Always Fraser

by A. K. Steel

  I hand it to her after I’ve paid. “Your first official baby present,” I say, with a massive smile. “I’m so happy for you and Theo, and now I’m finally getting the sister I have always wanted.”

  She wraps her arms around me, “I feel the same, little sis. We’d better get back to the florist. She’ll be wondering where we went.”

  We arrive back at the florist and see two massive bunches of flowers waiting on the counter for us. “They're absolutely stunning,” I say to the lady behind the counter. “Thank you.” I tap my credit card to pay and we make our way out to the car, trying to wrangle the massive bunches into the back of the car without completely destroying them.

  On the drive back to the house, I keep thinking about all the craziness of last night. It all happened so fast. Fraser punched that guy, and we were kicked out before I even knew what was going on.

  I’ve got to text Blake. I feel so bad we didn’t get to talk last night. After the crazy fight on the dance floor, he took off after Fraser, leaving Drew, Indie, and me to make a quick pit stop for ice cream on the way home. It would have been a good night except for jealous Fraser rearing his ugly head, yet again. I put up with it all through high school. Every time I’d be talking to a guy, he'd find a way to stop it. Kind of makes it hard for a girl to get a date. I don’t want to dwell on it today, though. I’m choosing to be happy and put it behind me because it's my birthday. It's going to be a great day.

  I’ll quickly text Blake now:

  Elena: Last night was weird, hey. I’ve missed hanging out with you this week, and after all the crazy, I didn’t get to catch you last night. You better be coming to my party tonight! Indie will be there, I'm sure you will have a good time...

  Blake: Sorry. This week has been super busy at work. I’ll be there tonight. Save me a drink with the birthday girl. Indie who?

  Elena: I'll make it truth serum lol then I'll get to the bottom of what's going on with you two.

  I wait but nothing bounces back. Avoidance will get you nowhere, Blake, I'm on to you.

  Fi and I get home and continue the party set-up. It's going to look so pretty. I’ve got Drew putting the fairy lights in the trees while Fiona, Indie, and I set up the table, rugs, and cushions for everyone to sit on. It has kind of a Moroccan theme. Mum’s been in the kitchen all day making the food, luckily for all of us kids. She's an amazing cook, and when it comes to birthday parties, she really goes over the top. I’d say we’ll have enough food to have leftovers for a week. But with Drew in the house, that's probably a good thing. That boy can eat.

  Fraser

  I pull up to the house I spent so much of my childhood in and park in the driveway. The Walker's were my home away from home. Anne and Jim were the parents I needed when my family fell apart. It wasn’t my dad's fault Mum left, and he did his best to support us. He was working super long hours to make that happen. This family, this house, was my refuge from all the shit in my own family and dealing with an alcoholic mother who only cared about herself. I’ve been avoiding coming here since I got back. I'm not sure why. I guess for the same reason I can't drive down my old street. There are just too many memories. At least most of the ones in this house are good ones.

  I’m going to have to get used to it with our project starting soon. I'll need to be here a bit to check on things when I’m helping Blake project manage. The house looks so different with all the renovations that have been done. It’s obvious the amount of time Jim spends working on the perfectly manicured gardens.

  “You all right, mate?” Blake asks. I don’t know how he does it, but he reads me so well.

  “Yeah, all good. Let's go in.” I take a deep breath and knock on the yellow front door. I'm greeted almost immediately with a tipsy Drew.

  “Thought you weren’t supposed to be drinking too much while you're training,” I tease.

  “It's my birthday, man. You got to have fun on your birthday,” he slurs.

  “You’ll regret it when your alarm goes off in the morning!” Since I’ve known Drew, which is forever, he’s had his alarm set at 5am so he can get in an early surf.

  “What happened to you, man? Is that the black eye from last night, or did you piss off someone else?” he laughs at me.

  “You're funny. That fucker didn’t do a thing last night. Just from rugby this arvo. Copped an elbow.”

  “Are you still playing?”

  “Yeah, haven’t stopped. It's great to be back on the Byron team this year.”

  Elly comes running through from the backyard all excited. “You guys made it,” she calls excitedly, kissing us both on the cheek. She looks gorgeous as usual with her hair out and wearing a short black dress.

  “Happy birthday, Elly,” we say in unison.

  “Thank you. I’m so glad you boys are here. After last night, I thought you might not show.” She takes Blake’s hand and pulls him with her. “You need to meet my friend Indie. I was going to introduce you last night, but it all got so crazy.” She waves goodbye to me and Drew, leaving us to chat.

  Jealousy pings in my chest, I want that to be my hand she is holding. But it's hopeless. I needed to pull her aside and talk to her about last night. It didn’t happen how I wanted it to. She just makes me so crazy that I lose control.

  “Wow, man, your parents’ house looks amazing.” They have certainly done a lot of renovating since I was here last. The house looks like it’s straight out of a magazine, with pricy-looking polished timber floors and fresh white paint on the walls. They have redone the kitchen too.

  “Yeah, every time I come home to visit there's something different. I think the house is done now. It’s mostly Elly’s doing. You know how she always loves a makeover.”

  “Yeah, I do,” I laugh as a memory pops into my head. “Remember when she wanted a sister so bad that she talked you into a makeover? I arrived here that afternoon to see the two of you, in the back garden having a tea party, you in a big frilly dress and makeup. Wish I took a photo. I’m sure all your surfing buddies would love to see that one.”

  “That never happened. You're making it up,” he grumbles.

  “Um, it did. Why don’t we go ask Elly about it now? I’m sure she remembers.”

  “No, no, we don’t need to bring it up.”

  “I thought so. Fucking hilarious.” I laugh again.

  We wander through the house to the backyard and I’m immediately wrapped in a warm hug from the twins’ mum, Anne.

  “We’ve missed you, Fraser. It's nice to have you home.”

  “Thanks, Anne, I’ve missed you all too. The house is looking amazing.”

  Jim shakes my hand. “Good to see you again, son.”

  Anne always throws the best birthday parties. There’s finger food in abundance, being passed around on platters, and her cooking is amazing. I’m sure everything will be delicious.

  “Would you like a drink, son?”

  “I'll grab a soft drink if you’ve got one, Jim.”

  “I’ll get one, Dad,” adds Drew.

  Jim heads inside to grab Drew’s drink and hands them out to us. We clink bottles. “To having all of us in one place again. It’s been a while.”

  “Yeah, it's nice to be back here with this crazy family.”

  The yard is sparkling with every tree lit up with fairy lights. There's a long table down the centre of the yard lit with candles in little jars and cushions to sit on. It's obviously been well planned out and styled by Elly.

  Drew and I set ourselves up on the back deck. We spend most of the night catching up on old times and hearing his crazy stories of the shit he gets himself into while travelling the world surfing. I don’t know anyone who can get into as much trouble with the ladies as him, without even trying. Lucky for him his cheeky smile seems to get him out of trouble just as easily.

  Blake has been sitting down the back with Elly and Indie since he got here, and I’m trying my best not to let the jealousy take over again. I’ve been keeping an eye on them but I’m not
going to say anything. Tonight’s her birthday and I don’t want to ruin it, plus what she said last night has sat with me all day. She's right, I need to grow up and trust her to make her own decisions. I can't help but watch her, though. She's glowing tonight and looks like she's having a fun night with her friends, spending most of their time laughing. I want to go and talk to her, but I'll have to wait till the timing is right, with so much of her family around.

  Anne brings out the twins’ cake. Some massive triple-layer thing. Looks like black forest cake, and I bet it is, it’s Elly’s favourite. Everyone gathers to sing Happy Birthday. After the cake is cut, everyone separates back to where they were sitting to eat their cake. I look down to where they were sitting. She's not there anymore, it's just Blake and Indie. I wonder where she went. She’s been avoiding me all night. Understandable after last night, but now might be a good time to find her and straighten things out. I don’t want things to be weird between us, especially now that she’s working with me.

  I scan the yard and catch sight of her by herself, down on the old swing, under the mango tree. Not the first time I’ve seen her sitting there alone with her thoughts. I need to talk to her without pissing her off again, but everything that comes out of my mouth is wrong. Just don’t be a jealous dick and you’ll be fine. My stomach twists with a feeling I’m not familiar with. Is this what it feels like to be nervous? I really wouldn’t know, I never get nervous.

  “Hey. I was wondering where you got to,” I call out to her. She jumps and looks up, surprised to see me.

  “Yeah, I just needed a minute to myself.” She places her empty paper plate on the ground. “Did you have some cake? It's from the Hill Top Café where I’m working. Their cakes are amazing.”

  “Yeah, it was good. I can leave you if you want to be alone?” I offer, but it's the last thing I want.

  “It's okay, you can stay. It's just being home. It’s bringing up so many memories that I thought I buried long ago, you know.” She pushes off the ground and starts to swing.

  “You down here talking to the fairies, like you used to?”

  Her face lights up. “Did I tell you about them?” She laughs.

  “No. I spent a lot of time with you in this backyard. I know you used to talk to your fairy friends when you were on the swing.”

  “They used to have all the answers, but I think my life’s a little too complicated for them now,” she says with a small smile.

  “26 now! You guys are old like me. I guess we have to figure our shit out by ourselves now.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” She puts her head down as if trying to contemplate what she needs to say. “You acted like a total jerk last night, Fray. Why did you punch that guy just because he was dancing with me? He didn’t do anything wrong. I’m never going to get a date in this town if you go around beating up every guy that even looks at me.”

  “He was asking for it, with his hands all over you.”

  “They weren't, Fraser. You were totally overreacting. I felt sorry for that girl you were with. How would she have felt?”

  “Well, we're not together anymore so it doesn’t matter.”

  “Oh shame. Lucky for you. I’m sure you have a line-up of girls waiting to take her place like you always used to.”

  “Is that right, hey, Elly? You think you know everything about me, don’t you? You want to know why I punched that guy? I can't stop thinking about you. I thought I was over you years ago, after you left, but since seeing you in my office on Monday, it's brought everything back, I can't get you out of my head. You make me crazy. I couldn’t stand to see someone else’s hands on you.”

  “I wasn’t good enough for you back in high school, so what would be different now, Fraser?”

  “Why are you being such a bitch? You're the one that walked out on me that night.”

  She hops off the swing, her eyes burning through me, pushing me on the chest. “I’m a bitch, am I? You got what you wanted from me that night! You knew what it meant to me. You weren’t ever going to be mine, you said so yourself. So how am I supposed to be about it?”

  I grab her wrists and slowly start to back her towards the fence behind us. It's dark down here and out of view of the rest of the party. “Now that's not true and you know it. You were everything to me in high school. That night meant as much to me as it did you. We just couldn’t be together like that because of Drew. You knew that.”

  “Do you have any idea how hard it was for me? Having to watch you with a new girl every week, knowing that no matter how much I wanted you, you would never be mine.”

  “It wasn’t easy for me either. Why do you think I went through so many girlfriends? No one compared to you. You’re perfect, Elly, and I have spent my life trying to find someone who makes me feel like you do, but that person doesn’t exist.” I pin her against the fence with my hips, our bodies so close, I’m sure she can feel my hard cock through the thin fabric of her dress.

  “But you act like you don’t want me. You always acted like I wasn’t good enough or something.” Her eyes are glassy.

  “Gorgeous, I want you more than anything.” I push a stray hair out of her eyes. “I can't fight this anymore.”

  “Fraser, I can't do this again. You broke my heart last—” Before she can say anything else, I pull her mouth into mine. Our lips collide with such desperation and want, after so much time. I run my hands down her body, lifting the sides of her dress to gain access to her bare arse. Her skin feels so good under my touch. Our kiss turns desperate. She parts her lips and gives my tongue access to her mouth.

  I wrap my hands under her arse and lift her up with my hands and lean her against the fence. She wraps her legs around my waist, running her fingers through my hair, as our kiss becomes possessive and desperate. “Fuck, I’ve missed you, Elly.”

  “I’ve missed you too.” Her hands are in my hair and she pulls me back to her, kissing me again.

  I have wanted her for so long and now I’m finally kissing her. I want more. I don’t care that we're standing in her parents’ backyard and one of them could walk in on us at any time. I just want her to be mine.

  I hear someone clear their throat. Elly's eyes go wide. We have been caught. We pull back from each other and I put her down as we look over to see Theo staring at us. He looks pissed. “Elly, I came to find you to say goodbye. You two are lucky it's me, not Drew.”

  "Theo, uh yeah, let me walk you out. I'll be back in a sec, Fray." I watch her as she walks away with Theo and Fi.

  I take a seat to wait for her. That was not how I wanted this to happen. I wanted things to be different this time. No sneaking around. I need to talk to her, sort it out, before her whole family is on my case. My phone rings; it's an unknown number, that's weird.

  "Hello," I say.

  "Fraser, it's Mum." Mum, what the fuck does she want?

  Chapter Seven

  Fraser

  The early morning sun is peeking through the gap in my blinds. Grr, it's too early to be awake for a Sunday. Why can't I sleep? I pull my pillow over my head, trying to block out the sunlight, but it's no use. I’m awake. After the twins’ party last night, I just want to sleep, but I can't. The events of last night keep playing through my head. I hear Blake walk down the hall and I jump up.

  “You running this morning, man?” I call out to him.

  “Yeah, you going to join me?” he laughs.

  “Give me a minute.” He gives me a surprised look. I return a couple of minutes later in shorts and a T-shirt, with socks and runners in hand. “Ready when you are.”

  “Okay, just getting my shoes on.” We lace our shoes then I follow Blake out for a run.

  “Everything okay, man? I’ve lived with you for years and you never join me on a Sunday run.”

  “Yeah, I’m fine!” I snap a little more harshly than I mean to.

  He takes off in a full jog. We jog for a bit to warm up. I know out of anyone I can talk to Blake. He knows the ins and outs of my shitty past. He
knows what my mother’s like. “I’m not fine," I huff. "I was finally getting somewhere with Elly last night. She went to say goodbye to Theo and Fiona, and while they were gone, my mother rang.”

  He looks over at me, eyebrows raised. “Your mum?”

  “I hung up on her the first time. I was shocked she was even ringing me. But she kept ringing, so I left the party to take the call. She's been dumped by her latest fling and is asking me for money! Can you believe that after everything she put me and Dad through she now wants money from me. She said she's heard I’ve started a business and I’m doing all right. I could afford to help her out in her time of need. She only needs enough to get started again. Maybe $10,000.”

  “Are you fucking serious!” he spits.

  “Yeah, I couldn’t believe it. I have spent years wondering where she was, with not a single word from her since the night she left us when I was 14. Not a thing. Then she calls, out of the blue, expecting money. Didn't ask how I was or anything.” I shake my head, still in disbelief.

  “I’m sorry, man. I know she's your mum, but that's low. What are you going to do?”

  “I hung up on her and blocked her number. She's not my problem, just like I wasn’t hers when I was a teenager.”

  “Aren’t you worried about her?”

  “Not at all! She deserves everything she gets after what she did to us.” We both put our heads down and pick up the pace. I need to run this out of my system. I'm so fuming mad with her. It's brought everything back. All the shit I buried years ago, the feelings of inadequacy from being abandoned by my mother. All the unanswered questions are pumping through my brain. I'm sure I wouldn't want the answers to them anyway, but they’re circulating again.

  When she took off with that other guy, leaving us forever, my dad was a mess. I was 14 and trying to support him emotionally. He was working his arse off so we could keep our house. She had emptied out their joint bank account, so Dad had to take on extra work over the weekends to get us back on track, looking after us both.