The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond

by Lee Harrington

  Wherever sex magic came from, it works. At least, some of it does for some people. This is because sex is a powerful driving force for humans loaded with all sorts of meaning, and because almost every creature on this planet has it. Sex and sexual energy have been around longer than humans have been.

  Just because sex magic works does not mean that every single tale of sex magic in history is true. In addition, every group that professes to be working with sex magic will likely have different answers as to how long their ritual has existed. Whether talking about High Sex, the Great Rite, Black Masses, Western tantra, Eastern tantra or a great many other things, take the history with a grain of salt, or be willing to do the research yourself.

  Remember that just because something hasn’t been around for 10,000 years does not mean it doesn’t work! And just because one approach to sex magic does not work for you does not mean that all approaches will be the same for you. There are thousands of approaches to this subject for a reason, and thousands of definitions for how sex is defined. That last piece is especially important if you choose to use sex magic as a tool, because what you mean by those words and what another person means might be different.

  Yab-yum

  Literally meaning “father-mother” in Tibetan, this symbol of Buddhist art classically depicts a male deity engaged in sexual union with a female deity. The most common version is that of the male deity sitting in lotus position with the female facing him on his lap. In some interpretations this image is about union and sexual polarity, while others think of this vision as a metaphor for the blending of male and female energies within one individual. It is also looked upon as the mystical union of wisdom and compassion. In Buddhism, the male is the active energy, while in Hinduism, the female is the active energy within Yab-yum. No matter what your gender or energetic leanings are as the seated or the rider, the pose of one partner seated and the other astride them is a powerful one for connection, union, personal journeying, balance, exploration and other goals sought through altered states.

  Combat

  Warriors face-to-face on the battlefield. The sharpness of being in the foxhole, aware of every noise and breath of your comrades in arms on each side of you. Sweat pouring down, acutely aware of what it is to be alive. When the adrenaline hits the system and every single hair stands on end, body parts working in unison to do the job at hand, this is a form of the Path of the Flesh working. The tools of martial prowess and life-or-death response can lead to an opening up that has been reported by warriors around the world. Things change during the fight or when the hunt becomes serious. Altered states come into play, Gods can speak, or truths that were unknowable previously come in focus.

  Tantra

  Eastern tantra focuses on the blending of male and female aspects of the self through visualization of sexual union and other classically polarized concepts. Western tantra is a form of sex magic on the physical plane that harnesses or generates energy. These are both gross simplifications, but something worthwhile to consider when looking into either. I list tantra here because it often gets lumped in with the Path of the Flesh because of misunderstandings concerning both approaches. However, as both types of tantra are far more about energy cycling and processing through breath and how both breath and energy cycle through the body, they will be discussed again in the Path of Breath.

  Kink Tools

  It’s all sex magic, right? Everything we as kinksters do? That has certainly been said by some. One of the better known books on BDSM by Pat Califia is called SM – Sensuous Magic for that reason. The kink community has decided to invoke the shadows of sex cults in the cultural consciousness. By gathering in spaces called dungeons, draping our bodies in layers of black, and in some cases donning masks or requiring secret code words to enter a space, we are playing with all of the taboo of sex magic.

  But are we only playing with the taboo, or are we engaging in the real thing? Just because you have a pentacle painted on the floor and are whipping a buxom beauty with a scourge does not mean you are actually doing anything beyond getting turned on. I am all for getting turned on. But let’s look at some tools within the realm of kink that can actually be of interest to those wanting to engage in the Path of the Flesh.

  Sex

  Hey wait, there’s that word again! I know: it’s sneaky. But the reality is that for many individuals in kink, sex has a much wider definition. Sex may include erotic embarrassment, object fetishism, sensual sadism, or sexual role-playing. Voyeurism may be part of sex for you. It may not count as sex for your wiring unless you are feeling pain or wetting yourself. For other folks, kink may not be part of their sex life. If heterosexual penetration using a penis and a vagina does nothing for you, not mean you can’t use sex on the Path of the Flesh. Your sex just may look different. What does your sex look like? How do you define sex? Your type of sex is only one of many out there in the world.

  Sensation Play

  Skin is amazing. Not only does it protect you from infection and keep your insides from falling out, it also picks up all of your sensory input from touch and temperature and transmits it to your brain. Thus, playing with the skin in interesting ways is one of the most common forms of kinky exploration. Though this can include extreme sensations, what about the rest of the spectrum?

  This is sacred sensuality. Soft furs and silk draped across the skin. Blowing air, gentle kisses, or tracing a chopstick along the chest in delicate designs. Rough bath sponges on the back and chocolate sauce licked up. Painting the body. Biting the way up the inner thigh. Letting ice cubes melt down on the skin and between lips. The possibilities for sensations to explore and combinations to try are nearly limitless.

  Purposeful touch in D/s

  In dominant/submissive (D/s) relationships, or any other relationship dynamic that involves power exchange, touch can become a valuable commodity. Especially in Master/Slave systems, there seems to be a pervasive thought that Masters (or Mistresses, or Goddesses, or Lords, or…) should not touch the help, as it were. This is not true in every Dominant/Submissive relationship, but I see it happen a lot. Whether this is the case all the time or not, when touch is limited or has restrictions put on it, purposefully breaking or bending of those limits can be powerful. A kiss on the cheek, giving permission for a Slave to touch your foot, or petting them before they go to bed, can change a life through the power of tenderness. Even in less strict D/s dynamics, having a Daddy sit his Girl down to brush her hair out for example, can create a safe space where altered states can take place.

  Body Preparation

  Whether bathing, giving yourself an enema, putting on makeup, getting corseted or slipping on a pair of chaps, getting ready for play can be an opportunity for being aware of our skin. Instead of rushing through these acts, we can take extra time and focus. We bring awareness of our form to wriggling into pantyhose or lacing up our boots. How does our scalp feel as we pull our hair back into a ponytail? And then, what happens if we combine this with having our partner help us in our body care rituals?

  Temperature

  Ice cubes or the splash of hot wax on the flesh. There are a wide variety of sensations and flesh experiences available by playing with temperature. Be careful, though, of how hot it is! Test those candles out in advance, and how far they need to be from the skin. Though branding might seem sexy to some, doing it on accident will rarely make you friends, especially with unsafe equipment that leaves unwanted scarring – paraffin and soy candles tend to work well, while beeswax is not recommended.

  Pyrex dildos pulled from the freezer, lubed up and slipped inside. Warm oil poured out and lathered on. Making out in a hot tub and then jumping out and playing in the snow. Waking up the senses and shaking them up can provide some amazing ecstatic body experiences. Even the act of slightly cool fingers on a freshly flogged back can transform a simple scene to one that is transcendent.

  Food and Drink

  There is an art to sensual eating and drinking. When was the last time y
ou slowed down, closed your eyes, and took in every detail of the meal you were served? Gastronomy is not just about devouring a dish and having it serve as fuel for your form, but experiencing everything that dish or delight has to offer. What does it look like as it waits for you in expectation? Is it sweet, savory, spicy, or sour? How does the texture feel in your mouth? Whether engaging with food by force, sensuality, or formal service, there are a lot of opportunities for waking up the body and having it pay attention, and through it, our spirit.

  Slave Positions

  Love them or hate them, Slave or submission positions are a fascinating tool to consider in conjunction with fully experiencing the body. There are classical “Slave positions of Gor” (fantasy books made flesh by fans), leather family or society protocols, Old Guard traditions, or create your own system of positions that serve your needs. Having an individual present themselves, or be able to move to a specific body position with a single word or gesture, makes all parties involved incredibly aware of accuracy of movement and grace of implementation.

  Being Present

  In kink, any activity where everyone is fully present and in the moment is more likely to lead to successful working on the Path of the Flesh. Anything. Whether it’s making your lover recite Hamlet while you are going down on them, or you are crawling around on your belly wearing a worm costume, if you are actually and acutely aware of your experiences, it will be more powerful.

  Laughter

  We take all of this stuff way too seriously. This life stuff. This sex stuff. This kink stuff. It’s okay to laugh. By being free to just be, we can become more connected with ourselves, our experiences, and our partners. We develop deeper intimacy within our relationships and with the universe at large.

  That is not to say it’s not serious. It is. But to quote sexuality and spirituality educator Del Tashlin, “Just because it’s serious, doesn’t mean it has to be solemn.” Adding a slice of levity to things that come up can make returning to them all the more powerful. So just open up and let go of the solemnity some time. It’s worth a try.

  For the Love of the Lash

  I adore the lash. I always have. It is so easy to fall in love with anyone who is willing to whip me. I wish it weren’t the case as my heart has been hurt more than once, but it opens me up so much. I hear other people talk about how love and sex are intertwined… not for me. Sex is fun and raunchy and sweaty and sexy. This is the thing that looks like intimacy for me.

  Bottoming for single tail Tops doesn’t happen very often. I just open up too easily. I have to be clear and up-front about what I want and need, and how long we will be engaging with each other, unless I end up tumbling into blind desire. I don’t want to go blindly. I love the lash and all it gives me, but I want to connect with the people in my life as the people they are as well.

  But my lover is opposite me, and the lash in his hand snaps me back to attention. I ride high and feel my skin alive with every stroke. Only its touch and caress matter. This is not a test, this is love, and I love myself in this.

  After a while my body starts to slip into spasms of delight, orgasms curling from my toes on up to my forehead. He grabs me by my hair and pulls me off the couch and down onto my knees.

  “When we negotiated for play in our relationship, what did you say you wanted?” “Your lash, your firmness, your surprises.”

  “Now it’s time for what I said I wanted.”

  With that he forces my mouth open, and I feel his latex-wrapped cock shove down my throat. I gasp and moan, gurgle on him. Just as I don’t think I can breathe he pulls half way out and begins fucking my face. I’m not the biggest fan of cock sucking, but happily agreed when we set up our scene because I knew it would do it for him. Luckily, we have connected enough times that he knows how to keep me present and engaged.

  His fingers dig into my open welts and I scream around him. He runs nails up and down my skin, crisscrossing the lines from his whip. Whimpering into his body I can feel him tense between my lips.

  Solitary Sensuality and Masturbation Magic

  Neither sex nor sex magic has to involve a partner. In fact, you may be your own best and most qualified lover.

  In the case of sex magic, there are pragmatic reasons to consider working by yourself. You know what needs to be done. One of the major downfalls about not everyone being psychic is that we are not always on the same wavelength as the other individuals we are working with in a spell or offering. Competing desires trying to push through in the same working can dilute it or work counter to one another. Through being with ourselves we have the power to direct our sexual energy in the direction we truly intended.

  We can use the energy of our solo sex and sensual adventures for a wide variety of purposes. Some examples include:

  Worshiping ourselves as a manifestation of the divine

  Channeling our orgasms into what we want by thinking about it at the moment of release

  Attracting our ideal partner

  Offering our body experiences up as a form of prayer

  Creating space for self-love

  Staying connected with a partner from afar

  Becoming a conduit for visions or divination

  Opening a gateway for astral journeying

  Charging a power object or tool

  Collecting bodily fluids as a spell component

  In the case of worshiping ourselves as divine manifestation, I think of the Star Goddess of the Feri tradition. She was alone and complete, but when she saw herself for the first time she was so struck by love and desire that she pleasured herself, and from her loving was born the Universe. Each time we pleasure ourselves, we have the opportunity to be reminded that in loving ourselves we can create our own world. Inside every one of us is the spark for creation, the potential for power. Just as “Namaste” in Hindi means “I see God in you,” by seeing God in ourselves we can begin to understand the truth of our personal power.

  Within some forms of Ceremonial Magic, masturbation has been a common tool for direct creation of will. Think about the thing you want. Think about it hard. Now hold onto that image (and all of the emotions associated with having it be true and real) while you begin raising sexual energy. Build, build, build, and keep holding onto that image! Finally, at the moment of release, scream your will. The most common spell seems to be “money, money, money” with cock in hand.

  But in all seriousness, I have found that this process can actually work really well if instead of thinking about something like money (which is an amorphous concept), to fully visualize something that matters with an emotional charge behind it. Money does not “mean” much, but what you would do with those funds does elicit more power and meaning. It also allows the universe to manifest those things in a manner other than cash. Your desire might be for world travel. Instead of cash, you might manifest a job that provides that travel, or winning a contest that creates the vacation you wanted far more than the funds.

  By creating altered states using self-pleasuring, we also have the opportunity to open ourselves up to visions and divination. In this case, self-pleasuring is certainly not limited to masturbatory practices. Pouring a bath and luxuriating in it is a great example, as is consciously and purposefully dressing in the uniform of the priest/ess. Oiling yourself, or sensually consuming a specially prepared meal are also fabulous options. As you are doing so, slow down. Slow down your actions, but also slow down your perceptions of them. Let it take minutes to run your finger up your leg instead of mere moments.

  Once time is slowed down enough, become aware of every sensation on your skin. Now open up further and become aware of every sensation beyond your skin, that stuff your astral or auric body is perceiving. Feel that energy fully, that pulsing energy around and within you. Make the bubble larger. Expand yourself and your awareness. Eventually you will find a point, if you have been searching for a path to a vision, where it feels like there is a doorway at the edge of the bubble. Grounding and rooting yourself in advanc
e before beginning, and shielded yourself from that which you do not want to have affect you, slowly peer out the peephole in the door. If you are prepared and ready, open up the doorway and look out. Sometimes looking out is all you need to gain the necessary vision. But only step through if you are truly ready, prepared, and know you have a way back.

  Though all forms of self-pleasuring are useful for solitary sex magic, the debate arises of whether orgasm and/or ejaculation is necessary for powerful workings. There seem to be two very differing opinions in teachings on the issue. The first argues that orgasmic release contains sexual energy, and it must be spent to be able to send the energy off or transfer it from one partner to another. An example is the Great Rite, where either symbolic or actual intercourse creates a union between High Priestess and High Priest and thus Goddess and God.

  On the other side of the argument is the Taoist thought that pushing for that orgasm is the antitheses of potential for sexual energy. By sublimating orgasm and retaining that energy, it pushes the energy worker into higher forms of creative and spiritual experience. If they spend themselves, this energy is lost.

  I think there is a major language issue happening. Yes, orgasm is a powerful conduit for sexual energy; but what in the world is an orgasm? For eons, it was stated that orgasm was the spilling of a man’s semen. The definition nowadays lays at orgasm starts at the peak or sexual climax of the sexual response cycle that is accompanied by intense sensations of pleasure. Both men and women have orgasms, and nowadays they are seen to be controlled by the involuntary nervous system and accompanied by quick muscle contractions, euphoria, body movement and vocalization.