Tools of the Devil

by Barbara L. Clanton

  “My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.”— James 1:2-4

  WHEN LISA WOKE up early Saturday morning, it was uber dark. She tiptoed to the bathroom so she wouldn’t wake anyone up. It was the first full day of Christmas vacation for the entire Brown family, and she wanted to steal a few moments for herself before the mayhem that was her family began. After using the bathroom, she slunk back to her room and eased open the closet door, hoping it wouldn’t squeak and wake up her sister. She reached up on her tippy-toes to get the journal she’d hidden under a stack of sweaters. She climbed back in her bed, propped the pillows behind her, and pulled the covers up as far as they would go. Using a mini-flashlight to see, she wrote in her journal.

  December 22

  Sorry I haven’t written in, like, forever, but life has a way of intruding, eh? Anyway, I’m sad because Sam left for Switzerland this morning, and Christmas is three days away, and I won’t get to see her. I didn’t even get to see her last night. She hung out with Helene. Sam texted me, though, and said they sat up late watching ice hockey and drinking hot tea. I feel bad. Helene will be completely moved out by the time Sam gets back. That’s going to be hard for Sam, losing somebody that’s been like a second mother to her.

  The U.S. History and Gov’t exam was so hard a few kids were crying at the end of it. Missy Matthews was throwing a fit, saying how unfair it was. She threw a tantrum like the ones Bridget used to throw. Foot stomping and all. It was kind of ridiculous, but I’m sure her daddy will call the school and give Mrs. B a piece of his mind. How dare a teacher upset his precious princess. Mrs. B will probably tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. On the other hand, I think I aced my Anatomy exam. I had all the vocab down pat, but was bummed there weren’t any questions on the limbic system of the brain. I thought for sure Ms. Lye was going to test us on that. Whatev. Doesn’tmatter. I aced it, and can’t wait for the second semester. Maybe I should talk to her about what courses I should take next year if I want to apply to medical school.

  I used to want to be a paramedic, you know? Ride in the ambulance, take care of people in car crashes, or people like Freddie who need help. But now I’m thinking bigger. I want to be a doctor. What kind? Who knows.

  Lisa waited for a moment to look out the window. Light was just beginning to tinge the sky. Maybe it would be a sunny day, but then again, that usually meant it would be frigidly cold. She knew her mother was going to make her take her sisters and brother outside to build a snowman or a fort or something, but all she really wanted to do was be with Sam. Wherever she was. And at this exact moment, she was probably somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean.

  She stretched out her right hand. You’d think all that writing during exam week would have built up her writing muscles, but no.

  So speaking of holy rollers. LOL. Ronnie has been texting me constantly! He says that the next time the youth alliance meets, we’re going to outline and maybe even start video taping our debates. He and Alivia (of course it would have to be her)...

  Lisa paused from her writing to draw a bunch of frowny faces around Alivia’s name. Feeling childish, she scribbled them out and then drew hearts around Sam’s name to atone for her juvenile behavior. But Alivia did make her frown. She didn’t know what her deal with Sam was. The fact that they went to the same school, and Alivia got to see Sam every day was nerve wracking.

  Lisa groaned. There was no sense worrying about Alivia. Sam was on her way to ski in the Swiss Alps far, far away from Alivia.

  Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah. Ronnie and Alivia are going to head up the “Homosexuality is a Sin” side of the debate. He said I need to pick people to help me on my side. Marlee said she’d help, but I don’t know. I need somebody who knows the Bible. Maybe Susie. She’s Catholic, and they’re pretty strict about gay people, so maybe she has a cluew here we can get started.

  Ronnie told me some of the Bible verses he and Alivia plan on throwing at us. The Sodom and Gomorrah story in Genesis, to start off. I don’t know how in the world I’m going to interpret that one in my favor, but I have to figure it out somehow. I’ve always left it up to my parents and Reverend Owensand other people to interpret the Bible for me, but I have to think for myself now. Ronnie said they’re looking at stuff from the books of Genesis, Ezekiel, Deuteronomy, and Leviticus. At first I thought they were sticking with the Old Testament, but then he sent a whole bunch of new texts yesterday saying Alivia found ammunition in the books of Jude, Matthew, and Timothy. I’m really, really bummed that they found something in Matthew. He’s my favorite apostle. {BIG SIGH} I have my work cut out for me, don’t I?

  Lisa jumped when Bridget stirred in her bed. Lisa had been so lost in thought that she forgot where she was. She scribbled a few more lines in her journal and then stashed it in her bedside stand.

  “Morning, Sweetpea,” Lisa said as Bridget sat up. “Morning, Weesa.” Bridget rubbed the sleep from her eyes and then leaped out of bed only to launch herself onto Lisa’s bed.

  Lisa moved over just in time so she wouldn’t get flattened by the almost four year old. Lisa wrapped her arms around her sister and blew a zerbert on her neck.

  Bridget’s giggles were more than enough to pull Lisa out of her worries, and back into a happy place. “You know what we should do, Sweetpea?” Lisa sat up taking

  Bridget with her. Bridget caught her breath and said, “What?” “We should make pancakes for everybody.” Lisa almost laughed at how Bridget’s face lit up. “Okay.” She

  leaped off the bed and headed for the door. “Wait for me.” Lisa threw her robe on and raced after her sprinting sister.

  They made so much noise trying to throw together a surprise pancake breakfast for their family of six, that by the time Lisa got ready to pour the pancake batter in the pan, the entire family was up and sitting at the table. In the past when she and Bridget made surprise pancakes for the family, Lisa spent a good part of the time cleaning up Bridget’s various messes, but not today. Today, Bridget actually set the table all by herself. Lisa had to get the dishes and juice glasses from the cupboard, of course, but Bridget managed to get the silverware and napkins by herself.

  “What a nice surprise,” Lisa’s mother said as she moved in to help. “No, Mom. I’ve got this,” Lisa said and flipped a pancake. “Go sit and enjoy some down time, okay?” “I’ll just bring out the syrup.” Lisa rolled up a dishtowel and snapped it at her mother. “Git.”

  Her mother raised an eyebrow and nodded. “I guess I will. Thank you.”

  Lisa smiled and got back into production. She had to make quite a mound of pancakes to feed all six hungry members of the Brown family.

  Lisa laughed when she heard her mother say to Lisa’s father, “Apparently I’ve been kicked out of my own kitchen.”

  “Take it when you can get it, eh?” Her father laughed his big belly laugh which was infectious, and soon everyone was giggling and telling funny jokes.

  “Breakfast is served,” Lisa said carrying a tray filled with the family breakfast.

  Meals at the Brown house were always a noisy affair. The clanking of silverware on dishes and happy conversation filled the house. Oddly it made Lisa miss Sam. Sam always commented that she liked eating over at Lisa’s. Sam was an only child whose family rarely sat down to eat together. That always made Lisa a little sad.

  Lisa’s mother cleared her throat.

  Uh, oh. Lisa recognized the sound. Something unpleasant was about to be said. Who would get it this time? Lynnie maybe? For not cleaning out the dishwasher? Lawrence Jr. perhaps, for not putting away his action figures? Bridget even, for not being cute enough? Her mother turned toward Lisa. Darn. It was for her.

  “So, Mrs. Maynard told me something interesting last Sunday,” Lisa’s mother said.

  “What was that?” Oh, gee
z, Mrs. Maynard had probably heard about Lisa being a big old gay girl. And since Mrs. Maynard was the biggest gossip on the planet, the entire North Country probably knew she was gay by now.

  “She heard something about you performing CPR on a boy at the dance last weekend?”

  Lisa had taken the wrong moment to sip her orange juice and promptly started choking. She coughed it out and when she could breathe again said, “What? CPR? No way. Geez, it’s crazy how rumors get spread around in this town. He had a seizure, Mom, and I helped him. That’s all.”

  “What’s a see-zer?” Bridget asked.

  Lisa wiped Bridget’s syrupy hands with the wet rag they always kept on the table during pancake breakfasts. “A seizure is when somebody’s muscles tighten and loosen uncontrollably.”

  “Does it hurt?”

  “I don’t really know, but I tried to make sure he didn’t bang his head on the floor.” Lisa looked at her mother. “And that’s about the extent of it, Mom.”

  Her mother reached over and patted her on the forearm. “Well, I’m glad you were able to help that young man.” She chuckled and added, “I may not correct Mrs. Maynard. She was quite impressed with you.”

  Lisa laughed and felt her cheeks get warm. Mrs. Maynard wouldn’t be too impressed if she knew Lisa was a flaming queer-girl.

  “Mom?” Lisa found herself saying. “I don’t want to go to church tomorrow.”

  The sudden silence at the table startled her. Lisa stared down at her now-empty plate. “I think I want to give our church a break.”

  “And do what?”

  “I don’t know.” Geez, she should have thought it out more. “Maybe I can check out another church. Maybe find one that’s more accepting.” She barely choked out the last words as tears closed her throat.

  Afraid she would embarrass herself in front of her family, she excused herself and bolted from the table. Once she was alone in her room, she lay down on her bed and let herself cry until she was cried out.

  Lisa wiped at her eyes when there was a gentle knock at her door. “Can I come in?” her mother asked.

  “Sure, Mom.” Lisa sat up and reached for a tissue from her bedside stand. “Sorry about the theatrics. I didn’t want to upset the kids.”

  “I understand.” She patted Lisa’s knee. “Make room for your old mother.”

  “Mom, you’re not old.” Lisa scooched up on the bed and pulled her long legs up to her chest.

  Her mother sat down. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  Lisa was surprised. She had fully expected her mother to tell her in no uncertain terms that she would be going to church with them the next morning without question. Her mother’s reaction was puzzling, but like her father had said earlier, she had to take it when she could get it.

  “I don’t know, Mom. The reason I go to the Presbyterian Church of Clarksonville is because you and Papa bring me there.”

  “You were going there for six years before Papa came in the picture.”

  “That’s ‘cuz you brought me there when I was a baby. That must have been hard for you. Being a teen mom and still showing your face at church. I don’t know if I can be as brave as you were. The Bible isn’t very understanding about unwed mothers, is it?”

  “No, it’s not. In Genesis chapter thirty eight, Tamar wasn’t married, but became pregnant. The man who got her pregnant called her a whore and said she should be burned.”

  Lisa’s eyes grew wide. She didn’t remember that passage of the Bible. “What about him? He’s an unwed father. I guess that doesn’t matter, eh?” Lisa was disgusted at the inequity.

  “But Psalm 127:3 says, ‘Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.’ You were my first reward, Lisa, and I have been blessed with three more. As far as church goes, I had the support of my parents and refused to be ashamed of the beautiful baby girl I brought into the world.” She reached up and pinched Lisa’s cheek.

  Lisa’s heart swelled. Her mother had gone through so much.

  They both stayed silent for a moment, until her mother asked, “So did you have another church in mind?”

  “You’d be okay with me going to other churches?”

  “I think you’d resent Papa and me if we don’t let you explore your options. It’ll be good for you.”

  Lisa thought about her biological father, William, who lived in East Valley. “Maybe I can go to William and Evelyn’s church with them. They wouldn’t mind. Do you think?”

  “The only way to find out is to call him. They go to the Unitarian Universalist Church in East Valley?”

  Lisa nodded. She hadn’t really thought the idea through, but it might be a great experience to get a different perspective.

  “Maybe I can get Marlee to drive me.”

  “Marlee?”

  “Yeah, she wants to help me with that debate project I told you about. Oh, did you sign the waiver thingy?”

  “Yes, it’s on the table by the front door.” She narrowed her eyes and said with a sigh. “I’ll okay your church-search venture on two conditions.”

  “Okay.”

  “One. If it’s snowing tomorrow, you come to church with us, because I don’t want you out on the roads in the snow with a new driver.”

  “Okay, I can do that.” Lisa was perking up. Her mother was actually going to let her do this. “And, two?” She cringed for her mother’s benefit.

  “You will, absolutely will, go to church with us on Christmas Day.”

  Lisa smiled, relieved. “Of course, Mom. No one is going to keep me from having Christmas with my family.” Not even a bigoted, self-righteous congregation.

  Chapter Ten

  “Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.”— Matthew 7:7

  WILLIAM HELD OPEN the door to the Unitarian Universalist Church so that Evelyn, Lisa, and Marlee could pass through. After church, they would be heading back to William and Evelyn’s house for a pot roast dinner.

  The pointed arches and the stained glass windows of the church were spectacular, and the clean white wood of the building itself added a quiet reverence to the snowy grounds. But wait. There were two days until Christmas. Where was the manger scene? Where were the shepherds and the baby Jesus? Maybe they had set that up inside. Lisa had seen the church before, driving around with Sam, but she had no idea it had been founded in the 1820s. The lobby itself wasn’t anything to write home about, but neither was the lobby in her church. Her former church, Lisa corrected herself.

  Evelyn turned to Lisa and said, “We’re so glad you called about going with us today. We don’t get to see you enough.”

  “I know,” Lisa said. “I thought it would be a good way to see you guys and to explore other churches.”

  “We’re glad you did,” Evelyn said. “That dress looks lovely on you.”

  “Thanks.” Lisa wore one of her newer knee-length dresses because she wasn’t sure how strict the dress code was at their church. She needn’t have worried, though, because a lot of people had on jeans and sneakers. That seemed a little disrespectful, but who was she to judge? She was a visitor in their world.

  Marlee was typically a jeans and t-shirt girl, but today she was dressed up in a loose-fitting silk blouse, black dress pants, and dress shoes. Marlee was an incredibly good sport for helping her out this way.

  As they headed into the sanctuary of the main church, William took four pamphlets from the ushers at the door and handed one to each of them. “Are you questioning your faith, Lisa?”

  “No, not really. Just the delivery of the faith.”

  “Then you’re in the right place.” He turned to Marlee and asked, “Do you also go to the Presbyterian Church of Clarksonville?”

  Marlee blushed. It was so cute on her. “No, no. I don’t go to church, like, ever. My parents used to take me to that church when I was a baby, but they stopped going for some reason.” She lowered her voice and said, “You know, I feel so ignor
ant about all of this.” She gestured around her. “Please don’t let me make a mistake, like standing when we’re supposed to be kneeling or something.”

  William laughed. “I think you’ve got our church mixed up with the Catholic Church. We don’t do much kneeling around here.”

  “See? I don’t even know stuff like that.” Marlee sent Lisa a pleading look.

  “Don’t worry,” Lisa said. “I’ll help you through it. Well, William and Evelyn will, anyway.”

  “Girls,” Evelyn said, “we’ll sit in this row here, okay? The big guy and I need to sign up for some volunteer work. We’ll be right back.”

  William smiled at Marlee with a twinkle in his eye. “Now don’t go kneeling willy-nilly all over the place while we’re gone, okay?”

  “Yes, sir.” Marlee saluted him as he and Evelyn headed to the back of the church.

  Lisa and Marlee sat in the pew, and Lisa drank in the atmosphere. There was definitely a lighter feel there. The casual way many of the people dressed set a different tone than she was used to. As the sanctuary filled, people spoke in full voice, unlike her church. In her church, most casual conversations happened in hushed and respectful tones. Yes, this church had a definite easy-going feel to it. She liked it.

  Marlee leaned closer and whispered, “I like William and Evelyn. They seem so cool.”

  “Thanks. I like them, too.”

  “So William is your, uh, real father?”

  “Yep. I think of him as my bio-dad, but I don’t call him that to his face. I just call him William.” Lisa gave Marlee a reassuring smile to let her know it was okay for her to ask. Lisa had only met her bio-dad six months before, so it was all new to her, too. She had always known that the man she called ‘Papa’ at home wasn’t her biological father, but she loved him just as much as if he was.