Pretense

by Lori Wick

  "Mom?" Delancey chose that morning to tell her mother some things.

  "Yes."

  "I need to talk with you a minute."

  "Okay. What about?"

  "Jack."

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  Marrell stopped fussing over the salad she was making and turned fully to her daughter, but the younger Bishop was quiet.

  "Go ahead, Delancey."

  "Well, I think I want to tell you."

  "Are you afraid I'll be upset?"

  "I don't think so, but I don't know."

  Marrell shrugged. "You don't know unless you try."

  Delancey nodded. "You know a long time ago, Mom," her voice was soft, "back at the beginning when Jack came and said that he would never try and take Dad's place?"

  "I remember."

  "Well, I didn't believe him."

  Marrell nodded.

  "But I just realized it's true. I mean, he really hasn't tried to be Dad. I think it's so cool that he came to two of our away games without you. And well, I guess I'm wondering how you feel about him these days, because I don't want him to leave and not be around anymore."

  Marrell hugged her youngest daughter. "I don't want that either."

  "So you're going to marry him?"

  "I would like to, but I still need to hear from Mic, and I haven't figured out yet how to tell him I've fallen for him."

  Delancey smiled. "You could just throw your arms around him and kiss him."

  Marrell laughed. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

  "Mom." Delancey was serious again very suddenly. "I was talking to one of my friends recently, and she was sorta critical of you when I told her you were seeing someone. She said, 'Your dad just died, Delancey. Why is she doing that?' I felt terrible when she said that, Mom-not because you're seeing Jack but because I'm not upset about it. Why is that?"

  "I don't know, D.J. I guess it's just the Lord's way of taking care of us. The thought of living with another man-becoming his wife-does feel a little funny. But then I think, 'It's not just anyone; it's Jack,' and he loves me and he loves you girls. It won't ever be the same as it was with your dad-that's impossible-but that doesn't mean it can't be special and all part of God's plan."

  "Are you talking about Jack?" Mackenzie had come in.

  "Yes.D.J.was telling me how she felt. Would you like to tell me how you're doing with it these days?"

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  "You'll not get anything mushy out of her," Delancey cut in. "Will she, Mic?"

  "Mushy about what?"

  "Jack."

  "Oh." She frowned a little and spoke with hysterical logic. "It's not me who's going to marry him, so why do I have to get mushy?"

  "What makes you think I'm going to marry him?" Marrell asked, a smile on her face even though she knew she had not discussed this with her oldest daughter.

  Mackenzie's mouth hung open. "How much time do you have?"

  "Mackenzie, I don't know what you're talking about. We haven't discussed this."

  "No, but how about the way you blush when he smiles at you, and the extra time you take on your hair and clothes lately? I don't need to discuss those with you to see them, Mom."

  For some reason Mackenzie's words hurt her mother, probably because Mackenzie hadn't shown any enthusiasm at all. Marrell frowned at her daughter.

  "Will you excuse us a moment, D.J.?"

  "Okay."

  Marrell waited until Delancey had walked from the room before saying, "What happened just now, Mic? You sounded a little too blase about the whole thing. Is there something you're not telling me?"

  Mackenzie hesitated. "I don't know. I'm just not sure I can deal with your loving Jack. I still love Dad, and I don't know if I can handle your marrying Jack and our living together."

  Marrell found herself wishing they had talked of this earlier, not on Christmas morning. She decided not to let this get into a full-blown discussion.

  "I'm glad you told me," she said instead. "You say the word and I'll stop."

  Mackenzie shook her head. "I don't want that either. I feel so selfish."

  "Help me here, Mic." Marrell kept her voice gentle. "Do you have any objections to Jack?"

  "No."

  "Have your friends made comments?"

  Mackenzie remained quiet, and Marrell knew she had her answer.

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  "D.J. had the same thing happen."

  "What did she do?"

  "I think she just blew it off, but let me ask her."

  "No, don't," Mackenzie said swiftly, feeling angry at herself. "It's none of my friends' business. I don't even know why I listened to them. It hasn't been that long, but that doesn't mean you didn't love Dad."

  "Is that what they said, Mackenzie?" Marrell was outraged. "I think you had better find new friends."

  "Right now that's not a bad idea," she responded, still put out at herself. "I'm sorry, Mom. I never meant to make this hard for you."

  "I'm glad you told me, Micki, but there's something else you need to know. I meant what I said. You say the word and I'll stop. I won't think you're selfish and neither will Jack. I'll just tell him we have to slow way down and maybe even quit."

  "No!" Mackenzie was adamant. "I want Jack around, and I'm glad we're going to his place today. Have you been there?"

  "No, but are you sure, Mic? We can still talk about this."

  "We don't need to. I'm not going to let my friends hurt Jack, and that's what I would be doing if you stopped now. Just kiss him or something, and tell him you love him so we can get on with this. I don't like things being up in the air. I want to know where we're going to live and all that."

  Marrell wanted to laugh. Her daughter's pendulum had gone from "against" to "all for" in a matter of seconds.

  "You're trying not to laugh." Mackenzie had caught her.

  "Well, Mic," Marrell chuckled, "you did do a pretty good 180 just now."

  Mackenzie went over and hugged her mom. "Have I ruined your day?" she whispered.

  "No. You don't know how much you mean to me, to Jack too. We would never want to do anything to hurt you."

  "Does he know how you feel?"

  "No. Things have been so busy at the office the last few weeks, and I just realized it myself."

  Mackenzie nodded and looked her mother in the eye. "Tell him today, Mom. Give him the best Christmas present in the world. Tell him you love him on Christmas Day."

  Marrell gently kissed Mackenzie's cheek, thanked her, and tried to figure out how she could do just that.

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  Twenty-One

  TheBishop girls loved Jack's apartment. It was spacious and laid out in classic styles and colors. And

  since the man himself had a "thing" for electronic

  gadgets, it wasn't long before both teenagers were totally absorbed

  with his stereo and new videodisc player.

  "You turn it on right here and slide the disc in here," Jack explained just moments after they arrived, holding a disc that looked like a record. He proceeded to show them, and they watched asThe Sound of Musicsprang to life on the large TV. "This is so cool," Delancey said.

  "It is, isn't it?" Jack agreed. "The only drawback is there aren't many movies I'm willing to buy. Video recorders that take regular tapes have a wider selection. Maybe I'll get one of those someday."

  Marrell heard only part of what was going on. She was too busy looking around his beautiful home. Like Shay and Oliver, he had the top floor of a house as his apartment, but it was much larger than the Lacys'. The living room was spectacular, with a huge picture window that looked out over the bay and allowed him to see the sailboats lining the docks along the waterfront.

  The apartment didn't have a formal dining room, but that didn't seem to matter. The kitchen was huge. Its table and six chairs did not crowd things at all. There was an island with a range top on it in the middle of the kitchen. The eye-level oven was to the side, and a microwave was next to it. A turkey was in theoven and Marrell could
see the stuffing, but the counters were neat as a pin. Marrell was still taking it all in when Jack found her.

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  "What do you think?" he asked from across the room. She looked so good today that if he got any closer he was going to have to touch her.

  I think I love youwas the first thought in Marrell's mind, but she looked away so she couldn't see his face and said, "It's beautiful. The whole place is lovely. Tell me how long you've lived here."

  "Twelve years."

  Marrell shook her head in wonder. "I can see why. I would never want to move. How much decorating have you done?" she asked as she took in the wallpaper and perfectly coordinated countertops and appliances.

  "I've done most of it. My landlord is elderly, and as long as I don't burn the place down, he doesn't care. He hasn't raised the rent in five years."

  "Hey, Jack," Delancey called from the living room. "Is this a picture of your mother and grandmother?"

  Jack went to the living room, a smile on his face. He joined Delancey by the photo on the wall, took it down, and held it in his hand. "These are my sisters."

  Delancey's mouth opened. "Your sisters?"

  "Yes. I was an afterthought. My mother didn't have me until she was 49. The woman on the left is my sister, Kate," Jack said, pointing. "She's 68. The one on the right is Anne. She's 72. They both live in Eugene, Oregon, where I grew up. They never married."

  "Never?" Mackenzie asked after she had come on the scene.

  "Nope. They live in the house I grew up in, and they've only been down one time to visit me in all these years. I grew up with three mothers," Jack offered fondly.

  "How often do you go see them?" Marrell asked.

  "Only about twice a year."

  Jack showed them some other photos, and the three women were delighted with the pictures of him as a baby and from grade school. At one point he slipped away to put the pies in the oven, but not long afterward he said it was time to open gifts. He had such a look of childish delight that Marrell laughed at him.

  "What?"

  "You look just like a big kid."

  He wiggled his eyebrows up and down.

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  "Wait until you see what I've bought. You might feel like a kid yourself."

  Marrell smiled but tried not to feel anxious. She hadn't been able to do much for Christmas and had really struggled with how inadequate her gifts seemed. She and the girls had opened theirs after the Christmas Eve service the night before. Both girls had been pleased with their gifts, but Marrell had wanted to give them so much more.

  Mackenzie was wearing her new watch today, and Delancey had on her new sweater-but other than a new book each and a favorite candy bar, that had been all.

  You've told Jack in the past that he's spoiled, and now listen to you,Marrell chided herself.You and the girls got him what you could afford. Now leave it at that. It doesn't honor God when you buy gifts on the birthday of His Son with money you don't have.

  "What's the matter?" Jack asked softly, having come close.

  "I was just giving myself a pep talk because I'm not being thankful. I'm still having a hard time with not being able to give the girls everything I want, and we have gifts for you, but they're not very fancy or special."

  "Then I think you should go shopping right now and find something else for me. Spare no expense."

  Marrell bit her lip, but he did not let up.

  "Did I tell you I have my eye on a bike? Mine is more than 20 years old and getting tired. Why don't I give you the directions to the store? You could go now."

  "Stop," she finally laughed. "You asked and I told you. I didn't say it was right."

  "I wasn't expecting anything, Marrell," he said, growing serious. "I shopped for the three of you, but I didn't expect you to buy me anything."

  "Thank you," she said softly, still working to push down the feeling of disappointment that she didn't have more. She had almost accomplished this when Jack told the three women to gather around the tree. After doing so, Marrell realized that every gift beneath it was for her or the girls.

  "Jack." Marrell was shocked. "What have you done?"

  "I've had fun," he said without apology. "I never have anyone but my sisters and a few colleagues to buy for, so this year

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  I splurged. Here we go." He ignored their shocked faces and passed a gift to Mackenzie.

  "You first, Micki."

  "Okay," she responded, looking a little overwhelmed. "Thank you."

  "Oh, wait a minute," he stopped her. "I want D.J. to do hers at the same time."

  He handed an identical package to Delancey and sat back with a huge smile. "You're going to like these," he told them, obviously feeling proud of himself.

  The girls looked at each other and then tore open the paper. They gasped when they saw the boxes.

  "Mini stereos!" Mackenzie exclaimed.

  "You'll love 'em," Jack jumped right in. "You see, they have speakers for your room, but the players themselves are portable with headphones and all. You can play the radio or a tape, and these little speakers sound very good. They're really clear."

  "Thank you," they said quietly, both so surprised that it took a moment for them to smile.

  Jack smiled as if he'd received the gifts himself.

  "Okay, now one for your mother." With that, Jack put a heavy box at Marrell's feet.

  She eyed him suspiciously even after he winked at her, and she tore back the paper. "Jackson, what have you done?" she asked again.

  "I've been in your kitchen, Marrell," he said practically. "You need one of these."

  Inside the box was a Kitchen Aid mixer with every possible attachment. Marrell didn't know what to say. She wasn't given a chance. Jack was handing out gifts again, and the women soon learned that this had been only the start. The girls got necklaces and a basketball. Marrell received a bracelet, candy, and a pile of books. The last gift for her was two tickets to the theater to seeFiddler on the Roof inJanuary.

  It was such a lovely surprise and made better when the girls jumped up, feeling none of their mother's attitude, went to the bag by the door, and brought Jack's gifts to him.

  "Well now," he said, looking delighted, "two gifts. Which shall I open first?"

  "The smaller one," Delancey wasted no time in saying.

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  "All right." Jack tore the paper away and moments later brought forth a navy silk tie.

  "This is beautiful," he said seriously.

  "We made it," Delancey filled in, and Jack looked over to see the girls smiling at him.

  "You made this?"

  "Mom helped," Mackenzie explained, and Jack looked to that woman.

  "I'm amazed."

  Marrell smiled shyly at him, and Delancey ordered Jack to open the other one.

  "That one is from Mom."

  Jack smiled at the younger girl before pulling a shirt from the box. It was a fine wool plaid in navy and green. Jack had never had anything like it. It took a moment for him to see that there was no tag in the collar.

  "Did you make this?" he asked.

  Marrell nodded, her lip tucked in her teeth again.

  "You told me you sewed, but I had no idea, Marrell. I'm astounded."

  "Put it on," Delancey ordered. "We want to see if it fits."

  "I'll do it."

  A moment later he was gone, and the women looked at each other.

  "I can't believe how cool all this stuff is." Mackenzie's voice was wowed. "I can't believe he shopped for us."

  "Isn't he funny-" Marrell shook her head. "He just went slightly crazy."

  The girls laughed, and then Jack was back, looking wonderful in his new shirt. Marrell went right to him and fingered the collar and touched the shoulders for fit. She liked what she saw.

  "How does it feel?"

  "Perfect. This fabric is incredible. Thank you so much."

  Marrell smiled.

  "Why don't you two work on cleaning up the papers in here?" M
arrell suggested to the girls. "I'll head into the kitchen and see how things are coming." She left as soon as she said this, missing the way the girls came forward, kissed Jack's cheek, and

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  thanked him. He grinned at them in delight, wiggled those mobile eyebrows again, and said he was going to help their mother.

  "Oh, Jack," Marrell sighed when she saw him. "You made everything so nice."

  "It was my pleasure. Did you put the bracelet on?"

  Marrell looked at him. "No, I'll get it before we eat."

  She went back to the salad dressing she was mixing, not even turning when she felt him move beside her. But a moment later Jack's hand curved gently around her jaw, and he moved her face so he could softly kiss her mouth. He'd never done anything more than touch her hand or arm, so she was quite surprised.

  "Why did you do that?" she whispered.

  "I was rather hoping it might help you say what I've been reading in your eyes since you arrived."

  Marrell looked up at him, her heart in her throat. For a moment she was at a loss, and then she remembered. She suddenly dug into the front pocket of her jeans and pulled out a scrap of paper. She handed it to him. It smelled of cedar.

  Jack opened the folded note and read to himself,IhopeIcan find a way to tell Jackson that I've fallen in love with him.

  Jack took her in his arms; he could do nothing else. Marrell felt him tremble with emotion. Her own arms clung to him until he shifted so he could see her face.

  "I love you, Marrell Bishop," he finally said.

  "I love you, Jackson Avery," Marrell told him, tears filling her eyes.

  Jack kissed her cheek and nose and then her mouth before wrapping his arms around her again. They were still standing in each other's arms when they realized they weren't alone. Both turned their heads to the room's other occupant.

  "You're hugging?" a vulnerable-looking Mackenzie asked.

  "Come here, Mic," Jack turned, beckoning to the 15-year-old with one arm around Marrell. He hugged her with the other arm, but her eyes were on his face.

  "Please don't leave us, Jack," she said softly, her lips trembling uncontrollably. "Please don't leave us like my dad did."

  "Oh, Micki." Jack's whisper was tortured as he put both arms around her. "My sweet Mackenzie. I'll be here for you," he told her, because he believed with all of his heart that he would.