One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  History of the Bhang-Eater and his Wife.

  In the beginning of my career I owned only a single bull and poverty confused my wits.?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

  The Three Hundred and Ninety-eighth Night,

  Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good-will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Bhang-eater said to the Sultan:?I had no property save a single bull and poverty confused my wits. So I resolved to sell Roger239 and going to the Bazar stood therein expecting someone to buy it, but none came to me until the last of the day. At that time I drove it forth and dragged it off till we reached half-way to my home, where I came upon a tree and sat down to rest in the cool shade. Now I had somewhat of Bhang with me, also a trifle of bread which I brought out and ate, and after I drank a draught of water from the spring. Presently the Bhang began to wobble in my brains and behold a bird in the tree-top which men call a Magpie240 fell a-cawing, so I said to her, “Thou, O Mother of Solomon, hast thou a mind to buy the bull?” and she cawed again. I continued, “Whatso price ever thou settest upon the bull, at that will I cede it to thee.” Again a croak and I, “Haply thou hast brought no money?” Another croak and cried I, “Say the word and I will leave the bull with thee till next Friday when thou wilt come and pay me its price.” But she still cawed and I, whenever she opened beak, O King of the Age, fancied that she bespake me and wanted the bull. But all this was of the excess of my Bhang which kept working in my brains and I mistook the croaking for her conversing. Accordingly I left with her the bull bound to the tree and turned towards my village; and, when I went in to my wife, she asked me anent the bull and I told her of my selling it to the Mother of Solomon. “Who may she be?” asked my rib, and I replied, “She dwelleth in yonder tree;” whereat my spouse rejoined “Allah compensate thee with welfare.” So I awaited patiently the appointed term; then, after swallowing somewhat of Bhang, I repaired to the tree and sat beneath it when, lo and behold! the pie cawed and I cried to her, “Hast thou brought the coin?” A second caw! Then said I, “Come hither and bring me the money.” A third caw! Hereat I waxed wroth and arose and taking up a bittock of brick I threw it at her as she sat perched upon the tree, whereupon she flew off and alit upon an ‘old man’241 of clay hard by. So it occurred to my mind, “By Allah, the Mother of Solomon biddeth me follow her and recover the value of the bull from yonder ‘old man.’” Presently I went up to it and digging therein suddenly came upon a crock242 full of gold wherefrom I took ten ashrafis, the value of the bull, and returned it to its place, saying, “Allah ensure thy weal, O Mother of Solomon.” Then I walked back to my village and went in to my wife and said, “By Allah, verily the Mother of Solomon is of the righteous! Lookye, she gave me these ten golden ducats to the price of our Roger.” Said my wife, “And who may be the Mother of Solomon?” and I told her all that had befallen me especially in the matter of the crock of gold buried in the ‘old man.’ But after she heard my words she tarried until sundown; then, going to the land-mark she dug into it and carrying off the crock brought it home privily. But I suspected her of so doing and said to her, “O woman, hast thou taken the good of the Mother of Solomon (and she of the righteous) after we have received from her the price of our Roger out of her own moneys? And hast thou gone and appropriated her property? By Allah, an thou restore it not to its stead even as it was, I will report to the Wali that my wife hath happened upon treasure-trove.” And so saying I went forth from her. Then she arose and got ready somewhat of dough for cooking with flesh-meat and, sending for a fisherman, bade him bring her a few fishes fresh-caught and all alive, and taking these inside the house she drew sweet water and sprinkled them therewith, and lastly she placed the dough and meat outside the house ready for nightfall. Presently I returned and we supped, I and she; but ’twas my firm resolve to report my wife’s find to the Chief of Police. We slept together till midnight when she awoke me saying, “O man, I have dreamed a dream, and this it is, that the sky hath rained down drink and meat and that the fishes have entered our house.” I replied to her of my folly and the overmuch Bhang which disported in my head, “Let us get up and look.” So we searched the inside of the house and we found the fishes, and the outside where we came upon the doughboy and flesh-meat; so we fell to picking it up, I and she, and broiling it and eating thereof till morning. Then said I, “Do thou go and return the moneys of Solomon’s Mother to their own place.” But she would not and flatly refused.?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

  The Three Hundred and Ninety-ninth Night,

  Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Bhang-eater continued:?I said to my wife, “Do thou go and return the moneys of Solomon’s Mother to their own place;” but she would not and flatly refused. Then I repeated243 my words but without avail, so I flew into a fury and leaving her ceased not trudging till I found the Wali and said to him, “O my lord, my wife Such-an-one hath hit upon a hoard and ’tis now with her.”244 The Chief of Police asked, “O man, hast thou seen it?” and I answered, “Yes.” So he sent a body of his followers to bring her before him and when she came said to her, “O woman, where is the treasure trove?” Said she, “O my lord, this report is a baseless;” whereupon the Chief of Police bade her be led to jail. They did his bidding and she abode in the prison a whole day, after which the Wali summoned her and repeated his words to her adding, “An thou bring not the hoard I will slay thee and cast thy corpse into the bogshop245 of the Hammam.” The woman (my wife) rejoined, “O my lord, I never found aught;” and when he persisted threatening her with death she cried, “O my lord, wherefore oppress me on this wise and charge such load of sin upon thine own neck? I never came upon treasure at all, at all!” The Chief of Police retorted, “My first word and my last are these:?Except thou bring the treasure trove I will slay thee and cast thee into the jakes.” Herewith quoth she, “O my lord, ask my husband where it was I hit upon the hoard and at what time, by day or by night,” and the Wali’s men cried, “By Allah, these her words are just and right, nor is therein aught of harm.” So he sent to summon me and asked me, “O man, when did thy wife hit upon the hoard?” I answered, “O my lord, she found it on the night when the skies rained drink and food and fishes.” Now when the Wali heard my words he said to me, “O man, the skies are not wont to shed aught save rainwater; and a man in his right wits speaketh not such speech as this.” Said I, “By the life of thy head, O my lord, they did rain all three of them;” but the officers cried, “O my lord, verily this man be Jinn-mad and his wife who telleth plain truth is wronged by him: the fellow deserveth confining in the Máristán.”246 Accordingly the Chief of Police bade the men set the woman free and let her wend her ways and seize me and throw me into the madhouse. They did his bidding and I
remained there the first day and the second till the third when my wife said to herself, “There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great! By the Lord, needs must I go and relieve my husband from Bedlam and charge him never again to speak of that treasure trove.” So she came to the Maristan and entering said to me, “Ho, Such-an-one, if any ask of thee saying, ‘What do the skies rain?’247 do thou make answer, ‘They rain water!’ Furthermore if they inquire of thee, ‘Do they ever rain drink and food and fishes?’ reply thou, ‘This is clean impossible, nor can such thing ever take place!’ Then haply they will say to thee, ‘How many days are in the week?’ and do thou say, ‘Seven days and this day be such a day!’ Lastly have a guard on thyself when speaking.” I rejoined, “’Tis well, and now hie thee forth and buy me half a faddah’s worth of Bhang, for during these days I have not eaten aught thereof.” So she went and bought me somewhat of food and of Hashish.?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

  The Four Hundredth Night,

  Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Bhang-eater’s wife fared forth and brought back somewhat of food and of Hashish: then returning to the Maristan (he continued) she gave both to me and I ate of them, after which I said to her, “Let us up and be off!” whereto she, “And when we go to the Wali what wilt thou say?” Then the Bhang wrought in the brains and I cried, “O bawd,248 O my nice young lady, well thou wottest that the skies did rain flesh and drink and fishes! Why then didst thou not tell the truth before the Chief of Police?” Thereupon the Manager of the Madhouse cried to me, “O fellow, this is the babble of madmen!” and I, “By Allah, I ate of them boiled; and doubtless the same kind of rain fell in your house.” The other exclaimed, “There be nor doubt nor hesitation anent the insanity of one who sayeth such say!” Now all this was related by the Bhang-eater to the Sultan who marvelled and asked him, “What could have made thee go to the Manager and recount to him such absurdities?” But the Bhang-eater resumed, saying, “I dwelt in the Maristan twenty days until at last having no Bhang to eat I came to my senses and confessed that the skies shed only rain-water, that the week containeth seven days and that this day be such-and-such; in fact I discoursed like a man in his right mind. So they discharged me and I went my ways.” But when the Kazi heard this tale he cried out to the Sultan, “O King of the Age, my story is still more wondrous than this, which is only a prank played by a wife. My name was originally Abú Kásim al-Tambúri249 and I was appointed Kazi after a neat thing I did, and if thou, O our lord the Sultan, desire to be told of the adventures which befel me and of the clever trick wherefor they made me a judge, deign give thy commandment and I will commence it.” Quoth the Sultan, “Recount to us why and where they entitled thee Kazi,” and the judge began to relate

  Richard Francis Burton’s translation: detailed table of contents

  How Drummer Abu Kasim Became a Kazi.

  There was once, O King of the Age, a merchant and a man of Bassorah who went about trading with eunuchs and slave-boys and who bore his goods in bales250 from Bassorah to Ajam-land there to sell them and to buy him other merchandise for vending in Syria. On this wise he tarried a long while until one year of the years he packed up his property, as was his wont, and fared forth with it to Persia. But at that time there fortuned to be a famine and when he arrived at one of the cities of the Ajam-land, where formerly the traders bought his goods, on this occasion none of them would come near him. In such case he continued a long while till at last a Khwájah appeared before him, a man who owned abundant riches in Persia, but his home was distant three days from the place. The visitor asked saying, “O Bassorite, wilt thou sell me thy stock-in-trade?” whereto the other answered, “And how? Of course I’ll sell it!” So the buyer opened the gate of bidding and offered such-and-such; but the Bassorah man cried, “Allah openeth.” Then the purchaser added somewhat and the seller rejoined, “Give me yet more?” At last the buyer exclaimed, “I will give nothing more than ‘Anaught’;”251 and the seller accepted the offer saying, “May Allah grant us gain!” Thereupon the Persian Khwajah took over all the goods from the vendor and next day the twain met to settle money-matters. Now I, O King of the Age, happened to be abiding in that city. The seller received from the buyer payment in full nor did anything remain; but after, the Bassorah man said to his customer, “Thou still owest me the ‘Anaught,’ which thou must hand over to me.” The other replied jeeringly, “And the ‘Anaught’ is a naught; to wit, no thing;” but the Bassorite rejoined, “Here with that ‘Anaught’!” Upon this a violent ruffle befel between them, the cause was carried before the King and payment was required in the Divan, for the Bassorite still demanded from the purchaser his “Anaught.” The Sultan asked, “And what be this ‘Anaught’?” and the Bassorah man answered, “I wot not, O King of the Age;” whereat the Sultan marvelled.?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night, an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

  The Four Hundred and First Night,

  Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the Sultan marvelled at the action of this Bassorite and his saying, “Give me my ‘Anaught!’” Presently the tidings of that cause reached me, O King; so I went to the Divan which was thronged with folk and all present kept saying, “How would it be if this ‘Anaught’ were a fraud or a resiliation of the contract?” Thereupon the Sultan exclaimed, “Whoso shall settle this case, to him verily will I be bountiful.” So I came forward, O King of the Age, thinking of a conceit and kissed ground and said to him, “I will conclude this cause,” and he rejoined, “An thou determine it and dispose of it I will give thee largesse; but if not, I will strike off thy head.” I rejoined, “To hear is to obey.” Then I bade them bring a large basin which could hold a skinful of water and ordered them fill it; after which I called out to the Bassorite, “Draw near,” and he drew near. Then I cried to the claimant, “Close thy fist!” and he did accordingly, and again I commanded him to close it and to keep it tight closed. He obeyed my bidding and I continued “Dip thy neave into the basin,” and he dipped it. Presently I asked, “Is thy hand in the water and thy fist closed?” and he replied, “It is.” Then said I, “Withdraw it,” and he withdrew it, and I cried, “Open thy neave,” and he opened it. Then I asked, “What thing hast thou found therein?” and he answered, “A naught;” whereupon I cried to him, “Take thine ‘Anaught’ and wend thy ways.” Hereupon the Sultan said to the Bassorite, “Hast thou taken thine ‘Anaught,’ O man?” and said he “Yes.” Accordingly the King bade him gang his gait. Then the Sultan gifted me with costly gifts and named me Kazi; and hence, O King of the Age, is the cause of the title in the case of one who erst was Abu Kasim the Drummer. Hereat quoth the Sultan, “Relate to us what rare accident befel thee in thy proper person.” So the judge began to recount

  Richard Francis Burton’s translat
ion: detailed table of contents

  The Story of the Kazi and his Slipper.