Lunch is weird, but what did I expect? Emilio takes Luis as soon as Dominique arrives, and I let him. It’s what we agreed to. He isn’t coming over every day anymore, so we agreed he could have Luis at lunch and during fourth. He’s also picking him up twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We haven’t worked up to overnights yet and I’m thankful for that. I don’t know when or if I’ll be ready for that step anytime soon, and like we’d agreed before everything unfolded, he’s letting me set the pace. I get to make the big decisions and he’s not pushing for more than I can give where Luis is concerned.
Dominique, Roman, and Emilio are on one side of the lunch table. Kasey and I on the other. With Aaron and Allie in the middle, acting as a divider between our two groups. The division doesn’t go by unnoticed, and already people are starting to look and whisper.
“So, this Thursday,” Kasey hedges, “You’re sure you want—“
“Yes!” I say, hoping to cut her off before the boys overhear us. I lower my voice to keep our conversation private. “I need the job and I’m really grateful you were willing to talk to your aunt for me.”
She smiles and nods her head, blond curls bouncing with the movement.
Kasey’s aunt runs the Sun Valley Station, a local diner Allie works at and that Kasey sometimes helps with. Kasey doesn’t need a job, nor does she particularly want one, so she was more than happy to put in a good word for me if it meant getting her out of picking up the vacant shifts. It’s only two days a week—Thursdays when Luis is with Emilio, and then on Sundays. Monique has offered to watch him anytime I need the help and I gratefully accepted the offer, but I know I need to give Emilio the option first. If roles were reversed, I’d want the option of more time with my son before leaving him with a sitter, even if it was a friend. Co-parenting the right way. Right?
“Okay, then I guess just show up on time and you’re all set. Allie works this week so she can show you the ropes.”
“Sounds good.”
A girl walks up to our table, a determined look on her face. She has a little extra swing in her step and her entire focus is zeroed in on Emilio. She reaches him and says something, but I can’t make out the words. She laughs. I look away, but still track their movements in my peripheral. Emilio turns his head to look at me. I can’t make out his facial expression but having Kasey close by means I don’t have to.
“I think he’s gauging your reaction,” she whispers low enough for only me to hear.
I sigh hard and shrug. “I don’t know why. He can do whatever he wants. He doesn’t have to worry about my feelings.” I force a smile and climb to my feet. “Thanks again for talking to your aunt.”
“Don’t thank me yet. I’ve helped out before and it’s no walk in the park. Half the clientele are students and they’re mostly assholes so, just try not to let anything get to you. Okay?”
Despite myself, I chance a glance back at Emilio. The girl is gone but he’s staring at a small piece of paper in his hands, his expression serious. A phone number. Figures.
“No worries. I’m becoming a master at not letting things get to me.”
thirty-two
We’ve been co-parenting, as Bibiana likes to call it, for three weeks now. Torture is a more accurate term if you ask me. Football season is officially over now that we took state, so I don’t have anything to occupy my free time with. I considered getting a job, but my brothers shut that idea down real quick. They want me focused on school and Luis. When I argued—because hell, we have bills and I’ll be damned if I don’t pay my way around here—they informed me Raul had a life insurance policy. Surprise, surprise. Guess the POS was good for something. I guess he and our mom set something up when things were still good between them, and Roberto’s made it a point to keep up on the monthly premiums. That right there was thinking ahead.
There was a decent chunk of change there that the four of us decided to split five ways. One portion went to living expenses. It paid off the house and will cover the utilities for at least the next few months. The rest we each put into individual bank accounts for later use. I have no clue what Roberto or Antonio will do with theirs. I still don’t really know what Roberto’s plans are now that he’s back stateside. But Sofia says she’s saving for college. Smart girl. And I gave most of mine to Bibiana.
She fought me at first. Didn’t want to take it. She said it was too much. But if you ask me, the ten grand I gave her wasn’t enough. I had to remind her we agreed I’d pay child support. I wasn’t there in the beginning and I didn’t have much to give when she came back. This was the least I could do to make sure she and my boy are taken care of. It took some convincing, but when I threatened to have the janitor open her locker and leave it there, she finally took it.
I don’t need the money. I have a full ride to Suncrest U. I can live here or in the dorms, it makes no difference to me, and my scholarship will cover my day-to-day expenses once school starts. I was worried about supporting Luis before, but this makes it easier, and if she needs more, I’ll give it to her. I’d give that girl anything, even if all it does is make her more comfortable. She’s still living with Jae and who the fuck knows how long that will be for, but I don’t have a say in the matter. Even if I think I should. With any luck the money will help her get her own place sooner rather than later.
She got a job too. Part time at a local diner. I thought she might quit once I gave her the money, but she didn’t, and every chance she gets to pick up a shift, she takes it, not that I can complain. It means more time with my boy, but I can see it wearing on her. She doesn’t smile as much, and there are always dark circles under her eyes.
Because of school she works the closing shift and the diner is open till midnight most nights and then classes start at seven thirty. She isn’t getting enough sleep. Isn’t taking care of herself. And it grates on me that I can’t be the one to take care of her.
I miss seeing her and Luis after school every day. And now, I have nothing but time on my hands to sit and dwell on how much I hate this arrangement.
“You wanna grab a bite to eat?” Antonio asks, poking his head in my room. “Roberto and I are taking Sofia to the station.”
I shake my head. “Nah, man. I’m good. Not hungry.” My stomach decides to call me a liar and rumble.
He frowns. “You sure?”
I nod again. “Yeah, man. I’m good.” I’m not great company right now, and I don’t need to dampen on my family’s good mood. We got the call earlier from social services that they were closing Sofia’s case. Roberto is old enough, responsible enough, and has his shit together as a retired vet to be trusted with the welfare of our baby sister. It’s good news. I should be with them celebrating but I just—I can’t get my mind in the right head space for it.
“Alright. Let us know if you change your mind.” With that he leaves, and I do exactly what I’ve been doing this past week. Think. But no matter how much I analyze my problem, I still can’t find a fucking solution. This isn’t like a mathematical equation with only one answer. There are too many variables and my brain struggles to figure them all out, but three weeks is three weeks too long. Something needs to give.
My phone pings beside me and I check the screen. A somewhat familiar number flashes and against my better judgement, I answer it. “Hello.”
“Hey, E—“ A breathy voice says on the other end of the line.
I roll my eyes at the ceiling and throw myself down on my bed. “What do you want?”
There’s a pause. “It’s me. Kaitlyn.”
“And?” I ask. Is her name supposed to mean something to me? I know at least four Kaitlyns. Five if you count Sofia’s friend, but I’m pretty sure she isn’t the one calling me. There’s a different girl hitting me up damn near every day. At first I played along. I wanted to see if it made Bibiana jealous. I wanted to know if she cared. But all it took was the one time I caught hurt on her face for me to put an end to that. Only now, I can’t get the girls to back off.
“So, I was thinking, umm, there’s this party.”
“Pass,” I say and hang up the phone, dropping it on the comforter beside me. Rolling to my feet I head for the kitchen, ignoring the buzz of my phone as another call comes in. Leave a voicemail, or don’t. Either way, I’m not answering and I’m not calling any of these chicks back.
I’m almost to the refrigerator when there’s a knock at the door that stops me. It sounds again. You’ve got to be kicking me. They’re showing up at my house now? This is going too far. I clench my teeth and storm to the door, jerking it open only to be greeted by the one asshole I definitely do not want to see. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not fucking ever.
“What are you doing here?” I bite out, hands fisted at my sides.
Jae stands there like the smug bastard he is. Dressed in black jeans, a white shirt so long it reaches mid-thigh, and a black beanie he glowers at me, almost like he’s just as unhappy to see me as I am to see him.
I lean against the doorjamb with zero plans to welcome him inside. “Well?”
His lips tighten and a muscle jumps in his jaw. “I’m here for Bibiana,” he says, and I fold my arms over my chest. Right. Because she would totally send this asshole to come find me.
I straighten. Wait. What if she did send him to find me? What if something happened? To her or to Luis. “What happened?” The words barely make it out of my mouth before I’m grabbing my keys off the counter and brushing past him.
He jogs to keep up. “Where are you going?” he asks, irritation in his voice.
“To Bibiana. What happened? Is she hurt? Is Luis—“
“No. They’re both fine.”
I pull up short. “Then why the fuck are you here?”
He exhales a harsh breath. “I’m here because she isn’t and because someone needs to talk some goddamn sense into you.”
I bark out a laugh. Oh. This is rich.
“Why the fuck do you care?” I swear it’s like I can’t catch a fucking break. All week I’ve had to watch my girl from a distance. I’ve had to pretend I’m fine with this situation when I’m anything but. I’ve had to watch her get out of this asshole’s car every goddamn morning only to climb back into it at the end of the day. And he’s here to what? Rub it in my face that Bibiana doesn’t want me anymore? That she was pissed off about something I didn’t even do and decided to make decisions that don’t only affect her life, they affect mine. Fuck. This is bullshit.
“Fuck off. I have nothing to say to you.” I turn to storm back to my front door.
His eyes narrow and he takes two steps forward, blocking my way and shoving his finger into my chest. It takes everything in me not to swing for his face. The guy has some fucking nerve showing up while he’s moving in on what’s mine. And no one can convince me that that isn’t exactly what he’s doing.
“Fuck me? Really. God, you’re such a child. Grow the hell up, man.”
My nostrils flare. “Get out of my way.”
“Not until you hear me out.”
“Why? Nothing you have to say means anything to me. Your opinions are lower than shit as far as I’m concerned, so go crawl back to whatever hole you came out of and leave me the hell alone. You already got the girl. What else could you possibly want from me?”
“God, are you hearing yourself? You’re so fucking selfish.”
“Excuse me?”
He advances on me. “You heard me. You’re selfish. All you’re thinking about is how this affects you. Woe is me. Poor Emilio didn’t get the girl. How sad.” He sneers. “Do you have any idea what Bibiana is dealing with right now?”
“Don’t act like you care—“
“I don’t. Not about you. But I care about her. I care about Luis.”
I snort. “Right. You care so much that—“
“That I went out of my way to talk to the last person I want in their lives. The one person who can take them away from me. Yeah, asshole. That’s how much I care, so shut the fuck up and listen.”
My jaw snaps shut at his words. I bite the inside of my cheek until I taste blood and wait for him to say whatever it is he came here to say. I’m in no mood to deal with this guy, but he doesn’t look like he’s going to leave until he says his peace.
“That girl has been through hell, and you don’t even know the half of it.”
“But you do? Is that it?” I shake my head. If this is some twisted ploy to—
“Shut up! God. You are so goddamn arrogant. Are you too fucking proud to see what you’re about to lose?”
My lip curls into a snarl. “I already lost her, or haven’t you heard?” I cock my head to the side. What’s this guy’s end game? Is he here to gloat? Does this little chat earn him brownie points or some shit? So he can go back to tell my girl that he put me in my place. Is that it?
“I can’t believe you’re this dense. That girl loves you.”
My heart skips a beat before kicking back into overdrive. I school my expression, refusing to let this fucker see just what hearing those words does to me. I pop my knuckles. Maybe I will punch him after all. If he thinks he can come over here and dangle that shit in my face—lie to me about something so important and get away with it. Nah. Not fucking happening, cabrón. Not today.
I’m about to tell him exactly how I feel about what he’s doing, but he just keeps on talking, oblivious to the rage brewing inside me.
“You need to man up and fight for her.”
“She told me to back off,” I remind him, knowing full well he was eavesdropping when she and I spoke.
“Porca puttana!” he curses.
“What the hell does that mean?”
He glares at me. His eyes little more than slits. “For fuck’s sake,” he grinds out. “It’s Italian.”
“I don’t know if anyone told you, but you’re Asian.”
He stares up at the sky as if answers are going to fall from it.
“젠장, happy?”
Whatever he said sounded like jenjang. “Cool, you speak Italian and Chinese. Bravo. Are we showing off now?”
His jaw flexes. “I’m not Chinese, asshole. I’m half Korean, half Italian. Not Asian. Not Chinese.” He mutters something under his breath that is probably more swearing, not that I care. “Do you like being called Hispanic?”
My chest puffs up, but then I realize what he’s doing. Fucker. “Point made.”
He grunts.
“Look, I don’t have all day and you’re not exactly the company I want in my face right now so if you’ve got something else to say, get on with it.”
He scowls and shakes his head. “I don’t know why I’m wasting my time.”
Cool. Leave then. I don’t know why he’s wasting his time either. I sure as hell didn’t ask for him to come here. He looks like he’s about to do exactly that, but then he hesitates.
“You know she had a baby brother?” he asks, and while no, I didn’t, what does that have to do with anything?
“He died when he was a kid. She named Luis after him. His middle name.”
My brows pull together. Afonso. I just figured it was a name she liked or maybe her dad’s or something. I don’t know. I never thought to ask. But thinking about it now, why didn’t I know this?
“After her brother died, her dad left. Couldn’t handle the grief, so he bailed.”
My jaw locks. Seems we have that in common. Our parents take off when the going gets tough.
“And now, her mom has all but forgotten about her. She’s so afraid to be alone again that she’s put on rose-colored glasses and can’t even see the monster she’s throwing her daughter away for.”
I suck in a breath. “Why are you telling me all this?” I’m not complaining. I want to know these things about Bibiana’s life, but it grates on my nerves that he’s known all these things about her and I never even had a clue. I know shit is strained with her mom. It’s why she brings Luis to school. But I figured they’d work it out. Bibiana said they were close. Her mom had always been there for
her. You’d think she’d snap out of trying to save her rapist boyfriend eventually or at least be a fucking parent.
“So you can get it through your thick head that in her mind, you’re already fucking gone. It’s always been a forgone conclusion.” He tugs off his beanie and runs his hands through his hair, forgetting that it’s tied back in a top knot and messing up whatever style he was going for. K-pop wannabe or some shit.
“You’re not making any sense.”
“Everyone leaves,” he tells me. “Her brother died. Her dad left. He mom has all but abandoned her. Everyone leaves that girl eventually, whether by choice or circumstance. She might not admit it, but in the back of her mind, she knew you’d bail. That’s why she jumped to the wrong conclusions. Why she pushed you away even after she knew the truth. She’s just been waiting for you to leave and right now, you’re proving her right.”
I bite my lower lip and suck my teeth as a lead weight settles deep in my gut. My own baggage comes back to punch me in the face, and I realize I’m doing to Bibiana what I expected her to do to me all this time—give up.
My nostrils flare. “So you think she wants me to fight for her? Despite that being the exact opposite of what she told me she wanted.”
“I know she wants you to fight for her. She’s miserable. A shell of the girl she used to be.”
We’re both damaged. Broken beyond repair. Neither of us willing to trust the other enough to make this work but…. I stumble back a few steps and look around, for what, I’m not sure. I just—my brain is moving a mile a minute. Think, Emilio. Think. Everyone leaves. But, what if they didn’t have to? What if we could be the missing piece to fill each other’s broken spaces?
I’ve been going at this all wrong. Fuck what everyone else has been telling me. She never needed space. She needed me to push. To not stop pushing. But I did stop. I stopped for three fucking weeks and just left her alone. I did nothing to show her that I was still here, waiting. That I’d always be here.
Savage Devil: A Secret Baby, High School Bully Romance (Devils of Sun Valley High Book 2) Page 21
