One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  “Whoreson and child of thousand pagans twain; * Son of the Road

  to lasting sin and bane;

  The Lord of Ruth ne’er grew him e’en a hair * Was not with this

  or that of contact fain!”150

  Now this man, who was standing beside the Chief of Police, seized the opportunity of saying, “O Emir, what booteth our standing idle in this stead? Better ‘twere that we break down the door and rush in upon them and snatch what we want and loot all the stuffs in the house.” Hereat came forward another lieutenant who was called Hasan151 — the Handsome — for that his face was fair and his works were fairer and he was a meeting-place of fairest deeds; and the same was wont to stand at the Wali’s door as a symbol of ruth to mankind. So he came forward and said, “O Emir, this were not the rede which is right and yonder man’s words lack good counsel, seeing that none hath complained against this folk and we know not an the accused be a thief or not: furthermore we fear consequences for that haply this merchant speaketh with an object, they having forbidden his marrying the girl: do not therefore cast thyself into that shall harm thee, but rather let us enquire anent the matter openly and publicly; and should it prove to be as reported, then the Emir’s opinion shall prevail.” All this took place while the old woman heard from behind the door whatso they said. Hereat she dried up with dread and affright and going within acquainted her daughter with what had occurred and ended with, “The Wali still is standing at the door.” The young lady was sore terrified and said to her mother, “Do thou bar152 the entrance till Allah haply deign bring us comfort.” So the old woman fared forth and bolted and barred it yet more straitly; and when they knocked a second time she acknowledged the rap by “Who is at the door?” and the lieutenant Shamamah replied to her and said, “O ill-omened old woman, O accomplice of robbers, knowest thou not that he who rappeth is the Master of Police and his young men? So open to us forthright.” Quoth she, “We be Haríms and ne’er a man with us, therefore we will not open to any;” and quoth he, “Open, or we will break it down.” The old woman made no reply but returning to her daughter within said to her, “Now look at this Robber and how from the first of this night we have been humbled for his sake: yet had he fallen into this trap his life had been taken, and would Heaven he may not come now and be made prisoner by them. Ah me! Were thy father on life the Wali never had availed to take station at our house-door or the door of any other.” “Such be our lot,” replied the girl, and she went to the casement that she might espy what was doing. This is how it fared with them; but as concerneth the Caliph, when the folk had finished crowding the streets he disguised himself and hending in hand his pellet-bow and slinging his sword over his shoulder he went forth intending for his bride. But when reaching the head of the street he saw lanthorns and stir of crowd:153 so he approached to look and he espied the Wali and his men with the merchant standing by the Chief’s side together with the lieutenants, all save one shouting, “Break down the door and rush in and seize the old woman: then let us question her with torture until she confess where be her Robber of a son-in-law.” But Hasan the fourth officer dissuaded them saying, “O good folk, do ye fear Almighty Allah and be not over hasty, saving that hurry is of old Harry. These be all women without a man in the house; so startle them not; and peradventure the son-in-law ye seek may be no thief and so we fall into an affair wherefrom we may not escape without trouble the most troublous.” Thereupon Shamamah came up and cried out, “O Hasan, it ill becometh thee to stand at the Wali’s door: better ‘twere for thee to sit on the witness-bench; for none should be gate-keepers to a head policeman save they who have abandoned good deeds and who devour ordure154 and who ape the evil practices of the populace.” All this and the Caliph overheard the fellow’s words and said to himself, “’Tis well! I will indeed gladden thee, O Accurst.” Then he turned and espied a street which was no thoroughfare, and one of its houses at the upper end adjoined the tenement wherein was his bride; so he went up to it and behold, its gateway showed a curtain drawn across and a lamp hung up and an Eunuch sitting upon the door-bench. Now this was the mansion of a certain noble who was lord over a thousand of his peers and his name was the Emir Yúnas:155 he was an angry man and a violent; and on the day when he had not bastinado’d some wight he would not break his fast and loathed his meat for the stress of his ill-stomach. But when the Eunuch saw the Caliph he cried out at him and sprang up to strike him exclaiming, “Woe to thee! art thou Jinn-mad? whither going?” But the Commander of the Faithful shouted at him saying, “Ho! thou ill-omened slave!” and the chattel in his awe of the Caliphate fancied that the roar was of a lion about to rend him and he ran off and entered the presence of his owner quivering with terror. “Woe to thee!” said his master; “what hath befallen thee?” and he, “O my lord, the while I was sitting at the gate suddenly a man passed up the street and entered the house-door; and, when I would have beaten him, he cried at me with a terrible voice saying, ‘Ho, thou ill-omened slave!’ So I fled from him in affright and came hither to thee.” Now when the Emir Yunas heard his words, he raged with such excessive rage that his soul was like to leave his body and he cried out saying, “Since the man addressed thee as ‘ill-omened slave,’ and thou art my chattel, I therefore am servile and of evil-omen. But indeed I will show him his solace!” He then sprang to his feet and hent in hand a file- wrought mace156 studded with fourteen spikes, wherewith had he smitten a hill he had shivered it; and then he went forth into the street muttering, “I, ill-omened!”157 But the Caliph seeing him recognised him straitway and cried, “Yunas!” whereat the Emir knew him by his voice, and casting the mace from his hand kissed ground and said, “’Tis well, O Commander of the Faithful!” Harun replied, “Woe to thee, dog! whilst thou art the Chief of the Emirs shall this Wali, of men the meanest, come upon thy neighbours and oppress them and terrify them (these being women and without a man in the house), and yet thou holdest thy peace and sittest in ease at home nor goest out to him and ejectest him by the foulest of ejections?” Presently the other replied, “O Prince of True Believers, but for the dread of thee lest thou say, ‘This be the warder of the watch, why hast thou exceeded with him?’ I would have made for him a night of the fulsomest, for him and for those with him. But an the Caliph command I will forthright break them all to bits nor leave amongst them a sound man; for what’s the worth of this Wali and all his varlets?” “First admit us to thy mansion,” quoth the Commander of the Faithful; so they passed in and the housemaster would have seated his visitor for the guest-rite but he refused all offers and only said, “Come up with us to the terrace-roof.” Accordingly they ascended and found that between it and the dwelling of the bride was but a narrow lane; whereupon quoth the Caliph, “O Yunas, I would find a place whence I can look down upon these women.” “There is no other way,” quoth the other, “save herefrom; and, if thou desire, I will fetch thee a ladder158 and plant it in such wise that thou canst pass across.” “Do so,” rejoined the other, and the Emir bringing a ladder disposed it after bridge fashion that the Caliph crossed over the lane to the house on the other side. Then quoth he, “Go sit thee in thy stead, and when I want thee I will call.” Yunas did as he was bidden and remained on the watch for his lord’s summons. But the Prince of True Believers walked over the terrace-roof with the lightest tread and not audible, lest his footsteps frighten the inmates, till he came to the parapet159 and looking adown therefrom upon the hall he saw a site like the Garden of Paradise which had been newly pranked and painted, whilst the lighted wax-candles and candelabra showed the young lady, the bride, sitting upon her bedstead adorned with gems and jewellery. She was like a Sun shedding sheen in sky serene, or a full moon at the fullest seen, with brow flower- bright and eyes black and white and beauty-spots fresh as greenth to the sight; brief she was as one of whom the poet saith,