Love Me

by Cristin Cooper

  Seth straightened his back and his shoulder tensed as the group of girls became more flirtatious. He focused his eyes on the drinks he prepared and avoided making eye contact with them as he set their drinks in front of them.

  “We’ve missed you around here!” I turned to see the pretty girl I had been looking for.

  “Hey, Benny. I think your boy needs saving.” I pointed to Seth, who sported a scowl when the blonde put a hand on his arm.

  “Poor guy,” she said with a slight pout. “He doesn’t realize how incredibly sexy he is.” She shook her head as she seemed to take him all in. Nobody could deny he was an attractive guy, a little too rough around the edges for me, but I could see what she saw in him. Tattoos covered almost every visible bit of skin except his face. Earlobe gauges and eyebrow piercings marred his model face. I couldn’t say this about a lot of men, but his sharp edges, clear skin made him painfully beautiful. But the best thing about him was the way he looked at Benny as if she were the sun, moon and stars.

  She released a heavy sigh. “I’ll be right back.”

  I watched as she stood next to the blonde girl who still made the moves on her shy boyfriend. Benny leaned over the bar and smiled and winked at Seth. “Come here.” He returned her smile and leaned into her. “What can I get you?” he asked with a slight smile. She pulled on his shirt until their faces were mere inches away. “You,” she said before planting a hot kiss on his lips that made me blush. When he pulled away, his huge smile matched hers. “I love you, Benny.”

  “I know.” She turned to the group of girls and said, “He’s mine,” then turned and walked back to me. I tried not to laugh as I watched Seth release a deep breath and grin at his girlfriend.

  A very disappointed blonde took her drink and walked away from the bar with her group of friends while Tim finished singing about raining men. I smirked to myself. He deserved that.

  Benny tugged on my sleeve. “Come with me. I want to introduce you to some people.” I happily followed her to a table where two girls not old enough to drink sat along with a woman old enough to be their grandmother and the man who took my breath away.

  “Everyone, this is my friend, Kim. Kim, this is MacKenzie Thom, and her twin, Roman. I couldn’t believe it. Except for the dark brown eyes, they looked nothing alike. Pointing to a gray-haired woman who sat in the seat grimacing at the loud music she introduced as Mrs. Bell, “And this handsome guy,” placing a hand on sexy arms shoulders, “Is Kevin Masterson.”

  I waved and smiled hyper aware of Kevin’s eyes on me. I tried to avoid looking at him, but I couldn’t stop myself. He was like an eye magnet. He stood and offered his hand drawing my attention to his sexy arms––again. “It’s nice to meet you, Kim. Sorry. I didn’t get your last name,” he said with a warm smile.

  “It’s Kim…Kimberly Franklin. It’s nice to meet you.” I placed my hand in his, unsure why I told him my full name. Nobody called me Kimberly, but for some reason, I wanted him to. Everything about him exuded friendly and open, and I appreciated his tall frame. I liked being able to wear heels with a guy and not tower over him.

  “It’s Kevin’s birthday today, so we’re celebrating.” He blushed and pulled out a chair next to him. “Would you like to join us?” I looked over my shoulder at my friends who didn’t seem to notice my absence as they sang along with some random girl singing Britney Spears, Baby One More Time. From this point of view, I didn’t want to claim them as my friends.

  I walked around the table and took the offered seat. He scooted my chair in before taking his seat. Benny stood across from me smiling looking back and forth between Kevin and me.

  “So how do you all know each other? You’re quite the eclectic group.”

  “We’re all neighbors. Every month we take turns hosting dinner. It’s me and Seth’s turn, but since we got called in to work, we decided to have dinner here.” Benny’s cheerful tone helped me picture her as a preschool teacher. She exuded sweetness. I couldn’t imagine her having a mean bone in her body.

  Kevin leaned into me and opened his mouth to speak, but stopped and looked over my shoulder. I followed his eyes just as Tim leaned down and kissed my cheek.

  “Hey honey, you ready to go? I think we need to get out of here before these guys get us kicked out.” When I noticed how Kevin’s smile fell, I wanted to announce, “Tim’s my gay friend and I’m single,” but it would’ve been pointless. Tim would never release me from my promise especially after he had begged me to do the same for him a month ago and I had refused. I thought it hysterical to torture him like that. Not so much now. For the first time in ten months, I regretted making that promise to Tim.

  “This is my ride,” I announced. “It was nice to meet you all. Hopefully, I’ll see you again?” I didn’t mean for it to be a question, but it came out that way when I looked at Kevin. He gave me what seemed like a disappointed smile, as he looked at me then to Tim.

  “Good to meet you, Kimberly.” Kevin stood and helped me out of my chair like a gentleman while I asked the universe why we couldn’t have met two months from now?

  As Tim and I made our way outside followed by our rowdy friends, he hung his arm around my neck. “Who’s the guy?” he asked with a knowing smile.

  “Friend of Benny’s.” I shrugged as though he were no big deal but I knew I wouldn’t be getting him out of my head anytime soon.

  11

  “More coffee,” I whined into my empty mug. Unsure if I suffered from leftover side of effects of drinking too much or if I had a Kevin hangover, all I knew was I needed more caffeine to get me through my day. Apparently, I looked as bad as I felt since my assistant Tara poked her head into my office and asked, “Coffee?”

  “Yes!” I said a little too loud.

  “I’m on it, boss.”

  “Actually, I’ll get it. I think it’s my turn anyway.” Today called for good coffee and a walk to The Coffee Pot would do me good. I hoped the time it took to get there and back, along with the fresh air, would help get my head back into work instead on Kevin Masterson. The man had imprinted himself on my brain. No matter how hard I tried to concentrate on the list of things I needed to get done, I found myself daydreaming about him.

  I swung my purse over my shoulder and hurried out of the hotel before someone could stop me with business.

  The second I stepped outside, I took in a deep breath. Spring in Portland was my favorite time of year. The rain smelled fresh instead of musty. The air warmed and the sun came out occasionally, giving hope for clear skies.

  I took my time walking to my favorite coffee place, taking in the sights and smells of Portland. People from all walks of life lived here. From men and women in business suits to the hipsters in their colorful skinny jeans and scarves, to the guy with dreadlocks on the street drumming away on empty buckets hoping to make a few dollars in tips. I loved this city and everything about it.

  The stress of the day seemed to melt away when I stepped into The Coffee Pot. The scent of coffee, the case of baked goods and the cozy atmosphere did that to me.

  I went to the counter to place my order and exchanged sarcastic remarks with the owner, Jason. The first time I came in here, he had been in the middle of putting a rude customer in his place. At that moment, I knew I found my home away from home. It helped that he had the best coffee around.

  Just as I stepped aside for the next customer, the tinkle of the bell over the door drew my attention and in walked my ex-husband and his new wife pushing a stroller.

  There went my calm. It had been exactly six months since I had last seen Craig and the worst part of seeing him now was the beautiful smile he gave his wife. He turned toward the counter and stopped mid-step when his eyes met mine. He said, “Kim,” just loud enough for his wife to hear and for her to search the room for me.

  She gave him a kiss on the cheek and turned away, pushing the stroller to the farthest end of the shop. As he neared me, he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Hey.”

  �
�I’m leaving once I get my coffee,” I stated trying to repress the pain of seeing him with her and their baby, but I couldn’t hide my hurt. He now lived the life I wanted us to have. He lied when he said he didn’t want it. He did, just not with me.

  “I’m sorry, Kim. I know this must be hard for you.” Shaking my head, I blinked back the tears.

  “Do you have a minute?”

  I nodded my head and followed him to a table in eyesight of his wife. “I meant to come by and talk. There are so many things I need to apologize for and I should have done this months ago.”

  After Jason had called my name, I picked up my drinks and resisted running out of the shop. I didn’t want to hear his apology. I didn’t want to see the good guy he turned into after he left me.

  He looked to his wife then turned back to me. “I was a terrible husband. The last few months we were together….well…. I’m sorry. I should have left sooner when I realized we weren’t working. I should have been there for you, especially after Ryan died. I know how much he meant to you. Out of all the things I regret, that one is at the top of the list.”

  The tears built up in the back of my eyes just thinking about Ryan. It had been thirteen months, and I had just begun to have days where I would forget that he was gone.

  “Craig…” I couldn’t do it. Thinking back to that night when my world fell apart hurt as much today as it did then. I’m no longer married, texts to my best friend will never be returned, and my sister, who used to be the stable one, could barely keep it together.

  “Kim, I can’t excuse the way I treated you, but I hope one day you’ll forgive me, and that you’ll find love and happiness you deserve. I had known before we married that I would never make you truly happy, but I wanted to. I did try, but I’m not the guy for you.” He sighed as he glanced over at his wife who now held their blond baby boy against her chest, as her eyes held his.

  I didn’t want to admit it, but I pressured him into marriage knowing he agreed because I wanted it and not because he wanted to marry me. Ryan’s death taught me that I couldn’t settle for anyone who didn’t want me as much as I wanted him. As horrible as it sounded, I wanted a love so fierce that it could wreck me. I didn’t have that with Craig. His rejection and his dishonesty destroyed me, but not his lack of love.

  I stared at him wondering where this man had been hiding and then realized he had always been there, just not with me. “Craig, thank you for the apology.”

  “It was overdue.”

  I patted his hand, and we stood at the same time. “I hope you and Abby have a happy life together.”

  He surprised me when he pulled me into a tight hug and whispered, “You too.” I wanted to melt into his embrace, but knew he only meant to comfort me not to be affectionate.

  I picked up my coffees, hoping they would still be warm by the time I returned to the hotel. When I turned my back to the door to push it open, I stumbled into the second to the last person I expected to see. I fumbled with the coffees almost dropping them at my feet.

  “Oh sorry.” Kevin held my arms as I got my bearings. Great. I held back a grown. Once again I appeared to be a complete klutz around him. “Fancy meeting you here,” Kevin said with a glint of humor in his voice. A smiling Kevin Masterson was a dangerous thing. How he could be better looking today than last night, I would never know.

  I returned his smile. Again. Goodbye, self-control. “Hey,” I said with too much enthusiasm. Again, I couldn’t stop myself. I blamed him. He did this to me.

  “Man, I don’t know if I have the worst or the best timing. I was just thinking about you, but you’re leaving?”

  “Yeah. I have to get back to work, but it was good running into you,” I said as I tried to get past him. If I spent any more time with him, I’d lose my resolve to keep my promise to Tim.

  “Are you all right?” The way his eyes searched my face, I thought for sure he could see everything. Glancing behind me to the couple in the corner with their beautiful baby, I felt intense grief and jealousy at once. Not wanting to see my feelings reflected in his eyes, I turned away. “I’m running late, but maybe I’ll see you around,” I said with a false bravado.

  “I was wondering if we...”

  “Goodbye, Kevin,” I said with finality, no longer able to keep my cool. It didn’t matter I promised Tim to stay away from men because I knew better. Kevin had heartbreak written all over him. At least for me.

  “I’ll see you later then,” he shouted as I walked away. I put a hand in the air and waved, hoping I would see him again while simultaneously wishing I wouldn’t.

  12

  On my way back to the hotel, I thought about sexy arms and fantasized wrapping myself around him like wrapping paper. I also fantasized about him while Tara and I finalized our next hotel event, while I ate lunch and during my staff meeting. By the time, I climbed into bed to watch my daily dose of reality television, fantasy-Kevin and I were married and deliriously happy with two beautiful kids.

  Two days later, I still couldn’t get him off my mind.

  “I think my mother might be right.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized what I said. The words ‘right’ and ‘my mother’ didn’t go together. “It might be time to date again.” I thought it big of me to admit it, though I still didn’t want to date. But my fantasies were taking over, and I needed a good dose of reality. Nothing a bad date couldn’t fix which left sexy arms out of the equation.

  Tara, who sat cross-legged on the couch in my office with a laptop propped on her knees, faked a gasp then smirked. Being my assistant meant she saw me at my worst, heard my rants and witnessed more than one of my mother’s tirades. Tara understood me, and that’s why we worked so well together. It also helped that my weaknesses were her strengths, and she kept me on track.

  “Honestly, I can’t believe you haven’t yet. Not with the number of men following you around. Then again, that would mean letting Tim off the hook. This man diet you guys are on is killing him.” She flipped the laptop closed and set it next to her. “You know who you should go out with?” she asked no longer worried about my promise. “Sexy Travis!” Her brows bounced up and down. “He’s always looking at you like he’s ready to eat you and I bet he would eat you so good.” She sounded breathy and seemed to be in her own world as she stared off into space.

  When I cleared my throat, she shook off whatever fantasy she thought about and came back to planet reality. “Plus, I noticed on the calendar he’s going to be here this weekend. I think Vic is trying to tempt him to leave Seattle and work here permanently.”

  Oh lordy, that was all I needed. A fiery burn ran up my neck and face as my heart felt like it tried to push its way out of my chest. That night in my office played in my head countless times, and it never got better. I had seen him a handful of times since then and managed never to be alone with him. It didn’t stop him from calling and texting or the intense looks he gave me when we sat across from each other during meetings.

  I didn’t want to guess what he thought. That night was now in my top-five worst mistakes, right up there with marrying Craig and the first guy I ever had sex with. My body shivered at the thought.

  I leaned down pretending to look through my filing to avoid Tara seeing the heat on my face. “I think I should start out with someone less…intense,” I managed to say and not sound out of breath. Yay me.

  “That might be exactly what you need.” She leaned her head back and made a growling noise. “I know I could,” she grumbled.

  Excellent. She gave me a way to avoid talking about Travis. “Mike?” I asked.

  “Do you think it’s true, you know about the seven-year itch?” she asked staring up at the ceiling.

  I stared at her with my brows raised, but she wasn’t looking at me. “Did you forget about my marriage? I think it’s real, at least in my case.” I moved from behind my desk to sit on the couch beside her. “Why? Do you think Mike is cheating on you?”

  She rolled her head to
look at me and sighed. “It’s not him. It’s me. I’m not happy with our sex life, and I doubt he is either. We’re more like roommates than a married couple. It’s just not anything like I imagined.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I thought they were solid.

  “Have you thought about cheating?”

  “No.” She shook her head and closed her eyes. “I love him, but we’re just stale.”

  Before I had a chance to ask her a million questions, my ringing phone interrupted us. “This is Kim.” One of the girls at the front desk informed me that my next appointment arrived.

  “Great. I’ll be right there.” I turned back to Tara and our conversation, but she had already stood and picked up her laptop. “You going to be okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah. We’ll figure it out.” Just as she stepped foot out of my office, she leaned against the doorframe. “Do you have everything you need for your meeting?”

  “I’m pretty sure.”

  “Is this your neighbor, Jim, the child psychiatrist?”

  “Yeah, he’s part of a group of therapists who are starting a nonprofit, and this will be their first fundraiser.”

  “Oh, this should be fun. Right up your alley.”

  “I hope so. He’s a great guy, and I’d love to make it successful for him.”

  “Well, I’ll be in the conference room finishing up a quote if you need me.” Looking a little more chipper, she turned to leave and I picked up my iPad that held my notes from my earlier conversation with him.

  Just as I reached the front desk, my body stopped mid-step and in my head, I could hear the screeching tires putting on the breaks. What was he doing here?