Outcast

by Guerin Zand

  “You don’t love me anymore? You don’t still have those feelings for me?”

  “I thought you didn’t want to have this discussion?”

  “I didn’t want to talk about it in the middle of a restaurant.”

  “Ok. Yes. I still love you. That’s why I don’t want to share my feelings with you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You can’t hurt me by sharing with me, Guerin. We’re bonded. I don’t think you really understand what that means.”

  Milly came around behind the bar. She approached me and took my hands. She reached up, putting her hand behind my head and pulled me down for a kiss. Maybe I didn’t understand this bonding, but I understood my feelings. Milly was a part of me after the bonding. When she had left me it was like a part of me was missing. It took years, and Anna’s love, to learn to ignore that feeling. With that kiss, it was like that emptiness was gone. It didn’t help with my confusion though. I loved her, but it hurt to be around her at the same time. I was starting to lose myself in the kiss. When I realized what was happening I pushed her away.

  “Don’t, Milly. I can’t do this with you.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s not the same as it was before. We were crazy in love and so happy back then. It was easy to share that with you. That’s not what I’m feeling now. I don’t want you to know what I’m feeling now. It’s not something I want to share.”

  “I’m trying to help you, Guerin. Why won’t you let me?”

  “I can’t get involved with you again. I don’t think I can get involved with anyone like that again. Maybe I guess I don’t see the point. Weren’t you just telling me over dinner about how we’re just going to move on in the end anyways? So why bother?”

  “You really didn’t understand what I was trying to say at all, did you?”

  “No. You’ve always been terrible at explaining shit to this monkey. I really don’t know how you got this job in the first place. Was it just because Julie was your mother?”

  Milly chuckled.

  “What’s so funny? I think you only had sex with me because you couldn’t control me any other way.”

  “That’s right. It’s right in the Bree manual on first contact with monkeys. If all else fails, have sex with them.”

  “I know I’m right when you mock me like that.”

  “You still can make me laugh, Guerin.”

  “I wasn’t trying to.”

  “So, if you don’t want to get involved with anyone, what were you doing with Cindy? You never answered me before.”

  “Are we having another interrogation session?”

  “Why do you have to be that way? I understand if you don’t physically want to share with me, but can we at least talk about things? I’m not trying to force you to talk about anything you don’t want to. I really am just trying to help you.”

  “Ok. I don’t know. Cindy is cute. She’s sweet. It’s kind of hard to not have feelings for her, but she’s going to go her own way too. I think that when we were in my quarters the other night, I just stopped thinking straight. It’s not like you Bree girls make it easy on a guy. I know it’s stupid to get involved with her. It just doesn’t seem right to me with the feelings I still have for you. On top of everything else, I still miss Anna so much.”

  “So what about all the other women you’ve been involved with since then?”

  “What other women?”

  “The twins, your accountants? You haven’t exactly been celibate for the last few hundred years.”

  “They weren’t in love with me. As my accountants pointed out, it was just something fun to do. It wasn’t any different with the twins or anyone else.”

  “So why is Prima going to join your crew? You don’t think she cares for you? Don’t you care for her?”

  “Prima asked if she could go with me. We talked about it, and I discussed my feelings with her. She still wanted to join the crew, so I said yes. I don’t think she wants to be seriously involved with me. I don’t think she wants to be seriously involved with anybody.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  “I think she was hurt worse than her sister when she was with the Trogans, or at least it affected her more. You see how much quieter she is then Seca. She’s also much more dangerous than her sister. Trust me on that. She says that she just hasn’t met a man who really cared about her, but I can’t believe that. I’m sure she’s had more than a few sincere offers over the years from good men.”

  “So why would she want to go with you?”

  “I think the same reason the accountants gave me. She feels safe with me. I think Seca always protected her. Her sister was her safety blanket. I can’t imagine what the two of them went through, but I think having each other was always a comfort. With Seca now being in a committed relationship, it leaves Prima sort of on the outside. I’m sure Seca doesn’t feel that way, but Prima doesn’t want to be a burden. She doesn’t want to get between her sister and her partner.”

  “I think you’re wrong about Prima.”

  “How am I wrong?”

  “I don’t mean you’re wrong about everything, but I think Prima does really care about you. I think you both feel safe with each other though. It’s not just Prima.”

  “I’m not sure what you’re trying to say, Milly.”

  “Prima isn’t the only one who’s been hurt. I think the two of you feel safe with each other and the casual relationship you share. You’re both fooling yourselves. What is it you humans call that sort of relationship, friends with benefits? You know as well as I do that relationships don’t work that way. Before you know it, things won’t be that simple.”

  “So, I should tell her she can’t come with me?”

  “No. What is wrong with you? Maybe Cindy had the right idea. Perhaps I should just slap you around and knock some sense into you. It’s obvious you are incapable of understanding anything I’m trying to say.”

  “I’m sorry, Milly, but the only thing you’re really good at is confusing me. You try to get intimate with me, then you ask me about Cindy. Now you’re saying I don’t know whatever about Prima. Maybe try being more direct. What is it that you think I should do?”

  “It’s not up to me to tell you what you should do.”

  “I disagree. You want to share with me, but you can’t even answer a simple question.”

  “What do you want from me, Guerin?”

  “Maybe for once, I want you to try and act human rather than expecting me to behave like a Bree. Get fucking mad at me if that’s how you feel. Tell me it’s over between us or tell me you want more from me. I don’t want you to tell me what you think might help me, or what you think I want you to say. Don’t tell me what others want you to say to me or act how you think you are supposed to. For once try being selfish and be honest with me.”

  Milly looked empty. She didn’t have a well thought out response to that. I was tired of what we were doing. We played this stupid game the last time I was here, and it solved nothing. I agreed to this date because I was hoping we would just be honest with each other for a change. We’d both been beating around this bush for far too long. This just left me more confused. Sure, I was confused about pretty much everything else as well, but I figured if I could understand her, that would be a start.

  Ok, I know my readers, mostly men, are all laughing at me right now. The one woman who likes my books is probably laughing as well. Like there’s a chance in hell a man could ever understand a woman. I figured it had to be easier than understanding the entire fucking universe, right?

  Maybe I was being a little unfair to her, but I didn’t see it that way. All night she’d been talking to me about relationships. I asked about her feelings for me, but she avoided answering that question. When she asked me, I told her I still loved her. She just wanted to hop back in bed with me and start sharing. Ok, you don’t actually have to be in bed to share. I guess the bed isn’t really necessary for sex either, but that’s not the point I’m
trying to make. Jumping right into sharing was a lot like jumping right into sex. It didn’t really solve anything, and it would most likely just make it all worse.

  I waited for her response, but that empty look remained. As I looked at her waiting, hoping she’d say something, she began to look hurt as well. Perhaps sharing was simpler for her, and quicker. I couldn’t help thinking that she had been trying to let me down easy all night and it was making me mad that she couldn’t just say it. I thought maybe it was this tension between us that made me blow up at Jackie earlier.

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “Yes, it is, damn it. Monkey logic is simple. That’s why you have such a problem with it. I’ll make it even simpler. Do you still love me and want to be with me? It’s simple. You just have to say yes or no.”

  Milly hesitated.

  “Don’t think about it. That’s the second fundamental rule of monkey logic. Just say how you feel right now. Don’t think about it. Just open your mouth and let the words come out.”

  “Yes.”

  “Give me a second. I’m trying to remember what the question was.”

  Milly came at me with her closed fists pounding at my chest. This being beat on by women was starting to get a little old. I really wasn’t into that sort of thing. REALLY!

  I grabbed Milly around her waist and pulled her in tight trapping her arms between our chests. This was mainly to stop the beating, but while I had her there I leaned down to give her a kiss. It was a nice kiss. It wasn’t like the kiss earlier. We both understood what this kiss meant. When the kiss ended I stared into her beautiful green eyes. I raised a hand to her face to wipe away her sweet tears.

  “See. That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  “But it’s not that simple, Guerin.”

  “Yes, it is. That was the simple part. It was so simple that you keep mixing it up with the hard part.”

  “Oh, yea? What’s the hard part?”

  “That would be the part I haven’t figured out yet.”

  Milly laughed through the tears. “There’s something you don’t have an answer for?”

  “Well, I was a little busy all night. I was planning on getting to it. How was I to know it would take me eight fucking hours of listening to you ramble on about, God knows what, to get you to answer one simple question.”

  “You’re such an asshole, Guerin Zand.” I could tell she really meant it.

  I smiled at her. “You wouldn’t love me if I wasn’t.” Then I gave her the famous Guerin Zand eye waggle.

  We spent the rest of the night and into the morning talking. No. There was no intercourse, alien, or any other variety. I’m not sure what we talked about. It was mostly more nonsense which I just ignored. I was happy. I think I had finally made my point. You all thought space babes were easy, didn’t you? Now, do you understand why dealing with these aliens was so frustrating?

  Chapter 12

  The Mission Briefing

  In the morning, Milly left to go get ready for the morning briefing. I headed off to the shower to do the same. We hadn’t slept all night, but my mutant body really didn’t need it. I showered, shaved, and got dressed. I went to the kitchen for a quick breakfast and a cup of Joe. This morning we’d hopefully finalize our plans for handling the Alacian problem. We still had to do the recon and then we’d be able to determine the best way to deploy the shuttle teams.

  I left my room and grabbed the waiting transport pad. I’d pretty much given up trying to figure out why there was always one waiting for me. Maybe someday, someone would explain it to me, but it wasn’t worth asking. I zipped down to the office complex where the committee had a conference room we were going to use. I hoped, with things between Milly and me sort of settled, I would be able to concentrate on the job at hand.

  I walked into the room and all the other shuttle captains were there. That included Sammy, Cindy, and Bart. They didn’t really refer to themselves as captains, but I did to make it easier for me. Milly, Julie, Sly, Stella, and Gladys were there as well as Roger, Katie, Steve, and Jackie. It looked like they were all waiting for me, so I took a seat and started the briefing.

  “Steve, do you have an update on the marine teams?”

  “Yes. All the squads are on the ship waiting for deployment to their assigned shuttles. They’ve had time to familiarize themselves with the modified weapons. All of the electronic components have either been removed or bypassed, so they should not be vulnerable to any tampering.”

  “Let’s hope not. I’m sure our friends might still be able to disable them, but let’s hope the Alacians can’t. Do we have any updates on the situation in the core worlds, Roger?”

  “Nothing’s changed since we last talked. The situation is still tense but neither side has made any moves that we know about. We’ve noticed no unusual deployments in the core’s fleets.”

  “Anything from the outer moons?”

  “Again, there’s no change.”

  “Then we should be good to go tomorrow morning and start the recon?”

  “We’ve already started our surveillance throughout the system.”

  “What are you talking about, Jackie? Have you already deployed the other shuttles? Are they out in the system now?”

  “We all got off our Collective asses early this morning. Using the three Collective shuttles we’ve deployed a sensor net to cover the system. All the shuttles are back in the spaceport. It didn’t take that much time.” She had a bit of a tone to her statement. I was sure this was a reference to last night’s little discussion.

  “I’m glad to hear my little talk did some good. I guess telling us monkeys you could deploy such a sensor net just slipped your mind the last time we met?”

  “Whatever, Guerin.” Jackie was obviously still not a fan of mine. She brought up a 3D display using the viewer in the conference room. “We were able to locate the Alacian visitors and found they were all located on Ganymede. It’s possible there are some hidden from us, but we don’t think that’s the case.”

  Steve stood up and started to manipulate the display showing the sensor net findings over a map of the Ganymede facilities. “You were right and wrong, about the Alacian deployment, Guerin. There appears to be an even dozen synthetics and one true blood according to the sensor net readings. I think you predicted approximately that. Where you appear to be slightly wrong is how they are deployed.”

  Steve manipulated the display once again. “They are all located in the main facility on Ganymede where the government offices are located. As we’ve watched, we noticed that there are always two synthetics accompanying the true blood and two with Mei. That agrees with what you originally thought. Mei is never without the two guarding her. It is possible she is a hostage and not free to move about without the synthetics. The part of the deployment we found that didn’t meet what you expected is here.”

  Steve pointed out an area in the main complex with eight synthetics highlighted. “From what Huiliang has told us about the facility, along with some information we’ve gained from the computer network on Ganymede, this appears to be a lab of some sort. Within this lab area, there seems to be another smaller, secondary lab. Perhaps a quarantined area or high-security portion of the lab. Attached to that lab is what appears to be a living area. In the main lab itself, there are five synthetics that seem to be guarding the lab at all times. We haven’t seen them leave that area. In the secondary lab, there are two synthetics, again always stationed there. In the living quarters, we have what appears to be a human child and one synthetic guarding that room.”

  “A child?” I asked.

  “Yes,” Steve replied.

  “Are we sure it’s a human child?” Ok, this was a twist I hadn’t planned for.

  “From the sensor readings we’re pretty sure it is.” Steve could see I was surprised by this. “The one synthetic is always with that child. They move between the living area and the secondary lab.”

  “Well, that fucks up most of my plans.”
<
br />   “How’s that, Guerin?”

  “Well, I don’t know for sure, Roger, which is sort of the problem. Does anyone have any idea what this child is doing there? Do we have any information on this child from our surveillance of their computer network?”

  “No,” Roger replied. “Steve and I discussed this a little before you arrived. We can only assume the child is the reason for the lab.”

  “You think she’s a genetic experiment, Roger?”

  “We can’t say for sure, but based on what we know about the Alacians, it certainly is a possibility.”

  “Like I said, that fucks up our plan. I think we have a couple of problems. First, the child must be a priority. I hadn’t planned on that. We need to retrieve that child alive. Based on the deployment of the synthetics, we have to assume that the one with the child is a last resort. If our teams get through the other seven synthetics, this one is there to terminate the experiment before we can get to it.”

  “How can you be sure of that, Guerin?”

  “I can’t, Julie. I just have to assume the worst case.”

  “What’s the other problem, Guerin?”

  “We have to hit all the targets at once. We can’t hit one spot without assuming they will get a message out to the others. If we assume the synthetics guarding Mei also have instructions to kill her, rather than allow her to be captured, it gets more complicated.”

  “That’s why we’re here, Guerin. We need to adjust the plan accordingly.” Roger said as if it were not a big deal.

  “I know, Roger. How many simultaneous transit portals can a shuttle open?” I’d never used more than one, so this was critical. The room remained silent. I knew the humans didn’t have the answer. “Julie?”

  Julie hesitated, and I started to roll my eyes. Their reluctance to share this type of information was infuriating.

  Finally, she answered. “A shuttle is capable of opening two site-to-site portals at one time. Opening even one site-to-site portal means you can’t open a larger portal for the shuttle.”