Remembering Rainy

by Danni Roan

  Nathan took a step toward Rainy, his heart twisting at the pain and fear in her eyes. “I won’t do that, I won’t leave. I promise.”

  “Just like you promised to love me forever? Just like you promised that we were soul mates and would never part.”

  Nathan staggered back a step, the force of her words striking him like a physical blow. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled again as tears filled his eyes. “If you would only give me a chance.”

  “I don’t think I’m that strong, Nathan,” Rainy said turning to avoid the pain on his face. Real tears had filled his luminous eyes and tore at her tender heart.

  “Rainy,” Nathan’s voice was a plea. “I know what I did. I know how much I hurt you. I’ve been trying to figure out what to do all summer. I can’t force you to let me see Lucas or to prove to you that I’m changed. All I can do is pray that God will open your eyes. Even if you can’t trust me, maybe you’ll learn that He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. A husband to the widow and a father to the fatherless.”

  Turning Nathan headed for the door, opening it and slipping through, his heart a battered wreck and his soul crying out for help. “I know it won’t mean anything to you, but in some ways I still love you.”

  Rainy squeezed her eyes shut as the door closed, then collapsed on the bed wrung out by the emotional rollercoaster this day had been. Nathan had been so different. No longer the cocky young man who believed he had the world by the tail. His words had sounded so sincere, but her bruised and broken heart couldn’t risk believing him. Too much had gone before and only a miracle could bring reconciliation of two damaged souls.

  Forcing herself from the bed, Rainy hurried to the sink washing away the tears and dredging deep for the strength she knew existed somewhere within.

  Had Nathan said that he would pray for her? It was too much to believe that the man with the quick wit and the bright smile could believe that someone other than he ruled the universe.

  Something stirred in Rainy’s heart, and though she tried to pin it down, she couldn’t express what it was. She knew that she wouldn’t allow Nathan to break her son’s heart the way he had broken hers but was it right to condemn the man based on past sins?

  “You’re being stupid,” she chided herself in the mirror, grabbing a towel and patting her face dry. “He walked away, you don’t owe him anything.”

  Pacing the room, Rainy fought the nagging thought that swirled through her brain. How could she let Nathan get to know Lucas without risking her son’s heart?

  “Rainy, are you okay?” Anne stormed through the door. “Do I need to punch him?” She waved a furled fist in the air. “I’ll do it.”

  Rainy, laughed despite the turmoil inside. “No, don’t punch him.”

  “You never let me do anything fun,” Anne grumbled trying to make Rainy smile again.

  “Where are Mom and Dad?” Rainy asked gathering up the mess Anne had made a short time ago.

  “Owen is having a coffee. He got Mrs. Ballard’s number and is going back to get Lucas in about an hour. I think your mom is in her room. She found some romance books in the parlor downstairs and you know your mom.”

  “Will you get them for me,” Rainy turned, placing a hand imploringly on Anne’s arm, “please?”

  “Okay,” Anne studied Rainy’s face trying to figure out what she was up to. “You aren’t going to make us leave, are you? I was just starting to like that red-headed cowboy.”

  “No.” Rainy smiled, shaking her head. “Just go get them.”

  Anne traipsed out the door as Rainy finished stuffing her clothes back into her suitcase. She had a plan, one that would protect her and Lucas if Nathan bolted, but one that allowed her to find out if the man had truly changed. If her parents would go along with it, it just might work.

  ***

  “Can I have a note delivered to one of your wranglers?” Rainy asked at the front desk a few minutes later. “If it isn’t too much trouble.”

  “No trouble at all,” the woman behind the desk replied. “Is everything alright?”

  “Yes,” Rainy smiled. “Everything is fine.”

  “I’ll see that,” the woman looked down at the envelope, “Nathan Draper gets this as soon as possible.”

  A half an hour later Nathan turned up on the back porch once more walking up the stairs to confront the entire Smythe family.

  “Thank you for seeing me,” he drawled. “I didn’t think you’d want to see me again.”

  “Well, I for one don’t, but Rainy insisted.” Mrs. Smythe glared at the cowboy who towered over her.

  “Nathan,” Rainy spoke over her mother. “I have been thinking about what you said earlier, and though I don’t think I can ever trust you, I will let you meet Lucas, but under one condition.” She turned her smoky blue eyes on him, pinning him to the spot with a sense of resolve that rocked him to his heels.

  Nathan looked around the porch trying to spot the boy, but he was nowhere to be seen.

  “He’s with Anne in our room, but she’ll bring him down at mealtime, and you can meet him then, but only if you agree to my rules.”

  Nathan looked from Rainy to Mr. and Mrs. Smythe. That latter of whom was still shooting invisible daggers at him with her eyes. “Whatever you want,” Nathan said, steeling himself for the conditions.

  “I will not tell Lucas that you are his father. You will be my friend that is all.”

  Nathan felt a hole open up in his chest as each word struck home. Rainy wouldn’t let him meet his son as a father. Inside he wanted to rebel, to shout no and rage, but a sudden silent tug toward peace had him nodding. “It’s your call Rainy,” he said the sorrow still raw. “If that’s what it takes, I’ll do it.”

  “You’d better not mess this up,” Mrs. Smythe stepped up wagging her finger in Nathan’s face. “If you say one thing,” she balled up a small hand and smacked him in the ribs, satisfied at the breath that rushed from his lungs. “I promise you’ll regret it if you mess up.”

  “Dana,” Owen Smythe placed a hand on his wife’s shoulder pulling her back and wrapping an arm around her.

  “I’m not letting him hurt my girl again,” Dana sniffed. “And Lucas doesn’t need a deadbeat dad. He has all of us to love him.”

  Each word was a harder blow than the tap of Mrs. Smythe’s fist on his rib cage, but Nathan knew that he deserved it. His heart had been renewed, but the sins of the past, the imperfections of his choices still had to be dealt with.

  “Now that that is decided I suggest we go to lunch.” Rainy looked up again the familiar features before her warming her to her toes. “Do you have any questions?”

  Nathan shook his head. “I’ll follow your lead.”

  Rainy turned on her heel, her mother falling into step behind her as they entered the noisy dining area through the back door.

  “Nate,” Mr. Smythe's calm voice stopped Nathan before he took a step. “Rainy seems to think you deserve this chance. I don’t know. Some say that a body can change, but it will take a lot to convince me. You hurt my girl once don’t do it again. It took her too long to put the pieces of her heart back together the first time.”

  Nathan nodded looking up and meeting the older man’s gaze boldly. “Yes, sir.” He replied. “I want you to know that I am changed, but it isn’t in my own strength. My grandfather passed away last year and left me questioning the meaning of life. I found Jesus, and that is the only power that can save or change a man’s soul.”

  Chapter 10

  Nathan followed Rainy and her family to a table where Anne sat chatting with the little boy in the big hat. The blonde woman shot him a scathing look but didn’t say anything.

  “Lucas, I would like you to meet an old friend of mine.” Rainy’s voice shook slightly but she glued a smile to her lips and turned to Nathan. “This is Nathan, I knew him when I was in school.”

  The little boy turned on the bench, his legs dangling above the floor and met Nathan’s eyes. “You’re the tow-boy that
made my mommy cry,” he scowled. “I don’t like you anymore.” Lucas folded his arms over his chest and glared.

  “Nathan didn’t mean to make Mommy cry.” Rainy squatted in front of her son and patted his leg. “I was just surprised is all.”

  Lucas looked between his mother and the tall man standing behind her uncertain if he should relent. “You don’t make my mommy cry no more,” he finally declared.

  “I won’t make your mommy cry anymore,” Nathan breathed the promise to heaven as a vow. This was going to be even harder than he had first thought, and he wondered if he would have the strength to see it through. Only resting in God’s strength would he be able to prove to Rainy that he had changed that he could be a part of his son’s life.

  “Can we eat now?” Lucas swiveled around to face the table once more, changing like the weather after a summer storm.

  “We can eat now,” Rainy smiled, stepping over the bench and taking a seat as she indicated that Nathan could sit next to Anne across from her. “Did you have fun with Kadence today?”

  “Yep!” the boy enthused. “His daddy took us for a ride in the big wagon. It’s huge!”

  Rainy laughed completely absorbed in her son’s description of his day. Her whole body turned to Lucas, her eyes intent as she listened to each word and something turned in Nathan’s heart again. At one time the beautiful woman had looked at him that way. Her brilliant gaze and bright spirit focused on him. He had squandered that, but now, he had a chance to make things right.

  “Would you like to go for a ride with your mother?” Nathan spoke before thinking. “I can take you out on a trail ride this evening.”

  “Can we? Can we?” Lucas bounced in his seat as the afternoon meal arrived. “P’ease!”

  Rainy’s eyes flicked to Nathan, her expression filled with doubt. “Maybe for a short ride,” she agreed. “But not long, you know you go to bed at eight o’clock.”

  “Okay,” the boy sagged until Ann reached over and plopped a scoop of sweet potato casserole on his plate.

  “Where will you go?” Owen asked as he filled his plate with fried chicken.

  “There’s a low rise along the creek that gives a lovely view of the sunset,” Nathan looked up meeting the older man’s eyes as he tried to make Owen understand he would look out for both Rainy and Lucas on the ride.

  “Seems silly going out there tonight. You could always just join a regular ride.” Dana Smythe glared at Nathan as Owen passed the salad.

  “Mom, you know those rides are too long for Lucas.” Rainy looked at her mother, then back to Nathan. “How long does it take?”

  “Only about half an hour. I promise it won’t be too much for Lucas.”

  “I can ride.” The boy glared at Nathan again. “Poppa took me to the ponies today. I’m big.”

  “You are big,” Nathan agreed with a smile, “but it gets dark fast out here on the prairie, and we have to take good care of the horses. That’s what buckaroos like you do.”

  The chatter over the meal was stilted as the family talked of their holiday, plans for their return home, and the near future. Nathan listened, trying to absorb details of a life he had missed. Rainy had finished her online degree in social services and would be looking for work when they returned home.

  Nathan looked down at Lucas who was busy eating his dinner. What would the boy do when his mother went to work? Would he stay with his grandparents? Would Rainy put him in daycare? He wanted to know the answers to so many questions and yet, he had no right to ask. He was only a ‘friend’.

  As dinner finished, Rainy turned her attention back to Nathan. “I’ll grab a jacket and be right back.” She looked down at her son, and then met Nathan’s eyes. “Lucas you stay here with Mr. Nathan, and I’ll be right back. Be good.”

  “Can I have a cookie?” Lucas asked, his eyes pleading.

  “Just one.” Again she looked up at Nathan who nodded. “Mom, Dad, what will you do this evening?”

  Together the senior Smythes stood from the table, following Rainy toward the stairs. “I think I’d like to stroll by the stream,” Owen mused. “What do you say, Dana?”

  “Anne?” Rainy looked back over her shoulder gesturing for Anne to follow.

  “I’m watching you,” Anne hissed in Nathan’s ear climbing from the table and shooting him a glare then pointing between her eyes and him. “Are you sure you should leave him alone with Lucas?” she asked falling into step with Rainy.

  “I know it’s stupid,” Rainy said as they strode down the hall and up the stairs where a huge quilted tree covered the whole wall, “but I think Nathan truly is sorry, and that he has changed.”

  “Yeah, like the leopard changes his spots,” Anne grumbled.

  “Anne, we have both made mistakes. I was foolish to believe that I would find true love in high school. I gave my heart and soul to a man I thought would love me forever. That didn’t happen, but that doesn’t mean I have to live bitter and angry forever. I’m going to give Nathan a chance to prove that he should have a place in Lucas’s life, at least until he proves to me he doesn’t deserve it. Besides, we’re only here in Wyoming for a few more days then we go home. What can happen?”

  Grabbing a jacket from her room Rainy hurried back to the dining room to see Nathan helping Lucas get a cookie from one of the big jars. Easing back into the shadows she watched the man she had once loved with her son.

  “You like cookies?” Nathan asked, squatting on his heels to meet the boy’s gaze.

  “Uh-huh!” Lucas grinned taking a bite of the peanut butter cookie. “Mimi makes them sometimes.”

  A smile flickered across Nathan’s handsome face and Rainy felt her heart soften. “What’ s your favorite?”

  “Choc-it-chip. Do you have a horsey of your own?”

  “No,” Nathan shook his head. “I just work here on the ranch until I get a new job.”

  “Like my mommy?” Lucas asked. “Mommy worked at a store, but now she is getting a new job if she can find one.”

  “Just like that. Your mom is a special person,” Nathan grinned. “She loves you very much.”

  “Does your mommy love you?”

  Nathan’s heart sagged. “I don’t have a mother, but I have a wonderful grandmother, like your Mimi.”

  “I don’t have a dad,” Lucas said, “so we’re the same. Kadence has a daddy, he’s really big.”

  Nathan swallowed the lump in his throat. Even at this young age, Lucas realized that he had been missing something important in his life. Thinking back to his past, being raised by his maternal grandparents, he knew the pain of being different, and yet when the time had come, he had turned his back on his own child.

  “Ready!” Rainy flounced into the room a jacket over her shoulders. She had changed into jeans and a t-shirt, her usual fare even back in high school, but the smile she wore was stiff and tight.

  “Let’s go,” Nathan said standing, surprised when Lucas took his hand.

  “Do we get to go into the barn?” Rainy’s question was light.

  “Normally you wouldn’t get to, but since you’re with me, it should be alright. Lucas, you just watch you don’t get stepped on,” he added looking down at the boy who was finishing his cookie.

  “I know.” Lucas looked up with a grin. “Mr. Kade taught me when I was with Kadence.”

  “You all set?” Nathan asked a short fifteen minutes later as he checked Rainy’s stirrups. “Lucas can ride right up in front of you where you can help him keep his seat.”

  “I’m good,” Rainy grinned. She was surprised how comfortable she felt on the back of a steady horse, even if she was still a little sore from her earlier ride.

  Nathan lifted Lucas, setting him in the saddle and meeting Rainy’s blue eyes. She was still the prettiest woman he had ever known.

  “Giddy-up!” Lucas yelled, shaking the reins his mother held and making the quiet horse move forward.

  “Whoa there, buckaroo,” Nathan laughed, grabbing the bridle “Wait fo
r me.”

  Rainy couldn’t hide her grin as Nathan used a mounting block to climb into the saddle. When she had first met him he had just come from his grandfather’s ranch and had boasted about his ability to ride. “A little out of practice, cowboy?” she teased.

  Nathan chuckled, despite himself. “You have no idea. I think college made me soft.”

  Rainy’s eyes trailed over his lean form taking in the wide shoulders and muscular arms. “You don’t look it.”

  “Working here on the ranch has been grueling,” Nate smiled. “You ready buckaroo?” he asked, looking down at Lucas nestled in his mother’s arms.

  “Giddy-up!” the boy’s enthusiastic reply made the placid horse move out and Nathan pushed his horse into step with a grin.