by Gemma Rogers
24
I got the bus home, but this time was able to get a seat. My mind raced with what I’d wear, the need to have a shower and put make-up on, but also how I shouldn’t look overdone. I didn’t want to scare him off. My insides bubbled with excitement and I shifted in my seat, anxious to get home and get ready. Perhaps I was reading too much into it? We were only going to a viewing. Plus, Dan was at least ten years older than me, I doubted he’d be interested.
Thoughts spiralling, I almost missed my stop, having to jump off at the last minute before the doors closed as the driver tutted. I knew I wouldn’t have time to call Ashley before I went out today, but I would tomorrow, and maybe by then, I’d have something interesting to share with her.
The second I saw the brown envelope on the doormat, my heart sank. I stepped over it and shut the door before reaching to scoop it up. Same as last time, same type of envelope. Blank with no address or postmark. When had it been delivered? It could have been any time in the past twenty-four hours, longer even. I hadn’t been home since yesterday morning. Thoughts of Dan momentarily pushed aside, I flopped onto the bed and kicked off my trainers before ripping open the flap. Like ripping off a plaster, easier to do it quicker than drag it out.
Unsurprisingly, it was another photo and I was on my knees again. The difference was this time I was leaning over Terry’s corpse. As my eyes registered the moment in the photo, I gasped for oxygen like a marooned fish.
It’s just a panic attack, breathe, you can breathe. I put my head between my knees, hot tears splashing onto my hands. It wasn’t until I started to feel light-headed that my body’s reflexes kicked in and I sucked in a lungful of air.
This photo was different. This was proof, a smoking gun so to speak. Another shot of the top of my head, nothing of my face, but you could see my T-shirt and its logo. I screwed the paper up into a ball and launched it across the room. I had to get ready. I didn’t have time to be tormented by some faceless person, I had to get going if I was going to be ready for Dan. There was no way Terry was ruining the first glimpse of a normal life for me.
The shower was boiling, cleansing my thoughts, and I emerged, skin glowing pink but my head calmer. It must be someone fucking with me. No one had turned up at my door asking for money or trying to blackmail me. What was the point otherwise? If they wanted to scare me, then yeah, I was scared, but what could I do? Go to the police? Not an option. I had to take comfort that whoever it was who had the photos, or video, they hadn’t gone to the police yet either. Was it because there must have been photos of us all? Was every girl that got called into Terry’s office filmed in their depraved acts? I wanted to talk to Karla, but there was no time. I sent a quick text.
I’ve had another one delivered
It was difficult to steady my tremoring hands so I could apply make-up, not a lot, just a little to cover the dark circles and emphasise my eyes. Perusing the limited choice of clothes for something to wear, I sighed. Everything was so casual, but there was a white fluffy jumper which would look okay with jeans and biker boots. It would have to do. Even though the jiffy bag full of money was hidden under the mattress, I still hadn’t got around to spending any of it. I brushed my hair, trying to control the white blonde static strands flying around.
Before I knew it, there was a knock at the door and Dan stood outside, his car keys in his hand. I was vaguely disappointed he was still in the same clothes he wore to work but reminded myself it wasn’t a date; we were going to look at a maisonette. Don’t get carried away, Jess, my inner voice chipped in. I pulled the door closed quickly behind me, thrusting on my bomber jacket and pocketing the keys.
‘All right?’ Dan asked. His eyes were bright, and he seemed in good spirits.
I couldn’t help but smile. It was infectious. He was the exact opposite to Karla, whom I seemed to spend most of my time with. She hadn’t text me back yet.
‘Good thanks. Fingers crossed this is the one,’ I replied as we approached the car.
Dan stepped ahead and opened the passenger door for me. Eyes to the ground, I stifled a girlish giggle.
‘Hopefully. I need to get something sorted as the hotel is costing a fortune and so are all the takeaways.’ His eyes twinkled as he started the car and we pulled away. He drove a silver Mazda 3; it was gorgeous and sleek. A car I’d love to own.
‘Don’t you have any family who can put you up?’
‘Nah, my mum and dad have both passed away, cancer got them both, two years apart.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, watching Dan’s eye twitch for a second. Couldn’t Kim put him up? Perhaps he didn’t know her very well?
‘No bother, was years ago now. In fact, I’m glad they aren’t here: Terry was Mum’s favourite, she’d be going mad about now with him missing.’
The satnav instructed Dan to turn right and he stopped sharply and indicated.
‘Sorry, wasn’t concentrating.’
‘That’s okay. Did you get anywhere with Kim today?’
Dan shook his head as he made the turn, his large hands sliding the wheel in his palms. I was mesmerised. ‘Not really, we took some flyers around she’d printed. Asked at the pubs where he was a regular. She did pick the car up though. Police have said they’ve found nothing on CCTV as to where he went once he left his car and there’s been no transactions from his bank account. Fuck knows where he is.’
I looked away, out of the window at the enormous houses flying by as my shoulders relaxed.
They weren’t looking too hard for him. Karla was right, no body, no crime. Thank God there had been no CCTV where we left the car.
‘I’m going to keep the pressure on though. It all seems dodgy to me. He was happy with Kim as I understood it. They have Harriet, my niece, too. I thought things were fine between them.’
I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat growing as the satnav announced we were at our destination. Perhaps we weren’t off the hook after all.
25
I didn’t wait for Dan to open the door for me, he wasn’t a chauffeur and it would have been weird, so I jumped out. He had parked behind the estate agent’s tiny Smart car, the logo branded on the side. In a flash, the smartly dressed man who looked barely older than twelve was beside us.
‘Hi, Dan, I’m Paul,’ he said with a kilowatt smile, shaking Dan’s hand and nodding a greeting at Jess. ‘Shall we go in?’
From the pavement, the house loomed large, with external oak beams, whitewash walls and bay windows. One big house split into two maisonettes. The entrance to the upstairs maisonette that we were going to see was around the side. Dan cast his eye over the pristine front garden, striped lawn and raised flower beds filled with shrubs.
‘The lady below you, she’s green-fingered as I understand it. A widow in her seventies,’ Paul whispered as he unlocked the dark blue front door.
Dan leaned back and like a ventriloquist’s dummy whispered, ‘I hope she’s not deaf. I don’t want to be listening to Coronation Street every night.’
I sniggered beneath my hand.
The maisonette had been painted white throughout; modern cube-style furniture filled the space. I could imagine Dan sitting at the breakfast bar on the tall stool, spooning cereal into his mouth.
‘What are you smiling at?’ Dan asked, grinning too.
‘It’s nice, I can imagine you here.’
‘Through there is the bedroom.’ Paul held his hand out for us to walk through. ‘Plenty of storage for clothes, I know you girls always have a lot of clothes.’ He winked and I chuckled.
‘We’re not—’
‘No, I’m not—’ I interrupted Dan. I bit my lip, stifling a laugh as our eyes met and Dan’s neck mottled.
‘Oh, sorry. Never assume,’ Paul berated himself.
Dan stopped in the kitchen to have a chat to Paul about the rent and what furniture was included. I moved around from room to room, imagining living here. My Magic Faraway Tree book on the bedside table and toothbrush in the holder. It was
a far cry from my bedsit and something I’d never be able to afford.
‘You ready?’ Dan said, popping his head into the room. My fantasy evaporated immediately.
‘Sure.’
We climbed into the car and watched Paul drive away.
‘Shall we celebrate?’
‘Celebrate?’
‘It’s mine, just got to fill out the paperwork, supply references and a deposit, but I can move in at the weekend.’
‘Fantastic!’
Dan started the engine and we drove back the way we came.
‘There we go, I saw this on the way past, looks all right, doesn’t it?’ he asked, pulling up outside a pub called the Black Swan.
I fished around in my pockets. Shit. I’d left my purse at home. ‘Ummm.’
Spotting my reluctance, Dan piped up, ‘My treat to say thanks for coming, just one drink and I’ll take you home.’ He raised his eyebrows, trying to look cute. It wasn’t as if I wasn’t keen, although I assumed he believed otherwise. I just didn’t want to look foolish with no money.
‘Okay, yes. Thank you.’
Pushing open the double doors, the pub was full of people, but Dan quickly directed us to a small round table next to the open-hearth fire that had just been vacated. I clocked us getting daggers from a couple propping up the bar who obviously had been intending to claim the table, but I shrugged off my coat and tossed my hair back as though I believed I had every right to be there.
‘What can I get you?’ Dan asked, pulling his wallet from his jacket and placing it on the back of the chair.
‘Vodka and Coke please.’
He disappeared to the bar and I looked around at the punters. Couples mainly and a group of suited men in their fifties who had popped in after work it looked like and were yet to go home. My stomach rumbled, reminding me I hadn’t had any dinner. Perhaps I should ask Dan for a packet of crisps?
A second later, he was back with my vodka, sliding into his chair as I was already gulping it down, enjoying the familiar burn of the alcohol.
Dan’s eyes widened momentarily as I realised I’d necked half my drink, but he was too polite to mention it. I placed it back on the table.
My hands fidgeted in my lap. This was like a proper date and I’d not been on one before. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to act.
‘I’m pleased about the maisonette. It’s a weight off my mind, now I can concentrate on what I’m doing with Bright’s and finding that bloody brother of mine.’
‘How long will you stay?’ I asked.
‘The contract on the maisonette is six months, then we’ll see. I was due to come back anyway. Terry wanted to talk about expanding, but it looks like Bright’s needs a good going-over – the accounts, the lease of the machines, not to mention the rent. The price of the yard is extortionate for example, it should be included in the overall cost, but it’s charged as an extra.’
I nodded, soaking up the information.
‘What did Barry want earlier?’ I asked.
‘He was just asking about Terry, if I had any idea where he was. I find him a bit abrasive actually, do you? He’s your parole officer, isn’t he?’
‘Yeah, of sorts. He comes in to meet with us weekly.’
Dan nodded. ‘I must admit I was surprised when Terry suggested we look at hiring ex-offenders. He said Bright’s could be a way to re-enter society, giving local girls a second chance.’
I almost choked on my drink. Dan really had the wool pulled down over his eyes. Terry sounded like some kind of fucking philanthropist!
I smiled tightly and mumbled in agreement. Dan looked at me quizzically and I thought he was going to ask what I’d been in prison for. Everyone always did eventually, but instead he rose to his feet.
‘One more?’ he asked, the empty glass in his hand, moving towards the bar before I could answer. I drained my glass although I knew I was drinking too fast.
He returned with another vodka and I took it, nodding gratefully. He had a half pint glass. Would he be over the limit? I guessed he knew his tolerance.
‘It’s a shandy.’ He grinned, watching me frown at his glass.
I blushed; he didn’t miss a thing.
‘Do you think you’ll sell Bright’s?’ I asked.
‘Terry will be a bit pissed off if I did. Not sure I could anyway without his signature. It’s a real mess, and to be honest, it’s not what I want to do, hence me being a silent partner. Terry will come back eventually; he’s probably holed up somewhere with a bit on the side. I don’t know.’ There didn’t seem to be much love lost between them. Dan had already mentioned Terry was the favourite of their parents and perhaps their inheritance had been poured into Bright’s?
‘Has he gone off before?’
Dan nodded and gave the slightest roll of the eyes as he took a mouthful of his drink. ‘You’d think I was the older one out of the two of us.’ Perhaps that’s why the police hadn’t seemed overly interested at first?
I pulled on my earlobe; it was my fault Dan’s life had been turned upside down.
‘What sort of boss was he?’
I opened my mouth to speak, but Dan’s face looked so earnest and my chest tightened in anticipation of the words I was about to say. He didn’t want to know the truth and I couldn’t tell him. Instead I drank to buy myself some time.
‘Oh, say no more,’ he said, his voice low. I’d taken too long to answer. I blinked rapidly, trying to focus and ignore the alcohol swishing around my empty stomach.
‘Did you two not get on?’ I asked, filling the silence. Dan took a moment, rubbing the stubble on his cheek, as though he was choosing his words carefully.
‘Yes and no. There was a bit of sibling rivalry, but that’s common right?’ I nodded, knowing only too well what that was like.
‘Our parents gave us the money to start up Bright’s, the condition was we had to work together. It was to be a family business. Hence the reason I opted to move around, source the machines, buying and selling was my part and Terry managed the operation,’ he continued.
‘Makes sense,’ I replied.
‘I left the running of things to him, it’s only now I wished I’d got more involved.’
Dan checked the time, it was gone nine, the past couple of hours had flown by.
‘Right, I better get you home in case you turn into a pumpkin.’ He chuckled, downing what was left of his drink. I followed suit.
I slipped on my coat, stumbling slightly as I stood and hoping he hadn’t noticed. Had those drinks been singles or doubles? I was a bit light-headed and it worsened when the cold air hit me outside.
We got into the Mazda and Dan chatted about music all the way home and what he liked to listen to. I nodded in the right places, trying to snap out of the wooziness. Had Dan slipped something into my drink? I blinked hard, trying to remember what I’d eaten today, not much by all accounts. That must be it.
‘Thanks for coming with me. I appreciated a second pair of eyes,’ Dan said as we pulled up outside the bedsit.
‘No worries. Thanks for the drinks. See you tomorrow,’ I said, climbing out of the car.
Dan was beside me in a second, walking me to the front door. Nerve endings tingled with anticipation as I considered inviting him in. No, it was too forward. He was my boss and I had no idea if he was even interested, plus the place was a mess and I was tipsy.
As we reached the step, he leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. I don’t know what possessed me, but I turned my face towards his so his lips grazed mine instead.
He stepped back; brow furrowed.
‘Jess, I’m not sure…’ he began, but I kissed him again, not waiting for him to finish.
Caught in the moment, I didn’t care I was being forward, and after a second, he relented, wrapping his arms around me, reining me in until we couldn’t get any closer. Everything seemed to spin, and I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the ecstasy of being kissed, it had been so long. Eventually we pulled apart and I held on to
Dan’s forearm to steady myself.
‘Do you want to come in?’
26
We made it across the threshold just long enough for me to kick the scrunched-up photo left by the front door to the side before we were entangled again. Being kissed by Dan felt heavenly, my body responded to his touch without hesitation. Goosebumps peppered my skin, the new sensations made me breathless. We shuffled the short distance to my bed, where I hesitated.
‘I’ve never done this before,’ I panted.
‘Wait, never done what?’ Dan pulled away from me, the spell broken.
‘This.’ I looked away, unable to bear his incredulous expression.
‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let it get this far.’ He paused, looking abashed. ‘It’s been a while.’
I felt like an idiot. I’d made a pass at my new boss and now he was backtracking. For a stupid second, the telltale tickle in my nose started, announcing the onset of tears.
‘It’s my fault,’ he said, backing away and picking his jacket up from the floor. I hadn’t even remembered it coming off. Where was he going?
‘You’re leaving?’
‘Yeah, I better go, Jess. I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for coming with me tonight.’
After he left, I flung myself onto the bed and sighed loudly. I’d made a fool of myself. I should never have said anything.
I pushed off my shoes and checked my phone, still no response from Karla. Where was she? I wrapped the duvet around me, letting my head swim.
Nausea hit as soon as I woke, my stomach cramping, and it took a coffee and numerous slices of toast before I could think about the shower. At least it was Friday. I’d ring Ashley today and see if she was free to come back from Portsmouth at the weekend. Perhaps Dan would invite me round once he’d moved into the maisonette? I squirmed as I imagined seeing him at work. The way he’d left was awkward. He probably thought I was weird. How could I explain it just hadn’t happened for me before I got put away? The memory of his hands on my skin, pressure that remained long after he’d gone, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it again.
