Outcast

by Guerin Zand

  I finished the two songs I promised and I headed back over to the table. I looked across the table and Cindy was looking at me. She didn’t say anything. She just looked at me.

  “It’s nice to see you too, Cindy. I’m surprised you’re here.”

  “I just came to hear Maria perform, so don’t get all excited.”

  “Now I am depressed. I was hoping you’d slap me around a bit to cheer me up.”

  Milly gave me her disapproving look. “Would it be asking too much for you to at least try and be a little nice, Guerin?”

  “Ok, but I know what’s going on here.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Please, Milly. Dinner and then this surprise visit to the bar.”

  “So?”

  “Bart and Sly gave it away. I invited them over to join us. They’re too scared to leave their bar stools.”

  Stella chuckled. “Still paranoid as ever, Guerin.”

  “That’s right, Stella. I can spot one of your little schemes with both eyes closed.”

  “I’ll just have to try harder next time then. You know how much I like a challenge.”

  “Let me just save you all a lot of time. Yes, I have totally lost it. I’m 100% coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs. I almost raped Cindy the other night, and I’m not sorry for it. I like killing and I miss my gun. There. Did I leave anything out? Is everyone happy now?”

  “I don’t even know what to say to you, Dad.”

  “Good. I was hoping y’all would just say nothing and let me enjoy my drink.”

  “I’m going to go do my set. Try and relax, ok? The universe is not conspiring against you tonight.”

  “Great. I could use a night off.”

  Maria slapped me upside the back of my head and walked over to the stage area. I guess I was being a little more of an asshole than usual, but can you blame me? It’s not like I was the only thing in the entire fucking universe these people had to worry about. I wasn’t really in the mood for another one of their attitude adjustment sessions.

  I thought I was just going to have a nice night with Milly. That was all I wanted. I would always be madly in love with that space girl. It just seemed it was impossible to simply be together an enjoy each other’s company. Milly and I used to have fun together, and I’m not talking about sex. We used to just hang out. She’d poke fun at me and tease me in a fun way. I’d return the favor and she’d laugh at my stupid jokes and antics. It was always about work all the time now. Maybe that was what she was trying to tell me after our dessert, but why couldn’t she just simply say it. I’d only been back a couple of days and I just wanted to get on the Vengeance and run away again.

  Life on the ship wasn’t all fun and games, but at least I called the shots. When we needed a break, we’d find some fun little planet where we could blow off steam. We could just relax on some beach. We’d sip on intoxicants my mutant kidneys couldn’t metabolize in a few minutes. Sometimes we’d find a real dive bar on some planet. We’d drop in just to start a little trouble and have a good time. I’d hit on the local ladies and end up getting into a fight with their boyfriends. Sure, when we were working, we’d run into some folks who wanted to kill us, but at least they were upfront about it. It was a lot like my life after college. It was, for the most part, fun.

  The Collective always had issues with me having fun. They had finally figured out a way to zap all the fun out of everything when I was in their company. I wanted to be here and hang out with my old friends, but they couldn’t even give me a couple of days to enjoy myself before starting the same old shit. It was like I was in a constant state of pissed off around them, and it was just a matter of time before I blew up.

  I tried to enjoy Maria’s performance. She was so talented, and I loved to watch her play. She really enjoyed performing. I couldn’t help thinking as I watched her how happy we’d been on Earth. Yea, I was working for the Collective back then too, but it was almost like a regular job. I’d go to work, and it was fun. I’d work with scientists and engineers around the world on new technologies, and then I’d come home to my wife and daughter. Then the shit hit the fan. All of a sudden, I was responsible for decisions that could have resulted in millions of deaths. I knew it then, and I was proven right. The shit stream was a constant, and that fan was always running. Can you blame me for wanting to run away from this perpetual shit storm?

  Maria finished her set and came back to join us. I complimented her on her performance and she smiled. She was still my daughter, and every daughter is happy when she makes her father proud. I tried not to let her see how sad it made me at the same time.

  With her performance over, I was hoping to make a quick exit and call it a night. Milly had other ideas as she returned from the bar with another drink for the two of us. We were all making small talk and I thought there was still a chance to end the night on a good note. That was until Steve had to bring up work.

  “Guerin, we have the modified weapons to distribute...”

  “Steve, we’re at a bar. Has bar etiquette changed since I’ve been gone? Has the no talking about work rule been abolished?”

  “No. I was...”

  “Talk to me tomorrow about work. Besides, since when do you discuss operational details at a public bar? Do you guys do that on Earth as well?”

  No, but it’s not like there are any spies on this ship, Guerin.”

  “Are you sure about that, Steve? I’ve personally never trusted Seca any farther than I can throw her. She and her sister are pretty much the local mobsters here on this ship.”

  “They’re not mobsters, Dad. Where did you get that from?”

  “It’s so obvious, daughter. They pretty much have a monopoly on the foodservice industry on board this ship. They totally control the Earth trade. They’re running gaming establishments. I wouldn’t doubt they have a loan shark service as well. With their unique talents, it’s not a stretch to think they’re probably running a few brothels as well.”

  “There are no brothels on board this ship, Guerin.”

  “Really, Milly? How many marines or other members of your teams are on board this ship right now, Steve.”

  “Well, I can’t talk about such things in a public place, but it’s safe to assume more than a few hundred.”

  “Maybe you should go visit the troops, Milly, and ask them. I’ll bet you’ll be surprised.”

  Those of us from Earth broke out in laughter. Milly didn’t get it.

  From under her breath, I heard Jackie say, “What an idiot!”

  “You have something to add, Jackie?”

  “Yea, I do. Why was I assigned to your shuttle?”

  “Because Steve was. I thought you might like to be with him. I was trying to be nice. I guess you can’t appreciate that?”

  “No, I can’t. I’d prefer to be with my regular crew on the Minnow, as you call it.”

  “Fine. Is there some other problem?”

  Jackie just gave me a dirty look.

  Cindy butted in. “He thinks you don’t like him, Jackie.”

  “Well as humans like to say, even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means I was right, Cindy.”

  “You’re on a roll, Guerin.”

  “Ok, Jackie. If you got something to say to me, then do it. It would be refreshing to run into a Bree with a set of balls for a change.”

  “GUERIN!”

  “No, Steve. If Jackie wants to say something, she can say it to my face right here and now. I’m tired of all the aliens talking about me behind my back and plotting their little schemes against me. Go ahead, Jackie. Take your best shot.”

  “You’re an idiot.”

  “What? That’s no big secret.”

  “And an asshole.”

  “Do you have anything original?”

  “Your obnoxious, rude, disrespectful, annoying and foolish.”

  “Well, Jackie, that’s a nice list. If you subst
itute boring for foolish, and condescending for obnoxious, then you just described yourself and the entire Bree race. So we’re not that different.”

  “How can you even compare yourself to us?”

  “I was trying to be nice like Milly asked, but I could be more truthful if you’d like.”

  “Oh, please. You’re getting ready to go to the outer moons and kill people to solve your petty little problems.”

  “Our petty little problems, which are the result of the Collective not doing their job. Aren’t you guys responsible for keeping the quarantined worlds from spreading their trouble to other worlds? Isn’t that the reason for the quarantine?”

  “So, a few slip through. Aren’t you responsible for those that do?”

  “Yes, and we plan on dealing with them. I’m sorry if we’re not as advanced when it comes to subduing people. We have to work with what we have. When our enemies are trying to kill us, we’ve found killing them first works best. I’ll try and go slow for you, Jackie. See, if we don’t, we end up dead. Or our family and friends end up dead. But you Bree wouldn’t understand that, would you? You’re like a bunch of monks. You stay in your monasteries, spinning your prayer wheels, hoping that somehow enlightenment will magically engulf the universe. I got news for you. It ain’t going to happen.”

  “We’ve been protecting the humans on Earth for centuries, Guerin, and yet you treat the Council with utter contempt and disrespect.”

  “So, we should be thankful you fenced us in? What is it the Sammy refers to it as, a game preserve? Well, we have game preserves on Earth, and we don’t expect the animals to thank us for it. We don’t go around complaining about the ungrateful animals. That’s because, just like you, we created those game preserves for our benefit.”

  “So, you think we protected Earth for our benefit?”

  “I don’t think it, I know it. Had you, non-interfering aliens, actually not interfered with Earth’s development, we might be centuries more advanced than we are now.”

  “How’s that?”

  “You say you set up this exclusion zone to protect us from being preyed upon by more advanced worlds, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “But if you didn’t, it would have been more likely our first visitors would have come from one of the more peaceful worlds in the universe. They far outnumber the worlds like the Trogan empire and the Alacians. If that happened, we may have formed relationships with those worlds. Maybe they would have protected us. Perhaps they would not have had an issue with interfering and actually helped us.”

  “That’s ridiculous. You can’t know that.”

  “The point is, neither can you. You're all just so fucking arrogant you can’t fathom the possibility that you might have made a mistake.”

  “You’re talking nonsense.”

  “Really, Jackie? Have you been totally honest with us about the Trogan issue? There’s a colossal fuck up that you can only blame on yourselves and your methods of cultivating a society.”

  “You don’t blame Heesa for his own actions? Then why did you murder him?”

  “You just answered your first question with your second one. I held Heesa accountable for his actions. That’s why I murdered him, to use your term. I held him accountable because you people wouldn’t. Don’t tell me the Collective couldn’t have removed Heesa from the scene. With all your powers you could have dumped him on some barren planet for the rest of his life. You wouldn’t have had to dirty your little hands killing him. As I explained, we don’t have those skills. Had you done your job, I wouldn’t have had to do mine.”

  “You’re just trying to justify killing him.” I noticed that she may have considered that murder wasn’t the appropriate term to use after my comment.

  “I don’t have to justify my actions to any of you. You sure as hell don’t try and justify yourselves to us. See, I can understand why Heesa turned out the way he did. You pushed him to the limit, just like you’re about to do with me. That’s why we’re here. You’re all scared shitless I’m going to turn out just like him. It never occurred to you superior beings that you might be able to learn from your own mistakes.”

  “Who are you to judge us? You believe yourself to be our equals?”

  “I did mention that you people are unbelievably arrogant, didn’t I?”

  “What’s your point?”

  “No, technically we aren’t your equals, but morally you’re the ones that are lacking.”

  “You expect us to believe that?”

  “Explain to us simple humans how you can sit on your asses while the Trogans and Alacians kill millions, if not billions.”

  “We didn’t sit on our asses. We quarantined their worlds.”

  “After the fact. I’m sure all the people who died while you were sitting on your asses were really happy when you quarantined those bad guys.”

  “What would you have us do? Wipe out those worlds? A little fire and brimstone? Maybe a good old-fashioned smiting?”

  “You’re right. You’re so much smarter than us. I know. Why don’t you take charge of this mission? You come up with your own plan, get Roger and the team to agree with it, and you go down to Ganymede and make it happen. You can show us how it’s supposed to be done. One thing, you can only use the same tools we have available, and you can only use what you’ve given us the knowledge to use. What do you say?”

  “You know I can’t do that.”

  “Don’t hide behind your bullshit rules. We have a briefing tomorrow morning. That should be plenty of time for a genius like you to come up with the perfect plan. I mean you’re so smart you’ve probably already figured it out. I’m sure it only took you a few nanoseconds with that superior intellect of yours. You can captain the Vengeance. I’ll sit back in the galley with a cold brew, something to snack on, and watch it all on the big screen.”

  “Enough, Guerin. I think you’ve made your point.”

  “I don’t think I have, Milly. I’m sure I’ll have to repeat this all at least a couple of more times before it sinks in. How many members of the Collective do I have to explain myself to before you all just get off my ass and stop criticizing my every move?”

  Milly simply shook her head in surrender.

  “You can help her, Milly. The whole fucking Collective can help her come up with the perfect plan. Present it to us tomorrow morning. I’m sure my entire team would love to be dazzled by your brilliance. Maybe it’s time we put you through a little test of our own. We’ll do all the dirty work, so you don’t break your precious rules. I’m allowed to ask for your advice, so what’s the problem?”

  “Dad, stop it!”

  I slammed down the last of my drink and got up from the table. I made my way through the crowded bar to the exit. Out in front of the bar, I had to make it past the delinquent fucking hipsters to the other side of the hall. I pressed my palm on the reader to summon the elevator. The elevator wasn’t fast enough and Milly caught up with me before it arrived.

  “What is wrong with you, Guerin?”

  Chapter 11

  The Answer to the Ultimate Question

  The door to the elevator opened and I stepped in without responding to Milly. When I got this pissed I knew it was best to just shut up and get away from what was pissing me off. Unfortunately, it followed me into the elevator.

  “Was all of that really necessary?” I just looked at Milly as I placed my palm on the reader to take me back to the day side of the ship, where it just happened to be night time.

  We got off the elevator and I headed over to the nearest transportation hub to grab a transport pad. I hopped on the first available pad and Milly hopped on along with me. I still hadn’t said a word. I flew the thing up to my residence and got off. I reached the front door to my quarters, and as I opened the door I looked back. Milly was right behind me.

  “What do you want, Milly?” I walked in the foyer with her still on my heels. “Can’t I even storm off to my room for a little privacy anymore?”
<
br />   “No. You’re going to talk to me whether you like it or not.” Milly closed the door behind us. Actually, I think she slammed it, but I tried not to notice.

  “I thought you said I made my point. What else is there to say then?”

  I went to the bar to fix myself a drink. I poured myself a whiskey. As I started to put the bottle back Milly gave me a look. I rolled my eyes, grabbed another glass, and poured her a drink as well. Initially, not pouring her a drink was not a mistake. It was supposed to be a hint. One which Milly obviously didn’t get.

  “Why are you so angry, Guerin? I just wanted to have a nice night with you and you lost it for no reason.”

  “No reason?” I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.

  “Yes. You blew up at Jackie for no reason. You’ve taken worse from people without blowing up like that. We’re just trying to understand what’s going on with you.”

  “So you tricked me into going down to the bar for another one of Stella’s interventions?”

  “We thought with all of your friends there, and Maria performing, you’d have fun. I really don’t understand you anymore. I thought we were having fun at dinner.”

  “We were.”

  “So then why did you explode on Jackie?”

  “You obviously weren’t listening, so what’s the point?”

  “Don’t be that way, Guerin. I’m just trying to help. Maybe if it’s so hard to talk to me we could share ourselves. Then I would know what you’re feeling.”

  Sharing was something Bree couples would do. It was part of the bonding process, and something bonded couples would do. I jokingly referred to it as alien intercourse. When we were together, Milly had taught me how to do this. We had bonded back then, and it was amazing. It was also a very intimate process where you shared all your thoughts and feelings with each other.

  “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Milly.”

  “Why not?”

  “We were in love back when we did that, Milly. Neither one of us feels that same way anymore. It’s sort of like my ex-girlfriend suggesting we have sex to make things better between us. Don’t you think it just not right for us to be that intimate?”