Jessie

by Lori Wick

  93

  Up until that time I didn't let myself think about how far I was from Token Creek, but after I believed I told myself if I ever got out alive I would come home and at least tell you how sorry I am."

  Jessie had not imagined this. Not even remotely. At first she feared he was dead, and then at times she hoped he was. All sorts of images had run through her mind in the first few years, and then like Seth, she had gotten very goo,d at not thinking of him. But this-this was beyond her wildest dreams.

  "What happened to the woman?" Jessie asked.

  "She was rescued by a Texas Ranger, whom she eventually married."

  "She's all right?"

  "Yes. After I got out, I went and saw them at their ranch. They forgave me for what I'd done, and I'm grateful for that."

  "She forgave you?"

  "Yes," Seth answered, not adding that Darvi and Dakota Rawlings' faith in Christ was amazingly real.

  "Would you have come home if you hadn't found God?"

  "I doubt it. I was drowning in self-pity over the past. I sometimes wonder if I'd even have survived prison without Christ."

  "So you believe the way Rylan believes?"

  "Yes."

  Jessie nodded. She believed Rylan to be one of the finest men in Token Creek, but she wasn't convinced that God was the reason.

  Silence had fallen again, and Seth knew he must be the one to break it.

  "I wish I could have met my daughters today, but I understand why you didn't want that. I'm hoping you'll let me know them, but I'll also understand if you don't want the girls to have anything to do with me. All of this is a lot to put on you, but I didn't want you to hear it in pieces. I'm willing to answer for my past, and in the eyes of the law, I've paid for my crimes. I don't expect you to look past them, but I hope you will give me a chance."

  Jessie looked at him, her mind registering random things. He was

  94older, but he still looked the same-tall, dark, and good-looking. She was used to seeing him smile when he looked at her, and a small part of her missed that.

  With a little shake of her head, Jessie stood up. Seth's heart sank, sure he was about to be sent away, but Jessie didn't speak.

  "Is there anything you want to ask me, Jessie? I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

  "Tell me again why you left."

  "I wanted some time away. I didn't plan to stay away. We had had a big fight about something. I can't remember what. I just remember that leaving felt good. I was young and foolish and didn't think about the consequences of what I was doing."

  Jessie nodded, remembering how deserted she felt but also glad to be rid of him for a while. They had fought about things, and on top of that, Hannah had not been an easy baby. Part of her wanted to send him away, but she knew it would be wrong. If she did that, she would forever look at her girls and know she'd cheated them.

  "Where are you staying?" Jessie suddenly asked.

  "With Rylan and Bri."

  "Oh, that's right," Jessie remembered. "Are you welcome there for a while?"

  "I believe so."

  Jessie nodded, looking thoughtful. She needed time to think. She did want Seth and the girls to know each other, but it was all happening rather fast.

  "Why don't you come by tomorrow afternoon, and I'll introduce you to the girls."

  "All right," Seth agreed quietly, not sure that meant they would know who he really was. "Did you want to tell me the terms now?" Jessie frowned and shook her head.

  "We'll figure that out as we go."

  Seth stood, not sure what to do next. Jessie was staring at the bedroom door, and Seth's eyes went that way.

  "What will they think about me showing up like this?" Seth asked.

  95

  "I don't know."

  "I'm sorry I didn't know about Clancy. I'm sorry I left you to cope on your own."

  "She was certainly a surprise," Jessie said, her eyes still on the door.

  "Is Clancy her real name?"

  "No." Jessie had to laugh. "It's Maryann, after my mother. Somewhere along the line Hannah started calling her Clancy, and it just stuck."

  "Did they have fun today?" Seth asked, recalling their excitement when they left.

  Jessie nodded, smiling a little more. "The Rathmans have a cat, and they love it. They also love their house."

  "Is it pretty nice?"

  "It's just a normal house, but we don't have one and that makes it special."

  For a moment memories assailed Seth, but he knew that now was not the time to ask Jessie about her dreams.

  "I'll get out of your way now. What time should I come by tomorrow?"

  "Maybe about one o'clock. The girls will have questions, and I don't want them all stirred up for bedtime."

  "Should I come to the back door again?"

  "That's fine."

  Seth put his hat on and looked at his wife. He wondered if they would ever talk about the two of them, but he remembered Rylan's words and knew it was good for that to wait.

  "Thanks, Jessie. Goodnight."

  "Goodnight," Jessie said, and then realized that she had to lock the door behind him. They needed the lantern by now as the skies had grown fully dark, and they said their goodbyes again at the door. Jessie went back upstairs and sat just where she'd been, her mind numb. She was a woman used to knowing her job and getting it done. She didn't second guess or doubt herself very often, but at the moment uncertainty filled her.

  96She sat for the next two hours and tried to make sense of what had just occurred. It didn't look as though she would sleep at all, but then she remembered Rylan's words. He believed Seth was changed, and if the truth be told, Jessie trusted Rylan with all her heart.

  Fatigue falling over her like rain, Jessie finally took herself off to bed, sinking into sleep with the relieved thought that tomorrow was Sunday.

  97

  "THANK YOU," SETH SAIDto Danny when he handed him a wooden block on Sunday morning.

  The toddler smiled into Seth's eyes before wandering off, and something clenched in his heart. He had missed all of this with the girls. They were both so grown up, no hint of the babies or toddlers they had been. Seth watched Danny toddle off and looked up to find Rylan and Bri's eyes on him.

  "Are you going to make it?" Rylan asked.

  "I wonder that myself. How do I get past the regret and move on?"

  "Thankfulness. You've been given a chance to meet the girls and know them. Nothing can change the past, but you can be determined to make the most of the future."

  Seth nodded, but he still looked burdened. After Rylan and Bri exchanged a glance, Bri spoke up.

  "I'm not sure anything you've done compares to my past, Seth. There's no point in making it into a competition, but you can trust me when I tell you it was shameful."

  "But you found Christ," Seth stated with confidence.

  "Exactly. I left that old life and did just what Ry said: I determined

  98to be different in the future. Iwasdifferent. I was no longer that person, and I think it's the same for you."

  Seth felt hope surge inside of him. To look at Bri Jarvik, one would never imagine anything but the life she was living. That she had a past that did not glorify God would never have occurred to him.

  A small hand patted Seth's leg, and he looked down to see that Danny was back. Seth again took the offered block, but he also lifted the little boy onto his leg. Danny was a natural cuddler and snuggled close, as though he'd known Seth all his life. Seth laid his cheek on Danny's soft little head and prayed.Please God, make something from this mess I'm in. I meet my own daughters today, and my mind can barely take it in. I have no idea what Jessie really thinks, but I know You can work in her heart. She might never want any part of me, but help us to make a life for the girls, one that includes You.

  "Hello," Jessie called from just inside the back door at the Dorns' house. "Are you here, Jeb?"

  "Come on in," Jeb called from the bedroom, and Jessie and the girls
went that way. "Well, now," he said when he saw the girls. "This is quite the visiting party."

  "What did you do?" Clancy asked, her little brow furrowed with worry.

  "I lost my balance and broke my ankle."

  "Did it hurt?" Clancy wished to know.

  "Yes. It still does."

  Jeb forgot about the pain and smiled when Clancy stared at his wrapped ankle. She clearly expected to see something profound as she frowned after a few moments and looked at her mother.

  "You can't usually see broken bones, Glance. Thankfully, they're on the inside of the body."

  Jeb laughed at Jessie's dry tone as she got comfortable in the room's only chair.

  99"I figured Patience went ahead to church," Jessie said, "so I thought we would visit."

  "I'm glad you did," Jeb replied, and then noticed that the girls were busy with the intricate wooden box that Patience kept on the bedside table. He glanced back at Jessie and found her eyes on him.

  "We talked last night," she said quietly, having understood what he wanted to know just from the rise of his brows.

  "And?"

  "He'll meet the girls today."

  "Do they know?" Jeb got out before Hannah turned to him with a question. Jessie was able to shake her head no, and they dropped the conversation.

  The guests didn't stay long, but Jeb was glad to have seen them. The girls went out of the room first so Jeb was able to say a little more. "Are you ready for this?"

  "I don't know about me, but I think the girls need him in their lives."

  "I'll be praying for you, but then you already know that."

  Jessie nodded. She never thanked him for those words, but she didn't argue either.

  "He helped me out all day yesterday," Jessie felt a reason to add. "As far as the store is concerned, it was like he'd never left."

  "Well, that's nice to hear because I won't be in for at least a month."

  "We'll see," Jessie said, and then took her leave.

  Jeb wasted no time in doing what he'd promised. He was still praying for his younger cousin when Patience arrived home from church.

  "I need to talk to you," Jessie had started when they arrived back at the apartment above the store. But then she found herself strangely tongue-tied. The girls looked expectantly at her, but it took some moments forher.togather her wits.

  100"Have you ever wondered about your father?" Jessie tried, and to her surprise, both girls gave her their complete attention.

  "Do we have a father?" Hannah asked.

  "Yes, you do," Jessie answered, actually glad she was able to say this. "I was married a long time ago, before you were born, Hannah." "Where is he?"

  "Well, he's been away, but he wants to come back now and meet you girls."

  "He's not dead?" Clancy asked.

  "No. Did you think he was?"

  "Well, Rosie's father is dead, and I thought ours was, didn't I, Hannah?"

  Jessie watched Hannah nod.

  "You girls have talked about this?" Jessie asked.

  Again Hannah nodded, and Jessie barely got out her next question.

  "Why didn't you ask me?"

  "We didn't want to make you sad," Hannah said.

  Jessie could not believe what she was hearing. She hadn't thought about Seth in a long time and assumed her daughters were no different. She had at least known Seth, but he'd left when Hannah was only 16 months old. The girls hadn't even a memory to fall back on.

  "Are you mad at us?" Clancy asked when the silence lasted a little too long.

  "No," Jessie was swift to say, but nothing about her face or voice reassured them. "I just need to tell you something, and I'm making a mess of it."

  "Just say it," Hannah suggested, having heard her mother say this often enough.

  Jessie looked at her and said, "Your father is here. In Token Creek. He wants to meet you."

  "We have a father in Token Creek?" Hannah asked, not sure she understood.

  "Yes. He's been away for a long time."

  101"Where has he been?"

  "In Texas. He left before you were born, Clancy, and didn't come back until last week."

  "Why not?"

  "Well," Jessie started but then faltered. What would Seth want her to say? This question had no more formed than Jessie felt a spark of anger. He hadn't had to stay away all these years. He could answer that question himself!

  "I'll tell you what," Jessie went on, successfully covering her feelings. "He'll be here this afternoon to meet you, and you can ask him yourself"

  "He's coming here today?" Clancy asked.

  "Yes."

  The girls looked at each other with such excitement that Jessie knew she'd done the right thing. She wasn't sure if she was ready for this, but she knew it was right.

  "When?" Clancy asked.

  "After lunch."

  That the girls were excited was only too obvious. Jessie expected more questions and even some trepidation, but they both looked eager, and Clancy even asked how long it was until lunch. Jessie answered her absently but wouldn't have answered at all if she'd known she was going to be asked at least ten more times.

  "This is a fine roast, Becky," Jeanette complimented her cook, and everyone occupying her dining room table agreed.

  "Courter had just butchered a steer, and I told him I needed a big piece," Becky said in her indomitable way. "How is that gravy?"

  Compliments came from all around for the gravy as well, and Becky finally joined the diners at the table, taking a seat next to Heather.

  Jeanette had gathered the family for Sunday dinner. Brad and Meg, who were expecting their third child in December, took one side of the

  102table with Savanna and Cathryn nearby. Trace and Cassidy were also in attendance, with Joey on his father's knee. Five-month-old Netty had been hungry during the service but fallen asleep before her mother could feed her, giving Cassidy time to enjoy the meal.

  "Who was the man sitting with Bri this morning?" Cassidy asked Trace.

  "That was Seth Redding, Jessie's husband," he told her and in the next few minutes explained what he knew of Jessie's marriage.

  "I don't think he's been around since before Clancy was born," Brad added, "and when he was here, he certainly wasn't in church."

  "Do you think Jessie knows he's here?" Jeanette asked the table at large.

  "I think she must," Trace responded. "It looked to me as if he's staying with Rylan and Bri, and Ry wouldn't do anything to hurt Jessie."

  Everyone knew how true this was, and after a few more moments of speculation, the conversation changed to the sermon. Rylan was teaching on the subject of humility through the summer, and nearly everyone at the table had something to share. They were all learning much about their own need to be humble, and that topic didn't vary for the next hour.

  "Are you ready for this?" Rylan asked just a few minutes before Seth was ready to leave.

  "I think so. I'm working to keep my expectations low."

  "I think you're wise not to expect the girls to embrace a stranger, but be careful, Seth, that you don't sell God short. Your expectations of Him should be as high as they can get."

  "In what way?"

  "He's already brought you an amazing distance, and I don't mean from Texas. You were just saying last night that you'd finished memorizing more than half of Job 23. You would never have even considered doing such a thing two years ago. God will bless you today, Seth. He

  103may not give your daughters back to you or ever restore your marriage, but He will bless you for going there and making this effort."

  "Thanks, Rylan," Seth returned sincerely. He would not have thought of it in those terms. He was so busy working not to expect too much from Jessie and the girls that he'd missed all the blessings he had already been given.

  Seth thought about this all the way to the back of the store, but he was still feeling more than a little uncertain about meeting the girls when he arrived. He knocked and didn't have long to wait, but sudden
ly the realization of what he was going to do made his heart feel like lead in his chest.

  "Are you all right?" Jessie had to ask the minute she saw Seth. She'd never seen him so pale.

  "I think so."

  Jessie stared up at him, surprise filling her. He was scared. She would not have believed it possible, but Seth Redding was terrified.

  "They're very excited to meet you," Jessie said, shutting the door behind him and finding her arm gripped in his hand.

  "Really, Jessie? Are they really?"

  "Yes," she said softly, reading the desperation in his eyes. "It's all they've talked about since I told them."

  Seth suddenly realized he was touching her and dropped his hand. He pulled at his collar and tried to compose himself, his eyes focused across the storeroom for a moment as he prayed for calm. When he glanced back at Jessie, his look was unreadable, but she knew his calmness was an act. Emotions were surging through him, and he was barely able to function. Jessie led the way upstairs, thinking that all her thoughts had been for her daughters. When it came to this first meeting, she had not given Seth a moment's thought.

  Seth was certain his heart was going to pound out of his chest. He followed Jessie, feeling as though he were dreaming. He'd thought about this so much, and now that it was here, he could barely take it in.

  ."You wereinthe store," Clancy said the moment Seth stepped into

  104

  "Yes, I was," Seth managed with just a small clearing of his throat. The girls were standing not six feet inside the door, both looking adorable and expectant, their faces clean and their hair combed and neat.

  "Girls," Jessie stepped in, finding this more emotional than she imagined. "This is your father. His name is Seth Redding."

  "Seth Redding?" Hannah asked.

  "That's right," Jessie answered, seeing that she was going to have to take control. "Come in, Seth, and sit down. Come, Hannah and Clancy. Come and sit down so we can all talk."

  Once seated, the sisters stared at Seth and said nothing. This was the last thing either Seth or Jessie expected, but Seth finally composed himself and found his voice.

  "You girls are beautiful, like your mother."