Kiss of the Winter Moon

by Amanda LeMay

  “It still hurts. I can’t figure out how to make it stop. It’s like he’s some ghost I can’t shake off. Like I’m a fucking weak-ass coward.”

  “You’re not weak and you’re not a coward, and Rand is not your father.”

  It turned my stomach to think the only thing that would’ve proved Dain of any value to Rand was what would have looked like a slight deformity to any human doctor—the small seam that appeared as a pale line or scar that ran along the top, from the base of a male Breeder’s penis all the way to the tip. That one part of their male anatomy had ensured the survival of our race in ancient times when all wolves were feared, hunted, slaughtered, and almost wiped from the face of the earth. That one little thing that sets male Breeders apart from the general wolf population is a glorious mutation—a small piece of their reproductive organ that made them more animal than human, that part of their anatomy that raises Breeders to rock-star status. That was what Rand wanted for himself, and never got, and what he had hoped to use as a means to open doors in a way he never could on his own. To even think to use a child that way was so wrong.

  “It took a hell of a lot of courage for you to tell me this, about what Rand did to you and about how you handed out your own justice. You have more inner strength than you give yourself credit for. I’m honored you think enough of me to trust me with your secrets.” I pulled his arms tighter around my body.

  Could I ever tell Dain my secret? Maybe. Someday. But my secret was—different. I’d walked into my mistake with eyes wide open, placed trust in someone to keep their word, and I’d been betrayed. Dain suffered a higher level of betrayal by someone who supposedly loved him or should have loved him. There was no discussion, no mutual agreement, and Dain never gave his permission.

  “Jessy...” His lips kissed the healing scratches on my shoulders. His mouth on my flesh eased the burning rage inside me. “Your beautiful skin.” He whispered. “I’m so sorry. I’ve never lost it like that. Not since that night in the hotel.”

  “I’m okay. Considering what we are and the full moon being so close, your reaction seems completely natural. I’m not upset, Dain. You didn’t hurt me.”

  He pulled his hand from mine and ran it over my hip then back up to trail his fingers over my shoulder and down my arm.

  “I wanted to...to...come all over you. Rub my scent into your skin so no other male would dare look in your direction. That must sound so...disgusting. Raunchy. Damn, just...pornographic.”

  When Bobby Sanders had said he wanted to come all over me—now that sounded raunchy, disgusting, and completely gross. But the same words, from Dain’s mouth, had a totally different effect. The thought of watching Dain stroke himself until he spilled his seed made my skin burn, my heart race, my belly flutter, and my mouth water.

  “Actually, no.” I turned in his arms to see his face. The sight of tears that had wet his cheeks instantly cooled the fire that had come to life inside me.

  Oh, Dain. I pressed my hand on his chest, over his heart. “We can’t deny our true nature, especially with the full moon a day away. There’s not much we can do to fight it.” I lifted his hand and pressed it over my heart. “That wild animal inside you lives in me, too. When the full moon comes, stay with me. No safe room. I can handle whatever you dish out. Take me wherever you need to go. And, if you didn’t notice, that rough, raw animal sex—yeah, I thoroughly enjoyed it.”

  His arms crushed the breath out of me.

  “What about you?” I managed to whisper.

  “Me?”

  I nodded my cheek against his chest. “Did you enjoy taking me that way?”

  “It scared the shit out of me.” His lips brushed over my forehead. “But—hell yeah.” A growl rumbled deep in his chest. “I enjoyed it. A lot.”

  I PULLED MY DRESS FROM the washer and laid it out, checking for any remaining dirt or blood stains.

  Dain peered over my shoulder. “Is it ruined?”

  “No.” I bumped him playfully with my hip. “See? No harm done.”

  There were a few stubborn blood stains on the inside, but I didn’t point those out. Dain felt bad enough. Besides, those little spots reminded me of something good. Something I’d enjoyed wholeheartedly. Something that made me all hot and breathless and quivery just remembering Dain’s Breeder form and the raw, primitive, all-out erotic way he’d staked his claim on my body.

  He peeled back my robe at the shoulder, then huffed out a sigh. “Almost healed here, too.” His fingers smoothed across my skin before his lips traveled the same path. “Jess, I’m so—”

  “Dain, stop apologizing. I’m fine.” I turned, grabbed a hanger, and slipped it inside the dress.

  “If you hang that to dry, it probably won’t be ready for tonight.”

  “Oh, I’m not wearing this dress.” I smoothed the fabric out with my hand.

  His face fell a little. “You’re not?”

  “Nope, this is not a party dress.” I gave him a flirty little smile. “I have something much more appropriate for a dance.”

  And did I ever. A little red dress I’d picked up in a fancy boutique in the city for my once-a-month, full-moon party nights with my girlfriends back in Albuquerque. The second I tried the dress on, I knew Jules, Rikki, Eileen, and Chloe would just squeal when they saw me in it. Of course, that was before the whole me and Dain sakana bond thing. Now that Dain and I were together, I’d be spending all my full moons with him, even if that meant I’d be taking a flight over from Albuquerque to San Antonio, renting a car, and driving out to the ranch every month.

  “Why do I get the feeling we might not make it out of the house once I see you in your party dress?”

  “Oh, don’t think for a second I’m missing out on our first, official dance date.” I poked his chest. “No backing out of our deal.”

  He stepped toward me, pushing me up against the washer, growling low and menacing way down deep in his throat. “Not backing out.” His arms trapped me as his mouth came down within an inch of mine, and sweet heavens, I loved it when he flashed his possessive, protective, domineering side. “Just saying, we might be late and once we do get there, we might leave early.”

  I swallowed hard, formulating a new deal in my head. “Five dances, minimum. And a margarita.”

  He leaned in as I leaned back. “Three dances, a margarita, and a couple of shots.”

  Oh, he wanted to loosen me up? Fine. “Five dances, a margarita, and three shots.” I slipped my hands inside the back pockets of his jeans and pulled his hips against mine. “After a make-out session in the truck.”

  He groaned, pressed his body in closer. “Never made out in my truck before.”

  “Virgin territory.”

  I didn’t need the evidence of the long, hard length of him pressing into me to understand how excited he was about our little deal. His rapid heartbeat, short breaths, dilated pupils, and slightly extended canines pretty much told me he could not wait to get me alone in his truck.

  “Maybe we can practice right now.”

  “Oh, hell yeah.” He pulled my hands out from his pockets and practically dragged me from the laundry room before coming to an abrupt halt halfway through the living room. He stared out at the road in the distance, parted his lips, and sighed.

  “What?”

  “They’re back.”

  The headlights of Dad’s old truck twinkled on the horizon in the dusky, pink sky off on the main road, the engine chugging along. Dain’s dark gaze came back to me, drifted up and down my body, reminding me I was still dressed in my robe and nothing else.

  All the sexual heat that had been in his eyes only a moment ago leaked out and disappeared.

  “Are we going to tell them, you know, about us?”

  “They left us alone all day on purpose. They already know.” I kissed him quick and turned to head for my bedroom to change. “They’re probably wondering what took us so long to figure it out on our own.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  THE TRU
CK ENGINE MADE little clicking noises as it cooled in the chilly air of the bar’s parking lot. Unfortunately, Dain’s sexy playfulness from the afternoon had cooled off as well. He’d parked the truck in a dark, back corner of the lot, but kept his fingers wrapped tightly around the steering wheel instead of reaching for me to begin our promised make-out session. Still, he didn’t appear overly eager to get out of the truck and actually escort me into the dance.

  So I sat patiently, and waited.

  Whatever he was so conflicted over prickled my skin like goosebumps. He parted his lips like he was about to say something, then closed them on a small sigh.

  Maybe he hesitated to take me inside because of what had happened earlier in the afternoon. I’d already searched the parking lot. Bobby Sanders’ truck wasn’t here. If he did show, so what? That asshole didn’t scare me.

  Okay, so maybe, it was the little, red party dress I’d changed into, or the sweet, glittery sling-back heels on my feet.

  Maybe Dain had second thoughts about whether he could deal with other guys—mainly other wolves—checking me out.

  Okay, yeah, there was a considerable amount of flesh on display—a good deal of deep cleavage and long-leg flesh—and yes, what little fabric there was fit me like a second skin. I had my hair moussed out to the limits, smoky party eye makeup, deep red lips, with take-me-hard-and-often pumps on my feet.

  The instant Dain saw me dressed up in my party things, I knew I’d accomplished my mission: he’d groaned like I was killing him. The, low growling whispered string of expletives he’d let slip as he’d helped me into his truck clued me into how difficult waiting to get me back home and into his bed would be.

  And, damn, I loved the way his hungry gaze ate me up.

  It wasn’t only the way he looked at me or the words he ground out between clenched teeth—I could feel his hunger, desire, raw need—inside my own body. Now, as we sat in the truck, he let off the same feelings, but with a big dose of conflicted anxiety mixed in.

  “Dain—”

  “Are you afraid, Jessy?”

  The odd question came out of nowhere and worried me.

  “Afraid of what?”

  “Afraid—of me?”

  “Afraid of you?” I shook my head, bewildered.

  “Afraid that you’ve gotten caught up with a male who...”

  There it was—the guilt. He worried about what I thought of him. He’d told me the truth—he’d put another wolf to death—and as far as I was concerned, he’d carried out wolf justice.

  “No.”

  “Do you think I’m—twisted? Is there something wrong with me that I...” He left his question hanging there as his fingers twisted hard around the steering wheel.

  I’d witnessed challenges before. Some challenges were worse than others, depending on pack law, but they were invariably violent and vicious and brutal. I imagined what was left of the wolf-man who pretended to be Dain’s father—a bloody mass of shredded muscle and shattered bones.

  “A mercy killing was more than Rand deserved. It took courage to do what you did, knowing you’d have to live with your decision for the rest of your life.”

  “I’ve thought about that, too. Why I didn’t let him bleed out, suffer the way he’d made me and my mom suffer. Doesn’t matter now. But...” He lowered his head, then glanced up, out across the parking lot before continuing on. “But I didn’t mean that night, Jessy. I meant the night in the hotel.”

  “Oh.” It hit me. “Oh. You mean—when you watched and couldn’t stop the reaction? Or that it felt good when...you know?”

  “Yes. That. Both.”

  The darkness inside the truck cab didn’t hide the pink blush in Dain’s cheeks, or the slight tremble in his voice, or the way his hands gripped the steering wheel like he needed to hold on to something just to have this conversation.

  “Sex is part of our way of life, Dain, a big part of our culture. We grow up watching wolves have sex at mating ceremonies and Moon Dances, and depending on the pack, the celebration after the yearly Moon Dance is a flat-out orgy. Not that I’ve ever attended, but I’ve heard what goes on. With wolves, it’s a ritual, and it’s natural. My brothers spent every full moon locked in the caverns until they mated. They told me what went on in there. Most males take care of themselves. Some males hook up. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s a mutual release. No one is ever forced. Sex is natural and—fun. Or at least, it should be.”

  And when it isn’t so fun, you get over it. You move on. You live.

  I waited a moment, and though Dain stayed silent, his conflicting emotions—confusion, humiliation, helplessness—squeezed my heart because of what he’d lived through.

  “Rand’s dishonor does not reflect on you. You will never be that male.”

  He licked his lips, then clenched his jaw tight as he nodded.

  “Were you uncomfortable when we looked through the how-to books together?”

  “No, I wasn’t.” His face softened with a little smile. “We were sharing something together and everything we agreed on was done through mutual consent—not force.” His eyes found mine. “I had no clue making love to you would be so good—so all consuming.” His hand reached out and took mine. “I want to touch you all the time. Can’t stop thinking about you. Even when I close my eyes, there you are, naked. It’s like making love to you is so—necessary—like air or water or earth. I can’t live without it. Can’t live without you. I want you, need you with an intensity so strong it almost feels violent. After what I did this afternoon, what if I can’t control that need again?”

  “Dain, you can control it, and you will.” I smiled. My heart fluttered. “You’re just as necessary for me, too. I have those same intense feelings and, yeah, they’re kind of scary.” Hearing the words, hearing them out loud—he needed me as much as I needed him—healed some crazy part of me that I hadn’t realized was broken. Maybe knowing I felt the same about him would help him heal as well.

  A crease appeared between his eyebrows. “Ever since that night in the hotel, the memory of what Rand did, it’s always made me sick to my stomach. And Bobby coming around and...and everything else that’s been going on, it shoves those nauseating memories up in my face all over again.” A dark growl rose from deep inside of him. “Bobby gives off a weird vibe, you know, like a feral animal hiding, waiting, getting ready to attack. I’m not afraid of him. I just wasn’t looking forward to beating his stupid ass again, especially now, since I’ve got more than one reason to cut loose on him.”

  He squeezed my hand and gazed into my eyes.

  “I want you, Jess. I want everything with you. I want to feel everything, experience everything—with you.” He nodded and raised his dark brows as if to make sure I understood all he wanted and to ask my permission.

  Sweet heavens, I wanted to feel everything with him, too. Everything. Even those things that scared the crap out of me, I wanted to experience with Dain. The amazing, gentle male sitting next to me, who had spilled his darkest secrets, trusted me enough to lay himself open in the most intimate ways—I would show him the same trust.

  I turned his hand in mine and kissed his palm, then nibbled at the rough pad below his thumb. “I’m open to anything you want to try. When you’re ready, tell me.”

  He sat there quiet for several minutes, his dark eyes staring out at the rising moon as a small smile sat perched on his lips. Finally, he looked back at me, his face had gone serious.

  “I would kill for you, Jessy.”

  I inhaled a sharp breath. My heart stalling right there in my chest, and when it picked up the pace again, it didn’t just beat, it took off at warp speed. If I had any doubts whatsoever of how truly, deeply, madly in love Dain Louvel was with me, they were swept away with that one declaration. He didn’t need to say another word. His love shone fierce and dark in his eyes. Love radiated from his body, and if he kissed me, I would taste the raw, animal need on his lips.

  “My heart, mind, body, and soul are fully invest
ed here, Jessy. You are necessary to my survival. Not only because of our sakana bond, but because that bond enhances everything I already held in my heart. Even if you walk away right now, I will love you for the rest of my miserable life.”

  I will love you... I will love you... I will love you...

  Those four simple words whispered in my head over and over.

  He didn’t give me a chance to answer. His incredibly soft lips touched mine and took what little breath I had away with kisses so pure and passionate they brought tears to my eyes.

  The crunch of gravel under heavy boots and the sharp rap of knuckles on the driver’s side window, followed by Chuck’s slow, easy voice, pulled me out of heaven to find Dain smiling against my lips. He gave me one soft kiss after another as if pulling himself away might cause him pain.

  “Dain, dude, you planning on bringing that pretty lady inside for a dance or two or are you just gonna make out in your truck all night like a couple of horny teenagers?”

  I sat back and giggled because, yeah, that was the plan. The neon lights from the bar shown like colorful, hazy cotton balls through the fogged-up windows.

  “How did he know we were in here?” I laughed as I ran a finger across the window and watched a little stream of water slide down, leaving a clean line. “He couldn’t possibly see us.”

  “Dain!” Chuck rapped his knuckles against the window again. “Dude, c’mon.”

  “Would you give us one damned minute here?” Dain laughed.

  “Not a problem. But a minute is just damn embarrassing. I expected a little more stamina from a strapping lad like you.”

  I giggled again at the sound of Chuck’s laughter and retreating footsteps.

  After a few more full, luscious, deep kisses from his warm, wet mouth and full lips, Dain got out of the truck, came around, and opened my door. Freezing-cold air rushed into the cab. Little clouds formed in front of Dain’s face as he held his hand out to me. I glanced down as I stepped my red, glitter-covered toes out onto the foot-rail, and even in the darkness, the bulge in his dress slacks wasn’t difficult to miss.