Scorned by Shadows (Kissed by Shadows Series, Book 4)

by Lola StVil

  I nod.

  “Yeah. She coughed,” I say.

  “Then you broke the enchantment.”

  “But…but she died anyway?”

  Nyten shakes his head.

  “She’s not dead, Liam.”

  “But—” I start.

  “She is in a very deep coma. So deep that she barely breathes. Her breaths aren’t visible to the naked eye, but she lives. She isn’t waking up because she’s choosing not to.”

  “What? That’s crazy. Why would she do that?”

  “Because she can’t bear the pain of your rejection,” he says.

  I look down at the ground.

  “So this is my fault?” I say quietly.

  Nyten waits for me to look back up before he goes on.

  “No. This is no more your fault than it is Sadie’s. It’s all part of the test to ascertain whether there is light within you.”

  I start to speak, and he cuts me off.

  “There is light in you. I see it. Sadie saw it. And Atlas and the team see it. In fact, the only person who seems to find it hard to see it is you.”

  I am not going to get into a debate with him about whether or not I am good. I just want to know what to do to wake Sadie back up.

  “So how do we get her to wake up then? There must be a potion or something that can force her awake,” I say.

  Nyten shakes his head.

  “It doesn’t work that way. You know, giving you up was by far the hardest thing Sadie ever did. She didn’t want to. She wanted to keep you with her and have both of you go into hiding. She was ready to be stripped of her powers and live as a mortal so she could be with you.”

  “I didn’t know that,” I say.

  “That’s because you never gave her a chance to explain.”

  His tone isn’t judgmental. He just says it as though it’s a fact. It is a fact. He goes on.

  “The only thing that stopped her was knowing that to do so would rob you of your destiny and quite possibly your true love. It would be condemning the whole world to evil, and she knew she couldn’t do that. Not now that you were in that world. She gave you up to give you the one chance at happiness you had. She always knew you’d resent her for it, but I don’t think she realized quite how much. Of course, she had no way of knowing what you would endure in your life, and I think if she had known, she’d have gone with you that day and left the world to burn. That’s how much she loved you, Liam.”

  “I was ready to forgive her,” I blurt out. “I was finally ready. And now it’s too late.”

  “That’s what I’m telling you, Liam. It isn’t too late. If you can truly forgive her and let her into your heart…”

  “I don’t have a heart,” I interrupt.

  Nyten laughs.

  “Maybe not literally but you are more than capable of love. Any time you doubt that, just think of Atlas and how you would do anything to protect her. You have a heart, even if it’s just theoretical. Anyway, as I was saying, if you can truly let her in, then she will awaken.”

  “It’s really that easy?” I frown.

  “Oh, it won’t be easy, Liam. Because it’s one thing to say those words, but it’s another thing entirely to mean them. You will have to let go of it all: all of the anger and all of the resentment you feel towards her. Only when you truly forgive her will she wake up.”

  “You know when I first found out Sadie was my mom I would have laughed at you if you’d said that to me. I would have told you it was impossible.”

  “And now?”

  “Now I really think I can do it.”

  I nod as though confirming my words for my own benefit.

  “Yes, I’m ready to forgive her and let her in.”

  I stand up and look around. “Now how do I get back?”

  Nyten smiles.

  “Just open the door and step on through it.”

  I frown, and he laughs.

  “Sometimes things aren’t as they seem,” he says.

  “Nyten? I may not be ready to forgive you, but will I...”

  “There will be time, my son. Now go save your mother.”

  The barn is still flooded with sunlight, and I realize it’s not sunlight. The light is coming from him. I turn and open my mouth and then I just close it again. I don’t know what to say.

  “There will be time, my son. Now go save your mother,” he says again reassuringly.

  I pull the door open, and I’m back in the hallway of the loft. Atlas grabs my hands as I step inside.

  “You’re still standing on the doorstep?” I say, confused.

  She frowns.

  “What are you talking about? Kane, what happened? You just kind of vanished for a second.”

  I’ve only been gone for a second? I suppose that makes sense. Hell, it probably wasn’t even real. But I know the answer was real. I think I knew it the moment I saw that tiny piece of cotton.

  Atlas’s eyes open wide.

  “Your stomach. It stopped bleeding,” she says.

  “It’s a long story,” I say. “But I know how to save Sadie.”

  I hurry towards the bedroom, Atlas following me.

  “How…?” she starts.

  “I opened the door, and it wasn’t the garden. I was sucked into a different garden, and Nyten was there. He healed me and told me how to help Sadie.”

  I don’t tell her how simple it is, because there’s a part of me that’s worried it won’t work and it will just disappoint her all over again to know that Sadie lies frozen in her own body because I can’t let go.

  I push the door to Sadie’s room open. Pest sits by her bed, his head bowed, clutching one of her hands in his. I clear my throat, and he looks up.

  “I just wanted to say goodbye,” he says.

  I nod.

  “Yeah, I get that. Do you mind if I have a moment alone with Sadie? I think I know a way to help her,” I say.

  “Kane, she’s dead. You do know that, right?” Pest says with a frown of worry creasing his forehead.

  “Maybe. Maybe not,” I reply.

  “Pest, please,” Atlas says. “Just give him a minute, okay?”

  Pest looks ready to argue again, but then he sighs and stands up. He leaves the room muttering to himself about false hope. Maybe this is all this is. False hope. Nyten has done nothing to make me think he’s honest, but I have to give this a go. And if it doesn’t work, then at least I’ll have said my goodbyes.

  “Do you want me to stay?” Atlas asks.

  I shake my head, and she gives a single nod and leaves, gently pulling the door closed behind her.

  “So, Dad dropped by for a visit,” I say to Sadie.

  “You know, compared to him, maybe you’re not so bad at this parenting thing after all.”

  It’s not what I want to say, but now I have the chance to really tell her what I’m thinking, I can’t find the words.

  “Oh come on, Mom, just wake up for fuck’s sake,” I snap.

  Nothing happens, and I take a deep breath and start over.

  “He told me everything. How you wanted to give up your powers. How you couldn’t because the world would burn and so would my destiny. But most importantly, because it would have robbed me of Atlas. I don’t know if you knew all along it was Atlas, Mom, but she is the greatest gift you have ever given me. Even if I couldn’t see it then, I see it now. Because of her I can love. Because of her I am good. And without you, I wouldn’t have her.

  “I forgive you. For giving me up. For not coming to get me. I understand why you did it and I forgive you. Really I do. I’m not just saying that to wake you up either. I was thinking it when we left the Meat Market. I keep punishing you for one mistake, and it’s not fair. Everyone deserves a second chance, and if you’re still willing, I’d like us to try and get past this and have a real relationship. Can we do that?”

  Still, nothing happens.

  “I don’t know what else to say, Mom. I could tell you I’m sorry I was such an asshole. I think that goe
s without saying, but if it’s what you need to hear, then I’m sorry.”

  I reach out and gently stroke her face.

  “Please wake up,” I whisper.

  Still nothing. I can feel anger rising in me again. Nyten lied to me. He made me think there was a chance at saving Sadie when he knew there wasn’t. And for what? To make me feel bad? I don’t need him for that. I’m perfectly capable of feeling bad all on my own.

  “Fuck,” I shout, swiping at a vase of flowers that sits beside Sadie’s bed.

  The vase flies through the air and smashes into the wall. It shatters, and the pieces drop to the ground.

  A second later I hear footsteps in the hallway, and the door opens. Atlas peers around the door. She looks down at the broken glass and then at me.

  “Everything okay?” she asks.

  “No,” I snap.

  She comes in without waiting for an invite.

  “What did Nyten tell you to do?” she asks.

  I sigh.

  “He told me that the enchantment was broken, and that Sadie is choosing not to wake up because she can’t stand the pain of me not being able to forgive her. The ironic thing is when we left that place, and Regal was healing me, I knew I was coming back to forgive her. She has proven her loyalty to you and me time and time again, and I figure she deserves some slack. She made a mistake all those years ago, but she did it with the best of intentions. Nyten told me if I forgave her, she would wake up. I’ve tried to tell her she’s forgiven, but it’s not working.”

  As I’m explaining it all, I get up and begin pacing the floor.

  “Did you mean it when you said it to her? Or did you just say it because you thought it would wake her up?” Atlas asks.

  “I meant it,” I say. “But he also said I have to let her in. I have to open my heart to her. But I don’t think I can do that.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I can’t let go of the anger,” I say.

  “Why?” Atlas asks again.

  If she’s trying to wind me up, it’s working.

  “I have my reasons,” I say coldly.

  “Well, I hope they’re good reasons because she’s not going to wake up unless you let her in,” Atlas shouts.

  I stop pacing and turn to face Atlas.

  “I do have reasons, and they’re damn good ones, okay?” I shout.

  She just looks at me, and suddenly the truth blurts out. A truth I haven’t even acknowledged to myself yet.

  “If I let her in and she leaves me again I don’t think I could handle it, okay?” I shout. I lower my voice. “It would send me back to the darkness.”

  Sadie says from behind me, “Then it’s a good thing I don’t plan on leaving again.”

  The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling,

  but in rising every time we fall…

  — Ralph Waldo Emerson

  I lie in bed staring at the ceiling. I am exhausted, but I can’t sleep. There’s too much going on in my head for that.

  The overwhelming feeling is relief at being back home. I keep wondering if it’s a dream and I’ll wake up and be back there. Whenever I feel that way, I reach out a hand, and I feel Kane lying beside me, and I know it’s real.

  He faced the worst nightmare he has ever lived to come to that place and save me. I don’t know how I’ll ever make that up to him. I asked him, and he told me he’d do it all again tomorrow if he had to and that I didn’t owe him a thing.

  I was only at the Meat Market for a couple of days I think, but it felt like a lifetime. I thought I would die there, and when faced with living there, I hoped I would die there.

  I remember waking up and realizing right away something was wrong...

  I couldn’t move my arms or my legs, and when I opened my eyes, I wasn’t in my room. I tried to get up, and I realized I was bound to a chair. I tried to cry out, but I was gagged.

  I peered around anxiously, trying to work out what the hell was happening. I was in a dirty white room. The ground was bare stone, and there were scratch marks gouged into the walls. The only furniture in the room, which I soon realized was actually a cell, my cell, was the chair I was bound to and a wooden bench in front of me.

  I tried to use my powers to free myself, but it was like they were all gone. I just couldn’t make anything happen, and I didn’t even feel anything inside when I tried to bring them on.

  That’s when the panic really set in, and I knew I was in big trouble. I didn’t know where I was at that point. I assumed Talon had taken me and delivered me to Arken. If only I had known then that my fate was worse than that.

  I don’t know how long I sat there. I made as much noise as I could against the gag and I tried to pull my hands and feet free, but I was bound tight, and nothing was working. I tried hopping the chair across the room, but it was fastened down.

  Eventually the door opened. A man walked in. He ignored my muffled cries and walked over to me. He held a large knife, and I began to really panic then. I bucked and writhed, but the man didn’t harm me. Instead, he cut away my clothes. He turned and left the room again, and I was left naked and wondering what the fuck was happening.

  Was I dreaming? I knew I wasn’t. It felt way too real for that, but I tried to cling to the idea that it could be a dream and I would wake up in my own bed.

  The next time the door opened, a different man walked in. He sat down on the wooden bench and grinned as I tried to cry out through the gag. He opened his jeans and began pleasuring himself as he watched me. I was beyond shocked at that point, and I just watched him in utter confusion.

  He finished what he was doing and left, and another one came in. This one was older than the last one, and he too sat down on the bench opposite me.

  “You’re too quiet,” he announced, looking across at me. “Try and escape or something.”

  Yeah, because I was going to sit there and put a show on for him.

  He got angry when I sat stock-still. He got up and crossed the room towards me, his penis still in his hand. I whimpered, afraid of what would happen next. The man smiled at my fear. I cut the whimper off, and he reached out and twisted one of my nipples. Hard.

  I cried out against the gag and tried to pull back from his touch. His excitement grew, and I made a show of trying to get loose from my restraints. He had broken me that quickly. I would rather put on a show for him than have his dirty hands on me again.

  He finished up and left, and the next one came in. There was a seemingly endless stream of them, and I performed for them all. I have never felt so disgusted with myself, but what else could I do? A bit of self-loathing or who knows what would be done to me? I just switched off and acted like a performing seal.

  Somewhere amongst it all, I started to feel a tingling sensation inside of me, and I knew my powers were coming back. Someone must have used some sort of mixture to suppress them. They were coming back much too slowly for my liking. At this rate, they wouldn’t be strong enough for me to do any damage for another couple of hours, and anything could happen in that time.

  I remembered talking to Quinn back when she was normal and training me on how to use my powers. We talked about mixtures that could suppress powers and I remembered her telling me that if a person’s powers were suppressed and they were impatient when they were returning, then they would be wiped back out again and could take twice as long to return.

  I had to wait for just the right moment to use them to escape this place. I would only get one shot at it if the chance came before my powers were fully back. I didn’t know when that would be, but I prayed I would recognize the time when it came.

  I think my mind broke a little through those hours. But if that was bad, then worse was to come. The next man to come in was different from the others. I sensed it right away. He didn’t even bother going towards the bench; he came straight for me.

  I cringed away from him as his chubby fingers reached out and stroked my face. His touch was gentle, but he might as well have
punched me for all the comfort it brought me.

  “Shhh,” he whispered to me. “It’s going to be okay. You look after me, and I’ll look after you.”

  I nodded eagerly. Maybe he was going to untie me.

  “I’m going to take the gag out, okay?”

  I nodded again, and he pulled the gag away. My mouth was dry like cotton wool, and I ran my tongue over my cracked lips.

  “Where am I?” I rasped.

  He ignored my question. He stroked my hair and ran his hand down to my shoulder. He moved it lower, and I shook my head. He ran his hand over my breast and gently tugged on my nipple.

  “Please don’t,” I said.

  His face changed, and I knew I’d said the wrong thing.

  “What? You’d rather one of those others came back? One of them who’ll rough you up a bit? You like that?” he sneered.

  I shook my head, desperate not to have anyone else in here too. An idea came to me, and I tried to make myself sound just the right level of eager.

  “It’s just, well, it doesn’t seem right that I’m the one getting all of the pleasure. I want to be able to touch you,” I said.

  I hung my head as though I were ashamed of my confession. The man seemed to think about it for a moment.

  “I’m only going to untie one hand. And if you try anything, you’ll regret it,” he said.

  “I won’t,” I promised.

  The man untied one of my hands, and I forced myself to smile at him.

  “Thank you,” I said.

  I wiggled my fingers, trying to get the blood flowing into my hand again. I remembered what I’d told the man and I reached out and caressed his face. He smiled and moved his hand back onto me.

  I knew my powers weren’t strong enough to get me out of there yet, and my plan was to let him finish his business and then hope he didn’t tie me quite as tightly as whoever made the first knot.

  “You can’t tell anyone I untied you, okay,” he said with a playful smile and a wink. “Or we’ll both be in trouble.”

  I nodded my head.

  “You’re the first person that’s been nice to me since I got here. I don’t want to get you in trouble,” I said.