be delivered to the husbandmen, so they may take their milk and wool, till they have recouped the value of their crops; then let the sheep return to their owners.” Accordingly David reversed his own decision and caused execute that of Solomon; yet was David no oppressor; but Solomon’s judgment was the juster and he showed himself therein better versed in jurisprudence and Holy Law.377 When the Tither heard the old man’s speech, he felt ruthful and said to him, “O Shaykh, I make thee a gift of that which is due
from thee, and do thou cleave to me and leave me not, so haply I may get of thee gain which shall do away from me my wrongousness and guide me on the path of righteousness.” So the old man followed him, and there met him another with a load of wood. Quoth the Tither to him, “Pay me that which thou owest me;” and quoth he, “Have patience with me till to-morrow, for I owe the hire of a house, and I will sell another load of fuel and pay thee two days’ tithe.” But he refused him this and the Shaykh said to him, “An thou constrain him unto this, thou wilt compel him quit thy country, because he is a stranger here and hath no domicile; and if he remove on account of one dirham, thou wilt forfeit of him three hundred and sixty dirhams a year.378 Thus wilt thou lose the mickle in keeping the little.” Quoth the Tither, “Verily379 will I give him a dirham every month to the rent of his lodging.” Then he went on and presently there met him a third woodcutter and he said to him, “Pay thy due;” but he said, “I will pay thee a dirham, when I enter the city; or take of me four dбniks380 now.” Quoth the Tither, “I will not do it,” but the Shaykh said to him, “Take of him the four daniks presently, for ’tis easy to take and hard to give back.” Exclaimed the Tither, “By Allah ’tis good!” and he arose and hied on, crying out at the top of his voice and saying, “I have no power this day to do evil.”381 Then he doffed his dress and went forth wandering at a venture, repenting unto his Lord. “Nor” (continued the Wazir), “is this story stranger than that of the Robber who believed the Woman and sought refuge with Allah against falling in with her like, by reason of her cunning contrivance for herself.” When the king heard this, he said to himself, “Since the Tither repented, in consequence of the woodcutter’s warnings, it behoveth I leave this Wazir on life so I may hear the story of the Robber and the Woman.” And he bade Al-Rahwan return to his lodging.

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Eleventh Night of the Month.

  When the evening came and the king had taken his seat, he summoned the Wazir and required of him the story of the Robber and the Woman. Quoth the Minister, “Hear, O king,

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  The Tale of the Robber and the Woman.

  A certain Robber was a cunning workman and used not to steal aught, till he had wasted all that was with him; moreover, he stole not from his neighbours, neither companied with any of the thieves, for fear lest some one should betray him, and his case become public. After this fashion he abode a great while, in flourishing condition, and his secret was concealed, till Almighty Allah decreed that he broke in upon a beggar, a poor man whom he deemed rich. When he gained access to the house, he found naught, whereat he was wroth, and necessity prompted him to wake that man, who lay asleep alongside of his wife. So he aroused him and said to him, “Show me thy treasure.” Now he had no treasure to show; but the Robber believed him not and was instant upon him with threats and blows. When he saw that he got no profit of him, he said to him, “Swear by the oath of divorce382 from thy wife that thou hast nothing.” So he sware and his wife said to him, “Fie on thee! Wilt thou divorce me? Is not the hoard buried in yonder chamber?” Then she turned to the Robber and conjured him to be weightier of blows upon her husband, till he should deliver to him the treasure, anent which he had forsworn himself. So he drubbed him with a grievous drubbing, till he carried him to a certain chamber, wherein she signed to him that the hoard was and that he should take it up. So the Robber entered, he and the husband; and when they were both in the chamber, she locked on them the door, which was a stout and strong, and said to the Robber, “Woe to thee, O fool! Thou hast fallen into the trap and now I have but to cry out and the officers of police will come and take thee and thou wilt lose thy life, O Satan!” Quoth he, “Let me go forth;” and quoth she, “Thou art a man and I am a woman; and in thy hand is a knife, and I am afraid of thee.” He cried, “Take the knife from me.” So she took it and said to her husband, “Art thou a woman and he a man? Pain his neck-nape with tunding, even as he tunded thee; and if he put out his hand to thee, I will cry out a single cry and the policemen will come and take him and hew him in two.” So the husband said to him, “O thousand-horned,383 O dog, O dodger, I owe thee a deposit384 wherefor thou hast dunned me.” And he fell to bashing him grievously with a stick of holm-oak,385 whilst he called out to the woman for help and prayed her to deliver him: but she said, “Keep thy place till the morning, and thou shalt see queer things.” And her husband beat him within the chamber, till he killed386 him and he swooned away. Then he left beating him and when the Robber came to himself, the woman said to her husband, “O man, this house is on hire and we owe its owners much money, and we have naught; so how wilt thou do?” And she went on to bespeak him thus. The Robber asked “And what is the amount of the rent?” ‘The husband answered, “‘Twill be eighty dirhams;” and the thief said, “I will pay this for thee and do thou let me go my way.” Then the wife enquired, “O man, how much do we owe the baker and the greengrocer?” Quoth the Robber, “What is the sum of this?” And the husband said, “Sixty dirhams.” Rejoined the other, “That makes two hundred dirhams; let me go my way and I will pay them.” But the wife said, O my dear, and the girl groweth up and needs must we marry her and equip her and do what else is needful.” So the Robber said to the husband, “How much dost thou want?” and he rejoined, “An hundred dirhams in a modest way.”387 Quoth the Robber, “That maketh three hundred dirhams.” Then the woman said, “O my dear, when the girl is married, thou wilt need money for winter expenses, charcoal and firewood and other necessaries.” The Robber asked “What wouldst thou have?” And she answered, “An hundred dirhams.” He rejoined, “Be it four hundred dirhams.” And she continued, “O my dear and O coolth of mine eyes, needs must my husband have capital in hand,388 wherewith he may buy goods and open him a shop.” Said he, “How much will that be?” And she, “An hundred dirhams.” Quoth the Robber, “That maketh five hundred dirhams; I will pay it; but may I be triply divorced from my wife if all my possessions amount to more than this, and they be the savings of twenty years! Let me go my way, so I may deliver them to thee.” Cried she, “O fool, how shall I let thee go thy way? Utterly impossible! Be pleased to give me a right token.”389 So he gave her a token for his wife and she cried out to her young daughter and said to her, “Keep this door.” Then she charge her husband to watch over the Robber, till she should return, and repairing to his wife, acquainted her with his case and told her that her husband the thief had been taken and had compounded for his release, at the price of seven hundred dirhams, and named to her the token. Accordingly, she gave her the money and she took it and returned to her house. By this time, the dawn had dawned; so she let the thief go his way, and when he went out, she said to him, “O my dear, when shall I see thee come and take the treasure?” And he, “O indebted one,390 when thou needest other seven hundred dirhams, wherewith to amend thy case and that of thy children and to pay thy debts.” And he went out, hardly believing in his deliverance from her. “Nor,” continued the Wazir, “is this stranger than the story of the Three Men and our Lord Ќsа.” So the king bade him hie to his own home.