Searching for Disaster

by Jennifer Probst

  He slumped over her, pressing a kiss to her damp neck. She turned over to face him, her fingers touching his cheek. "Not too rough?" he asked.

  "No," she said softly. "It was . . . everything."

  He waited for more, but she just lay beside him, seemingly content.

  "Do you . . . want to talk about anything?"

  She shook her head.

  And that's when he realized she wasn't going to talk about it.

  Somehow she'd pushed all her doubts aside and was grabbing the moment. The problem was Devine didn't know how long his Camelot was going to last. But if he pushed the issue, demanded they talk about their relationship, she might flee. Maybe the best thing would be to follow her lead. No need to decide on terms or how they were together.

  "Will you spend the day with me today?" he asked.

  "Yeah, I'd like that. Maybe we can go to the dog--oh!" She yelped and pulled back, and Han and Leia jumped on their naked bodies with pure joy, barking and licking, with scrambling paws and tangled limbs.

  Devine protected his most precious part and Han walked on his back, furiously licking at his ear, causing him to burst into laughter.

  Yeah, things were just about perfect. No reason to complicate things.

  Communication was always overrated anyway.

  chapter ten

  "IZZY, I HAVE GOOD NEWS."

  She spun around in her chair to face Kate. "What's up?"

  Kate crossed her arms, studying her face. "You look good, babe. Is there something going on?"

  She grinned. The last month had been perfect. Leia was finally learning to pee outside and sleep in her crate without crying all night. She'd finished the project Arilyn had given her and had done so well, they now wanted her to help out more with the clients. She was going through a brief training program so she could help them with intake sessions.

  Then there was Liam.

  The thought of him made her insides mushy. Since that morning on his couch, they'd been together almost every day. They took the dogs to the park together, cooked dinner, watched Star Wars, and had crazy, wild, dirty, delicious sex.

  All the time.

  Her body was loose, and her spirit was light. For the first time, she'd dumped all her worries and expectations and completely channeled her sister's favorite romance heroine: Scarlett O'Hara.

  She would think about everything tomorrow.

  When tomorrow came, Izzy pushed it off to the next day.

  One glorious month later, she was still happily deflecting. How could she fight such a fierce connection? Liam was a powerful force and she didn't want to run any longer. She did what they had first taught her in rehab.

  Take it one moment at a time. One day at a time.

  Let your sense of control go and give it up to a higher power.

  Believe you will be guided to the right path and have faith.

  Every day, they grew closer, but Liam also refused to ask questions. They slipped naturally into a routine that was comfortable and never discussed the future. They also hadn't told anyone what was going on, so there was no feedback or good-natured advice that demanded analysis or thinking. Stone still didn't know, and Izzy kept her private life locked up from her friends and her sister.

  For now.

  She refocused on Kate. "Thanks. Leia is finally sleeping through the night, so I'm more energetic."

  "Oh, that's wonderful! I know puppies are quite demanding, but things will only get better."

  "Yeah, other than Leia eating half of my wicker basket and crapping out wicker pieces on my front yard. I got so nervous I took her to the vet."

  Kate laughed. "Better than a pair of Louboutins."

  Izzy gasped. "No! Robert?"

  "No, I got Robert when he was older and past all those bad habits. Even worse. Arilyn bribed Kennedy to watch two foster puppies for a few hours one afternoon, and when she got back, Ken was holding the shredded shoes in one hand and the culprits in the other. Needless to say, she refused to ever dog-sit again."

  Izzy shook her head. Kennedy's shoes were legendary. Now she didn't feel so bad about her wicker. "What did you want to talk about?"

  "Oh, sorry. I swear my brain has been all fogged up lately, especially since that stupid stomach virus. I can't seem to remember anything. It's about Devine."

  Izzy tried to look cool. "What about him?"

  "I found his match!"

  It took a few seconds for her to process Kate's announcement. She'd forgotten that Kinnections had been working to match Liam this entire time. Sickness crashed over her but she struggled past it and remained calm. "You haven't mentioned him, so I figured he pulled out," she managed.

  "No; I had Arilyn help me put him through the matching system and we did a few cross-checks with our client base. He's not the type to enjoy a mixer or a stream of first dates. I needed to put it on the line with one big match. And I think I found her!"

  Izzy turned away fast, pretending to fiddle with papers so Kate didn't catch her expression. The sickness had turned into a dull fury. The idea of another woman coming near Liam made her turn vicious. "Umm, that's great. But how do you know this is his match?"

  "Besides a perfect profile fit via the computer, she's a child advocate of the court system to help abused children find solid homes, and her father is a police officer, so she knows what to expect. She has no issues with cops--and I know a lot of women do. She's got a master's degree and she lives close to Verily. She's attractive and has a fabulous sense of humor, and guess what else?"

  With each word, Izzy's temper grew, until her head got a bit foggy. "What else?" she growled.

  "She has a dog! A beagle mix, just like Devine! Do you believe it? Their first date will probably be epic."

  Izzy snapped her pencil in half and it went flying up in the air. Kate jumped back a step. Izzy grimaced. "Oops, sorry. Yeah, it'll be epic."

  "Would you like to call him and tell him the big news? I know we're training you to deal more personally with clients. You can even schedule their date if you'd like."

  Izzy gnashed her teeth. One of the folders crumpled in her grip, and she had to take deep breaths to release her fingers. Schedule a date with Liam and another woman?

  Fun.

  She opened her mouth to tell Kate to stay far away from her man, then froze. What was she doing? Isn't that what she wanted? To set him up with a woman who could give him everything he needed? She practically choked on her response. "Sure."

  A pause. "Wonderful. Why don't you try that new Japanese restaurant on Main Street? I heard it's got great food and it's pretty romantic."

  The room tilted. Raw emotion battered her in waves. Never. "Sure," she said again.

  "Excellent. Doesn't it feel good to finally set Devine up with a woman who's going to care for him? I have a feeling they'll have great sexual chemistry, too. Stone said Devine likes blondes."

  Izzy gripped the edge of the desk and prayed for sanity.

  "Well, I'm off to an appointment. Let me know when you've finalized the date. I've left Brittany's number in the contacts folder so you can call. Bye!"

  Kate left. The bells tinkled merrily on her way out.

  Brittany? Really? She couldn't believe he preferred blondes. He'd never told her that or even indicated his preference for blondes. And she was a child court advocate? Ugh--it gave her a cavity. Someone dedicating her life to helping those poor children was just too much. She had to have some kind of horrific skeleton in her closet. Maybe she was really a jealous maniac and would stalk Liam. And how did Kate know she had a good sense of humor? Liam's humor was very particular and she might not get it.

  No, she wouldn't do it. Couldn't do it.

  As the hours passed, she tried to pick up the phone a hundred times to make the call. She'd just schedule the damn date and let them be happy in their perfectness. They'd had a great month. Did she really think it could last?

  By the end of the day, she was bottled up and ready to explode. When Liam texted her
about coming over, she ignored him. Screw him. Trying to date blondes behind her back? Whatever.

  She walked Leia several times and started dinner. After ignoring two more texts, she was ready when the bell rang. She marched over, flinging the door open.

  Liam held Han in one hand and set him down. With a yelp, he scrambled across the wooden floors, crashing into Leia, and they tumbled together in greeting. "Why didn't you answer my texts?" he asked in puzzlement. "I was going to pick up sushi for us if you didn't feel like cooking."

  "Oh, sushi. Convenient."

  He scratched his head and shut the door behind him. "Umm, yeah, it was supposed to be convenient. What happened? You look ready to pop, and not in a good way. Did Leia destroy something else?"

  "Why didn't you tell me you liked blondes?"

  He walked to the kitchen, grabbed a glass, and poured himself some lemonade. "Blondes? I don't like blondes."

  "You lie! Kate said Stone said you preferred blondes over brunettes!"

  "What the hell are you talking about? Have I dropped into some time warp or something?"

  "Forget it. I don't care that you like blondes! I hope you and Brittany are very happy together in your perfect lives."

  His blue eyes flashed with matching temper. He slammed the glass down and stalked over to her. "Who the hell is Brittany?" he yelled back. "Have you gone insane?"

  She jabbed a finger at his chest. "Brittany is your match at Kinnections! Your perfect match, according to Kate. She wants me to set up a date with you at the Japanese restaurant. Congratulations--your profiles fit and supposedly she's hot, so you can have ridiculously good-looking Ken and Barbie babies!"

  He grabbed her by the shoulders. "You've lost your mind. I never asked Kate to set me up on a date after I had to bribe you to go to dinner with me. I have no interest in dating anyone else but you!"

  "Bullshit," she shot back, fisting his shirt in her hands. "She's everything you've been looking for. Blonde, a child advocate, a family in law enforcement, and she has a damn beagle. Kate said it's meant to be and I know you want to meet her, so go ahead. I don't care!"

  He twisted his fingers in her hair and yanked her head back. Leaning over her with pure male fury, he spoke deliberately against her lips. "Listen up and listen good. I already found everything I'm looking for and it's not in some fucking computer with some perfect stranger. It's with you, even though you're certifiably insane."

  Caught in the rising storm of adrenaline, she leaned forward and bit his lower lip. He cursed and she glared at him, her body on fire, her core softening and heating like lava. "Get out."

  She knew it was an order he'd never obey. He also knew she didn't want him to, so he tightened his grip on her hair, thrilling her with the edge of anger and raw, sharp desire. "I'm going to do two things right now, Isabella, and there's not a damn thing you can do to stop me." In one move, he ripped open her shirt, popping buttons everywhere. Her chest heaved for air. Her breasts swelled under her tiny white lace bra. "I'm going to fuck you till you're not mad anymore. Then I'm going to hold you until you know I'm not going anywhere."

  His mouth crashed down on hers.

  The kiss was wild and fierce. They ripped at each other's clothes, falling on each other like starving predators, all tongues and lips and teeth, until he lifted her up high and slammed her back against the wall. Deftly unbuckling his belt, he yanked down his jeans and sheathed himself, never breaking from the deep, wild kiss. She moaned, clutching his shoulders as he pushed up her skirt and pulled off her panties. With one quick, graceful movement, he lifted her high, then brought her down in a stunning move that joined them deeply together.

  "Liam!"

  She kissed his neck, sunk her teeth into his shoulder, and hung on while he took her on a wild ride that left no shred of doubt she belonged with him. Shoving her hips upward for more, he worked his fingers to her clit and rubbed, and she came hard, screaming her pleasure as she convulsed around his cock.

  He followed her, grunting her name, still pinning her tight against the wall so every curve cushioned his hardness. Slowly, he slid her back down till her feet touched the floor. Izzy clung to him, her knees weak and unable to hold her up.

  And then he kept his second promise.

  Scooping her up into his arms, he walked over to the sofa and settled her in his lap. Curling her into his embrace, pressing her face against his damp chest, he crooned her name and held her tight, stroking her hair, and she began to cry, because she knew she loved this man and she still didn't know what to do.

  DEVINE HELD HER for a long time. Every tear she shed broke him slowly apart, but he refused to interrupt the sacred moment. Something had shifted between them--an opening up he hadn't felt before.

  He loved her.

  God, how he loved her. It was like finding his other half. There was no doubt, or fear, or tension, regarding the knowledge. Just a simple acceptance and gratitude. But it still wasn't the right time to tell her. He knew Izzy's self-doubts ran deep, entwined with who she was and what she believed he deserved. The only solution was to keep moving forward. Knowing she'd been crazed with jealousy only confirmed his belief she loved him just as much. The truth sang in his blood and seeped into his skin. His soul recognized her love for him. So he'd wait for the words and wouldn't complicate things by telling her of his own feelings.

  Right now, she needed comfort. Holding her soothed him on a deeper level, allowing his soul to breathe. He reveled in her scent, kissed her tears away, and waited for her to calm down. Finally, she turned a tearstained face up to him, wet blue eyes gleaming with confusion and want.

  He smiled. "Want to finish cooking dinner?"

  She blinked. Then her swollen lips curved upward and sunshine drenched his vision. "Yes."

  "Then let's do it."

  He eased her off his lap, stood up, and offered his hand.

  She took it.

  For now, it was enough.

  chapter eleven

  "HEY, BABE. LONG TIME no chat."

  Izzy lay stretched out on her bed, feet dangling over the footboard, Leia resting on her stomach. The puppy's head was nestled in between her breasts, and her sweet breath came out in little snorts. Izzy had finally placed a call to Raven, guilty they hadn't updated each other in a few weeks.

  Her best friend chuckled over the phone. "'Bout time you called. I miss you like crazy. When are you coming to Harrington to see my bar?"

  Raven had bought a bar/restaurant called My Place. With her skill for cocktails and the Culinary Institute Academy graduate chef she'd snagged, the bar was becoming a huge success. Izzy was so happy to see her friend's dreams finally come true. It had been a long road for both of them, with lots of bumps and errors, but without Raven, Izzy doubted she'd be clean and sober and happy right now.

  "Soon. Guess what I got?"

  "A hot man?"

  "A puppy! I named her Princess Leia. She's a beagle-basset mix and the cutest thing ever."

  "Aww, text me pictures right now! I can't wait to meet my new honorary niece! Is she wrecking your house?"

  "Yes, but I don't care. Are you doing okay over there?"

  She sighed over the phone. A few seconds of silence ticked by, which told Izzy her friend wasn't ready to confess something yet. "Kind of. Things have been . . . odd. Let's just say the next time we chat I may have more news for you."

  "A boy?"

  "Girlfriend, when isn't it a boy? But this time it's even more. I'm just not ready to share yet. Are you cool with that?"

  "I'm always cool with you. I'm here whenever you're ready--day or night."

  "Sunset to sunrise," Raven echoed, words they always spoke in their friendship pact from years ago. "What about you? Boy trouble?"

  "Yeah. A guy from my past showed up in Verily. I'd hooked up with him at a college party six years ago. Imagine my surprise when he walked into Kinnections."

  "Did he remember you?"

  "Yeah, he did," she said softly. "Seems we both had a
hard time forgetting each other."

  "Doesn't sound like a problem so far," Raven said slowly. "What's the deal? Is he married? Engaged? Girlfriend?"

  "No."

  "Cheater? Liar? User? Dickhead?"

  "No."

  "Then why do you sound wary?"

  "'Cause I kind of love him," she choked out.

  "Isn't that good? If he's not an asshole, why do you sound upset? Does he not feel the same way?"

  "No, I think he does. But he knows I used drugs, Raven. And he's a cop. A rule follower. He's gorgeous and kind and good-hearted and perfect. We'd be terrible together."

  "Umm, babe, you've been clean for two years. You have a great job. You're back with your family. What's the problem?"

  Izzy chewed at her lip. It was hard to explain the demons that still lurked inside of her. As if one day they'd be tempted out of the darkness and she'd break and be back exactly where she was. This time she'd take everyone with her. Did Liam really deserve that type of love? With a woman who always seemed to search for disaster?

  She wasn't ready to spill her secret fears yet. "I guess I'm just freaked out. I haven't been involved in anything serious my entire life."

  "Yeah, it's scary as hell. Listen, just remember you're worth everything great in this life, Izzy. Don't forget it. He'd be lucky to score a chick like you."

  Izzy laughed, relaxing a bit. "Thanks. I'll send you pics and call you next week. Peace out."

  "Peace out."

  The phone clicked.

  Maybe Raven was right. Liam had told Kate he was pulling out of Kinnections because he'd met someone, but he refused to share who. Thankfully, Kate never questioned Izzy about it. Though they had never announced an official relationship, Izzy began to wonder if she should tell her friends. She'd finally confided in her sister and swore her to secrecy, but maybe it was time to make it more official. Maybe she could continue being with Liam with no complications.

  Her phone vibrated. She smiled and hit the button. "Hey, where are you?"

  She heard the roar of masculine voices in the background. "I'm over at Ray's Billiards. We had a major bust today and I'm celebrating with the guys."